u/p1nk_l0v3r_

We've been doing exposure therapy for the last few months. I was in college but took a break in the second semester because I have severe social anxiety and couldn't go to classes, so me and my therapist decided to start out small and simple. Did some driving classes Wich helped my fear of classrooms with people and then I walked to my college a lot of times without going in. Everything has been going okay and this week she decided I should do the full exposure like we talked about on the first session Wich was actually go to a class.

Unfortunately I failed doing so. I did what she told me, went the day before to see where the class was, did my belly breathing exercises, I took it step by step, but when I got to my college I couldn't even go to the first floor where my class was because I was in so much fear. I feel so disappointed in myself and I have to update her and I'm scared she'll get mad at me...I couldn't do something so simple, maybe she'll be disappointed and try not to show it but somehow it'll come out. Idk I really like her and it's nice when shes proud of me and I'm scared she's gonna be truly disappointed I couldn't do it. I even asked during the session what happens if I can't and she just said we'll work through your troubles it's okay, but idk I feel like I just fucked things up.

School also ends next week and I don't think there are any theoretical classes I can go to, so this may have been my only chance and I blew it...

I tried I really did. I've been doing exposure therapy with my therapist for the last months. I have severe social anxiety that doesn't let me even go to class and I'm in college right now. So what I did was I just walked the path to the school but never got into any of the classes.

This week she told me it's time I try to go to one of them, so I had one this morning and I decided I would try. Yesterday I went to the school and I walked in just to pre practice and I realized the class was super small so I got even more scared because it was gonna be packed maybe and whether it was one not, they were gonna notice me. Oh who's this girl who hasn't been here in five months and missed all of her evaluations??? Yeah idk what I'm doing here either.

And then this morning I took it step by step, first waking up, Wich was dreadful to say the least, then getting ready, then having breakfast, and then finally going to the school. I was about to cry on my way there and then I notice people wearing this specific uniform that I know it's from my class so I started freaking out even more like omg did I need to wear a uniform, that I chose not to buy five months ago (because I was taking a break), to this class and that's gonna be even more noticable and more interactions???? So I get in there and I see some people and I just couldn't do it. Went to the bathroom and just pondered my life. I didn't even get to climb the stairs because I saw so many guys there and that was freaking me out too.

I hate exposure therapy. This was awful. My therapist is gonna be super disappointed and I feel super disappointed and I can't stop beating myself up over this. I hate it

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So I stopped going to college about five months ago because my social anxiety got extremely severe. I couldn't go to class so I started taking a break and going to therapy. We do EMDR with exposure therapy and basically what she makes me so is small things, like for example for the last few weeks I just had to walk to the school and then go back, simple enough. I didn't have to get in the classes or anything, just to the gate, and each time I did a little bit more. Last few times I wasn't that anxious and now since school ends in two weeks she decided we should do the full exposure, which is go to a class.

However I am freaking out so bad. I walked over today to the school and saw where the class was, it was filled with people so I left and I was feeling so uneasy and I'm so scared for tomorrow idk if I can do it. In the first semester I barely went and only passed three subjects, people have no idea who I am and if they remember my face is gonna be like why is this girl here after months of evaluations and tests? Why would she show up at the end for no reason? The teacher is definitely gonna comment on my presence because she's never seen me and I'm so extremely agitated right now. She told me if I can't go that's ok and we'll just work on it but I really didn't wanna be a failure. My new medication has been helping me more but I have such bad memories with that college just the thought of it makes me feel sick. I'm really scared to go and I don't know if I'm ready. I feel like the EMDR has been working but at the same time this feels like too big of a step and I'm really scared.

I hate exposure therapy so much

So I stopped going to college about five months ago because my social anxiety got extremely severe. I couldn't go to class so I started taking a break and going to therapy. We do EMDR with exposure therapy and basically what she makes me so is small things, like for example for the last few weeks I just had to walk to the school and then go back, simple enough. I didn't have to get in the classes or anything, just to the gate, and each time I did a little bit more. Last few times I wasn't that anxious and now since school ends in two weeks she decided we should do the full exposure, which is go to a class.

However I am freaking out so bad. I walked over today to the school and saw where the class was, it was filled with people so I left and I was feeling so uneasy and I'm so scared for tomorrow idk if I can do it. In the first semester I barely went and only passed three subjects, people have no idea who I am and if they remember my face is gonna be like why is this girl here after months of evaluations and tests? Why would she show up at the end for no reason? The teacher is definitely gonna comment on my presence because she's never seen me and I'm so extremely agitated right now. She told me if I can't go that's ok and we'll just work on it but I really didn't wanna be a failure. My new medication has been helping me more but I have such bad memories with that college just the thought of it makes me feel sick. I'm really scared to go.

I hate exposure therapy so much

My parents got divorced about three years ago. At the time I didn't think he had cheated but later found out he did, given some evidence I pieced together. He never admitted it and always swore he never did anything but he's a big liar so that never meant anything to me. After like two months of their divorce he immediately started dating someone, Which is the girl he cheated on my mom with. It was very sudden and I was happy at first but that didn't last long because I wasn't dealing well with the divorce and he made me hang out with her sometimes and I really disliked it.

After all these three years me and my dad have a horrible relationship to say the least. He's very complicated and aggressive, last year we had a fight where he almost hit me but got very verbally aggressive. He ignored my pleas for him to back off and calm down and kept yelling like a lunatic. Then a couple weeks ago we had another argument and ofc he got aggressive again. Basically we really have an awful relationship and it's hard to be happy with him for longer than two seconds. And ignoring everything and acting like nothing happened is something he loves to do but I can't stand it. Hes been like this since I was little but I never had the courage to fight back or say anything, so we never had problems, but the moment I actually said something our relationship went downhill.

