u/mirage_online18

I used to have a 250cc r3 but my dad saw me flaying it so now I'm. Stuck with a 70 if someone has something higher than 125 ya 70 hi Sahi and Wana drive across the canal road in rain hmu it's been a while and my dad is out of city 🙃

Hi so a little about me I'm 19 gonna give my a level exams soon lives in Lahore. Phly 1st year pre engineering kr rha tha but after 1st year dropped out of college stated working as a freelance performance marketer earned bank saved and invested enough so I can comfortably continue my study without being a burden on parents.

Anyways to the point

I date only for a year and then BAAT final krny ki try krta but I have not yet found a single girl who is interested in serious stuff or marriage most girls either Wana get physical before marriage or already have or just Wana time pass and when talk about involving family every single just ghosts or ignores the idea and I'm tired of it. No one puts like actually effort in getting to know each other or marriage these days I feel so if there is any girl from Lahore who's around my age dm me I Wana get married in mid or right after graduation.

I have had misophonia in a result of trauma according to a team of doctors when I was admitted in the psych ward for manic and disassociative episodes.

Just for the context I'm 19 a Pakistani guy with many other health issues currently doing through with hyperthyroidism liver issues and gallbladder infection so living alone or on my own is kind of impossible. I don't have friends s etc due to the biggest turning point of my life so that's a factor too. Anyways

I used to make some sounds as a kid like eating with my mouth open so chewing sound slurping while drinking tea and other drinks etc and was slapped and other kind of physical and emotional abuse in the name of teaching basic manners. Mind you I was no older than 5 or 6 years old at the time I don't feel safe and gets into fight or flight and it's bad specially as the abuser my dad specially now make that noise on purpose knowing I have misophonia very well and then judges me based on my reactions and saying pretty mean stuff like I hate him and I'll be happy when he dies and I hate how he looks and I'm a freak a cow who's never been healthy his whole life and will spend my life being sick too stuff like that. which are not in my control even right now while writing this I'm hearing these sounds and the only this helping me rn is write this. I have to wear earbuds constantly and play something and I'm sick of sounds now. It's like I don't even feel safe as soon as he enters in the same room as me even when I'm sleeping if he comes I suddenly wakes up. It's like my body is constantly watching for him or can feel his presence. Yesterday had an appointment with my psychiatrist and psychologist and they said if things continue like this I'm looking at serious personality disorders etc my medication of SSRIs and other meds have increased to maximum of their dosage I'm no longer suicidal tho as I was stuck in a situation I can't get out of I mean still am not bit suicidal altho I have some good days some bad days. Due to meds and everything I'm unable to study can't think or do or understand it which has taken a toal on me gained a lot of weight which according to doctors is due to meds but being alive is better than looking fat so that's that can't fall asleep without meds and I'm in constant state of like it's like I'm drunk and fully intoxicated but knows what am I doing like a bad hungover I guess idk but feels that way the doctors says after these high dose they can't do anything but put in back in psych until I get totally healthy then I go live in some place else and work and feel like this is a plan but my insurance that I own won't cover many things if I get admitted and I would have to pay for some stuff out of pocket and the money I saved up from doing the freelance performance marketing and ai automations is running out now he also won't help out financially can't let me buy new clothes or shoes etc even tho I need new stuff because of weight gain his excuse in don't go out why need new clothes. Mom stays silent mostly she says me to control my a ger it's ok time will pass or I should try to be good etc while kills me more as she knows and yet supports him I asked and she said me and him is making her choose one side and it's hard and I get it and understand so don't tell her to do stuff too. My doctors says my dad need intense therapy for his narcissistic behavior etc he refuses amd says he's totally fine and normal have a job and community I'm the lonely freak and should be the one getting treatment and I am he made me guilty to the level that even asking for basic necessities makes me guilty and feel like burden like I feel shutty asking him for money for meds most of the time I pay it myself and meds are expensive asf. I have my own room with no privacy constantly coming in walking around my room making sounds leaving the door open mumbling about close doors etc idk how long can I live like this. He's in intelligence so I Wana go abroad but it's super expensive I'm gonna try apply for scholarships after my a levels and try my best to get out of this country and them. But for not this seems impossible. Also if you say atleast he pays for tuition or education no I was the one paying tuition but since stopped working was unable to and now homeschooling teaching myself using chatgpt and notebooklm.

I kinda feel a little better now saying that all out and I didn't cried this time

I've been noticing from a past few days mom has been acting aggressively towards me too like she knows about my health and rn she said she's tired and told em to cook something for breakfast for her I told her that I can't even move due to the sever bodyaches and now getting the silent treatment.

