u/olabolina

It rings incredibly true for us that baby is happier when we have busier, fuller, active days. Baby is 8 weeks now and after a day with friends, activities, appointments, different environments etc he is calm, happy and sleeps well.

However not every day can be like that. Some days are just me and him chilling at home. Even then there is always a walk, usually a coffee (my sweet treat budget has exploded), a trip to the shop, floor time, singing etc. but I find by 6pm he is grumpy, unsettled, tired but won't sleep, hungry but won't eat etc. I'm bored out of my mind and frustrated too!

How are you filling your chill days? I know it will get easier as he gets more interactive and learns to play or we have things like weaning to fill our days but that's months away!

My partner and I had only lived together for 6 months when I got pregnant so we were still probably in the honeymoon phase in terms of sex. Once I got pregnant we went from once a week or so to once every two months. In the early stage of pregnancy he was really worried about "dislodging" the baby. He knew it was irrational but said he couldn't stop thinking about. When my bump got bigger it a lack of energy on my end and he just felt a bit "icky" about the baby being so obviously in there. We still had sex occasionally but it definitely became much less of our routine and a bit lacklustre.

I'm now 7 weeks PP and the last time we had sex was about 3 weeks before I gave birth. I'm ready to start having sex again (I had a c section so no vaginal discomfort) and I'm on contraception but it feels awkward. We've become so much closer since having the baby and we kiss and cuddle all the time. While our relationship now feels very romantic, I struggle to see it as sexual. I'm also BF so my breasts no longer feel sexual. Things almost happened once but it was before 6 weeks PP so I stopped it and the baby was in the room anyway - as he almost always is so it felt odd.

I don't have the highest sex drive in the world and we're both mid-thirties so I know these things can slow down anyway but I worry our sex life in never coming back. When did you start having sex again? How did you make your relationship feel sexual? Or your body feel sexy? I know it's not the biggest concern PP but it does cause me some anxiety.

I've only been a mother for 5.5 weeks so I know there is plenty of time but I don't feel changed by motherhood. I don't feel like I have a new identity, much less that I'm struggling with it. My outlook on the world hasn't changed, nor has my understanding of or relationship to my parents or friends who became parents before me.

I heard so much about concepts like matrescence or how it would take so long for me to feel like myself again. There were so many times I'd been told "You'll understand when your a parent" and I don't feel I have any greater understanding of...anything really?

I know it's verrry early days on my parenting "journey" but I've definitely spoken to friend who talked about how it was life changing at 3, 4, 6 weeks etc or how life changes the minute the baby was born. And I've gone to some mum and baby groups and keep having conversations where other mums say things like "it's wild isn't it, nothing could prepare you" but for me, while there's been ups and downs, and his birth definitely involved a bit of an emotional release the whole experience has been a lot calmer and more mundane that I expected.

I just find it a bit awkward sometimes. People regard me (and my partner) a bit strangely when they ask us about how things are going and we sort of calmly tell them it's going pretty well and our son is lovely, but for us there isn't much more to it. Can anyone else relate? Are we outliers?

EDIT Just to add it's not necessarily the difficultly or lack thereof. Just this change in understanding or identity or purpose.

EDIT Thanks for all the responses guys. Sort of split opinions but I suppose I'm still just confused based on what I've heard from friends and family about how parenthood changed them immediately. But maybe that just won't be my experience or it'll kick in when things get harder/the baby gets older. I sort of hope it kicks in! I expected motherhood to change me but only time will tell I guess.

Does anyone else find it difficult to babywear a breastfed baby? It takes so long to get my baby to calm down even if he was fed and sleep going in to the carrier he instantly starts headbutting my chest and rooting. Sometimes he doesn't calm at all and I just give up and take him out or ask dad to carry him instead. He will still root on dad's chest but only for a few minutes before he realises it's futile. I've never breastfed him in the carrier. He's only 4.5 weeks, is it age related?

My baby was born a month ago and my partner and I are trying to decide what the best options are with regards to money.

First off - child allowance. My partner thinks this should be absorbed into "our" money. Paid into the joint account and used for bills, groceries etc. I think we should be saving it for later, maybe to help with bigger expenses down the road (whether it's things like childcare or college expenses much later) or to give to him outright. We're lucky enough to not need the money right now so it seems silly to spend it.

What are the options here? If we put it into an account for him, it becomes his money, right? And we then can't spend it? So are we best to keep it in a savings account of our own that we could then give to him later if it came to that?

Also, I wanted to set up an account that is just his money. I've had older family members ask for his bank details (lol he's only 4 weeks old) so they can put money into his account. This is not money for me to spend on him - it's money for him in the future. I'm not sure what the best place for this is. I imagine that my parents will also want to add to this both now and in the future. I'm not talking huge sums here but it's his money and I want to do the best I can with it for him.

Any advice?

My fours week old will not settle or stay settled if his dad is not home and I don't know what to do. We're so fortunate that my partner has 2 more weeks paternity leave but I'm dreading what will happen when he goes back to work.

Right now he leave for normal things like the gym or the supermarket and then once a week he has a volunteering thing where he's gone for about 4 hours and it's honestly I dread it. Our baby is essentially a unicorn baby most of the time but when dad leave he cries, fusses, fights sleep etc. If he was asleep when dad left he'll wake up instantly. Despite being breastfed baby has no problem when I leave as long as I'm back for the next feed. I was gone for about 1.5 hrs today and he slept in his pram the whole time. Dad was gone for 4 hrs - he slept for maybe 20 mins, fussed the rest of the time then passed out when dad walked in the door.

