u/peanutandpuppies88

I'm not sure if I should let this go or not. I have two thoughts about this.

I have a freshman daughter who's always been a good student. Currently in all honors classes. She was always in advanced placings and small groups in elementary school. In middle school she was mostly a straight A student. I think she got one B in three years. I've always told her that I don't care about straight A's, just that she does the work and tries her best. I've always emphasized mental health, not getting burnt out. She has dropped classes or made things easier to not make things easier. She tends to score really high on tests, teachers say she's a delight in class, great with other students and a few always tell us how awesome she is.

Well we went to parent teacher conferences recently and were told how great she's doing, all A's BUT her biology teacher said she was missing a few small assignments that they are supposed to do daily and she has room to correct a quiz that she didn't do great on (But got 100% for the actual test.)

So I told my daughter how proud of her we were and that the teachers had great things to say, but she has a few things to do for Biology that the teacher said should take 15 minutes.

My daughter was so dismissive of these little tasks. She said "She purposely didn't do them, sometimes she doesn't feel like it and what's the point of she has an A? Why does the Teacher care?" She also thinks we are expecting too much from her.

Part of me maybe agrees with her but her teacher surely assigned these for a reason. And part of me thinks better a hard earned B or C with full effort, than a lackluster A with minimal effort? I don't know though.

I know teens need to rebel and I feel this is a mild rebellion and asserting herself. I feel like it's such a small thing, especially since she does have all A's. But that could change. And I just hate this to become a habit.

Again, I don't feel that her dad and I expect straight A's or anything. I just want her to apply herself accordingly.

Thoughts? She's my only daughter and first teen!

Editing to add: so far, it does not seem like her classes are too hard or too much work for her. She has minimal homework to do after school, has down time, friends and has hobbies (low time commitment) that she enjoys.

My husband is 3 and a half years into recovery from opiates. He continues to show his growth in recovery as do I, in my respective healing through my own work.

The other night my parents questioned if he was using. He was caught off guard when they called him the next morning. But he wasn't angry. He wasn't defensive. He wasn't worried. He calmly explained that no, he wasn't using but understanding of their concerns. He offered to take a drug test or whatever else they needed to ease their fears.

I wasn't surprised that they asked that. I knew, before we saw them, that it was going to happen. They hadn't seen my husband for a few weeks because we were incredibly busy with work and other events. Not seeing him for a bit is always a trigger for them that they associate with using and avoidance.

They also rearranged the table so that the grandkids were sitting by them. So that put us on the furthest end away from them. Again, this made them think that it was some type of purpose avoidant move (Even though it was their own doing messing with how we were sitting at the table.)

Because they were already fearful before seeing us, they were watching him with a preconceived notion. My husband was playing a game with my nephew where they put stickers on their heads and closed their eyes and guessed what it was.

Well, when my mom looked across the table to see my husband with his eyes closed (and stickers on his head lol) it definitely reminded her of someone nodding off.

My husband and I did talk about it and being parents ourselves. We can understand it a bit. If it was my daughter's husband, I would always be a bit watchful too. I would always be protective of her, no matter how the years passed.

My parents also have never been to a meeting or ever gotten therapy so of course they are a unhealed and more likely to have triggers they don't understand. But my husband was so humble and just let them get their fears out.

I'm proud of him. Of both of us.

One thing I've learned over the years, is people can get addicted to venting about their Q. Which can become destructive to your own life, eventually.

Therapy and working the steps can help though.

My daughter just got interested in playing volleyball in the fall of 2025 in middle school. She joined an intramural team and had so much fun! She went from having zero skills to improving a lot! She liked it so much she did a recreational league too. She enjoyed it but the team sucked and most of the kids weren't trying to improve or interested in playing as a team. That frustrated her. She wanted to try and improve not just goof off.

We looked into club but it's expensive and of course she's only just started playing so not sure she would make it. She also rides horses which is an even more expensive hobby than volleyball so it's tough to swing both at that level.

So we decided on high school volleyball. She did a camp and went to some open gyms this summer. Unfortunately, the head coach has been sucking on the fun out of it. She's been lecturing the girls that she's so disappointed in them and that they basically don't have a chance in making the teams. There are four different teams at the high school. My daughter was just hoping to at least make the bottom, D team. Now she's discouraged and wondering if she should even try out.

I wish there were more avenues for girls to learn where it's not as cut throat. I know there are open gyms with clubs but we've been to a few of those and it seems most kids have been playing for 10 years or so already, so it's intimidating.

This is mostly a vent I guess. Perhaps the wrong group as well.

It's a bummer to see your child go from enjoying something, steadily improving to being so discouraged and thinking she should give up.

NM :You act like you don't really want me over at your home.

She comes over then calls me after to rant and lecture me about something she finds embarrassing about my yard.

I'm 37 years old...

Thanks for confirming why I don't invite you over, mom lol.

Take it from someone who has been there, deep. That part of your brain that reads or hears something like, "They might decide to find recovery tomorrow or in 5 years. Or never" and your brain goes " but I don't want it to take 5 years! So I'm going to believe it'll be tomorrow;" It's hurting you.

That thought process is damaging over time. I lived that way long before any addiction entered my life. I would keep myself in turmoil because I couldn't always accept that just because I don't want something to be true, doesn't mean it isn't what is going on.

Radical acceptance (DBT) truly changed my life in all ways. I highly suggest it. It helped me.