u/roxasmeboy

I've had three different sets of missionaries come to my door since moving to my apartment last October. I don't think they're looking for me specifically as each time has seemed coincidental, but maybe a family member is secretly sending them lol.

Anyway, a group of three male missionaries were talking in the stairwell outside my door a couple days ago and my BF heard them and said "I think the missionaries are outside!" so he opened the door and said hi and we talked for like 10-15 min. Both my BF and I had just taken a hit of weed so we were a bit high lol. It has come up all three times with missionaries here that I was a missionary 10+ years ago but no longer consider myself a member. When we told the trio of missionaries that, the one in the middle interrupted what the other two were saying to ask me, "Do you still have a relationship with God?" I answered him (I always say I believe there's a higher power but our worship or understanding of them does not matter or impact anything). He nodded at my answer, then as everyone continued to talk I had to stop myself from laughing out loud because I realized I had been asked that question, either about God or Jesus, EVERY time the missionaries have found out I'm no longer a believer. I know they're hoping to get a spiritual convo going from that but my answer usually stops that from happening.

I can't put my finger on the exact reason why, but this really amuses me. I'm gonna start keeping tally of how many missionaries ask me that question after I tell them I no longer believe.

(The church's wealth came up at the end of the convo. My BF's mission president and also dad of his high school friend works with the church and told them back in like 2012/13 that the church had almost a trillion in stock and assets. I made comments about how that's easier to do when you hide that amount from your members and regulators through shell companies. Then the missionaries left and me and my BF laughed and laughed and laughed.)

I’m tired. I’m 31 and no matter how much I seem to improve I always just end up back here. I only have one friend who will reach out to me. My family never initiates contact. My mom never answers my calls and hasn’t in years. The guy I started dating seems to be pulling away. No one cares about me. I’m alone and tired of being alone. I wasn’t built to be alone. I don’t want another 50 years of living alone and living paycheck to paycheck. I make good money but inflation still keeps me behind. I keep thinking the next year will be better, but it never is. I’m ready to be done.

I was at a park with two friends when a big off leash dog approached us and started barking at us. All the dogs here are allowed to be off leash which I didn’t know before going. I mostly just kept my distance whenever one came near until they left with their owners. I couldn’t be too upset they were off leash since it’s allowed there. Well, this one dog was barking at us which freaks me out, and after a minute the owner showed up and told the dog to quiet down. I was hiding behind a friend because I’m genuinely afraid of dogs (I got 12 stitches on my face back in 2018 due to a dog bite). As both the guy and the dog got closer, I scooted further away from them. I feel like it was pretty obvious I did not want to be around his dog. The guy smiled and said hi, but then instead of leaving, he encouraged his dog to say his to us too and then began making small talk. He looked at the baseball field behind us and started saying how nicely mown the grass is and then used that to bring my two friends into a conversation. I was so pissed I grabbed my stuff, skirted around his mutt, and went to my car. This guy could clearly see I, the only woman in the group, was uncomfortable with his dog, and instead of leaving he started commenting on MOWED GRASS to give himself an excuse to stay near us and chat. Maybe he’s just an oblivious idiot, but legit I was pissed off because it was just so rude. He’s an old man who had no reason to engage three younger adults in a conversation, especially when one person clearly didn’t want to be near his dog. Everyone else who had dogs just kept walking, especially if they saw their dog made me uncomfortable. Idk maybe I overreacted, but I was pissed.

My anxiety is way down, I feel a lot more regulated, and I’m able to get more work done without hitting a mental brick wall. But, I’m still depressed. I did the injection ketamine a couple years ago and had my depression disappear after only a few sessions. It felt amazing! But this time I’m still depressed after 10+ sessions. I’m still glad I did ketamine as I am now a more high functioning depressed person which has greatly improved my quality of life, but still I just want to experience life as a not depressed person. I want to wake up one day and feel good for once. I can’t afford to do the injections, and my next Spravato session is delayed because I can’t pay the copays. I’m just feeling pretty down today.

I want to be supportive and not just say, “this isn’t true.” I’m thinking up a list of inconsistencies and issues within the text, but I’d love suggestion from the group. He is open to hearing my thoughts and reading with an open mind. We both served missions and are in our early 30s.

I upgraded to the new Chime card and ordered the green one. A day later the app glitched and seemed to have forgotten I already ordered a card, so they sent me the black one. I got both in the mail and they have identical numbers, although the packaging was slightly different. I’m happy they’re identical though because the green one looks so much cooler than the black one, so I chose to activate the green one. I guess I upgraded right in the middle of Chime revamping their style? Idk, I’m excited to have my new card!

I just learned more about Toxic Shock Syndrome last night and am now horrified that I’ve been so cavalier about sometimes leaving my tampons in too long. I knew it was a serious condition, but I didn’t realize how deadly it is. It’s just a phrase thrown around since I was a teen that I didn’t think much of because it never happened to me or anyone I know. Just because I’ve been lucky so far with leaving my tampons in too long doesn’t mean I will continue to be.

If you leave a tampon in for over 8 hours then you have a 1 in 100,000 chance of getting TSS. You get a sudden fever, dizziness, and sunburn-like rashes, and if you don’t get to the ER quickly then you’re in major trouble. Plus it can cause more issues down the line even after you’ve recovered.

I think it would be very educational for people to see what TSS looks like and to understand the severity. It would be interesting if it’s shown as occurring because someone using a tampon was not allowed to take bathroom breaks during work (I’ve seen stories of this happening to nurses and restaurants servers). Tampons are not the only thing that cause this, but about half of TSS cases are due to tampon use, and it’s scary that a very common item used by millions of people every day can potentially cause such devastating effects.