u/reitoka

i know that many pwnpd can get insecure when they're humiliated, experience failures, etc. so i was wondering how do you deal with feelings that can make it challenging to maintain your grandiose self-image?

2 months ago my psychiatrist told me i had psychotic symptoms after i expressed that i overthink in social situations because i feel like people are judging me (which is just social anxiety??? LOL)

another time i told her that my housemates talk too loud all the time & it can trigger meltdowns if it gets excessive (i'm diagnosed with level 2 autism & she was the one who referred me to a clinic for a diagnosis because she said i showed many autistic traits)

her response to my sensitivity to loud noise was that i was probably hearing voices 😭 ??? everyone in the house i'm living in agree that there are residents who are always loud as fuck so i have no idea why she's so confident that it's psychosis. i have zero history of delusions & hallucinations, she was the first one to tell me this.

she always tells me i was having a psychotic episode whenever i tell her any (minor) inconvenience in my life & it's starting to piss me off because i currently have no other mental health professional so it only makes me avoid sharing any of my problems to anyone, big or small problems.

"you probably felt hurt by that person's words because you were having a psychotic episode so they weren't intentionally mean to you & you just thought they were" is this even enough to consider someone psychotic?? what shocked me is that she was actually good & helpful before. i had her for around 4 years so i have absolutely no idea what the hell happened now. is there an actual reasoning as to why she desperately wants me to have a psychotic episode? i'm genuinely so confused. i told all this to most people i see in my daily life & they're just as confused as i am lmao

i'm having a really hard time seeing myself in any of the descriptions lol. even the combinations don't really speak to me. i know sangchol (& sanguine too i think) is the archetype but i'm (usually) Not that noisy at all & i can look serious at first glance lmao. choleric sounds wayyy too intense & rigid. phlegmatic doesn't fit because i'm too confrontational & impulsive. and forget about melancholic 💀

not looking for anyone to type me i just wanna know which combinations are more likely for SP7 or if i'm misinterpreting the temperaments (i probably am lol) but yeah thanks ✌️

Okay I know these 2 types are really different but hear me out

I'm always typed ILE or some other flavor of NT in online tests but obviously tests aren't 100% reliable. Someone before typed me ILI-C in model G but I don't know enough about it to say if it's accurate or not lmao

Oh and I think it's worth mentioning I'm on the spectrum and have a grocery list of diagnosed mental disorders so that's probably why I've been having a hard time finding my type. If I need to give more info or clarify anything then let me know 👍

(probably gonna delete this eventually since I don't like leaving too much personal stuff about myself and my life)

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How I was during childhood:

Social, expressive, loud, kinda aggressive, reckless, had a bunch of friends. Not introspective or aware of anything at all. I would only think about myself and my own interests and nothing else. Everyone thought I was a massive asshole and honestly yeah I was an asshole lol but I wasn't doing it on purpose because I hate conflict. I didn't get why everyone was always so offended because I was just saying whatever was in my mind but now that I'm grown I can see why people felt that way 😅 I'd blindly trust everyone and think some people were my friends when in reality they never considered me one and I'd get very upset by that. I was also kinda awkward when starting convos because I wasn't sure if the other person would be as excited as I am and I reaaally didn't wanna embarrass myself

I was super lazy, never liked working hard or any of that but I was always one of the best students in my grade and I'd brag about it. If it's stuff that I think doesn't matter like sunday school or something boring then I don't try at all and just doodle stupid things like dicks on test papers because I didn't care about religion and all that lol

I was very imaginative, loved to tell random stories and lie to people about anything to make myself look interesting. Maybe I'm lying about all of this right now 🤷‍♀️ who knows. I was always told I'm never in touch with reality and always think things are better than they are. I loved to play pretend and roleplay but most of my friends would never keep up with me because they'd find it too weird or confusing

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How I currently am:

Traumatic stuff happened starting around 8-9 years old and was ongoing for the rest of my life, so I did a 180 and became super introverted when I entered high school. Stopped talking to people and was always anxious because I got too self conscious and didn't want them to find me weird or annoying. Sometimes I'd try to join convos and ask weird questions out of curiosity and people would always be like "wtf you're not supposed to ask that" 🤨 which made me even more anxious lol

I was still a lazy bum but I was failing most of my classes or I would barely pass lmao. After graduating from high school I dropped out of college 4 times because I have the attention span of a house cat and I hated all the pressure and strict schedules.

