u/ma_alb

We pay their bills. We give them notoriety and clout. Thats about it. It’s evident from the fact that they refuse to discuss this matter. It’s also why CB can go and call ARMYs h/es and they can continue on with their day.

I hope ARMY wakes up and stops investing so much financially and emotionally into them. But probably this will fall on deaf ears for the majority.

“Y’all don’t wanna hear me , you just wanna dance” - Andre 3K

I will get a lot of hate for this but these are my thoughts and discourse is welcomed, I also have no issue being proven wrong. I don’t hate the members but I find them quite hypocritical, and not just on an ordinary level.

Unlike J Hope, Namjoon prides himself in being an intellectual and having global and national awareness of different affairs. He subtly acknowledges different matters throughout his interviews and lives - for example, the racism against Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl, the war in Ukraine (an interview in a magazine I believe), the importance of feminism, loving all genders etc.

His instagram is full of his book recommendations, him reading books, going to museums, there is snippets everywhere . But that’s the issue -it’s snippets. You cannot tell how much of what he consumes from these educational sources he actually understands, digests and rationalises with. And with this scandal, I feel it highlights this. Not only because he is supposedly chronically online, but because as the English speaking member with the most international connections and exposure through travel, he ought to have known the ramifications of going to said person’s concert, and have enough cultural awareness on why the American, and specially black American community would have a problem with it.

This is not his first open mistake which highlights his lack of education. I’m not even talking about his continuous use of AAVE (the whole “twin” thing on Arirang is cringe ever since I heard it), mistakes he made as an ignorant teen with the haircuts and n word. When he posted a Frank Ocean song with Islamophobic undertone yet instead of acknowledging why people were upset and trying to explain his reasoning , his reply was irritated “it’s just a song, I’m not apologising, please believe what comes out of my mouth instead of assuming”.

And this is the problem with Namjoon: his ego is too big to take criticism. Because repeat offences where people are trying to highlight his lack of understanding on a matter (whether due to language/ cultural barriers) and either brushing it under , replying defensively or just plain ignoring everything (which is what he’s doing now). For a leader that prides himself on being intellectual, none of this comes across as genuine. Because intellectuals are not afraid of being challenged and having dialogues.

So in my opinion, this whole “feminist, intellectual, culturally appreciative “ RM that ARMY and he himself have painted is all just performative and a means of bridging a gap between BTS, the “normal” Korean men , and the international audience. Because I know damn well had they upset their Korean fans by doing something as dating, a whole handwritten letter would be drafted. So we know they have no issue apologising . They just don’t see International ARMY and their affairs as part of theirs. But then to RM - stop mimicking the people who platform you , support and defend you, when you can’t even stand up for them via a simple acknowledgement. Don’t in one breath become an ambassador against violence in Korea and then go radio silent on a well known abuser like CB.

And don’t pride yourself on being educated - because reading books does not mean you are educated on the world.

6 months pp. I have heard people say that many things can cause brain fog and overall feeling of detachment but I genuinely feel like I’m in a foreign body sometimes.

When it comes to baby I’m 100% energetic happy and bubbly. As soon as he goes to bed , or any time he’s doing a nap or playing, I just feel like I’m zoned out. I don’t know if it’s depression or anxiety or just fatigue, or a mix. But sometimes I just feel like I’m floating through life. I find it hard to connect during conversations. Even seeing family, I feel content but…strange. Perhaps a bit numb.

I usually am a quite opinionated and extroverted at home but I find myself not really eager to talk as much lately. People around me say that I’ve started mumbling or just speaking in shorter sentences, not making eye contact. I don’t notice these things myself. When my husband and I argue I usually do express my emotions and thoughts. However last week or so, I just don’t feel like entering conversations even if I feel I might be “right”. I just let things go, which I suppose is good in a way. I can’t explain it, nothing seems worth me investing energy into except for when it’s to do with my son. My husband just was annoyed at me moving his stuff and instead of explaining myself I just apologised and left the room.

The best way to explain it is I feel like someone has injected anaesthesia into my brain. I spoke to a GP who said likely the breastfeeding might be throwing off my hormones and contributing, however I’ve been EBF since birth and I do want to continue. I know I’m not helping myself. I eat healthy, do exercise and daily walks , try to read and do my self care. It’s not so much what I’m not doing. It’s that whatever I do, I can’t seem to be present.

