Halaand had a massive party on Wednesday 22 July in St Tropez. Seemed really cool!
I heard that Mbappe went along with Riyad Mahrez and Hakimi.
Can anyone confirm?
Just that really. I am in my 40s and looking for a 1 bedroom flat or 1 bedroom bungalow.
Been looking for somewhere for ages and everything I see that looks semi decent is ALWAYS FOR OVER 55s.
Where the hell do they expect single people under 55 to live? Because there is shortage of housing for us. And what we have available are generally complete shitholes
He is a grown man now. Assigned Golden Child status since childhood.
To Nmother he is God. She has waited on him hand and foot all his life. Anything he wanted he got. The most spoilt boy/teenager/man (now man child) you could imagine.
She's never been his mother. She was and still is his fangirl/slave/doormat.
She has created a Monster. All he does is shout at her. Talk to her like she's a piece of shit. Give her orders. Rant and rave at her.
However, Nmother will viciously attack or gaslight anyone who tries to call out his behaviour.
As far as Nmother is concerned, he can literally do no wrong. She has never ever told him he is in the wrong, there is always a ready excuse for him. Anything he does is buried and not allowed to ever be mentioned again. He could kill someone and she would say something ridiculous like "He was just having a bad day! They shouldn't have upset him!"
Meanwhile everyone else in our household - her husband and her 2 daughters, she treats us all like shit. On a daily basis we have to deal with her mood swings, her backstabbing, her shouting, etc. Minor misdeeds from years ago she regularly brings up and throws them in our faces. She is abusive to us all (except her perfect Golden Child). And of course she thinks she is absolutely PERFECT.
Anyone else deal with this? A Golden Child who is a Monster, idolised by the Nparent?
I've tried to do this before, but HAD TO revert back to calling her "mum" as she was absolutely enraged by it.
But I haven't got a mum. That fucking evil bitch is no mother (or human being for that matter).
Why would someone who shits all over their child and acts like ANYTHING BUT A MOTHER, be fucking enraged when said child no longer wants to call her mum! She doesn't deserve that title!
Anyone else ditched calling the thing that gave birth to you "mum"?
It may seem petty as it's just words, but it's another barrier I can put between us.
I need protection from her as she absolutely breaks my heart and shits all over me, but sadly due to present circumstances I'm unable to go full NC (this is what I would be doing otherwise).
Just seen it on Amazon:
Published last year. Who is Valerie Woods?
Anyone read it?
Basically he says the cure for Limerence is "purposeful living"
AND focusing on bad/unattractive things about your LO.
- NOW, as long as you keep repeating them over and over and over, THIS BIT WORKS. This is something I should always cling to and lean on when in/falling into Limerence.
(* I say SHOULD, as I am currently in Limerence and THE LAST THING I want to do is focus on my LO's negatives).
But yeh, I have felt myself slipping into Limerence for an LO previously and I kept repeating to myself 3 negative things about them, and it worked. So kudos to Tom for telling us about this in his book.
BUT the "purposeful living" thing. Hmm... I personally think that someone can be living a completely purposeful life and be hit hard by Limerence, out of the blue. It has happened to me before and I read it all the time in this group.
I just don't think that "living a purposeful life" is a protection for or a cure for Limerence.
I also think telling us to "live a purposeful life" is slightly patronising and undermining as to how debilitating and devastating the condition Limerence is. How does that help when Limerence is an involuntary state! If only "living a purposeful life" was the answer!
Would he tell schizophrenics or people with CPTSD or Bipolar or Depression etc etc to "live a purposeful life" as a cure/ protection? I see people in our group who are suicidal, and I totally can relate to Limerence making us feel that way.
I'm really glad Tom wrote his book and I hope he writes more, because research and literature on Limerence is so thin on the ground. We desperately need more research and for Limerence to be taken WAY MORE SERIOUSLY by the phycologists/physiatrists/neuroscientists etc.
They are just my thoughts on Tom's book.
