u/morningcipher

Have been part of this sub for the last year or two from a different account . Turned 30 recently and its probably time to leave this sub and move on to any thirties sub . I would consider my 20s to be the time period where I have done well in lots of aspect and screwed horrible in some . Happy to take any questions if that means you would be able to navigate your 20s better

Every one out of two profiles has these lines

“Love good food ❤️”

"Take me somewhere with great food 💕 "

“Great Food is my love language ❤️”

“Looking for someone who’ll take me out to eat ❤️”

"Pamper me with good food "

BC KITNA KHAAOGE 😭 . I’ve seen less hungry kids in Africa than I have on Indian Tinder/Bumble. Also someone explain to me what tf is cafe hopping and why is every girl's personality around that

This is not one of those desperate posts about not getting girls. Long post as I had to provide some extra context

Some of these questions might sound really naive or childish, but I've realised that while I've figured out most things in life reasonably well, relationships are one area where I'm still a complete noob.

Recently turned 30 and come from a slightly conservative family. They're pretty liberal and modern about most things, but when it comes to marriage, suddenly caste/community becomes very important.

Because of that, I never really bothered with dating. I've never approached anyone in real life, don't really have any dating experience and have rarely even had crushes on people.

Entered into AM directly and it has been 2 years . I've had plenty of requests, but I haven't really found anyone where I felt the overall compatibility was there, in terms of education, career, looks, personality etc. I'm not expecting some perfect 10/10 person. Just someone who is reasonably compatible and has a decent all-round profile similar to mine . Something or the other somehow plays spoilsport - horoscope , community , gothra , family background check . My parents have given up on most criteria now and the only thing they're still rigid about is community/caste. After countless fights , I've just stopped fighting about trying to remove caste as filter and decided to give dating a proper try.

So I downloaded Tinder, Bumble and Hinge.

Tinder, 3 weeks

I've probably swiped right on 7-8 profiles. Mainly looked for people from the same mother tongue as me.Zero likes or matches.

Bumble, 2 weeks

I realised pretty quickly that I wasn't swiping enough. I've probably swiped right on 30-40 profiles.No matches, but I've got around 20 likes. Most of the profiles that liked me were pretty but a lot of them had bios like "high maintenance", "kaleshi" Some even posted their pictures of ex in their bio stating that this is their benchmark. Nothing wrong with that obviously, just not really what I'm looking for. So didn't accept any of those 20

Hinge, just started .

This has been a completely different experience.Didn't swipe on anyone. Got around 10 likes in barely a day. I've only been able to see 4-5 profiles properly, rest are hidden but those few actually seemed more like the kind of people I'd want to talk to. Pretty , Good education, working in decent companies, normal bios, not much nonsense.

Now coming to the actual questions.

1. How do people talk to multiple people at the same time?

The idea of talking to 2-3 people at the same time feels tiring to me.I also don't think I'd enjoy having conversations with multiple women while simultaneously trying to figure out which one. I'd much rather talk to one person, see if there's some connection, meet them, and then decide.Is this just me being inexperienced? Is talking to multiple people at once basically the norm on dating apps?I believe the likes goes away in 72 hours if I don't accept

2. Should I tell someone early on that I'm also looking through AM?

My intention with dating is ultimately marriage.

If I meet someone who's genuinely compatible, I have no problem fighting with my parents and trying to get them to accept it, even if she's outside my community.But realistically, I don't see this happening within a few months. Until I actually feel that things are getting serious or exclusive, I don't see myself completely stopping AM either.

Would you tell the person this on the first date or early on?

3. Should I just stop all this and focus on AM?

I'm not desperate to be in a relationship. I'm actually pretty happy with my life as it is.The only reason I'm trying dating is because I've never really given it a chance and I'm wondering whether I'm missing something by just going along with the AM route because that's what my family wants. At the same time, I don't know if dating apps are even suitable for someone like me. I don't enjoy swiping endlessly, I'm very picky about profiles ( pref for good education /career ) and I clearly have no idea what I'm doing.

Would genuinely appreciate advice from guys in their late 20s/early 30s, especially anyone who has been in a similar situation, conservative family + AM

I know some of these questions probably sound stupid. That's kind of the point. I have no experience here and would rather ask people who have actually gone through it.

Someone I met on Reddit suggested I give this sub a try, so here it is.

Age: 29 (turning 30 soon)

Height: 5'10"

Looks: I'd say I'm reasonably decent looking. Happy to let you be the judge.

Education: Graduated from one of the top colleges in India.

Salary: Happy to discuss over DMs.

Caste: Naidu/Kamma. Yes, caste in big 2026. After enough arguments with my parents, I've accepted that's probably not a battle I'm winning.

Family - Well educated family . Upper middle class

Location: Chennai / Bangalore.

Non smoker | Non drinker

A few things about me -

I'd describe myself as calm, rational, emotionally stable, and fairly easy going.

I enjoy staying active through football, boxing, and Muay Thai. I like maintaining a lean, strong physique because it lets me enjoy sports and generally feel good.

I have an interesting relationship with ambition. On odd days, I want to be the best at everything I do, whether it's work, sports, or even a video game. On even days, I seriously think about quitting everything and moving to a farm, despite knowing absolutely nothing about farming.

I'm practical with money and don't spend much on things I don't care about, but I never hesitate when it comes to travel. I enjoy exploring places that aren't packed with tourists, taking long walks through new cities, and just wandering around without much of a plan.

I'm not much of a foodie. I eat what's in front of me and move on. I enjoy reading, mostly fiction.

I usually get along well with people and can hold my own pretty well in social settings, but I'm naturally more of an introvert. College and work forced me to become a lot more outgoing than I otherwise would have been.

What I'm looking for -

Someone from Tamil Nadu and from the Naidu/Kamma community.

Ambitious, kind, and emotionally grounded.

Someone with a stable career who's passionate about what she does.

Height 5'2" or above.

Someone who's a bit more of an initiator than I am. I appreciate people who enjoy planning trips, trying new experiences, and bringing a little spontaneity into life.

I plan to have my parents close by, probably in the same apartment complex or community when they turn old . I'd be equally happy to do the same for my partner's parents, whether she's an only child or has siblings.

if this resonates with you , DM your rough bio and we could probably share our matri IDs if it's a match