u/m205

Asking half-joking but also half-serious, in anticipation of the next couple months of summer.

I feel so uncomfortable and lethargic in the heat, my face gets super shiny with SPF on it, I'll probably smell at some point even with deodorant, I get vexed at public transport being inevitably delayed because the track has melted somewhere. I just find the heat stressful all around, and I know many people feel similarly.

What are your experiences of dating in the past few years as the summers have gotten more overbearing? Do you find it a hindrance?

I remember when I was about 8, at school I found a book that I really enjoyed, it was a collection of black and white comic strips about a cowboy, possibly a horse and a native american character too (could be misremembering). Quite a 'cartoony' art style. I get the feeling that it wasn't that obscure, however Google is not helping me find it at all.

Any ideas? TIA.

EDIT: Mystery Solved! The strip was called 'A Man Called Horace' (later just 'Horace').

If something is meant to be returned (IE physically sent and had its return code scanned) by, for example, the 1st of June, does that mean the item can still be returned on the actual day of the 1st of June or does it mean that as soon as it hits the 1st of June (midnight or some other arbitrary time) the cut-off has been applied?

TIA.

M, 28. Will try to keep this brief.

Since my early twenties til now I've had acne. Through a lot of trial and error and a lot of research, I am at the point where I'm 95% sure that the cause of my acne is my messed up hormones. This became clear to me over the past couple of years when I would start having what I call 'meriods' (man periods) where something in my body would suddenly go into some sort of flux; my sleep, appetite, mood, energy levels, and of course acne would all go crazy. This meriod used to be an occurrence every 9-6 months, until the past year where it now crops up every 1-2 months. That means I pretty much live in constant fear that at some point this thing (a random surge in androgens I can only imagine) will rear it's ugly head and basically mess up my life for a couple of weeks.

Lifestyle changes don't seem to matter. I've cut down processed sugar to almost nothing. I barely eat dairy. I change my pillow cases every night. Eat veggies. Drink water. Take supplements. Simple, stripped back AM/PM routine. Nothing seems to have an effect (although that's not entirely true; I'm pretty sure if I stopped doing all these things then my skin would be worse in periods where my hormones are more balanced. It's during the 'meriods' where nothing I do really matters, acne is just gonna do whatever it wants).

My skincare routine is purely reactive, trying desperately to put out fires that I can't predict or control. It's exhausting. The whole thing has changed me, it's made me obsessive about washing my hands, about touching anything dirty, touching my face, about what I eat and drink, about going out. Despite trying to keep a clear head and love myself regardless, it's so hard sometimes and on many occasions I've despaired and had a mini meltdown at the fact that my own body is working against me, limiting my enjoyment of my life.

When the flux is at its height and I wake up with two or three new spots every morning, I find myself just wanting to call in sick every day to work and not go anywhere. Then when it finally dies down and I feel a bit more normal, I have the joy of dealing with PIH for ages. And then once I finally feel fine, maybe even good, my skin starts to calm down etcetera, it's simply a false sense of security for a few weeks before it all happens again.

I've made an appointment with my GP for a couple of weeks from now and I'm going to write a letter to articulate exactly what I want to say and present them with dates and photos to back this all up. I am going to request a referral to a hormone specialist to get a panel done -- I am predicting that they will only allow me to do bloods at this stage but if that's the case then I am going to plead with them to reconsider.

If anyone has any advice or maybe any of this sounds like something you've experienced then please let me know. I'd be quite interested to hear from men if possible(?) because when I research this kind of thing it's mostly about PCOS and how I should consider taking the pill or spiro(!).

Vent over. Thanks in advance.

Eighth date today, we're not official or anything yet but obvs really like each other. I'm just wondering if mentioning that I want/need therapy (been dealing with anxiety and depression etcetera for a long time) and have recently been starting to get the ball rolling on it is something to not bring up until we are proper bf and gf? I've told her bits and pieces about how I feel sometimes but nothing in-depth at all.

