u/mmnmnnmnnnm

I’m trying to finally finish the series since I’ve owned the entire thing for about 10 years and never did. I’m in Brisingr right now, which was as far as I ever got when it was first coming out but hadn’t finished it and never touched Inheritance. This crazy man in a tower with so many ancient scrolls just pops up and Eragon realizes he’s nuts, so he leaves.

Is that it? Surely not? All these compendiums of ancient language that even the elves would probably find useful, just… off on the side because Eragon couldn’t be bothered to deal with a crazy?

Don’t worry about spoiling things for me, I never minded spoilers, otherwise I wouldn’t be on this subreddit before I finished the books lol

I was dating this woman for a very brief period, knew each other for a few months. It seemed like things were going well, she knew about my marital status (separate for years, only not divorced because she’d made such a mess of my finances I literally couldn’t afford to divorce her) and that I have a child.

Felt good just to know it’s not impossible for me to date with that stuff, but right when it felt like she was really showing peak interest, we were planning our third date and I just couldn’t help but vent something that happened that day about my ex intentionally making plans with my daughter during my time.

I know I need to work on not saying EVERY single thing that pops into my head, but my god the timing couldn’t have been worse. I plan on getting the divorce done asap just for my own sanity now. I’ll still have to watch myself because my ex really is just a miserable person who intentionally hurts others, hence the divorce. Same woman mocked me for my depression and said she’s gonna stay married to me to fuck up my life, in those exact words

Immediately there was a shift in our communication dynamic, and about 3 days later she ended it.

I didn’t realize exactly what had happened to make her change her mind until now, about a week or 2 later. I know I shouldn’t dwell on it but I have anxiety so I have trouble not, since she really checked a lot of boxes for me, absolutely my type.

How big of a thing is it for yall, or how significantly does someone complaining about an ex kill it for you? Have you ever given somebody a 2nd chance after the person you used to like showed they still had some hang ups about an ex?

Ok so I probably had some kinda porn addiction, I never thought it was THAT bad, I always had a high libido and I’d get one off per day, whatever. I used porn, because I was staying alone after a terrible decade long relationship, dealing with my depression etc.

I was single for 3 whole years without anybody else. No meaningful connection or physical contact from ANYBODY. That made me miserable, but I also knew I was too fucked up from the ex, so I really shouldn’t have dated anyway.

I finally decide I’m ready, got out there, formed a good friendship, she liked me, I liked her, then because I’m a dingus I fucked it up and she broke up before we even got to have sex. We had gotten a little riled up at one point and I was full steam ahead but didn’t end up doing anything that day. Following weekend, I was just being my bad at dating self, and made her feel like I was too serious about this new thing, she said she wasn’t ready for the full blown relationship she thought I wanted (I didn’t, I was fine with being slow and not making it a big deal, I just talk too god damn much which screams “he’s in too deep”) so she ended it.

After that crushing moment of “god damn I’m finally doing dating right, I’ve got the girl I actually wanted, she’s into it, wait wtf we’re doing a 180 after getting super hot and bothered one night and it’s over???”

Since then my shit doesn’t work. Literally porn won’t even get me up, I flew too close to the sun and I feel like the only thing that works is the real deal, which I’m fucking horrible at making happen in a healthy or even UNhealthy way ffs.

Is this a common problem? Like I’m so pissed off that I ruined a chance at a real, genuine relationship that my body won’t accept anything else now. Not even the shitty “replacement” via porn.

I’ve been in a very bland relationship for almost 10 years, getting divorced now. I’m not good at dating, never was, but I’ve been told I’m too much, I’m “disgusting,” just too out there.

I bring this up now because I had a promising thing going on but we were taking it slow and after a weird interaction where she let on that she was into doing “crazy” stuff, not many details, but let’s just say she matched my freak. We were taking it slow, so I was trying to keep it nonchalant and not get in too deep, but whatever I did seemed to make her think I wanted 2.7 kids and a white picket fence in the 60’s or something because she made it clear she didn’t feel like I matched what she was putting out and broke up. That was the very first time we’d even broached the topic of sex beyond wanting to take it slow, and it was a short one in her way out from us hanging out with friends. Just a few words in between aggressively making out lol.

Now I’m not saying I’m trying to win her back or anything, but I want that. Sex and kink is big to me, even though no it’s not the whole point in a relationship, but where do I meet my fellow freaky people IRL? How do I go about it?

I’m really bummed about this last one because we seemed to be on the same page and doing really well until then. Leaned too hard into the “keeping it slow and respectful” (which is what she asked for) and missed the chance to open up about the proclivities we seemed to share.

I’m trying to understand what this girl meant…

We went out a few times, last time we had a few drinks and she jumped on me like a spider monkey and we made out, fun. Tbh that turned me on a bit and she noticed, seemingly positively.

Then she got home and messaged me saying “you’re not like I thought.” Which immediately seemed negative, so I asked “how so?”

She said she thought I was “less sensitive to chaos” which tbh I have no idea what that means, really. The following week she ended things and I’m honestly just really confused. We seemed to get along very well and had known each other a few months, but I’d only asked her out a week ago. It’s like she was offended or something that I was attracted to a cute woman jumping into my arms and making out with me very aggressively while I held her up…

I guess it’s fine if it’s over, if she doesn’t want to date she doesn’t want to date, but I’ve just never heard of someone doing all that, smiling and rubbing her hand on my crotch then acting like she expected me to not like that… just wtf lmao

I knew this girl for a few months and we really got along, got a lot of good vibes from her, strong hints to ask her out.

So I did. She was ecstatic. We go out, we’re talking, decided we both want to take it very slow because she just got out of a relationship VERY recently and I had bad experiences dating in the past.

The last time we hung out, she was cuddled up next to me while everybody hung out and talked, when she left I walked her to her car and we were all over each other. Cool, fun, didn’t do too much because we were “taking it slow” being respectful and all that to do it the right way.

Immediately the next week she’s distant and I notice, reach out to her to talk about it and got the answer I was unfortunately expecting. She ended things very amicably which was just big whiplash, but said in the end “I just don’t have the capacity for a relationship like this right now.”

She’s a mental health worker, and has severe hyperactive adhd (and seems like the usual hypersexuality stuff that comes with that, I’m also that way. I think that was a big part for both of us not wanting to get crazy with it at first because I’d imagine we could both get in too deep very quickly if we “let loose” on each other).

I also have had a tendency to talk to people too much, which I hear comes across to some people as desperate or too into them too early. I don’t feel like I was doing too much of that, because we both were talking quite a bit info dumping on each other in conversations all the time before she got distant. I’m autistic and don’t have a lot of success dating because I don’t do well with the social norms and throw people off.

The oddly ramping up then going completely cold is what really threw me off.

During the call it was all amicable even though I was bummed, I really did see a lot of things I liked in her personality, but I just accepted it and let her know what I saw that I liked in her and if she ever feels like she does have the “capacity” in the future and we’re both single (which tbh I probably will be because I really don’t even try to date much, I guess I’m picky) I’m open to exploring that again. She “agreed” (maybe she doesn’t, and just was being amicable) and said “sure, if we both arrive at that point, mutually”

Opinions on if this sounds like maybe I sounded like I was in too deep from the get go with the way I communicate, or if it is more likely that she knew SHE was getting in too deep too soon post-breakup with her ex and really did pull back from something good because she can’t handle all that right now?