When does this improve? Should I expect to feel this way so long as I’m breastfeeding?

Slightly comical I suppose, but one day my 6 month woke up and decided that my boob and my entire front body is a wrestling ground. It’s fine at home but at night or when we’re out it can be a lot. He’s obviously bigger and stronger now so I do feel the weight of his kicks and twists 😅 I normally side nurse and this is when he tends to be most active. I gently reposition him but he quite literally just puts his feet on my pelvis (right on the c section scar, lovely) and does bunny kicks , pinches the other boob, not to mention the unlatch/relatch. Obviously he’s too young to understand being gentle but then just accept my fate and lay there like a starfish. Not complaining as long as he’s happy..but is this normal? does this get better or worse cuz a 12 or 18 month old jumping on me like a trampoline might actually break something

I’ve switched from wearing Abayas and donated most my clothes because I’m trying to reduce synthetic clothes. Most of my clothes are just baggy wide linen cotton wool etc. however I’m struggling with finding hijabs that are of natural fibers, don’t cost an arm and leg and don’t slip off or make you feel like you’re wearing an oven on your head. I currently have only two hijabs on rotation during this heatwave that are somewhat okay but really still not breathable.

Why is most modest wear made of polyester?

Any recommendations?

I’ve been on and off self harming since I was 8 but stopped around 21 when I got married. Basically the reason was due to some childhood trauma involving DV happened and now I’m 30F and FTM to a 6 month old, 90% of the time I’m extremely happy, then something happens and last few weeks I’ve started having urges again. Tonight had an argument with husband and I went to go do my nails as a distraction but ended up using the equipment to cut myself. It felt good temporarily and eased my anger but of course it’s a sin. Feeling quite disappointed in myself. I do pray and do my obligatory plus some additional dhikr and try to remain quiet most of the time when I’m upset. I’ve tried therapy several times and a med once with no improvement.

Anyone with similar background can offer some practical advice?

I should preface that no one knows about my self harming and I keep it that way or else people would think I’m a danger to be a parent or something. I guess the reason I do it is to shift blame to myself rather than others.

TW

30F married and FTM to a lovely boy. Backstory is lots of childhood trauma through domestic abuse , used to cut from age 8-14 to relieve stress from toxic household. That’s the age where I also developed depression and anxiety (was a very bubbly happy child before that and have lost that side of my since my sister was born age 8 and the violence got worse).

Anyways, had a terrible pregnancy due to thyroid issues and some issues that led to c section, also exacerbated by living with toxic MIL and not feeling supported. Factor in having a fragmented family , sister is autistic and has behaviour issues, mum is dealing with that and dad is quite a temperamental man. I’ve always been a middle man for dealing with other people’s problems. But when I need help I get met with “get over it” and “that’s life”.

Been off work for 2 years due to burn out (ex-medic) and now SAHM. I feel useless and hate being financially dependent and attempt to do jobs here and there but struggle with baby.

I should add he is EBF so quite needy (which I do love and I don’t mind, it’s just hard to get anything done). I feel demotivated. All chores fall on me also, husband works full time. We’ve argued about the lack of support I feel shouldering all the housework by myself. I often struggle to eat , lose weight , my hair is falling out. I’m always anxious . Blood work seems fine.

Two days ago I just felt a sudden dip in mood. I had an argument as a result and many traumas resurfaced. I also had a rough night due to baby teething.

This evening I felt a strong urge to cut which I haven’t felt in years. I was shocked , I feel very dissociated and numb and in that state, I sneaked out by myself to the kitchen and did so.

Now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell anyone because they’ll judge me as an unfit mother and take my kid away.

I’m disappointed in myself. Not sure if this is PPD, but I’m not understanding my actions and why I’m feeling such intense hatred for myself.

I just need some spiritual advice to clarify my thoughts. I struggle to understand the concept of tests during childhood. I was afflicted with domestic abuse growing up as early as infancy. Even though I understand Qadr and tests I don’t understand why as a child I had to endure such trauma? Was it a trial? I thought kids were blameless until puberty?

