u/oceanseasidedreamer

I have emetophobia and ocd. Currently out and I think I stepped in something sticky. There is a pile of v**** past where I walked (which I may have walked in), but there are also other stains like liquid, which I’m worrying is u***e. I don’t know for sure which one I walked in or if they’re definitely those things but the back of my shoes are a bit sticky.

Usually I check the floor when walking but I was focusing on other things.

I’m feeling anxious and not sure how I will be able to enter my house with contaminated shoes. I am unable to walk barefoot in my house so I cannot leave them outside and throw them away. I’m worried I will contaminate my whole house floor if I enter with these shoes.

What can I do?

I don’t want to spend hours queuing and not end up with a wristband.

What time realistically do you think people need to queue from to be successful?

I’ll be trying alone so I’m worried in case I will need to use the bathroom while queuing. What do people do when they’re in this situation alone?

How likely is it that people are camping/queuing overnight? I’m not doing that (I can’t) and I know it’s not allowed but how will they really enforce this?

Any tips/advice welcome.

Thanks!

What is everyone’s plans after the final Wembley show on Saturday 4th July?

Has anyone heard about any after parties?

I don’t want to go home straight after :(

30s, will be in Lisbon in a few weeks and looking for somewhere to go on a Friday night in June.

Any bars/clubs recommendations?

I’m mostly into pop music but open to others like techno. If you have any LGBTQ+ recommendations, those would be appreciated too.

Thank you!

I really need some advice please. I’m feeling so embarrassed to admit this but I have no one to talk to about it.

I think I (30F) might have feelings(?) for my male gay best friend (25M). We met in difficult circumstances while we were in hospital for our mental health with intensive treatment (voluntary/non-acute) for OCD. We got on really well over 6 months while we were there and ended up best friends. We had (and still have) a lot in common and bonded. Both our families have thought there was something going on. Even members of staff would make comments about our friendship, suggesting there was more between us, things like calling my best friend, ‘your man’. One member of staff also talked about how we tease each other, suggested we both go out together and get drunk one day (I’m guessing they meant to see what happens because of the way they said this).

I love him for who he is and accept him the way he is, I don’t expect him to change. I’ve always encouraged and supported him with his sexuality. I wish I didn’t feel the way I was feeling because I know he can’t like me back. Whilst I was there, I was confused about my deep feelings and whether I felt more than friendship. People mentioned that if my friend was straight they would’ve thought something was going on between us. He also wasn’t really like that with other people. He also mentioned that if he was straight, he’d probably find me attractive and says he’s unsure if he finds certain female celebrities attractive or if it’s just admiration.

We liked to tease each other and are playful with one another. He’s had silly nicknames for me. Times where I’ve caught him staring at me for longer than usual and others have noticed. He’s also touched my arm before and grabbed my wrist (playfully) when we were playing a game. But we both aren’t affectionate or find it difficult to display affection too. I’ve seen him sneakily take a photo of me in the sunset. When I’m talking to him, sometimes we’re keeping eye contact with each other and I notice both our eyes shifting downwards to each other’s lips and back up to the eyes. That could also be a nervous thing? When we stayed together in hospital, I would always notice him looking for me when I entered a room or walked past. I could be overthinking all these things, I know that too. I don’t want to be delusional.

I think I do find him attractive/beautiful/handsome, even though I’ve tried hard not to. But he is also younger than me. So I feel bad for feeling the way I do. I’m not someone who develops feelings easily for people. I’ve only liked one other person my entire life before this. I’m usually so guarded but I feel comfortable around him and opened up to him, which I am now regretting because of all of this.

When we share music with each other, he recommends me songs that are about sharing/admitting your feelings for someone and whether things are two-sided. What if this is deliberate but I also don’t know if I am looking into things too deeply?

Since we met, we hang out whenever we can, spending the whole day together. He would call me nearly every day sometimes and we’d speak on the phone for four hours. He would always wait for me to hang up and say goodnight. I have tried not to feel anything because I don’t want to and I know he is gay but I can’t help it. I think I have some sort of feelings for him. I don’t know how to make sense of this because it’s usually rare for me to like someone and I don’t open up to just anyone. I’m feeling sick with anxiety and guilt for how I feel to a point I feel like not wanting to be here about all of this (on top of my daily struggles with mental health/OCD). This is making my OCD worse because I am questioning everything, every little detail and the past and the doubts are terrible.

My friend has recently been in hospital again and has developed feelings for another male patient and it is reciprocated. I do want him to be happy and loved. And I know I shouldn’t feel jealous, but I do and it’s making me unwell. Before he told me about his crush, he told me I have been on his mind every day he has been there when we spoke. When we met up while he was in hospital (as it’s informal) he told me he was ‘giddy’ to meet me. I have cried so much to a point I’ve nearly been sick and I don’t know why. I keep getting thoughts of him together with someone else and I find it distressing. I’m so embarrassed and I don’t know what to do.

One thing to note is I am getting assessed for autism so I’m not sure if I read things like flirting wrong sometimes. I don’t think I want to confess because I truly think I’d rather die than make someone uncomfortable or any type of way. Plus he is vulnerable and I don’t want to take advantage of that. The weight of this is heavy to carry and I have no one to talk to about it.

