u/pristine-as-glass

Some women will swear upon their lives that bdsm is empowering. However, off the top of my head, here are some terms used for submissive women in kink and porn: the b-slur, the w-slur, sex doll, fleshlight, s-slur etc.

Tell me now, how is fetishising and deriving pleasure from such rampant misogyny acceptable?

I've noticed how porn has trickled subtly but so well into our day to day life. Of course we're aware of the obvious negative attitudes and behaviours underpinned by porn, but the minor undercurrents aren't all that addressed, mainly how lingo adapted from porn has become somewhat commonplace.

For instance, the very word "porn" is now used to indicate/imply something pleasurable, esp. in the sense "pleasing to the eye" - affixed even in non sexual contexts (for eg "food porn"). It's very off putting, actually; such an uncomfortable experience to watch something this damaging be normalised, accepted and covertly romanticised.

A lot of the times, dommes simply serve fantasies of men; it's still male centric. On the rare occasions it isn't male-centric, the fact doesn't change that they're still upholding a subculture built heavily on misogyny and romanticisation of violence against women.

A lot of the times, dommes simply serve fantasies of men; it's still male centric. On the rare occasions it isn't male-centric, the fact doesn't change that they're still upholding a subculture built heavily on misogyny and romanticisation of violence against women.

I absolutely loathe how women are taught to expect and romanticise violence and humiliation in bed by kink and porn. There's so much nonsense about "women with personality like kink", kink being portrayed as this fun and quirky practice; heck, even romantic fiction these days is abrim with dark fantasy (which is often just rose-tinted kidnapping etc).

It really is repackaged patriarchy of women being taught about how they need to be submissive to a man with veneers of empowerment and choice/liberal feminist ideas (read: how they talk about sexuality being inherently liberating because ✨chOiCe✨).

I've noticed how porn has trickled subtly but so well into our day to day life. Of course we're aware of the obvious negative attitudes and behaviours underpinned by porn, but the minor undercurrents aren't all that addressed, mainly how lingo adapted from porn has become somewhat commonplace.

For instance, the very word "porn" is now used to indicate/imply something pleasurable, esp. in the sense "pleasing to the eye" - affixed even in non sexual contexts (for eg "food porn"). It's very off putting, actually; such an uncomfortable experience to watch something this damaging be normalised, accepted and covertly romanticised.

Since so many people on here were confused about the rumoured affairs timeline, thought I might amalgamate a little something:

Karishma - They were friends after her breakup with Ajay Devgan (around 96), reportedly it transitioned to a romance and around mid to late 97, there was an informal marriage proposal; Ms.Babita put her foot down and that was the end of it.

Aishwarya - They both began working together in about 98, and worked together up until 1999 - their fling may have taken place some time during this period.

Tara - From about 2003 to 2005; broke up amicably.

Urvashi - Rumoured to have been together during their shoot; seems very dubious to me.

If you guys have anything else, feel free to leave it here.

I'm not sure where they came from. I really do hope they aren't true - she was 18 at the time he was 24.

Honestly, from what I've seen the actual prominent ones in order of being concrete: Tara (publicly acknowledged), Karishma (pretty open "secret"; they almost got married), Aishwarya (seems to have versions - sometimes she politely turned him down, others seem to suggest it was a brief mutual fling which ended amicably due to clashing personas) and Urvashi (seems dubious, honestly). But this Riya aspect I don't know.

I think it was common to automatically link up a handsome, budding talent with whomsoever they worked? I don't know; would love to hear what y'all have to say.

I've been thinking about this and there certainly seems to be a pattern:

Women: "We want partners who respect us, love us and act like partners, not dependent children"

Men: "Uh. Six-six-six formula".

Women: *Begin prioritising their education, career, friendships, personal goals etc*

Men (in the big 2026): "Surely the most important thing for a woman should be family, husband and kids :D".

I could go on actually.