Like if she asks me 'how has your week been' then I want to be honest, and I'm all for being transparent on these matters in non-dating contexts, but yeah I'm just not sure here...

I think it's also the kind of thing where if I start talking about it then I'd want to make sure I explain myself in a succinct way that isn't too detailed but also doesn't leave anything up to misinterpretation.

In the Ghostbusters re:view, Mike says that for a long time he couldn't understand what Dan Akroyd said when he spoke the line 'Hey Dean Yeager!' in a very odd way.

Mine is reaaalllyy specific. In Step Brothers when Mary Steenburgen is chastising Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, her line is 'It goes in Robert's wall safe, and it's gonna stay there'. I had no idea what the hell she said for years. I heard 'Thoseinrubbertwollsay... And it's gonna stay there.' Then one day it was knocking around in my head and it finally clicked.

What's yours?

I said something today over dinner (7th date) whilst tipsy off of wine about how I get a bit spacey when I drink too much and anxious about my conversational skills, but idk I just feel like I didn't articulate what I was trying to say very well at all and it came off weird and it's making me feel all ughhhh. Was a great date besides that though.

Thing is I know it's not very attractive to ramble and come off overly neurotic, but if I just shoot a text over to explain what I meant in a short and light-hearted way, would that be alright?

I know I'm overthinking, I'm working on it. TIA.

Been going out with a north londoner, I want to show her the tram on our next date as she's never been on it and quite wants to. Thing is I also want something decent to actually take her to via the tram. Maybe a nice pub or pubs, an interesting place to visit, etcetera.

I'm thinking we could either start off in East Croydon (close to my gaff) or Wimbledon (she can get the northern line there).

TIA.

Hi all,

I'm curating my first museum exhibition, it's for our costume gallery (not my forte tbh) and basically I was wondering what the precedent is for putting together different objects to form a period-specific outfit -- of course they would have to be in contact with each other (E.G. a shirt, trousers, blazer, all from different acquisitions), so I'm thinking of if there are any conservation considerations here?

Different but similar example: I had an idea for crafting a scene portraying domestic life, c. mid-late 19th century, and had in my mind a table with a sewing machine, sewing materials, etcetera, perhaps an oil lamp and drinking vessel etcetera to really evoke the time - if the table itself is a museum object then will placing other objects on it be alright?

This exhibition will be up indefinitely so everything will stay in place for a good long while.

T.I.A.

Hi all, I'll try to keep this succinct.

So last night myself (M late 20s) and this girl (F early 30s) tried to have sex twice and her vagina was too tight; she told me that this has always been the case and that as a result she's never had full penetrative sex. That's fine by me, I was nice about it ofc and we did other things instead.

What I'm wondering is, as she's tried with other partners before and never succeeded, is this not simply something that we can try work on until it changes? Like in my first relationship with my ex, years ago, we were both virgins and it took a few tries and getting through some pain before everything felt good and normal -- Could that be the case here (worth noting that this girl has never had a long-term relationship, so it could just be a matter of circumstance as to why she's not been able to continually try with someone before).

^ That's the physical aspect but also if there's a psychological element then I definitely want her to feel as comfortable as possible, and I hope us carrying on dating each other and having a nice time will help with that. I'd never try to pressure her or anything.

I don't know, just wanted to hear if others have had similar experiences. Through initial research I've become aware of 'vaginismus' and kegel exercises etc, although not sure if she is -- I think she said she spoke to a doctor about this issue at one point in the past, so it's possible.

TIA.

Been on four dates with someone over the past month-ish (additional context in my previous post), we send a block of texts to each other once a day and things seem good. However, we may not be able to do a fifth date for a couple of weeks due to her busy schedule and I kind of want to know something before I wait that long to see her -- seems like a text is the only way but I'm wondering if that's a big faux pas!