What's everyone else's thoughts on Tom's book?
https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/i-learnt-retreat-inwards-and-frolic-through-dreamcaves-my-mind
Especially this bit:
The more we speak about limerence in Psychology, the more light we can shine on the pathway out for those who are stuck. You can lose the rest of your life in it… it is so easy to succumb to that way of living. You start to become very isolated; reality becomes a massive inconvenience. Limerence becomes a place where you can go, that is vivid and true, pacifying all the endless, desperate outcries of your bruised subconscious. It becomes so intoxicating, and in the end reveals itself as nothing but a projection of deeper unmet issues and an unwanted addictive coping mechanism that shows in many forms.
THIS THOUGH...WOW:
You can lose the rest of your life in it… it is so easy to succumb to that way of living. You start to become very isolated; reality becomes a massive inconvenience.
I have had Limerence for 20+ years and I am sure my cousin has it too.
I am sure there is an inherited component (as well as environmental), as I have childhood abandonment trauma too.
Anyone else have relatives with it? Anyone else think there is an inherited component to Limerence?
A British person speaking Spanish - how does it sound socially to the Spanish? E.g does it sound robotic, dumb, grating, cute, sexy, charming, posh, etc?
For example, to the average Brit, an Indian person speaking English sounds awful. A Spanish person speaking English sounds so sexy.
Which has got me wondering what a Brit speaking Spanish sounds like.
Just curious to know. Thanks!
Any decent Limerence self help books please?
(Apart from Tennov, Lucy Bain and Tom Bellamy which I've already read)
Thanks
A British person speaking Italian - how does it sound socially to Italians? E.g does it sound robotic, dumb, grating, cute, sexy, charming, posh, etc?
For example, to the average Brit, an Indian person speaking English sounds awful. A Spanish person speaking English sounds so sexy.
Which has got me wondering what a Brit speaking Italian sounds like.
Just curious to know. Thanks!
A British person speaking Italian - how does it sound socially? E.g does it sound unnatural, robotic, cute, sexy, charming, posh, etc?
Just curious to know. Thanks!
She says she's a Neuroscientist. Is this true? As it doesn't say where she works or where she qualified?
I ask these questions with the greatest respect as I think her books are absolutely fantastic
First one:
I think I was aged about 20. I kept reading about Doc Holliday (the dead gun slinger). He was my first LO. I spent so much time reading every snippet of info I could about him. I even messaged one of his relatives! Even now I still remember everything and I'm still like a freaking a Doc Holliday expert lol. It wasn't THAT an intense a bout but it was certainly my first bout of Limerence.
2nd one:
I say 2nd bout, but kind of also feels like my first too, because this one hit me like a ton of bricks. I was aged 21. Total infatuation, crushing, obsessive, all consuming Limerence.
You know who the LO was? (I've NEVER said this before): it was Mike Tyson. (Now, 20 years on, I can't stand the man and would walk out of a room if he walked in it). But yeh, he was my first full blown LO. I even did super well in my college exams because I read Mike Tyson likes educated girls (I think his wife at the time was a doctor).
And that was the start of my 25 year+ battle with Limerence. I've had SO MANY bouts and SO MANY LO's since then: 20+ LO's. Mostly celebrities but friends/work colleagues etc too.
Limerence has cost me so much time and wasted so much of my emotion and has made me feel suicidal at times. Crying, emptiness in the pit of my stomach, crushing depression, also euphoria and constant butterflies...for people who don't know/hardly know I exist!
I am now currently in Limerence for another celebrity. This time last year, I was deep in Limerence for another actor, who now means nothing to me. I swore last year, I would never become Limerent for anyone else, but here I am again.
I didn't actually realise I was falling into Limerence again this time, til I was fully in its grip. I just want this madness to end.
I have NEVER had a normal crush on someone - it has always been full blown Limerence.
Another thing I deal with when in Limerence, is EVERYTHING to do with my LO becomes special/kind of magical/sacred.
E.g. the gym/places they they go become super special.
