u/saltysaltybabyboy

But I live in a house of slamming doors and screaming

Only to be made fun of and reminded of how small my problems are.

..makes you bedrot at 10 AM

I keep forgetting I only have one uncle now..

Now I get really sad when I think of you and wonder if you'll ever read my message.

I wish I could keep getting excited, but like last time and the time before, you're not going to show up or even answer your phone.

Well...I had to go back at some point.

I haaaate being a guy who gets his period, especially when I forget how incredibly fucking stupid some cis men sound when they talk about it.

Most of all, and what caused this post in the first place, I fucking hate it, HATE. IT. When cis men are like "oh but I don't mind eating you put" "we could still do anal" like no?? It's not about you and your comfort, sorry. I don't give a shit if you care or not. I said no to hooking up because I don't fucking want to when I'm getting severe cramping, period shits, breaking out and not to mention the hormonal issues that throws my entire mental health into the fucking garbage disposal.

Also, why would I, a TRANSGENDER MAN, feel comfortable with anyone seeing me while my body is performing one of the most feminine things it's capable of?

I do not feel like going out, I don't want to walk around, I don't want to hang out, you know that because I said let's reschedule.

The first (and last) time I said "we can still hang out" (and I cannot stress this enough, I added, multiple times) "I don't want to do anything sexual" but he pushed my fucking boundaries and I felt horrible the whole time trying to get out of it. He even pulled the autism card.

Autism doesn't make you a predator. Someone stating they're uncomfortable and don't want that stuff rn isn't a "social cue" it's BASIC COMMUNICATION IN ENGLISH which was the dudes first language so there's no barrier there either.

Some people can be such selfish, uneducated fucking assholes. It's not even like "oh well it wasn't well researched at the time" barely any of this information is fucking new. Dysphoria isn't a new topic. Cramps are not new topics. Period shits are not new topics. Hormonal changes are not new topics.

What set me off recently was a different guy saying he didn't mind 'being a vampire' like okay good for you?? I don't give a fuck?? Because I said let's reschedule?? Duh?? Don't press it. Especially when you know I'm in a lot of pain.

It's just so frustrating because it seems so simple that "hey they said no, I should stop" or "they let me know at the beginning they don't want this I shouldn't try anything" or even "oh a guy is on his period, he probably doesn't want my face down there"

Why does ANYONE think it would be hot for me to look down and see you EATING the uterine lining that my body just expelled?? The thought alone makes me gag.

Now I don't even want to fucking talk to this guy because I'm so disgusted and it sucks cause he seemed cool.

I sigh, knowing I'm practicing conversations with someone who isn't coming back.

Everyone else cancelled and you didn't even message back.

My mother, however, only saw someone with an attitude and proceeded to make fun of me until I was emotionally exhausted too.

So I'm an FTM guy and uh well..I don't know how common this situation is and you'll understand why I'm posting about it *here* rather than elsewhere.

Anyway.

I've been seeing a guy (go me!) and we were having a bit of "fun" last night where he started to finger me *there* (!!with consent!!) but he went a little too hard.

It isn't necessary as bad to say ripped or torn but definitely cut *something* because his nail got caught on the way in and now it hurts when I sit or pee.

My (cis) friend told me that sitting on ice helped. Which is all good and well, had I not a trans dick, which is also touching the ice, I experienced a whole new world of pain all together.

Please, my fellow trans-folk, I'm begging. This was humiliating to post, my front stuff hurts and my dick is super cold. Any advice is good advice right now lol

I can tell from the look in your eyes, you're not letting me keep that promise, are you..?

I still say that now, with this thing on my shoulders, it's arms binding mine like a mangled bleeding rope, taking away my ability to do anything but carry it like a parasite.

All it took was one word for you to stop speaking to me for two days and remind me I am nothing but a child.