Anyways because of that I also don't really like her, I remember him treating her awfully and she just laughs it off and then tells him how he's the greatest father in the world and how lucky I am to have him. One time he was yelling so much I left the room because I was scared and she started laughing asking me if I was scared of him. I don't know what was funny about that given that he's very capable of being dangerous to BOTH of us. She never really bothered me than much tho but the thought of having to go to her birthday party that btw is being held in MY childhood house, where I grew up in and spend most of my life in, with my soul dog who they both disrespected after she died, makes me sick to my stomach.

She also has a bunch of kids and one of them is a weirdo that in highschool made my friend uncomfortable during text messages and also me because he asked me for my number one time many years ago and the texts were so icky he's very weird. Maybe I'm being overly judgemental idk but I just don't like her. Maybe I would if I had a great relationship with my dad but I don't. I told her I would go but I really don't want too. Like just the thought of her inviting me to my own house is insane. I feel so uncomfortable with all this but I don't go I'm the bad guy. My sister likes her and I seem to be the only one with a problem. I'm 19, maybe I'm really immature, who knows. But I can't stand it...just the thought of being there with all of her family in a house I once thought was my safe place makes me wanna cry and throw up. Am I the ahole?

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So my bf is really against alcohol, he obviously doesn't drink it and really doesn't like when others do. I never really cared about it but when I was a bit younger sometimes I did drink thinking it wasn't a big deal and he got seriously mad at me those times. We also had a discussion once that even a sip is bad and I don't really like alcohol anyways so I didn't mind it at all.

However today I was out with family and they ordered a sangria, I obviously wasn't gonna drink it but it came with ice cream so I asked my mom for a sip. When I meant a sip I don't mean a huge gulp btw it was literally just wetting my lips to taste it. I didn't like it and that was that and when I came home to tell him about my day I mentioned that because I didn't think he'd get too bothered by it.

Well I was obviously wrong. He was really mad and bothered that I had done that explaining how he had already told me a thousand times that he doesn't like me drinking even if it's just a sip. I feel awful because I knew that and I still took the sip, even when previously spoken about, but I also don't understand what's wrong with one sip. I try to ask him why and he says he just doesn't like it and he already explained a million times so he doesn't know why I'm even asking him again. He's really mad at me and I feel really bad but I just thought a sip didn't hurt anyone. I'm having a hard time understanding him. He thinks I'm making up excuses and thinks it's unreasonable for me to ask him why so many times but I really don't understand how a sip is such a big deal. I guess it makes him uncomfortable.

I don't even remember us having this conversation last time but that's also bothering him cuz it's the second time we talk about this. I feel like it's not that big of a deal cause I'm not chugging alcohol and getting drunk, this was my first sip in years so I didn't think it'd matter. Am I the ass hole?

Little update: I decided to speak to him because of all the comments and I started getting scared that he was in fact a very toxic bf. I told him that his behavior was controlling and that he was being a little overdramatic and he was actually really understanding when I brought it up. He said it still bothers him but that if I really wanna do it he'll just learn to go with it. He did mention that I also ask him not to do things, like for example I have ocd so when anything related to death or bad illnesses gets brought up it really bothers me so I asked him not to make those jokes anymore so he immediately stopped. He asked me if he stopped doing something harmless like that because it bothered me than why can't I stop doing it too? I didn't really know what to say to that tho, what's you guys opinion?

And also thank you for everyone's comments, I wasn't expecting so much feedback but I appreciate it!

I've been doing some exposure therapy and I've been going to some driving classes so I can get my license. It was kinda scary at first but the teacher doesn't really talk to me so everything was going fine. But today I was going there because I thought I had a class at 2pm, and as I'm going in I see the teacher and I ask him if there's a class right now just to make sure. He looks at me weird and and tells me to check the class schedule, Wich was weird because he could've just told me but I still go and check the schedule and see that apparently there's no classes at that time and I got it wrong, and when I go over to him I start explaining that when I called I was told something else and that I probably made a mistake but he interrupts a bunch of times to tell me to speak up Wich was so embarrassing, I speak really quietly naturally so I'm constantly getting told to speak up. And after he got his point across he still asked me "so what day is it today?" So I reply to him and he just goes "so is there a class or not?" . I thought this was insanely unnecessary because he could've just told me straight up no there's no class, but he felt the need to embarrass me a little. His whole tone was uncalled for. And I hate how much that bothered me. I was really really embarrassed, specially because there was other people watching us, and I just wanted to disappear. It made me never want to show up there again. I have another class now and I am too embarrassed to show up because I'm scared he'll call me out again. I hate that I'm so weak that a rude attitude from someone brings my whole day down.

It legitimately bothers me so much being outside by myself. With others it gets easier, and it can even be fun if I'm with someone I like cuz I end up focusing on them and I just feel more comfortable. But by myself it's so completely different and I really hate it because it makes everything so hard. Since I get really nervous and uncomfortable I start sweating so much and on top of that my nerves make me walk really fast Wich makes the sweating even worse. People pass by and all I can think about is how ugly they think I am and I just feel so yucky. Crossing the street is also a headache because I feel super watched and I hate it. Basically everything about being outside sucks. I used to try to take some walks for no reason to make myself used to it but I can never fix the overwhelming feeling I get. I really only calm down when I'm back home. I also have ocd so I constantly feel like my hands are super dirty so if my hands aren't washed I will literally not be comfortable. Just makes me want too disappear. And everytime I need to go out I need to fight with myself to actually go, it's so much mental effort and it drives me insane. I feel like I can't function like a normal person. Does anyone else feel like this?