Probably one of the rare few places on the internet where I can say this without catching flack: no amount of "Risk aware consensual kink", "after care" etc can make kink safe, actually.

Most people with basic sense will understand that striking sensitive parts (such as genitalia, often with implements as it happens in kink), leaving people bound in uncomfortable and precarious positions all by themselves for hours, asphyxiation etc. can never be safe.

And some kinksters try to counter with "everything has risks. Even hobbies like mountaineering and skydiving" which is plain stupid because it's a false equivalence - mountaineers do not deliberately go jumping off high precipices, which is what all these kinky sadomasochistic practices are closer to in this gormless analogy.

Hot take but I don't understand why he's mistaken as white or compared to white men - he's got such beautiful classic south asian/Indian features man: those soft brown eyes, facial contours and lower jaw structure are such conventionally attractive Indian male features!

I don't actually get where the European comparisons come from; their features are actually very different and in my humble opinion - rather flat and devoid of vivacity. Just a personal opinion, but most white actors who are deemed as beautiful just seem so underwhelming to me. Seen a lot of them and no one in particular has stuck with me (rather forgettable really).

Anyways, at the end of the day, I think we can all agree he's gorgeous!

I absolutely loathe how women are taught to expect and romanticise violence and humiliation in bed by kink and porn. There's so much nonsense about "women with personality like kink", kink being portrayed as this fun and quirky practice; heck, even romantic fiction these days is abrim with dark fantasy (which is often just rose-tinted kidnapping etc).

It really is repackaged patriarchy of women being taught about how they need to be submissive to a man with veneers of empowerment and choice/liberal feminist ideas (read: how they talk about sexuality being inherently liberating because ✨chOiCe✨).

I thought to myself that Akshaye is very good-looking, can act and dance well, has charisma and great screen presence, so what was holding him back from becoming a bigger super mainstream star esp. early on? I found some great answers to this:

- Bollywood relies quite heavily on networking, PR, attention etc - to the extent that any attention, even of the negative kind is considered acceptable just to stay relevant or take up space in tabloid columns. These things don't seem to go very well with his nature, which is famously reclusive and carries a no-nonsense streak.

- Personal problems (if memory serves, he alludes to them as one of the reasons for taking a 4 year break).

- Hair loss: for a leading hero/heroine, Bollywood has some very stringent beauty standards. Said standards are sooo toxic that anything out of the conventional isn't accepted, "unconventionally attractive" is simply not a term in the books. While I appreciate how he embraced it all eventually, that doesn't change the deeply entrenched industry attitudes unfortunately.

- He seems to lack that specific ambition. It feels that he really pivoted to acting first/character first roles, esp. during the later phase of his career; being a mainstream hero simply wasn't that high on his priority list.

I think I covered most of the grounds. Would love to hear what y'all have to say about this as well as any additional reasons or insights.

-Personally, I feel arousal non-cordance rather frequently, but actual sexual attraction is much more rare by comparison.

-If I come across any suggestive/sexual content I don't feel attraction but I tend to have fantasies of that sort. -Always averse to the idea of sex in real life, and can't relate to allosexuals' expression of attraction which is usually so much deeper and frequent, but at the same time I don't relate completely with black stripe asexuals so there's that.

Would love to hear how many of you have similar experiences.

I'm jarred by how injuries such as bruises, strap/cane marks tend to be so glorified in the community. Why? Why is violence palatable and beautiful in the bed just because "consent"?

I've also got so many thoughts about women soaking up these kinds of things, but that's a topic for another day.

ETA: Sorry for the stupid typo in the title, I meant second-guessed.

I can't wrap my head around why kinksters simply indulge in all their fantasies without ever questioning them. Is self-reflection this hard? Often there are conscious and/or subconscious reasons for fantasies which can be revealed through some introspection, but the entire community seems so averse to that idea.

They always shut everything down with "consent", "prude" blah blah blah. It's very telling - no kind of restraint or control whatsoever.