u/obsidianthing

The loml left in a horrific way, choosing himself and his severe mental health issues leaving me as collateral damage. I was with him for years.

We lived together. I just can't get over him. He is on my mind all the time.

I've tried to move on, gone on a few dates, tried to get over him by getting under and nothing is working. Aside from the WAY he left, he is a great-intentioned, sweet, gentle person who I wish the very best for. But he has a hold on my heart that won't loosen.

My sponsor has been awol for weeks. Hours in between messages, agreeing to phone calls and then never calling. I'm trying desperately to call her so I can tell her about my needs. I am lucky if I maybe get to see her every few weeks. And I have 0 stability in my life. My ex moved countries with me and then broke up with me after leaving me in the country because he is suicidal and I am still dealing with that ongoing grief whilst trying to find work AND an apartment. She is not taking accountability and seems absolutely clueless. She also knows I am suicidal from when I had a mobile crisis team come to my house. She was great at first and now just...even had to let go my previous sponsor after a week because she over committed. I am so fragile and beaten by life on a daily basis and my situation allows me no time to breathe. I'm so spent.

I'm currently dealing with a few things. Flaring up grief, autistic overstimulation, my sponsor being AWOL, me being asked to help set up since I didn't have any social battery and being ignored when asked how I can help. I also made a slogan sign I spent weeks on and no one really acknowledged it and no one ever puts it out and now its lost. I just feel disrespected and alienated when I'm trying to help and I have a medallion right --- just stepped out and someone is trying to talk to me I can't escape. I'm so grief stricken and depressed and desperate to go home but I signed up for service to clean up.

Can I leave?

My partner of 4 and a half years left me, and left me in Canada where we moved together where I'm building my life from literal scratch now. I feel defeated by my lack of work, home or any kind of stability on top of heartbreak. He left because he is very sick himself and I cry for him every day. I adore him and its tearing me apart. I do not believe in god. Prayer is hard for me. Hearing people say its all part of God's plan makes me angry. Everything is so hard. I'm doing all the right things and am called a pistol in AA because I'm so committed to the work and to service but I'm dying inside. I feel awful.

Brit in Toronto looking for any kind of distraction and to connect with people that open my mind or just want to talk. Dealing with fresh heartbreak, trauma and loneliness.