I have had misophonia in a result of trauma according to a team of doctors when I was admitted in the psych ward for manic and disassociative episodes.

Just for the context I'm 19 a Pakistani guy with many other health issues currently doing through with hyperthyroidism liver issues and gallbladder infection so living alone or on my own is kind of impossible. I don't have friends s etc due to the biggest turning point of my life so that's a factor too. Anyways

I used to make some sounds as a kid like eating with my mouth open so chewing sound slurping while drinking tea and other drinks etc and was slapped and other kind of physical and emotional abuse in the name of teaching basic manners. Mind you I was no older than 5 or 6 years old at the time I don't feel safe and gets into fight or flight and it's bad specially as the abuser my dad specially now make that noise on purpose knowing I have misophonia very well and then judges me based on my reactions and saying pretty mean stuff like I hate him and I'll be happy when he dies and I hate how he looks and I'm a freak a cow who's never been healthy his whole life and will spend my life being sick too stuff like that. which are not in my control even right now while writing this I'm hearing these sounds and the only this helping me rn is write this. I have to wear earbuds constantly and play something and I'm sick of sounds now. It's like I don't even feel safe as soon as he enters in the same room as me even when I'm sleeping if he comes I suddenly wakes up. It's like my body is constantly watching for him or can feel his presence. Yesterday had an appointment with my psychiatrist and psychologist and they said if things continue like this I'm looking at serious personality disorders etc my medication of SSRIs and other meds have increased to maximum of their dosage I'm no longer suicidal tho as I was stuck in a situation I can't get out of I mean still am not bit suicidal altho I have some good days some bad days. Due to meds and everything I'm unable to study can't think or do or understand it which has taken a toal on me gained a lot of weight which according to doctors is due to meds but being alive is better than looking fat so that's that can't fall asleep without meds and I'm in constant state of like it's like I'm drunk and fully intoxicated but knows what am I doing like a bad hungover I guess idk but feels that way the doctors says after these high dose they can't do anything but put in back in psych until I get totally healthy then I go live in some place else and work and feel like this is a plan but my insurance that I own won't cover many things if I get admitted and I would have to pay for some stuff out of pocket and the money I saved up from doing the freelance performance marketing and ai automations is running out now he also won't help out financially can't let me buy new clothes or shoes etc even tho I need new stuff because of weight gain his excuse in don't go out why need new clothes. Mom stays silent mostly she says me to control my a ger it's ok time will pass or I should try to be good etc while kills me more as she knows and yet supports him I asked and she said me and him is making her choose one side and it's hard and I get it and understand so don't tell her to do stuff too. My doctors says my dad need intense therapy for his narcissistic behavior etc he refuses amd says he's totally fine and normal have a job and community I'm the lonely freak and should be the one getting treatment and I am he made me guilty to the level that even asking for basic necessities makes me guilty and feel like burden like I feel shutty asking him for money for meds most of the time I pay it myself and meds are expensive asf. I have my own room with no privacy constantly coming in walking around my room making sounds leaving the door open mumbling about close doors etc idk how long can I live like this. He's in intelligence so I Wana go abroad but it's super expensive I'm gonna try apply for scholarships after my a levels and try my best to get out of this country and them. But for not this seems impossible. Also if you say atleast he pays for tuition or education no I was the one paying tuition but since stopped working was unable to and now homeschooling teaching myself using chatgpt and notebooklm.

I kinda feel a little better now saying that all out and I didn't cried this time

I've been noticing from a past few days mom has been acting aggressively towards me too like she knows about my health and rn she said she's tired and told em to cook something for breakfast for her I told her that I can't even move due to the sever bodyaches and now getiti fthr silent treatment.

I'm sick of the loadsheading itni light jati k battery bhi dead ho jati AC ka backup bhi only 2 hours hota us k baad only fans it's been 4 days since I had a proper sleep and tonight Sahi ni rhi I live near jallo park side if someone Wana meet up or hangout somewhere in Lahore or near my side hmu or whatever

So I'm 19 from Lahore Pakistan and tired of looking for friends honestly idk why I feel like people don't put the same energy in getting to know each other at first and it's tiresome so if you're from Lahore hmu I'd love to get to know you and hopefully soon we could hang out or go to joyland or try new food places etc

So I'm 19 from Lahore Pakistan and tired of looking for friends honestly idk why I feel like people don't put the same energy in getting to know each other at first and it's tiresome so if you're from Lahore hmu I'd love to get to know you and hopefully soon we could hang out or go to joyland or try new food places etc