u/nomad01010

I experienced a rough childhood. There was relentless emotional abuse by caregivers. Harassment. Bullying. And a deep abandonment wound. There was intense shame. Fear.

I developed coping mechanisms as I grew older. I became functional. Have a good career. But burning deep inside was this wound that sabotaged my relationships & career. And it manifested as outsized reactions & weird personality quirks. And deep seated fear and shame. Eventually I had had enough & I started digging. With therapy.. hours of journaling a day. Years of talk therapy prior & now somatic therapy. Lot of deep psychedelic trips.

I feel totally raw & exposed over the last six months. I’m going through a psychedelic assisted somatic therapy (called psip). My body feels unplugged. There’s hopelessness. Even dark thoughts. My therapist is very reassuring. He likened it to the hero’s journey. But I can’t help but feel that maybe I could have left it buried.

I’ve had to distance myself from my family while I go through this. I felt communicating with them was very triggering. My last interaction with my brother.. he was of the view that “I know shit happened but it was long time ago.. move on.. don’t be negative”. He himself had similar childhood but refuses to acknowledge it & face his daemons. The world is outside.

Question I’m pondering today: if you have a somewhat functional (but difficult) life with buried trauma. Is it worthwhile to dig? Cuz what comes out is very painful & it messes you up. I guess I’m confused cuz I’m still in the middle of my journey & can’t see the other side yet. I’m fearful I may not make it.

Any help is appreciated 🙏

I worked on an idea nights & weekend for a full year before quitting my job & going full time. That & subsequent pivots didn’t work out. I made many mistakes. The biggest one was leading with idea not market validation. This was all solo & 18 months full time.

I feel I’ve learned my biggest lesson. I’ve been exploring another idea with a friend who could become a partner. It feels promising. However I feel tired. My mind says to keep going with it. But my body feels it needs a breather.

The tiredness is from wasted effort & not knowing if this next thing will work. I feel if I had some positive signs of traction I’d be unstoppable though. Is this burnout?

I know a lot of success stories point to a trajectory where nothing seems to be working for years until it does. And often it’s accumulation of knowledge & experience. I do not want to quit. But still need some validation & support.

Question is: should I continue pursuing now OR take a break.. find a job for a while. The risk here is that I may not return if I stop now. That I can’t bear!

Any feedback is appreciated.

I love software engineering but tired of corporate. It’s a goal at this point to crack into solo career as consultant designing & building custom solutions in my specialty where I have 20+ years experience.

I realize I’ll need to learn new marketing/sales skills to succeed but I’m ready to take the leap. Looking to connect & get feedback from anyone else who is looking to make this transition or is already established.

I tried IOS app development pre Claude days. It was an app built around a map (a little like uber as an example). It was tedious to build and eventually I lost interest.

Claude is absolutely awesome for backend & webapps. I’m wondering how well it does for iOS apps… specifically wrt handling tedious layouts. I still have my Figma files for different screens & wondering if I try it again with Claude.

Any feedback is appreciated!

I am in the middle of my PSIP therapy. Just completed my 4th session. It’s incredibly intense & difficult work. I am grateful for the therapist I found & am leaning on the trust & compassion. There’s a lot of intense physical processing (waves) that takes place during the session. Perhaps I’d share about my experiences as I make progress.

My questions is to folks who have been through this or have insights. What is the expected number of sessions I should expect to “need”. I am dealing with childhood trauma from caretakers so it’s deep but my sessions are very productive.

I recognize that “wanting to know” snd “push through” is also part of my trauma response. However, it’d be nice to know a range of what different people have experienced with psip.

Any feedback is appreciated!

I have been feeling vertigo since my last therapy session involving somatic body processing a few days ago.

It appears as spinning feeling if I suddenly get up or change focus, The general feeling of being in a different body is there. As if I’m little high & numb. Have a degree of nervousness as well. Im functional but a bit concerned.

Not sure how common is it & how do I tackle it. Any pointers are appreciated.

I’m an SF-based Principal Systems Architect with 20+ years of experience building enterprise-grade tech in Silicon Valley. I’m currently stepping out to launch a specialized boutique consulting practice focused on **AI Authentication & Security**.

The offer spans high-level advisory, Fractional CTO services, and hands-on production implementation.

I’m looking to connect with a potential co-founder or partner with complementary skill sets:

**GTM / BD / Enterprise Sales Lead:** Someone who brings deep relationships with CTOs, CISOs, or founders and can drive deal flow/retainers.

