u/moonbyjonghyun

Just spent a couple weeks walking in the Pennines and it was a dream, and it really hit home how little time I spend outside in my normal life. I love being out in nature, walking through fields or around a lake or through a forest; but as I don’t drive I’ve always felt like all these places were out of reach for me which I want to change.

Anything that can be gotten to by bus or train, please share with me! The quieter and more isolated the better.

I have very limited experience sexually or romantically, there are a bunch of reasons why I don’t have any experience and I am open to talking about it but it’s mostly boring insecurity stuff with some sexuality confusion thrown into the mix.

I’m at a point where I desperately want to be close to people, I want to learn how someone’s body works and how to give pleasure. I want to be open about my fantasies and desires and hear what other people want as well. I want to see and touch and taste.

I am not particularly submissive but I do have my moments, please don’t expect me to be some kind of blushing virgin stereotype. I am probably more perverted than I should be tbh, I have a plethora of kinks and love to learn about others.

The issue I often have is that people just wanting to sext don’t want to entertain other conversation or build a real friendship which is what I want at the end of the day. I am happy to talk online, to share photos and conversation, but I would love to get to the point where I can meet someone in person so I am mostly limiting this to the UK though I am open to travelling.

If you’re going to message me I would appreciate clear and direct communication, I can never tell when someone is interested in me and what they’re interested in so please just be clear and your expectations and hopes.

For some other basic stuff about me:

- full time job part time student which is my main hobby right now, I study engineering.
- I love to watch movies and dwell in my feelings, everyone go watch Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person.
- Indie perfume collector and hobbyist, I will spend hours analysing notes and I love a weird off putting fragrance.
- Kind of socially awkward, I like to ask a lot of questions and like when people will ramble on and on about things.

I’m not into straight up gourmands but I really love a creamy vanilla note in amongst something darker/funkier. My all time favourite for this is Namba by Fantome, the vanilla is sweet and creamy ice cream vanilla but tempered with salt and motor oil, and I’m wondering if there is something similar but with earth/soil/dirt/grime background.

I’m trying to get more fibre in my diet as I am know where near what I should be eating, but I hate all forms of beans and lentils which is usually a recommended option. I just cannot stand the texture of any kind of bean or pea, lentils are easier but I’m still not a fan. I do make a tomato sauce with about 100g of lentils for 4 servings that I then blend until smooth and use as a pasta sauce, but I don’t want to eat that everyday day.

I do like chickpeas but only when they’re roasted until crispy which I just eat as a snack like popcorn, so I’m wondering if I could do the same with any other bean or pulse?

I do use fibre supplemented bread as well, but I don’t like anything I’ve tried to make with chia seeds either so I often only get 10-15g of fibre a day which is bad.

Just hit 10 years on T and have never passed, so I’m feeling pretty tired and hurt right now. I’ve spent 25k on transitioning and it kind of feels pointless, I’m not binary so I don’t really care about the nebulous concept of “being a man”, it’s upsetting that I will never have the masculinity that I feel more comfortable with.

It infuriates me whenever I see comments on here saying that everyone eventually passes on T and that it’s so powerful you just need to give it time you’ll look like a man at some point. I have seen people on here say that it’s impossible to not pass after years on T, that you’re just doing XYZ wrong and need to fix this.

Well T isn’t magic and there are some of us who won’t pass on T and I have had others in this community tell me I’m lying or fearmongering just for talking about my own experience as someone who does not and has never passed which is incredibly stupid imo. I wish I had known that going on T is no guarantee of anything. If I had known that T wouldn’t change much about me would I have transitioned? Idk.

I have to come out to every single person, in every single environment, if I want to be gendered correctly or treated with some semblance of respect and it’s exhausting. I wanted to get to a point where I can just live my life with my being trans something relevant to my personal life only, but I will never have that. I am always the outlier and elephant in the room, unless I just say silent and live entirely as a woman and then I am being crushed under the pressure of knowing my transition has failed.

Rant over lol but I just wanted to see if anyone else in this sub is in a similar situation and how you cope with it? I mostly see people here asking about being 6month/1 year on T and not passing, so just hoping for other people who are well into their transition. It’s a bit infuriating to be infantilised by other trans people who assume you’re a “baby trans” just because you don’t pass.

Please don’t give me passing tips or tell me to check my levels or speak to my doctor, trust me when I say I have explored every avenue there is. Maybe if I had the funds to have surgeries over my entire face and body I might be able to, but I will never have that money.

