u/redruMKitty4

I've been dealing with chronic pain for years and I've spent many years pushing through as best I could because I am a single mom with zero support. I had to hustle every day, agony or not. For the last two years, I've gotten worse and a year ago it got bad enough that I couldn't work anymore.

By now, my oldest is living with her dad and is a senior and my baby is a sophomore and total mama's boy so he does everything he can to help me. However, he's busy with his job, marching band, all AP classes and friends. So I try to not ask for help.

I'm prideful and this last year has been the most difficult I've ever had. I never felt comfortable with telling my PCP the extent of my mental or physical issues. (He also treats my ex-husband and his wife.) But I finally broke, told him everything and explained that I was trying to get disability. He laughed at me, told me I needed to seek a doctor who did disability reviews and basically said I was fat and not disabled.

That was a huge blow but I got him to give me a referral for pain specialists. This was September of last year and I've since changed PCP providers, I'm working with a psychiatrist and therapist, I've seen several specialists and am working with a pain management doctor. We're ruling things out and my new doctors are so helpful and understanding.

All of that is great, but there are people; my ex-husband and his circle of family and friends who have convinced my oldest I'm just lazy and and basically worthless. They won't listen to my son who sees my daily struggles. Then I go to do a simple task of doing a litter change in the cat litter boxes and it takes me over an hour and by the time I'm done I'm a sweaty, painful mess.

I feel broken and the hit to my ego/ pride is almost worse than the daily pain. I've always been a independent, free spirit and it sucks not to be able to do the things I used to do.

Sorry for the long story, I'm just needing to vent.

I hate the medical ads on TV. Recently I've been seeing them for Botox and Ubrelvy to help migraines. I take Ubrelvy and the ads make it look like you're gonna be back to normal in 2 hours or less. I'm sorry, but unless I'm just weird, even when the Ubrelvy works, I spend the next 12 to 24 hours in this mental fog and can barely function. I just feel like those ads are such b.s.

I'm never going to say that my migraines are worse than someone else, we all are unique and that means our symptoms and reactions to medication are just as unique but these stupid ads feel so misleading.

I have had frequent migraines for most of my life and I'm noticing that the older I get the harder it is to rebound from them. Yes, I see a doctor regularly and am medicated. I'm not looking for advice or anything else, I'm simply stating what it feels like to me.

I woke up around 5 am with a headache starting. Got up, took my morning meds and some acetaminophen. Hoping it wasn't a migraine. Got my cool compress, laid back down and tried to rest. Eventually took my first Ubrelvy and laid back down, dozing off and on for about 3 hours, got back up took my second Ubrelvy and my mid-day meds. Went back to bed with my frozen stuffed frog that is meant for the microwave or freezer. And didn't wake back up till 7 pm. It's now close to 2:30 am and I'm wide awake and mad that my sleep schedule is messed up and I lost my whole Saturday.

I drove professionally for about 25 years. So I never drove unless I knew 100% I would be under control.

Story: One night about 18 years ago my sister wanted to go out dancing. I agreed to meet her. Whenever I didn't have a driver and knew I would be driving home I would have one beer at the beginning of the night and switch to water for the rest of the time. I didn't need alcohol to shake my groove thang. 🤣

At some point in the night we were on the dance floor and someone spilled an entire beer all over me. End of the night my sister was tanked but a "friend" said he was sober and would take her home. We promised to call when we were home safe. I had literally pulled into my driveway when I got a call that they had been in an accident. Not a bad accident, thankfully. No one was hurt. But I agreed to come get her and move her car because they would have to tow it if someone sober couldn't move it.

I showed up, gave my ID to the officers and said I would move her car and they told me no. By this point in time it had been 6 hours since the beer I had because I wouldn't risk my money like that. I explained that I was sober, why I smelled like beer and asked them to do either a breath test or FST. They again refused because they didn't want to do dui on me as well as the guy that was driving my sister's car. Who was obviously being arrested. They made us call our mom at 3:30 in the morning and to say that my sister and I both felt like we were kids, not grown women over 30... 😅

Here's the question I have. Why, if they suspected that I was drunk, would they not perform the tests after having seen me driving my own vehicle and eventually let me drive away when everything was finished?

