u/nauseous-anxiety

I just recently moved into my first apartment and ordered lots of things online like furniture and home necessities. Our packages just started delivering and I'm realizing now that we have so many packages.. many big and heavy.. and to top it all off these past few days have been extremely hot weather, like 100°F. Now I'm stressing and feel terrible. Like I just moved in and I feel like I must already be blacklisted by the delivery drivers. I ran into one of them and apologized and thanked them immensely, but I still feel bad. We still have other orders that are coming in next week, a major one being a couch. I feel like posting a note on the door thanking them.. how do you delivery drivers feel in situations like these?

Seeking advice, but honestly more of a lonely rant.

I've struggled my entire life with making friends and I feel like I've tried everything and nothing ever works.

I always try and find people who have similar interests as me, similar values, mindsets, etc. I always think to myself, wow, we have so much in common, we could be such great friends. So I make an effort to talk to them, share my interests, ask about theirs, give complements, find ways to relate, eventually I'll get their social media so I can send them memes and posts I feel like they'd like. Since these are usually people I have in my college classes, I'll try and find time that they're free on campus and ask if they wanna hang out. Most people I talk to seem to be pretty engaged and will talk to me for awhile and seem to like me. However, I find myself being the only one to reach out..

Honestly it's hard enough for me to try and be social because I'm extremely anxious and always overthinking everything I say and do. I always try and ignore the thoughts and push through the mask because I do genuinely like talking with people and I really want friends. But the exhaustion, anxiety, and lonliness from being the only one initiating friendships always leaves me going down a depressive spiral. There's been times in my life where I would just completely shut down and cry myself to sleep and just stop making an effort, because I'm just so burnt out from trying. Even right now talking about it is making me tear up.

I'm 25 and I've never found a way out of this cycle. I only have my boyfriend that I feel genuinely close with. He always reminds me that I'm an amazing friend and people would be so lucky to have me in their life. And I do think I'm a good friend, I try so hard, I've had other people tell me they appreciate me always initiating and love how caring I am too. But then why does no one ever show it back to me? When I get burnt out and stop putting in as much effort I realize that no one is reaching out to me, my notifications are empty..

I get so sad and frustrated because my boyfriend somehow has so many close friends. He'll get random phone calls just to chat, asking to hang out, he always has notifications, always someone there reaching out or just to send a meme they thought he would like. But I don't understand why I don't have that. My boyfriend and I are extremely alike in our values and how we treat/interact with people. Yet somehow I've never gotten the kind of friendships that he has.

I can't imagine that it just so happen to be that every single person I've ever talked to just aren't good at initiating, they have other friends and relationships too, and most of them happen to be ND just like me, so it's not like I'm only talking to NT people who don't understand me. I'm constantly in a dilemma of frustration of wondering wtf is wrong with me, but also trying to remind myself that, no, I know I'm a good person and a good friend.. but then wtf is going on??

It makes me feel so many emotions, overall I'm just burnt out and lonely. I guess I'm wondering if any of you feel this way and how you've dealt with it.

I'm diagnosed with anxiety, depression, adhd (innatentive type) and now possibly autism. I've been masking my entire life trying to fit in and have meaningful conversations and relationships, but I never seem to get it right?

Recently I saw a video describing how odd a NT conversation was, and it was describing it as a back and forth convo where one person is saying something and the other person asks follow up questions/ gives comments, then it switches to the other person and goes back and forth. To me that sounds perfectly fine? Like it sounds like the conversation is fair and each person is being heard and validated by what they're saying. When I tried looking up what a typical ND conversation looks like, I read that it more often bounces back and forth just sharing information rather than a direct response/comment to what the other person was saying. To me that also sounds fine? But it absolutely depends on the context.

If I'm having a rough time and talk about it with someone, I would prefer the NT style I mentioned because I want to feel heard and cared for. But if I'm just having a general conversation with someone, I'd typically prefer the ND style. I feel like if the contexts were switched, it would feel off.