**Fractional CIO / CISO:** An executive who owns enterprise governance, risk, and C-suite alignment to cross-sell implementation services.

This can evolved based on your skillset. The idea is to build credibility & sell specialized services to startups.

Comment or drop a DM if this sounds interesting & we can explore!

I’m an SF-based Principal Systems Architect with 20+ years of experience building enterprise-grade tech in Silicon Valley. I’m currently stepping out to launch a specialized boutique consulting practice focused on AI Authentication & Security.

The offer spans high-level advisory, Fractional CTO services, and hands-on production implementation.

I’m looking to connect with a potential co-founder or partner with complementary skill sets:

GTM / BD / Enterprise Sales Lead: Someone who brings deep relationships with CTOs, CISOs, or founders and can drive deal flow/retainers.

Fractional CIO / CISO: An executive who owns enterprise governance, risk, and C-suite alignment to cross-sell implementation services.

This can evolved based on your skillset. The idea is to build credibility & sell specialized services to startups.

Comment or drop a DM if this sounds interesting & we can explore!

The high beam on my SFV4S is stuck on. If I press the high beam button, the high beam blinks for a sec & comes back on.

Wondering if it’s a known issue? My first guess is a bad low beam LED but I’d like to get some options before I diagnose further.

Appreciate any help!

The Matrix trilogy had this theme of “exiles”. The idea was that since the entire system was a computer program/simulation there were always going to be malfunctioning parts. The system would exclude these malfunctioning programs to ensure the Matrix was self coherent & consistent.

Well the deleted program didn’t just dissolve but would continue to operate in the shadows influencing the Matrix whole staying largely invisible.

This feels like an apt metaphor for dissociation. Something traumatic happened & the system decided to spontaneously exclude the program from the nervous system (matrix). Brilliant strategy that ensures continued survival at expense of diminished vitality. But vitality was never the goal.. continued survival was.

These exiles cause a lot of grief & will continue to do so unless properly integrated. In Matrix trilogy that happens when agent smith (the ultimate exile) copies itself over to Neo at the end of Revolutions. Making the system whole again. Admittedly a traumatic & cathartic reunion.

And after the integration, we witness Neo experiencing color, sunshine, & blue skies for the first time. That doesn’t diverge far from experience of those who have successfully integrated their dissociation.

Not sure any of this was the intended message in the trilogy. But I’m finding it more & more striking as I dig deeper into the topic of “dissociation”.

The Matrix trilogy had this theme of “exiles”. The idea was that since the entire system was a computer program/simulation there were always going to be malfunctioning parts. The system would exclude these malfunctioning programs to ensure the Matrix was self coherent & consistent.

Well the deleted program didn’t just dissolve but would continue to operate in the shadows influencing the Matrix whole staying largely invisible.

This feels like an apt metaphor for dissociation. Something traumatic happened & the system decided to spontaneously exclude the program from the nervous system (matrix). Brilliant strategy that ensures continued survival at expense of diminished vitality. But vitality was never the goal.. continued survival was.

These exiles cause a lot of grief & will continue to do so unless properly integrated. In Matrix trilogy that happens when agent smith (the ultimate exile) copies itself over to Neo at the end of Revolutions. Making the system whole again. Admittedly a traumatic & cathartic reunion.

And after the integration, we witness Neo experiencing color, sunshine, & blue skies for the first time. That doesn’t diverge far from experience of those who have successfully integrated their dissociation.

Not sure any of this was the intended message in the trilogy. But I’m finding it more & more striking as I dig deeper into the topic of “dissociation”.

It’s ridiculous what the city is allowing these days. It seems anything goes.

You can run red lights, take illegal turns, go down one way streets, and just about do anything.

Double park or leave your car unattended in an active traffic lane. And get indignant if people you’re inconveniencing react.

The delivery drivers are a menace riding on sidewalks, going in one way streets & breaking traffic rules and endangering pedestrians.

What’s strange is that this is a complete opposite of what was the norm in 2010s where parking & traffic enforcement was very strict. What changed?

Wondering if this is a common observation & if there’s any relief in sight.

I’ve been working on freeze with SE, TRE, Sedona method, Journaling for a while now. Along the way I’ve worked through periods of instability lasting a couple months where I was highly activated. That has stabilized now.

My lifelong pattern is that of chronic procrastination, fear. & perfectionism. As I circle around this pattern I’ve narrowed it down to early childhood.. possibly pre-verbal trauma around safety. Perhaps inherited.