It makes me feel like I'm a bad mum or he hates me. My partner thinks it's a coincidence but he doesn't know how different he is when we're alone. I actually dread being alone with him now. Can anyone relate?

Myself and my partner are looking at properties to buy. We're both first time buyers though I had looked at buying solo a few years back (two sellers pulled out at sale agreed and then my circumstances changed so I parked the idea) so more or less understand the process.

We're still weighing up our options, wants, needs etc. But we keep coming across fixer-uppers in areas we couldn't otherwise afford but would love to live in. Neither of us come from a construction background and we don't have any family or friends who do either. How do we figure out, roughly, how much a renovation would cost or what might need to be done? How do you judge what's "livable"? How is the mortgage affected etc.?

For example we visited two properties of a similar value but we both came away disagreeing over which one required more or less work/time/money to bring it to a good standard. Though honestly neither of us have a clue. The only way to figure this all out seems to be to pay someone but we don't want to that if we then don't go on to purchase the property. Anyone have any advice?

I'm currently overdue and over it. I had an appointment with the midwife at 40+6. All looking good with me and baby so back in to see the doctor at 41+5. The midwife warned that even if baby and I are both happy and healthy the doctor will likely push for admission and induction at the 41+5 appointment, but I can push it out for another 2 days and come back at 42 weeks if I want.

Obviously if there are any issues with me, baby or fluid then I'm happy to induce but if everything is good is it worth hanging on? I had really, really hoped to avoid induction, it honestly seems like such an arduous experience and the thought of being on an antenatal ward for days just fills me with dread, but at this point waiting for labour to start on it's own is not exactly a walk in the park either. I have also discussed skipping induction in favour of a section but unsure if that's just me being irrational.

I know it's only two days so probably doesn't matter or seem like a big decision either way but I'd love to hear other people who had experiences with later inductions or pushing out inductions. Very few people I know even made it to their due date (in recent years - seems to have been common enough amongst my mums generation) so even though I'm being told it's normal I can't help but feel very alone.

I know there was a thread on this recently (which I contributed to) but I'm wondering if anyone has anymore specific advice on this.

I have a permanent school paid contract with the private school I've worked at for 5+ years. I have just been offered a state paid contract. Normally I'd say that's great news but I'm on Mat leave and hoping to buy my first home by/in the early new year as we need to leave our rented home.

My principal has said that they can't think of reason why my salary would be interrupted but I'm worried that one slip up could affect my pay in a year when money will be tight. We have mortgage approval at the minute but it's unclear whether or not changing contracts could affect that. I also have to sort incremental credits, including time spent abroad and I'm also currently paid for the year I spent training in the UK which I don't believe the Dept will recognize so will I be knocked back on the pay scale?

Does anyone have any first hand experience with this? I've contacted the union but don't know who else to ask. Would a financial advisor be able to help me understand the pros/cons? Would refusing be silly when it's unclear if or when this offer might resurface? Thanks.

As per the title. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and just received notice of eviction from a house we love. It wasn't totally unexpected and it's not the worst timing given baby will be close to six months by the time we actually need to leave but still pretty upsetting. While I'm not the biggest fan of our landlord he doesn't actually know I'm pregnant (he will obviously find out shortly lol) so he doesn't know that it's going to be a difficult time for us to facilitate inspections and estate agent visits etc. Not looking forward to that.

I'm not necessarily looking for any advice or solutions - we're not in a terrible position so hopefully we can buy something of our own and worst comes to worst my parents would have space for us and my partner works from home so while I'm on mat leave it will be doable but I just wanted to vent a little.

It's also left me quite stressed about childcare. I had secured a creche place local to where we are now, but I don't think we'll be able to afford to buy in the area and it's very late to start looking for a creche place elsewhere now.

How does it actually work when I go into the hospital for labour? 38 weeks ftm here. I've done all my antenatal classes etc but still a bit confused about what happens "on the day."

I'm with the domino scheme in Holles St. I know that when I'm in labour at home I keep in touch with the domino midwife who will let me know if I should head in or not.

But once I get there what happens? I assume it's ok for my partner to drop me at the door before going to find parking? Should he bring in all my bags etc when he's coming? If I'm admitted before he gets there do I need to give his name to someone? Do I just go to admissions? I've been in twice before and the thought of sitting in that corridor waiting area while in labour isn't exactly pleasant. What happens next?

I know that all labours are different but I'm just kind of wondering what it looks like (if all goes to plan!)

My partner is lucky enough to have 6 weeks paternity leave at full pay. My suggestion is that he take the first 4 weeks and use the remaining two later - either to give me a break at some point or to travel (his family lives abroad). He can take them at anytime in the first 6 months but needs to give 28 days notice.

He wants to take the full six weeks. He still has all of his annual leave which he can take at much shorter notice if I need a rest and he obviously has parental and parents leave too.

If I'm being totally honest I'm mainly worried we'll argue or get on each others nerves if we're just cooped up at home together with a tiny baby all day everyday for six weeks. We've never spent so much time together and obviously it's a high stress situation.

Did anyone else's partner take so long? How was it? I have friends who took a long stretch but with usually only where there was another child to care for or in the case of c-sections/nicu stays.

I'm not going to stop him obviously (not that I could), it's his baby too and he doesn't want to miss anything but part of me worries he expects it to be a bit of a holiday.

EDIT: I know you won't all see this but thanks for all the replies! Feeling reassured!