Yet in all the videos and posts I've read about these differences, I hear people saying that the NT style is so boring and that they would never talk to someone like that, or the ND style is so transactional and cold.

I wanted to learn more about how I could best communicate with people because I want deeper connections and more friendships, but this led me down a long rabbit hole of confusion and honestly some sadness.. like it makes me feel like I'm always going to lack connections and relationships with people because I just can't make sense of this.

Please someone help me understand this better :(

I'm diagnosed with anxiety, depression, adhd (innatentive type) and now possibly autism. I've been masking my entire life trying to fit in and have meaningful conversations and relationships, but I never seem to get it right?

Recently I saw a video describing how odd a NT conversation was, and it was describing it as a back and forth convo where one person is saying something and the other person asks follow up questions/ gives comments, then it switches to the other person and goes back and forth. To me that sounds perfectly fine? Like it sounds like the conversation is fair and each person is being heard and validated by what they're saying. When I tried looking up what a typical ND conversation looks like, I read that it more often bounces back and forth just sharing information rather than a direct response/comment to what the other person was saying. To me that also sounds fine? But it absolutely depends on the context.

If I'm having a rough time and talk about it with someone, I would prefer the NT style I mentioned because I want to feel heard and cared for. But if I'm just having a general conversation with someone, I'd typically prefer the ND style. I feel like if the contexts were switched, it would feel off.

Yet in all the videos and posts I've read about these differences, I hear people saying that the NT style is so boring and that they would never talk to someone like that, or the ND style is so transactional and cold.

I wanted to learn more about how I could best communicate with people because I want deeper connections and more friendships, but this led me down a long rabbit hole of confusion and honestly some sadness.. like it makes me feel like I'm always going to lack connections and relationships with people because I just can't make sense of this.

Please someone help me understand this better :(

I'm in the process of finally being tested and treated for POTS.. my primary doctor did the active stand test on me and it showed greater than 30bpm after standing consistent for 5-10 minutes. She then sent me to a cardiologist to talk about next steps and medication management.

While discussing it with the cardiologist, she mentioned that because my blood pressure doesn't change when sitting/standing, it's not as consistent with pots??? Like I thought that was literally the point.. that hr increases while bp remains stable.. everything I read states that. Yet this cardiologist just told me the opposite.

Secondly, my primary doctor told me that there may be a medication that's better suited for me than propranolol for my hr (have already been taking 20mg from my psychiatrist for anxiety). But the cardiologist told me propranolol was actually the first line of treatment that they do and only change if the patient's bp is too affected by it? So she increased my propranolol to 60mg extended release.

I feel like I'm just surrounded by people who don't understand pots well and I'm afraid I'm not going to be getting proper advice and treatment because of it.. even the nurse tried to do the active stand test on me, did it completely wrong, then tried tried to brush me off for seeing no evidence of pots. I only got my doctor to redo it personally after I told her how she did it wrong. I feel like I'm the only one who can push the obvious of what's wrong with me and push for treatment plans.. can anyone give me some insight on what the cardiologist told me, and how I should proceed from here?

I've been trying different litter types for my cat because I really want to find something healthy, clumps well, doesn't have dust, and doesn't track (mostly)

I just bought original Pidan tofu cat litter the other day. I personally love it so far, it's doing everything I want! However, I'm worried if my cat is actually allergic to something in it...

Today I noticed she's been grooming a lot more heavily and she's balding slightly around her eyes, particularly one side of her face.

The only thing different within the past few days has been the litter and I bought her some dried bonito flakes as a food topper.

Has anyone had this experience? Now I'm stressing because I don't know what specific ingredient is the cause of this. Is it the soy? Is there some kind of perfume in the litter? (It doesn't say it does.. but it definitely has some kind of scent) is it the bonito flakes? Is it just changing weather? Ugh it's so frustrating to figure out, I just feel bad that it seems she's itchy now..

Does anyone know any good litter alternatives similar to Pidan? I guess one that isn't soy based or has fragrance?