The thing I want to know is what she's looking for/ if she'd hypothetically be up for pursuing something long-term. We've spoken a bit here and there before about our dating histories etcetera but I just never straight up asked this question (bit foolish). I can certainly assume and guess from the bits and pieces she's told me (she finds dating anxiety inducing, she hasn't dated for the past two years, her longest relationship ever was four months, and when we last said goodbye she said she's liked the time spent together and let's take just take it from there) -- But I'd really rather just hear what she has to say.

Like I said, I kind of want to know this now because I don't think it would be good for me to wait and look forward to seeing her, then discuss this finally and find out we can't really go any further because I would be up for letting something long-term grow and maybe she wouldn't.

I'm also aware of pressuring her or rushing anything, that's the last thing I want, but I do think this is a reasonable thing to get out in the open for both of our sakes.

Sorry if this is rambley.

Will try to keep this brief! Fourth date yesterday, we talked about our dating histories at one point, it made it clear to me that we're coming from different places a bit -- I've had one serious relationship in my life which ended a year ago and a smattering of first/second/third dates since then, whereas she's never had a relationship, done a bit of dating here and there but took a couple years off it and I'm the first since then (she also said she finds dating a bit strange on the whole which is fair, hinge is weird, and also that she finds it a bit anxiety inducing).

Obvs things are going well otherwise we wouldn't be on four dates, I'm aware of that. But at the end yesterday when we said goodbye I had an urge to tell her that I haven't even gone on hinge since we last saw each other two weeks ago, as I enjoyed our last date so much. She seemed to respond positively, saying that's sweet or something like that, and added that she hasn't been on any dates either but moreso because of what she said before about finding it a bit of a chore etc. She said she liked the time we've spent together and let's just take it from there, which I of course agreed with, then we kissed and parted ways.

It was meant as a nice sentiment and I'm sure there's a degree of feeling flattered by it (?) but I don't know, I just hope I didn't unconsciously make her feel uncomfortable or pressured with what I said. Like I say after learning more about her past experiences and her never having had a relationship longer than a few months, I just think I could do better to take my foot off the pedal going forward -- and wish I'd had that foresight last night.

Also I did send her a wee text after, 'hope you got home okay' etc but also that I didn't mean it in any particular way and that I just wanted to be honest about how I'm feeling, which in hindsight I kind of regret, was prob too much.

We jokingly said the next date is one she could plan as I've planned the last couple, so gonna just leave it in her hands and match her pace from here on in, if I haven't scared her away that is...

I like her quite a bit if it's not obvious haha. It's in my nature to be anxious and overthink sometimes, so just wanted to hear others thoughts if poss.

I'm gonna guess the most logical answer is likely best - Contact them and ask for a refund of the overpay. I was wondering though if anyone's experienced a similar situation and could indicate how fast Croydon council move on matters like this? Gonna guess not fast at all, which stinks as I'm hand to mouth right now and need any £ I can wrangle.

Also silly question but if I simply underpay this month to account for the difference will they hound me like I'm a criminal or will it just add up as all square on their system? Cheers huns.

Had our third date yesterday (m/late twenties and f/early thirties) and ended up doing everything except sex, lot of lying together and cuddling too, was really nice. I told her I like her and she said she liked me -- Grand.

Up until now we've basically had one text exchange with each other per day, you know the kind where you reply to each of the previous texts one by one and then hours later when the other person gets a chance they do the same. Stuff to do with what we've been up to and also little get-to-know-you things, nothing major. Now I'm thinking do I approach texting differently, just a bit more 'on it' and involved? For example: When I left hers we exchanged a few texts as I was on the train and that's it -- Now I'm thinking oh maybe I should have sent a goodnight message later on as well.

I know this sounds like I'm overthinking things but I'm just now getting into dating and I haven't figured out all the nuances yet.

She's going abroad for a week so I won't see her for a little bit now... My instinct is to not text too much during this time as don't want to interrupt her holiday, is that dumb?

Sorry this is rambley haha :-D