I can’t not be his friend anymore (unless he doesn’t want me to be) because I care about him and love him a lot. We have been through things together.

I don’t want feelings for anyone and I shouldn’t feel like this. What should I do? What would you do if you were me?

How do I get past this? Are my feelings real and how do I get rid of them?

Thank you.

TLDR: (30F) with “feelings” for my (25M) gay best friend. How do I get past this?

I’m really struggling with my OCD. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel like giving up and I feel like no one can help me. I’m exhausted. I feel like harming myself, I have in the past and I want my life to be over. I can’t see a way out.

I have a fear of losing control of my bowels and throwing up, as well as contamination fears and health anxiety. This has led to me avoiding and restricting food and fluids and being scared to eat/drink, especially when away from home. It means I stay home a lot and am unable to work. I avoid using the bathroom, avoiding public bathrooms when out. I spent time in hospital a few years ago because things got so bad, it was a specialist OCD ward and I was there for 7 months. There are loads of other OCD themes I’m dealing with too but I can’t explain them all here as it’ll take too long.

While I was on the specialist OCD ward, things were difficult for me due to my father being in general hospital while I was on the ward. I also wasn’t allowed home leave to practice my ERP like the other patients because of safeguarding issues and they thought going back would make my ocd worse. After I was discharged from hospital, I moved into supported accommodation and things went downhill. I had to fund the accommodation myself and ended up draining my savings, leading to stress. There was mice in the flat below me, triggering my OCD. Then my father passed away, I had to watch him die as he was on end of life care due to health problems - I’m scared it was all my fault and that I killed him. Because if I wasn’t in hospital when he was sick, he might still be here as I could’ve looked after him. I’m scared I am a bad person or a psychopath. I’ve since moved back home.

My eating and drinking is bad again due to avoidance and my fears. I have been skipping eating meals, relying on snacks, sometimes eating snacks that I know will cause constipation so I don’t have to use the bathroom as much. My cleaning rituals with bowel movements take long and are exhausting, over 30 minutes, I will even wipe myself to a point where I will bleed.

Today I ate something new and it upset my stomach. I thought I was going to be sick. I didn’t manage to make it to the bathroom in time for some of it, and as you can imagine this triggered me immensely. This is the second time it has happened, the last time was in January. I’m scared this means I am becoming incontinent or that I have IBS. The last time it happened after I ate something that upset my stomach, I stayed in my room for like 3 weeks because I was scared it could happen again and thought I was contaminated.

This time I got stuck in the bathroom in a cleaning and handwashing cycle for 50 minutes as I couldn’t stop. I threw away my clothes. I’ve been constantly checking the floor in case there’s any contamination there even though there wasn’t, but the doubts are too bad. Only some of my underwear and trouser got a bit stained. I’m scared I’m contaminated and have contaminated my home?

I showered and did loads more cleaning rituals. I can’t go through all my rituals but the whole process took me two and a half hours, on top of my usual rituals.

I’m scared to eat anything again and I’m scared to go outside. I can’t bear this happening outside. I was going out more and this is going to set me back again.

On top of this, I’ve had bladder accidents in the past because I was holding it in so I wouldn’t have to use the bathroom due to contamination fears and rituals.

The OCD even follows me into my dreams. I dream about losing control of my bowels and bladder then I have to wake up and check. I even do rituals in my dreams. It feels like I have no escape.

I have lost the healthy weight I put on in hospital (was previously underweight) and recent blood tests show I am low on nutrients like iron, so there is some nutrient deficiency as a result of restrictions and avoidance.

What would you do if you were me? What can I do?

I asked to be re-referred back to the OCD team but they are essentially saying I’ve had all my treatment and can’t have more. It doesn’t seem like anyone wants to help me anymore. I am on medication but I doubt myself and whether I could accidentally overdose because I don’t trust myself, even though I have rituals like recording things down. I’m scared about what the medication might be doing to my body and mind.

I really can’t go on living like this.

I’m so scared and I don’t know what to do.

Do you think I’m contaminated? I don’t know if I washed my hands because of all the doubts even though I’ve been doing it so much that I’ve nearly passed out.

The rituals are getting so bad I feel to pass out when I’m doing them. I also feel like passing out from lack of energy too. The doubts are so bad I doubt what I’m seeing and doing, and even doubt if I’m losing my mind. I have to go back and do things over and over again. The perfectionism tendencies are also driving me crazy. I also feel like there’s poison in my body. My mood is extremely low and I can’t see a way out of this anymore.

The only thing that helped last time was my admission and that was the last chance I had to get better. I feel like there is no hope for me.

I am doing reckless things when out, like confronting people who are abusive towards me on the street instead of walking away. I feel desperate to die.

My appointment with my GP is not until the middle of May. I see the community mental health team but it is not helping because some of their suggestions make my rituals worse. Like they are encouraging me to go out more, even if it means I do more rituals, they are giving me reassurance and I don’t know if this is helping.

I wish I didn’t have to leave the house but I have to help look after elderly members of my family, who I have to cook for. I’m scared to leave the house in case something bad happens when I’m out. How do I live like this?

Please could you help me/offer me some advice?