u/modernpsalm

it's 1:21 PM. i have a whole day in front of me full of NOTHING!

i'm just playing video games.

how do i stay sane, how do i not give in.

ive had a camera since i was around 15 years old, and today im 30. i started getting paid for work around age 26. i went full time at age 28. i was still doing a gig here and a gig there, and during the summer im also part of a wedding team, so thats nice and good extra money.

at age 29, i partnered with someone and we started an agency model. within 1 year, we scaled to 15k a month. now at age 30, i have my own place. im single, but happy, and im not hating life because of that. i have everything i ever wanted. its like i made it. all my dreams came true.

but i dont think i want to live this way. i dont think i want to go the agency route. ironically, i actually hate this industry. i hate how much ego is in it. its all entrepreneur bros faking a lifestyle. i hate business this, business that. im just a creative guy. im just an artist. i dont do business. thats why i partnered up with someone who does all the calls, and i do all the shoots and editing.

but i dont stop working, and im not enjoying this.

pros of the agency model.

very good money, consistent cash flow, can live full time.

cons of the agency model.

editing 20 to 30 videos per month, per client. i have 5 high paying clients right now, and they are boring asf. its finance bros and stuff with corny stock footage.

pros of solo freelancing.

one time shoots, 1 video, always fun and creative, you decide everything.

cons of solo freelancing.

money and gigs are inconsistent. one off gigs dont bring enough money, unless its a whole commercial, but i mostly do reels.

idk what to do. money, i dont really care much for it. now that i have it all, in my eyes, i see that im empty and unfulfilled. i need help navigating how i can make at least 10k a month on my own.

i dont know if i should split with my partner, stay with him and eat the shit until we sell it, or something else. im just lost. i almost want to go back to a 9 to 5, or just a regular job with a routine. i love routine. same thing every day. i know it sounds crazy, but i love it. i want a basic life. i mean, i kind of do have one, but not everyone gets to be a full time shooter, so im blessed for sure.

from age 16 to 26, i was actually making music. i gave it my all and accomplished some good things. i was somewhat known in my city. i have over 10 albums on spotify and apple music. then out of nowhere, i did a 180 in my life and picked up the camera, and now im a full time shooter.

so again, anything art or creative, i love. i dont mind going from one thing to another. im not stressed, since i can just go back to my parents house if anything. thankfully, they are there with open arms, constantly telling me i can come back home if i need to. yes, at 30.

my friend owns a barber shop. i know everyone and their cousin is a barber, but im thinking of asking if he would be willing to train me. im dead ass down, and i always wanted to learn how to cut hair. again, it stays in that creative art area, so maybe it could be cool, and the money is not bad, but i would have no clients lmao.

ive had a camera since i was around 15 years old, and today im 30. i started getting paid for work around age 26. i went full time at age 28. i was still doing a gig here and a gig there, and during the summer im also part of a wedding team, so thats nice and good extra money.

at age 29, i partnered with someone and we started an agency model. within 1 year, we scaled to 15k a month. now at age 30, i have my own place. im single, but happy, and im not hating life because of that. i have everything i ever wanted. its like i made it. all my dreams came true.

but i dont think i want to live this way. i dont think i want to go the agency route. ironically, i actually hate this industry. i hate how much ego is in it. its all entrepreneur bros faking a lifestyle. i hate business this, business that. im just a creative guy. im just an artist. i dont do business. thats why i partnered up with someone who does all the calls, and i do all the shoots and editing.

but i dont stop working, and im not enjoying this.

pros of the agency model.

very good money, consistent cash flow, can live full time.

cons of the agency model.

editing 20 to 30 videos per month, per client. i have 5 high paying clients right now, and they are boring asf. its finance bros and stuff with corny stock footage.

pros of solo freelancing.

one time shoots, 1 video, always fun and creative, you decide everything.

cons of solo freelancing.

money and gigs are inconsistent. one off gigs dont bring enough money, unless its a whole commercial, but i mostly do reels.

idk what to do. money, i dont really care much for it. now that i have it all, in my eyes, i see that im empty and unfulfilled. i need help navigating how i can make at least 10k a month on my own.

i dont know if i should split with my partner, stay with him and eat the shit until we sell it, or something else. im just lost. i almost want to go back to a 9 to 5, or just a regular job with a routine. i love routine. same thing every day. i know it sounds crazy, but i love it. i want a basic life. i mean, i kind of do have one, but not everyone gets to be a full time shooter, so im blessed for sure.

from age 16 to 26, i was actually making music. i gave it my all and accomplished some good things. i was somewhat known in my city. i have over 10 albums on spotify and apple music. then out of nowhere, i did a 180 in my life and picked up the camera, and now im a full time shooter.

so again, anything art or creative, i love. i dont mind going from one thing to another. im not stressed, since i can just go back to my parents house if anything. thankfully, they are there with open arms, constantly telling me i can come back home if i need to. yes, at 30.

my friend owns a barber shop. i know everyone and their cousin is a barber, but im thinking of asking if he would be willing to train me. im dead ass down, and i always wanted to learn how to cut hair. again, it stays in that creative art area, so maybe it could be cool, and the money is not bad, but i would have no clients lmao.

omg i'm so deep into the loop of buying weed, smoking it, then telling myself at the end of the day that i'm done with it & that i won't smoke tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes & it's getting sparked up in the AM like we're talking 8 AM until midnight.

by the end of each day i feel so drained, like the world is so heavy & everything is overwhelming, so i tell myself i'll stop, but then i wake up & guess what, i feel so darn good from being sober my body just decides within an instant that i am gonna smoke instead of stop. its like an instant switch from "im not smoking today" to just getting in my car & going to get some like carelessly without even thinking any further about the fact i told mysellf i would stop.

it is DRAINING my bank account, It’s also legal in my city & just a 5 minute drive away.

i wanna play the class that everyone is gonna want in their party haha, they're probably making the game more balanced but i'm assuming it will be a bishop?

the last time i stopped smoking weed after doing it for a couple of months, i had really bad withdrawals. it only lasted 10 days, which is absolutely insane because it’s literally nothing, right? but when you’re going through the pain, obviously, it feels like an eternity.

it’s like, i just don’t wanna go through the suffering, even though i know i must, and there’s a brighter outcome. sounds like an excuse, definitely. i know i’m addicted because i really wanna stop, and i know i should, but i just find myself smoking every day.