This is more of a discussion post so I hope it can remain.

I’ve been questioning my sexuality and sexual preferences recently and something I’ve been thinking a lot about is submission. Specifically, I have never had any desire to submit to anyone and always had sexual interactions with no power dynamics and never thought I was missing out. Though I was kinky and into blood play and impact play and things, it was never about submission for me it was just the physical sensation or the visual appearance.

However, I then had an experience with another trans guy who was a strict dom and I was a bit curious, we shared some of the same kinks and finding someone who is down to perform erotic surgery on you is quite hard so when he offered to do so provided I was submissive to him I decided to agree. And it feels like it fixed something inside me tbh, I had never felt more comfortable nor confident in a sexual interaction and for the first time I wasn’t insecure and questioning myself the entire time. I think a lot of it may come down to my being autistic and needing very clear boundaries and communication, it aligns very well with protocol based relationships, and also being somewhere on the asexual spectrum it means I have no pressure to get off if it’s not happening that time.

So anyway, I discovered this submissive side of myself and wanted to explore more, but then when I tried to get involved with a few cis doms I discovered that again I have no desire to submit whatsoever and the idea of doing so made my skin crawl. I seemingly only want to be submissive to other trans people, and I am feeling more and more of a yearning to be entirely submissive in a D/s relationship.

Is it because I don’t trust cis people to treat me with respect? Is it because as a trans person I don’t want to give any kind of control over to a cis person? Is it that I feel undesirable to cis people and so can never let go? Am I just fetishizing other trans people? I have no idea!

I was wondering if anyone else has ever had a similar experience or if anyone who is more knowledgeable of kink and D/s dynamics might have some insight.

I specify that you enjoy wearing as I do have a few that I can appreciate as a perfume but not want to actually wear on me, like Alkemia’s Nature of the Beast or Fyrinnae’s Bering Sea.

My favourite’s are probably Death & Floral’s Frogs! and That’s A Rock Fact. Both smell exactly as they should, Frogs! like cleaning out a dirty fish tank and That’s A Rock Fact like picking up a rock and rubbing the dirt underneath on my face. As they never shipped to the UK I only have a sample of each that I nabbed on r/IndieExchange which I’m desperately rationing.

I've been a student with the OU for a few years now and education wise it's been really great, I study mechanical engineering which was new to me so very difficult to start wrapping my head around but it's been amazing to realise that I am actually capable of learning new and complex things. 

I had a few reasons for choosing the OU, as I wanted to study something unrelated to the access course I did it was my only real option as I couldn't afford to pay for another access course out of pocket. In addition to that I also didn't want to quit a job I enjoyed to move across the country with no guarantee of whether it would work out, I have no family so if it all went tits up I'd have nothing to fall back on and I'd been homeless once and didn't want that to happen again. I was generally just anxious and afraid of change, afraid of failing, afraid that I wasn't capable of doing anything so it wasn't worth trying.

But now I really regret that and wish I'd just spent my savings on an access course and gone to uni in person. I feel like I've missed out on a lot both in education, access to specialist labs and equipment, networking and company connections, research opportunities etc; and also the more social side of things. I look at all the societies and clubs people join at other unis, the people who met their partners or close friends there, the hobbies they have time to try and things they discover about themselves etc and then I look at my 2 person social network where I see each of my friends once a month because we're all adults with jobs and it does make me upset with my choices.

I know it's always grass is greener, I've seen so many people say uni was the worst time of their life or a waste of money or they didn't make any friends and maybe that would have been me god knows I'm not outgoing or socially confident but if I'd been brave enough maybe I would have had all these things I wanted. 

I don't mean for this post to just be doom and gloom, I'm generally pretty happy with my degree and I've had good feedback from employers in interviews and will be taking a career break from work to do a placement year to hopefully make me more employable in industry but idk. What could have been will always haunt me I think.

I have hyperhidrosis so I am always sweating even in winter, in spring and summer my face is dripping just waiting for the train to work. I usually use the Garnier hyaluronic acid spf 50 as it’s cheap so I just reapply a few times a day, but it can’t keep up when my face turns into Niagara Falls like it is now.

I used to use the P20 kids one but had to stop because I felt like my skin was suffocating, I felt like a greased up chicken waiting to be roasted. I like to keep my skincare routine simple so am happy to spend more on a sunscreen if it works for my skin.