u/riana-rdit-689

alright so I'm in college in different state from home and depends on my parents for me, but the thing I go home after like every month or two because somehow there are some holidays for a week or two and everyone goes home, my father books my ticket and I feel extreme guilt over it because AC tickets are expensive and we're not well off and I feel bad for making him spend this much amount for travel every month. He doesn't book general tickets which are cheap because of safety reasons since I travel alone.

help me feel okay with this or idk find any other solution

idk how to earn, I've tried to find freelancing job online but it's not working out. part time is not possible.

I'm also very homesick so staying in hostel when everyone has gone home makes me feel miserable.

this is making me so anxious all day

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So Let’s be honest I’m not someone who pays attention or studies consistently during classes but when exam season rolls around, I cram heavily and put in what feels like a solid amount of effort, enough that one should be scoring well.

But almost every time, I end up with terrible results. I always find myself telling people (my sister, she's more like my mentor cos she knows ball) , *"*I literally studied, I promise, I don't know why my marks are so bad.*"* and she always calls me out saying how is this happening when I claim to study.

Meanwhile, I have friends who study progressively less than I do and yet they gets great marks

My way of studying is reading notes topic by topic and trying to understand it (I spend good amount of time to clear one topic before moving onto the next).

My exams are coming soon and I really wants to prove my worth through my grades and yes ik but as bad as it sounds from the last few years my academic graph is just declining with no progress and I am starting to believe I just lost my nerdness (couldn't think of the better word) and maybe I could just recover from here I could get other things in my life on track too.

So please, suggest me anything, maybe my thinking is wrong please reason it and tell me what am I doing wrong and how to get out of it.

So Let’s be honest I’m not someone who pays attention or studies consistently during classes but when exam season rolls around, I cram heavily and put in what feels like a solid amount of effort, enough that one should be scoring well.

But almost every time, I end up with terrible results. I always find myself telling people (my sister, she's more like my mentor cos she knows ball) , "I literally studied, I promise, I don't know why my marks are so bad." and she always calls me out saying how is this happening when I claim to study.

Meanwhile, I have friends who study progressively less than I do and yet they gets great marks

My way of studying is reading notes topic by topic and trying to understand it (I spend good amount of time to clear one topic before moving onto the next).

My exams are coming soon and I really wants to prove my worth through my grades and yes ik but as bad as it sounds from the last few years my academic graph is just declining with no progress and I am starting to believe I just lost my nerdness (couldn't think of the better word) and maybe I could just recover from here I could get other things in my life on track too.

So please, suggest me anything, maybe my thinking is wrong please reason it and tell me what am I doing wrong and how to get out of it.

Ps. It's really hard to study during lecture as due to my adhd (unmedicated) I tend to zone out alot, so I have to manage academics, college (because I need attendance) and my technical skills which again are not taught by college at the same time

So Let’s be honest I’m not someone who pays attention or studies consistently during classes but when exam season rolls around, I cram heavily and put in what feels like a solid amount of effort, enough that one should be scoring well.

But almost every time, I end up with terrible results. I always find myself telling people (my sister, she's more like my mentor cos she knows ball) , "I literally studied, I promise, I don't know why my marks are so bad." and she always calls me out saying how is this happening when I claim to study.

Meanwhile, I have friends who study progressively less than I do and yet they gets great marks

My way of studying is reading notes topic by topic and trying to understand it (I spend good amount of time to clear one topic before moving onto the next).

My exams are coming soon and I really wants to prove my worth through my grades and yes ik but as bad as it sounds from the last few years my academic graph is just declining with no progress and I am starting to believe I just lost my nerdness (couldn't think of the better word) and maybe I could just recover from here I could get other things in my life on track too.

So please, suggest me anything, maybe my thinking is wrong please reason it and tell me what am I doing wrong and how to get out of it.

Ps. It's really hard to study during lecture as due to my adhd (unmedicated) I tend to zone out alot, so I have to manage academics, college (because I need attendance) and my technical skills which again are not taught by college at the same time

So Today I went out with a friend and her friend joined us who I didn’t know would join us. I’m incredibly awkward with new people, a massive overthinker, and even a chronic people-pleaser (worst combination ik)

Because they both mostly talked among themselves, I stayed silent for the majority of the time but Whenever a topic came up where I can contribute, I instantly felt irrelevant or ignored to a point even in my ears what I was saying started sounding absurd and nothing worth even saying (It prob isn't that bad i know that but I hate the feeling ) . This isn't even just a new people thing it happens even with people I’ve known my whole life, like my cousins.

Atp I’m just starting to despise my own voice and tone. Whenever I try to make a joke, it comes out sounding deadpan or way too serious and def not in a humorous deadpan way. I feel like my default modes are either looking serious and stupid, or being overly submissive to please others, or just flashing a forced, awkward smile.

I’m so tired of functioning in survival mode just trying to get social interactions over with, rather than actually enjoying the moment. I want to work on myself, loosen up, and actually have fun, but I keep coming across as a version of myself I don't want to be. Has anyone successfully broken out of this cycle? How do you stop caring so much?

Hiii! So, I’ve only seen about 10 anime so far, and while I absolutely love the stories, I cannot remember character names to save my life like I’ll finish a series, love it to pieces, and maybe remember few character names for a min but the moment I'm done watching it's gone 😭

It’s getting awkward because whenever I talk to my friends about my favs, I blank out on the most obvious names and they’ve started thinking I’m faking being a fan or that I didn’t actually watch it, which sucks because I remember the plot perfectly (not in long term tho) 😭