Any food/drinks they like. Their hobbies. What brand of clothing they wear. Where they are from, ANYTHING to do with them - it all becomes so sacred and special.
And likewise everything NOT associated with LO means nothing. E.g. The best busiest coolest bar in town? LO doesnt go there/has never been so what is the point of said bar.
Anyone else deal with this when in Limerence?
I've noticed all my LO's are:
Handsome (gorgeous!), confident, self assured, at ease with themselves, funny, charismatic.
Basically, all the things I aren't. I'm far from gorgeous, have no confidence, very shy and awkward and self conscious, absolutely not funny/have zero wit at all (just GETTING a joke is as much as I can master). I have no charisma whatsoever.
I'm just a dullard basically.
I would love to be gorgeous, charismatic, confident, witty and have (could you imagine) my LO chasing/falling for ME lol (lol as in, get serious!)
So I guess I fall for a LO who has the attributes I lack and want.
I have dealt with multiple bouts of disabling, crushing Limerence for nearly 30 years.
I wish my screwed up brain 🧠 could just see a handsome, funny, charismatic, confident guy and think "he's gorgeous!" "He's really funny!" etc and thats IT. Not get obsessed 24/7 for months on end and feel suicidal because I'm not with them.
Its like my subconcious brain is always trying to search for and latch on to a LO.
I'm currently in Limerence for a fictional character from a popular TV show. Last night in the show, he prepositioned a lady and winked at her (I find winking very sleazy/a turn off but the way HE did it)... OMG my heart skipped a beat, I went weak at the knees and my stomach flipped - it was like I was on a rollercoaster.
I wish I could have seen him crying/anxious etc instead - you know, something to put me off him. Because seeing him chat her up and THAT wink has ramped it up even more for me. Don't I sound sad and pathetic. I just hate being like this and I hate Limerence.
I know I should stop watching the show, but HE is my only source of happiness. My life is shit, so traumatic, stressful and boring and my LO is the only thing that helps me.
But at the same time, I hate being so obsessed and its a double edged sword 🗡️ the euphoria that you get from your LO then the depression that you aren't with them.
Any advice please or just anything at all even to say you've read my ramblings and are going/been through it too would be most appreciated x
Just watched just 2 episodes of a TV series, and I've got a new LO. Limerence sucks I HATE it.
Best of it is, it's for a fictional character. And now I'm intensively researching and watching everything I can find online for the actor who plays him. FUCKING MADNESS.
Oh and to top it off, this time last year I was deep in Limerence for another actor (whom I originally fell for the fictional character he played - then I fell hook line and sinker for the actual actor). So yep, here I am again. Same old shit. Rinse repeat.
I swore to myself last year that I would NEVER let myself be Limerent again and that that LO would be my last.
Yet here I am again. It's like I didn't realise it was happening til I'm firmly in its grip.
I haven't eaten today. Just spent all day in bed watching every interview and hungrily searching for and reading every snippet of info I can about my latest LO. Just cannot be bothered or want to know about ANYTHING else. Totally consumed and obsessed with this new LO.
A fellow Limerent once said (knowing he was a serial Limerent) he would never speak to attractive girls, which I thought was ridiculous/not practical. But now I see exactly where he was coming from..
Would you expect an alcoholic to keep going into a bar and not relapse! Same with a gambler going into a casino/betting shop. Or an ex coke head hanging round people snorting coke! All those things would be really stupid for those people to do.
So for me, a serial Limerent for actors/rock stars/famous people, maybe the TV is too dangerous for me too. To keep watching the TV and exposing my vulnerable self, knowing all it takes is THAT glimmer, maybe I just can't watch the TV anymore, its not good/safe for me.
I hate Limerence. Nearly 30 years I've lived with this mad, awful affiliation and just as I think it won't happen again, it crushes me again.
Does this mean anything signalling or is it just a fashion?
Thanks
Seen alot of gay guys wearing their belts this way. And also the drawstring/cord hanging pretty low down on joggers etc.
Does this mean anything signaling or is it just fashion?
Thanks