Lately I’m noticing this sense of lethargic energy as I sit down to work. It’s almost feels like a numbing opiate high. Like after a puff of Cannibis or prescription opiate (Vicodin etc). Needless to say it puts a stop to any productivity I have planned. If I push I start to get this fear & uneasiness.

I’m wondering if I’m close to some trauma or destabilizing event I may have experienced in childhood. Does this sound like dissociation? I’m working with a somatic therapist & we are considering a PSIP session next.

Anyone else had trauma manifest like this. Any pointers are appreciated.

I feel if I can stiffen/flex my neck at certain angles & my neck & spine starts tremoring/shaking with high frequency. I can sustain it for a few seconds at a time until it stops and I can’t make it happen until some time later. The immediate feeling is discharge of nervous energy although I can definitely overdo this which leads to increased anxiety later in day.

Are these neurogenic tremors & is it safe to do this?

I came across the Triune brain theory a while back which I found super interesting and very relevant to the topic of anxiety. Bear in mind, any theory is just a model of reality useful for analysis and prediction. In short, the theory states that the human brain evolved in three distinct layers that aren't perfectly integrated. 

The oldest is the reptilian brain: responsible for fight, flight, freeze, reproduction, feeding etc.

Next came the mammalian brain: responsible for complex emotions like fear, shame, joy etc.

And finally the frontal cortex: which is most evolved in humans & is responsible for complex logical thought.

And while these different parts work together, if there’s ever a conflict in motives/desires, the oldest layers always take precedence. Survival & procreation (fight, flight, sexual attraction) take priority over emotions. And emotions take precedence over logic. So for example, you can’t override a visceral survival fear with positive affirmations. OR choose to not feel sexual attraction if the reptilian brain decided so. OR logically convince someone who is motivated by emotion.

Fight & freeze are controlled by the reptilian brain. And while it has its analogs in the mammalian brain (fight/flight = feeling of fear, aversion, apprehension etc) they are distinct from each other. Fight/flight flagged by the reptilian brain is a context-less feeling of danger. This is what raw anxiety actually is. Similarly, freeze shows up as a visceral desire to not move, which then triggers the emotional components to it as well (aversion, disgust, shame etc).

You can’t reason with anxiety. You can’t make it go away. It is run by a totally different part of the brain that circumvents logic, and emotion.

There’s also this crazy interplay between the mammalian & reptilian brain. The context-less anxiety is seen as an actual threat by the emotional brain, which triggers aversive feelings, which then signals back down to the reptilian brain that danger is real. It feeds & maintains the cycle. Fight/freeze in reptiles is a transient phase. Once the threat is over, the organism goes on without the memory of the event. However, the mammalian brain needs to contend with the emotional residue of it which can accumulate over time due to repetition & feedback.

I have started to notice the distinct difference between context-less anxiety & its emotional analogs. Most important being that anxiety produced by the reptilian brain does not respond to cognitive interventions like journaling, talk therapy, sedona method etc. Once it hits, trying to escape it feels futile and may even prolong it. Resisting it signals to the mammalian brain that it is something to be avoided so it builds secondary emotions around it (fear and worry about your anxiety etc). The best bet is treat it like post workout muscle soreness. It’s a process and it will pass. 

Once you realize it's just an artifact of your reptilian brain that you can’t really control with your thoughts, you can stop fighting it and actually start managing your biology.

My sense is that TRE and cognitive approaches like talk therapy, sedona method, emdr etc target the emotional structure. Over time, as emotional controls unravel it creates secondary signals which in turn lowers the alarm threshold that triggers the reptilian brain.

I came across the Triune brain theory a while back which I found super interesting and very relevant to the topic of anxiety. Bear in mind, any theory is just a model of reality useful for analysis and prediction. In short, the theory states that the human brain evolved in three distinct layers that aren't perfectly integrated. 

The oldest is the reptilian brain: responsible for fight, flight, freeze, reproduction, feeding etc.

Next came the mammalian brain: responsible for complex emotions like fear, shame, joy etc.

And finally the frontal cortex: which is most evolved in humans & is responsible for complex logical thought.

And while these different parts work together, if there’s ever a conflict in motives/desires, the oldest layers always take precedence. Survival & procreation (fight, flight, sexual attraction) take priority over emotions. And emotions take precedence over logic. So for example, you can’t override a visceral survival fear with positive affirmations. OR choose to not feel sexual attraction if the reptilian brain decided so. OR logically convince someone who is motivated by emotion.

