u/mykorakagaz

I woke up today, looked in the mirror, and realized something deeply unsettling: I have absolutely no idea who I actually am.
For my whole life, I’ve defined myself by my resume, my habits, my appearance, and that relentless inner monologue that never shuts up. But lately, the math just isn't mathing.
If you dive into basically any major spiritual tradition, they all point to the exact same mind-bending truth: you are not your body, and you are not your mind.
Think about it. Your body is constantly changing, replacing cells, and aging. Your mind is just a chaotic radio station playing thoughts you didn’t even consciously choose to think. If you can observe your thoughts, and you can observe your body, then logically, you have to be the thing doing the observing. You are the awareness behind it all.
We spend so much energy trying to "fix" the character we're playing, without realizing we are actually the audience watching the show.
It’s both terrifying and incredibly freeing. If I'm not this messy bundle of thoughts and meat, then who am I?
Has anyone else hit this wall? How do you actually navigate daily life once you realize your identity is basically a simulation?

Ever noticed how the more driven someone becomes, the smaller their circle gets?

At first, ambition feels exciting like you're building a life that most people only talk about. You start setting bigger goals, working longer hours, saying no to distractions. But somewhere along the way, something subtle starts to change. The after office or weekend hangouts with friends become “maybe next time.” The random calls from friends feel like interruptions. Slowly, unintentionally, you start drifting away.

Your priorities shift, your conversations change, and you begin to feel out of place even among people you once felt closest to.

There’s also this pressure ambitious people put on themselves: “I’ll reconnect later, after I’ve ‘made it’.”But that “later” keeps moving further away. This also reminds me of a quote:

“If you are too much of a thinker or too much of a goal-oriented person, you will miss the beauty of being human.” — Sadhguru

That line really hits when you think about it. In chasing something bigger, we sometimes forget the simple, grounding parts of being human i.e.connection, laughter, shared moments that don’t need a purpose, but are the true wealth of life.

And then there’s another layer, ambition can be isolating because not everyone is on the same path. You may outgrow certain environments, routines, even people. It’s not arrogance, it’s just divergence. But growth without connection can feel empty.

I can relate to this a lot because I was one of those people once, always chasing, always optimizing, always putting goals ahead of everything else. But over time, I realized something important:

It’s not worth achieving everything if you lose the people who made the journey meaningful in the first place.

Ambition is important, but so is having someone to share your wins with.

Curious…have you felt this too?

She: Do you think of me while at work?

He: Thoughts about You are like a melody that keeps playing in repeat mode somewhere at the back of my head.

She: Am I your new addiction?

He: I dare not demean this beautiful state of my mind by calling it so.

She: Then what do you have to say about it?

He: Like fragrance is to a rose,
Warmth and heat to the sun,
Waves are to the sea,
Colours to the rainbow,
Poems are to a poet,
Sweetness to honey,
Freshness to a morning dew……

Oh Love, I could go on and on, endlessly, trying hopelessly to express with my limited vocabulary – that which feels like a limitless expansion and possibility. Like breath is to my body, You, my dear, are an inseparable part of me now. I cannot comprehend it with my logical mind, yet I cannot deny that which is alive within me each moment. It does not matter what I do, Your thought or should I rather say Your existence and very presence now vibes with me as if we are one.

At times I fail to understand whether You live in me or I live because of You. Oh Love, what question have You asked me…….for, now I cannot stop the endless waves of sweet emotions that flow from within me. But let me ask You - You’ve heard me so far, now tell me this – all that I expressed till now, was it for You or was it because of You? Was it me who actually wrote it or was it rather You who did so. Because the more I think of grasping it, the more I find myself lost in it. I can very clearly see where I begin but Love, I cannot figure out where this ‘I’ merges with ‘You’ and becomes “Us”.

So, I’ve been diving deep into Hindu deities lately, and honestly, Kalabhairav is easily one of the most intense and fascinating figures out there. If you aren't familiar, he’s basically the "fierce" avatar of Lord Shiva. But he isn't just about looking scary; there is so much layers to his story.

Who is He?
Basically, Kalabhairav is known as the Lord of Time (Kaala = Time). Legend says he was born from Shiva’s fingernail during a massive argument between Brahma and Vishnu. When Brahma got a bit too arrogant, Shiva manifested as Bhairav and... well, let’s just say he took care of the situation.
Why He's an Ultimate Figure:
• The Ultimate Protector: He’s usually seen as the "Kotwal" (Guard) of Kashi (Varanasi). They say if you visit Kashi, you must visit his temple first to get permission to stay.
• The Dog Connection: His "vahana" or vehicle is a black dog. Because of this, many people who follow him treat stray dogs with huge respect. It’s a pretty cool vibe honestly.
• Destruction for Growth: He doesn't destroy things just for the sake of it. He destroys ego and greed. He’s the one who reminds us that time waits for nobody, so you better get your karma in order.
Some Cool Details
He is usually depicted carrying a severed head, a trident, and a drum. He looks pretty intimidating with the snakes and the dark skin, but for his devotees, he’s actually super protective. People pray to him specifically to manage their time better or to get over their fears—especially the fear of death.
If you ever go to a Bhairav temple, the energy is just... different. It’s heavy but in a way that makes you feel safe? Hard to explain.

TL;DR: He’s the fierce guardian who teaches us that time is the most powerful thing in the universe. If you respect time, Kalabhairav respects you.
Anyone else here have experiences visiting Kashi or any Bhairav temples? Would love to hear if the "energy" felt as wild for you as it did for me.

Meet Her…..
She is the butterfly
Silent, shy and beautiful.
Passing years have somehow
Dulled the passion in her.
But, no doubt, she still is beautiful!
Maybe she doesn’t have
Wings with the brightest hues
But her deep velvety shades of black and blues
Are graceful and so very aesthetic

Meet Him…..
He is a candle – burning
Not wild like bonfire flames but contained
Gentle, yet glowing gloriously
Being near him does feel warm
In the subtlest way possible
His golden yellow vibes spread
Like a magnificent spectrum
In the midst of the dark world around

And then they met…..
She fluttered around him
Feeling safe near his warmth
He glowed even brighter
To offer more of himself
The dance of the duo
Was a sight to behold
But tell me dear,
How could this ever last?
It was a meeting of two odds,
Never meant to be together.
She fluttered her wings in joyous excitement
As he lured her toward him for one humanly embrace

And then they met…..
His flame, though gentle
Scorched her velvet mural
Down she fell, feeling hurt once more
Her wings slapped him gently
But it was enough to blow him off
In the dark and the cold
They now remained for God knows how long.
Tell me Dear what else
Could have been their outcome?