Sometimes I wish my mum miscarried me just so I didn’t have to be an inconvenience to my parents and get beaten for no reason. I don’t particularly care to have lived. Now I’m an adult with a shit nervous system. Im also a first time mum and already feel like Im failing my son having these feelings and thoughts and now I think i shouldn’t even have gotten married and had a kid being so emotionally dysregulated.

I am in very good terms with my parents and have forgiven them I don’t hold grudges and I understand they were human beings making mistakes. I just hate living with all this trauma and wish I had just died in the womb or in my sleep sometimes.

I’m looking into EDMR as therapy and meds did nothing for me but how am I suppose to reconcile this “test” when it started during an innocent part of my life?

It’s a bit of a heavy topic but I don’t know if anyone can relate, I just wanted some non-biased conversation.

For context, I turned 30 two weeks ago and am a first time mum to a lovely 4 month old boy Alhamdulillah. Previously in health care but quit before pregnancy due to stress which caused me autoimmune disease and anxiety. Been a SAHM since and I really thought it would help me feel less anxious compared to work/uni but lately feeling some sort of existential crisis.

Before anyone mentions, I am aware that postpartum brings it own emotional imbalance and I’m sure this is playing a huge role in how I feel , but it feels like my recent anxiety has been less situational and more abstract and related to existing in the Dunya. I’ve tried meds and therapy but it’s not solving my discomfort. I walk daily and go gym every week and eat healthy but losing weight mainly due to breastfeeding. Went to the GP and all my blood tests are okay. I’ve even tried ruqya on myself and try to do my adkhar but again it’s an unexplainable feeling of impending doom that makes me sometimes wonder why I exist (I’m not suicidal) - I just feel unsure of my purpose on a daily basis.

First , I wake up feeling anxious every day. I try to sit down and do some reading or anything to keep my mind occupied but of course with a baby it’s hard so I end up on my phone. I’m exclusively breastfeeding so no one can really hold him if he really needs food and he has yet to figure out how to sleep on his own. I love being with my son and it’s the only time I feel genuine happiness but as soon as he is busy playing or feeding or sleeping , the anxiety returns.

I feel like I’m not doing enough as a Muslim and now turning 30 I just feel like the best years of productivity are behind me. I have two degrees and worked since I was 16 but don’t feel like returning to health care as it took the life out of me. I’ve enrolled in so many courses during pregnancy that I now have a hard time completing and it feels like wasted money. I don’t feel motivation yet I am anxious doing nothing besides housework and tending for my baby. My husband is a good man and gives me ideas on business and always tells me to go join mum clubs /make friends but I dont feel lonely. Rather just empty inside. I feel like my brain has not been stimulated since I gave birth, I just feel dumb.

I’ve been having nightmares on things happening to my family and now I’m scared to fall asleep. I read Ayat al Kursi and make dua but I can’t shake my uneasiness.

I had quite a traumatic upbringing for a large portion of my life which I’m sure also plays into things. Sometimes I hate being a woman because it just feels like our lives are unnecessarily hard and traumatic. I hate all the expectations that come with being a woman especially motherhood. I understand Allah swt places us in high regard but society definitely doesn’t. I’m glad in a way I didn’t have a daughter because quite frankly I think I’d do a terrible job being an example of a strong minded secure woman.

Then I feel guilty for thinking these thoughts as Allah swt has blessed me with more than I could ask . I hate that I come across as ungrateful when I am not. I just feel like I’m not strong enough for this Dunya and I don’t know what to do with myself. I wish I had more resilience and wasn’t so emotional all the time. I’m in my own head so much that it causes me to feel nauseated and on edge.

I don’t know what the solution is besides prayer but even that hasn’t been very good as I struggle with khushoo if my baby cries or is near me enough for my thoughts to go to him instead of the prayer. Again I’m not suicidal, but if there was an option from Allah swt for us to exit life peacefully if we felt we couldn’t go on, I would jump at the opportunity.

And no, I don’t want to go to the Dr because I know this is bigger than just PPD or PPA, I’ve studied medicine and have taken meds myself before for anxiety and this isn’t the root issue. There’s a spiritual war inside my soul and I want to figure out a way to make peace with myself and have a positive outlook on life so I can go on for my son. For me this Dunya has nothing else in it that can make me happy.