Fight & freeze are controlled by the reptilian brain. And while it has its analogs in the mammalian brain (fight/flight = feeling of fear, aversion, apprehension etc) they are distinct from each other. Fight/flight flagged by the reptilian brain is a context-less feeling of danger. This is what raw anxiety actually is. Similarly, freeze shows up as a visceral desire to not move, which then triggers the emotional components to it as well (aversion, disgust, shame etc).

You can’t reason with anxiety. You can’t make it go away. It is run by a totally different part of the brain that circumvents logic, and emotion.

There’s also this crazy interplay between the mammalian & reptilian brain. The context-less anxiety is seen as an actual threat by the emotional brain, which triggers aversive feelings, which then signals back down to the reptilian brain that danger is real. It feeds & maintains the cycle. Fight/freeze in reptiles is a transient phase. Once the threat is over, the organism goes on without the memory of the event. However, the mammalian brain needs to contend with the emotional residue of it which can accumulate over time due to repetition & feedback.

I have started to notice the distinct difference between context-less anxiety & its emotional analogs. Most important being that anxiety produced by the reptilian brain does not respond to cognitive interventions like journaling, talk therapy, sedona method etc. Once it hits, trying to escape it feels futile and may even prolong it. Resisting it signals to the mammalian brain that it is something to be avoided so it builds secondary emotions around it (fear and worry about your anxiety etc). The best bet is treat it like post workout muscle soreness. It’s a process and it will pass. 

Once you realize it's just an artifact of your reptilian brain that you can’t really control with your thoughts, you can stop fighting it and actually start managing your biology.

My sense is that TRE and cognitive approaches like talk therapy, sedona method, emdr etc target the emotional structure. Over time, as emotional controls unravel it creates secondary signals which in turn lowers the alarm threshold that triggers the reptilian brain.

I came across the Triune brain theory a while back which I found super interesting and very relevant to the topic of anxiety. Bear in mind, any theory is just a model of reality useful for analysis and prediction. In short, the theory states that the human brain evolved in three distinct layers that aren't perfectly integrated. 

The oldest is the reptilian brain: responsible for fight, flight, freeze, reproduction, feeding etc.

Next came the mammalian brain: responsible for complex emotions like fear, shame, joy etc.

And finally the frontal cortex: which is most evolved in humans & is responsible for complex logical thought.

And while these different parts work together, if there’s ever a conflict in motives/desires, the oldest layers always take precedence. Survival & procreation (fight, flight, sexual attraction) take priority over emotions. And emotions take precedence over logic. So for example, you can’t override a visceral survival fear with positive affirmations. OR choose to not feel sexual attraction if the reptilian brain decided so. OR logically convince someone who is motivated by emotion.

Fight & freeze are controlled by the reptilian brain. And while it has its analogs in the mammalian brain (fight/flight = feeling of fear, aversion, apprehension etc) they are distinct from each other. Fight/flight flagged by the reptilian brain is a context-less feeling of danger. This is what raw anxiety actually is. Similarly, freeze shows up as a visceral desire to not move, which then triggers the emotional components to it as well (aversion, disgust, shame etc).

You can’t reason with anxiety. You can’t make it go away. It is run by a totally different part of the brain that circumvents logic, and emotion.

There’s also this crazy interplay between the mammalian & reptilian brain. The context-less anxiety is seen as an actual threat by the emotional brain, which triggers aversive feelings, which then signals back down to the reptilian brain that danger is real. It feeds & maintains the cycle. Fight/freeze in reptiles is a transient phase. Once the threat is over, the organism goes on without the memory of the event. However, the mammalian brain needs to contend with the emotional residue of it which can accumulate over time due to repetition & feedback.

I have started to notice the distinct difference between context-less anxiety & its emotional analogs. Most important being that anxiety produced by the reptilian brain does not respond to cognitive interventions like journaling, talk therapy, sedona method etc. Once it hits, trying to escape it feels futile and may even prolong it. Resisting it signals to the mammalian brain that it is something to be avoided so it builds secondary emotions around it (fear and worry about your anxiety etc). The best bet is treat it like post workout muscle soreness. It’s a process and it will pass. 

Once you realize it's just an artifact of your reptilian brain that you can’t really control with your thoughts, you can stop fighting it and actually start managing your biology.