I would think that they would want to make sure another potentially drunk person wasn't on the road.

Since then, our mom has passed, but I'm still salty that they made us call her. We faced a tongue-lashing that genuinely had us feeling like we were teenagers having gotten caught sneaking out. Never thought as a grown ass woman with kids of our own that our mom could still put the fear of God in us and simultaneously make us feel like huge disappointments.

So, I often end up having wandering thoughts in the shower that typically consists of imaginary conversations or other crazy things. Today I had a funny/ weird conversation/ dialog thing about dishes and towels. Yes, I know I'm a bit nutty... I'm reminded of that frequently.

So while in my shower this evening I remembered a reel from one of the platforms that I honestly don't remember which I saw it on. It was about someone saying they don't wash the outside of their dishes because people don't eat off of the outside. First, ewww. Second, what about when stacking the dishes in the cupboard! Ewww.🤢

But that made me wonder how often people wash their towels because technically you should be clean coming out of the shower. Then I was like what if I said that my towels never get washed because you're clean when you dry off. How many people would post hate not realizing it's a joke... I was genuinely running full conversations in my head trying to explain that it was a joke to imaginary people who were grossed out by my imaginary bath towels never getting washed and posting negative comments. 🙃

I digress... it was so funny to me that my son asked if I was okay or if I was having a mental break while I'm snort-laughing in my lava water. 🤣 so... that was my random shower thought spiral. Oh! BTW I wash my towels weekly and sometimes more. 🤷‍♀️😁 Have a great day!

I woke up craving ice cream. No, I'm not pregnant. 🤣 I was super tired so went to bed at 8:30pm, woke up at 3 craving ice cream tried to go back to sleep. It's now 4:40 ish and I've polished off a bowl of Kemps cookies and cream and an feeling like I can go back to sleep now. 😅😋 should have just gotten the ice cream at 3 when I woke up craving it. 😆

Okay, I like listening to ways stupid people end up dying because they did stupid stuff. I was washing dishes earlier and was listening to one about a guided canoe trip to see hippos and the guy who died because he refused to listen to the guide's warnings and ventured into the hippopotamus area. The story was narrated by AI (I think) and the way it kept saying hippopotamus had me cracking up. All I could hear was, "Hip, Hip Hop, Hip Hop anonymous?" From Big Daddy with Rob Schneider and Adam Sandler. 🤣🤣

Edit: title is supposed to be HIPPOPOTAMUS 🤦‍♀️

Okay, I like listening to ways stupid people end up dying because they did stupid stuff. I was washing dishes earlier and was listening to one about a guided canoe trip to see hippos and the guy who died because he refused to listen to the guide's warnings and ventured into the hippopotamus area. The story was narrated by AI (I think) and the way it kept saying hippopotamus had me cracking up. All I could hear was, "Hip, Hip Hop, Hip Hop anonymous?" From Big Daddy with Rob Schneider and Adam Sandler. 🤣🤣

I'm feeling very irritated. It feels like there are people who who argue just to argue. A lot of people seem to just look for reasons to be negative, contrary, or just flat out rude. Why? What's the point of being bratty? It just makes me mad! You can disagree with someone without crossing into disrespecting them.

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If I feel a certain way about a topic, I will say something. But if someone disagrees, then we can have a civil conversation. But once you start heading into disrespect or making asinine comments just to get a rise out of me, then we can't talk. I will remove myself from the conversation. Just why? Ugh!

I just posted a kind of petty thought that I occasionally have and asked if anyone else has random petty thoughts that aren't worth potential jail time. And it was removed. I'm not sure why. Nothing I said was offensive.

I've been divorced since 2013 after 12 years of marriage and I'm annoyed because I can't forget his SSN. I'm not going to go into detail or anything crazy. But I'm honestly annoyed that I can still remember his SSN and I occasionally fantasize about using it to mess with him. Obviously I never would; being petty is not a good enough reason to go to jail. But that little devious and petty side still pops up.

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So what annoys you enough to occasionally want to be petty but isn't worth the jail time?