u/sakamoto-ryouma

I'm grieving and my family finances have completely collapsed. I can't pay tuition. I don't know how to pay his leftover bills at home. I'm scared to eat because I can't waste money. My mom is the only person I have left.

Fall is starting soon and I need urgent advice. I'm a third year EE. Dealing with these emotions + rigorous coursework + financial collapse is going to be really rough.

Has anyone else gone through this? I'm lost and don't know where to find resources or refile for fafsa and awards.

UC bureaucracy feels like a maze. If anyone knows the exact name of any grant or office I should walk into, or have structured guidance for me, please tell me.

I feel like I've been genetically screwed over and I feel quite helpless.

One of the worst parts of this is how most people you interact with subconsciously go out of their way to treat you like you're subhuman for simply being ugly.

Hell, I lift. I sleep 12 hours, maybe even more. I eat healthy and I'm active. Even at my best, even if I already optimized everything, I still feel so inadequate compared to others that it simply feels unfair. I can't glow up any further, this is it.

I'm envious of people born fine. People not having to think about such insecurities. People receiving social benefits without a second thought.

I'm going through a really hard time because of this. Does anyone have any advice how to get through complete rock bottom?

I feel like I've been genetically screwed over and I feel quite helpless.

One of the worst parts of this is how most people you interact with subconsciously go out of their way to treat you like you're subhuman for simply being ugly.

Hell, I lift. I sleep 12 hours, maybe even more. I eat healthy and I'm active. Yet I still look inadequate for the human eye. Even at my best, even if I already optimized everything, I still feel so inadequate compared to others that it simply feels unfair. I can't glow up any further, this is it.

I'm envious of people born fine. People not having to think about such insecurities. People receiving social benefits without a second thought.

I'm going through a really hard time because of this. Does anyone have any advice how to get through complete rock bottom?

I can't express how much I hate the way I look. I've been genetically screwed over and there not much I can do about it. I feel helpless.

Others say that I need to learn to love myself, but if they knew what I looked like, they would realize that I can't. One of the worst parts of this is how most people you interact with feel the need to go out of their way to treat you like you're subhuman for simply existing.

Hell, I lift. I sleep 12 hours, maybe even more. I eat healthy. I'm active. I'm lean. Yet, I still look like this.

I'm envious of people born fine. People not having to think about such insecurities.

This, coupled with multiple painful disorders that'll destroy my follicles, shorten my lifespan, and constantly make me feel like my skin is burning raw?

Fuck man, I feel like I was born to fail in life. I'm going through a really hard time.

Does anyone have any advice how to get through complete rock bottom?

One is treated like they’re subhuman. But for what? A soft jaw? A large forehead? Chin projection?

Does that justify feeling like less than a person? Does that justify being invisible, being talked over, being an afterthought in every room you walked into?

And then something shifts. Maybe weight, maybe a haircut, maybe makeup, maybe surgery.

And suddenly people are interested? In you. In your hobbies. In what you think about things. The same people who looked through you now want to know what music you listen to, what you do on weekends, what your personality is like.

I don’t find that uplifting. I find it sickening.

Because my personality never changed. My taste never changed. The fact I play jazz piano never changed. My face simply became palatable, and suddenly others decided I deserved basic human empathy.

How does everyone else feel about this? I’m bitter that this is how it works. And nobody can to say it out loud because it’s too ugly a truth.