My sense is that TRE and cognitive approaches like talk therapy, sedona method, emdr etc target the emotional structure. Over time, as emotional controls unravel it creates secondary signals which in turn lowers the alarm threshold that triggers the reptilian brain.

I came across the Triune brain theory a while back which I found super interesting and very relevant to the topic of anxiety. Bear in mind, any theory is just a model of reality useful for analysis and prediction. In short, the theory states that the human brain evolved in three distinct layers that aren't perfectly integrated. 

The oldest is the reptilian brain: responsible for fight, flight, freeze, reproduction, feeding etc.

Next came the mammalian brain: responsible for complex emotions like fear, shame, joy etc.

And finally the frontal cortex: which is most evolved in humans & is responsible for complex logical thought.

And while these different parts work together, if there’s ever a conflict in motives/desires, the oldest layers always take precedence. Survival & procreation (fight, flight, sexual attraction) take priority over emotions. And emotions take precedence over logic. So for example, you can’t override a visceral survival fear with positive affirmations. OR choose to not feel sexual attraction if the reptilian brain decided so. OR logically convince someone who is motivated by emotion.

Fight & freeze are controlled by the reptilian brain. And while it has its analogs in the mammalian brain (fight/flight = feeling of fear, aversion, apprehension etc) they are distinct from each other. Fight/flight flagged by the reptilian brain is a context-less feeling of danger. This is what raw anxiety actually is. Similarly, freeze shows up as a visceral desire to not move, which then triggers the emotional components to it as well (aversion, disgust, shame etc). You can’t reason with anxiety. You can’t make it go away. It is run by a totally different part of the brain that circumvents logic, and emotion.

There’s also this crazy interplay between the mammalian & reptilian brain. The context-less anxiety is seen as an actual threat by the emotional brain, which triggers aversive feelings, which then signals back down to the reptilian brain that danger is real. It feeds & maintains the cycle. Fight/freeze in reptiles is a transient phase. Once the threat is over, the organism goes on with the memory of the event. However, the mammalian brain needs to contend with the emotional memory of it which can accumulate over time.

I have started to notice the distinct difference between context-less anxiety & its emotional analogs. Most important being that anxiety produced by the reptilian brain does not respond to cognitive interventions like journaling, talk therapy, sedona method etc. Once it hits, trying to escape it feels futile and may even prolong it. Resisting it signals to the mammalian brain that it is something to be avoided so it builds secondary emotions around it (fear and worry about your anxiety). The best bet is treat it like post workout muscle soreness. It’s a process and it will pass. 

Once you realize it's just an artifact of your reptilian brain that you can’t really control with your thoughts, you can stop fighting it and actually start managing your biology.

My sense is that TRE and cognitive approaches like talk therapy, sedona method, emdr etc target the emotional structure. Over time, as emotional controls unravel it creates secondary signals which in turn lowers the alarm threshold that triggers the reptilian brain

When you read that something should be done ‘24/7,’ you might assume it means doing it as much as possible. Because otherwise it’s being assumed you ought to be releasing in your sleep as well.

However, this doesn’t quite line up with the precise language used in the six steps. Why be so precise? Well, it turns out that if you’re releasing constantly as suggested you’d find yourself spontaneously releasing when you encounter a clinch (wanting/resisting) in your dreams. Im currently noticing this.

This is similar to a technique often used to trigger lucid dreams, where the practitioner constantly does reality checks during waking hours until the act becomes automatic. When it happens in a dream, the dreamer becomes lucid.

About 6 weeks ago I somehow destabilized myself. It was following months of journaling & body scanning. Not sure what exactly triggered it but it was after I spent extended time placing my attention on an anxious body sensation. I feel I might have broken through a dissociation.

It has been intense. I woke up daily with a sinking feeling in chest. There was strong persistent anxiety with tinnitus that changed pitch and loudness strongly correlated to anxiety. I’ve used Sedona method & breathing techniques to manage this but it’s been v hard tbh.

I started seeing a somatic therapist a couple weeks ago who introduced me to somatic releases on a massage table & via brain spotting. The somatic releases were intense & looked long winding movements like body was trying to unwind.

This week has been much better & I guess I’m stabilizing. I tried a 30min TRE session yesterday & was able to replicate that long winding loops & body twitching I experienced with therapist. I felt relatively okay so I did another session this morning.

The desire to heal is strong but I’m weary of over doing it. Given my situation I’m wondering what would be the recommended pacing or things to know. I recognize that physical release is the path to my healing & I’m committed to the process long term. Any help is appreciated.