Right now I'm a young adult and escaped an abusive home recently. I became slightly more social again but I'm still pretty quiet and self conscious of how I sound like in social situations, but wayyy less than before. I'm not afraid of confronting people but I normally do it if it's to defend someone else instead of myself. I tend to always prioritize others which definitely wasn't the case when I was a dumb kid

And again I'm still not very introspective, so I usually rely on other people to tell me what's wrong with me and I try to decide if it makes sense or not. Now I'm mostly alone with no friends and I only have acquaintances, even tho I wanna have friends to talk and hang out with, but most people I meet have nothing in common with me so I never really know what to talk about aside from the weather or whatever else qualifies as boring small talk

I isolate myself whenever I'm mad or overwhelmed and I go fully quiet because I don't wanna show anger towards someone who has nothing to do with this. Other times I start complaining about my problems to someone I trust (but I feel guilty because I don't wanna come off as negative all the time and I hate ruining the mood, so I usually avoid doing this unless it's something that affected me really hard) I try to go out of my way to talk with someone about random topics when I need to distract myself from painful feelings because I hate being alone with my thoughts. I'm very sarcastic and love to joke about all the traumatic shit I go through to make things feel less heavy or serious, which still makes everyone feel concerned for me so it ends up being awkward because I hate it when things gets too serious and I don't want to be hated by people I care about 😕

People usually describe me as laid-back, silly, blunt, sometimes confident, emotionally constipated and logical. And that I tease people all the time to make them angry but not when they're seriously angry, just when the other person knows we're all joking and they're fine with it. I'm very stupid and out of touch when it comes to human emotions, I can't confidently identify whatever I feel and I can't read tone well so people often misinterpret me and my intentions. When I'm in an upsetting situation I feel nothing in the moment and I only start feeling stuff weeks or months after it happens, usually if I've been ignoring all my negative feelings for too long and I can't handle them anymore

I struggle with conversations when everyone talks about stuff I don't know about like tv shows, movies, tiktoks, celebrities and all of that. It's like my brain stops working because my mind is somewhere else if I don't find the present moment interesting. I don't have tiktok because I feel like I'm gonna turn stupid if I use it, I don't find celebrity worship appealing because why care so much about millionaires who don't even know you exist lol. And I don't really watch mainstream shows even tho I kinda want just to understand why they're so popular. So I ask small questions to avoid potential awkwardness and keep the convo going. If I don't care enough about the topic, I nod or give short answers so that the topic switches or I can run away 😗

Again I never stopped being lazy with work and other tedious things, but I really love having busy days when it's outdoors like walking or taking public transport to go somewhere fun. I always wanna go out with someone and don't like spending my days indoors alone, even tho that's what I do most of the time because I either have nothing interesting to do, I'm tired, or I have nobody to do something with. So sometimes I invite my siblings whenever they're free and want to go out too. I also try to invite my acquaintances even if I'm kinda shy about it. I feel anxious whenever I initiate because I can't tell if they like me or not, but usually they're too busy with other stuff so it's hard to plan something especially since I often do it last minute lol. Even then I still get pissed whenever something is planned and people cancel it last minute or they never show up at all (or they show up wayyy too late)

Oh and I'm an artist so whenever I go out and see something I find cool or pretty, I start imagining things related to it to get inspired and find a way to include them in my drawings. That's what I do almost every day because I feel like I have don't have any talents aside from art. I never know how my drawings will end up looking like so I always have a "trust the process" mindset but I usually end up not finishing my drawings because I find them ugly or the idea I initially had doesn't motivate me anymore. And I get tired of spending too much time on a single drawing, especially if it takes several days

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I thinnnnk that's all I can think of for now sorry that it's super long. I dunno if any of this is helpful in the first place but I'm willing to give more info if needed 🙏

I'm not an XXS but I don't know where else to ask this, sorry 😅 I'm looking for lingerie specifically lace/satin nighties with some kind of breast support (or anything that doesn't let my nipples show through the fabric lol)

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I'm 5'0, bust size is 32.5", underbust is 29" & waist size is 25". I visited many stores & when I finally find something that fits my waist & underbust, the fabric covering the chest is always too loose. Even when I wear a size that's too tight on me, it's still too big for my breasts. I've been searching online & haven't found any that are somewhat affordable or not from a shady website lol

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I'm in the Montreal area so if someone knows any lingerie stores there that have options for (petite) women with small breasts, please let me know. I can also take a look at online stores but I prefer going in person. Thanks in advance 🙏