u/samsmyusername

I’ve always been a quiet kid and everyone joked about me that i was mute, until i was 15 yo and everything changed bc i went to a knew school and met new people. before i had actually no friends.
well that time i began to feel better and be happier and be more excited for everything, but then at the end of 17 everything just began to go worse and worse. well first of all i finished school so i was on a gap year for this year one year (im 18 now) and well i was not studying, i was working 4h a day but in my dad’s office (so a room in my home) and i still work there.
in this gap year i made much more friends, and i still have my 4 friends group from school, and we are still 4 friends, but 3 of us are now in a much bigger group of like 10 people.

lately i’ve been struggling so much with talking to them and maybe feeling comfortable with them, i dont know why, not to all of them the same way, but i just get so drained if i have to interact with them, and they go out every little days and i do too, i get fomo and i wanna go out with them but i dont actually wanna be there, i just want it over and done, so i Was there but i font wanna Be there.
but its so uncomfortable sometimes bc i feel like i only can comment words to what they say to me, for example literally they show me anything and i’ll go “woow” or “broooo” or “oh no” or “haha” but i cant get myself to say anything else, and sometimes i even try saying something and i hust say 2 worss and stop talking later before finishing my phrase bc yea i just dont know why but physically find it so difficult to talk and interact with people.
i didnt felt this way when i got to know them, i was shy rhen, vut then became more talkative, and now everyone jnowsnme as the guy thats silent, and i thoufht i actually overcame that phase of my whole life some years ago, but its coming and coming back and i hate it.

i just feel like words dont appear in my mind, im stuck and nothing thinks, and when i think its either i think too much and the time is gone so i can’t add the thing i was thinking about to the conversation bc its too late, or i just get too nervous and my head gets blank so i just stare at one point and answer i dont know, bc i actually do not know, but it coyld be anything, even my fav color, i just dont know.
and not only talking but laughing and etc also got much more difficult

does someone experience this about not being able to talk or finding it too difficult to intersct with people?

its so epic that i can get a huuuge amount of views more on socialanxiety than on any other community but still this will have no comments or much less comments that other ones bc its a social anxiety group, and i think yhats so cool

I’ve always been a quiet kid and everyone joked about me that i was mute, until i was 15 yo and everything changed bc i went to a knew school and met new people. before i had actually no friends.
well that time i began to feel better and be happier and be more excited for everything, but then at the end of 17 everything just began to go worse and worse. well first of all i finished school so i was on a gap year for this year one year (im 18 now) and well i was not studying, i was working 4h a day but in my dad’s office (so a room in my home) and i still work there.
in this gap year i made much more friends, and i still have my 4 friends group from school, and we are still 4 friends, but 3 of us are now in a much bigger group of like 10 people.

lately i’ve been struggling so much with talking to them and maybe feeling comfortable with them, i dont know why, not to all of them the same way, but i just get so drained if i have to interact with them, and they go out every little days and i do too, i get fomo and i wanna go out with them but i dont actually wanna be there, i just want it over and done, so i Was there but i font wanna Be there.
but its so uncomfortable sometimes bc i feel like i only can comment words to what they say to me, for example literally they show me anything and i’ll go “woow” or “broooo” or “oh no” or “haha” but i cant get myself to say anything else, and sometimes i even try saying something and i hust say 2 worss and stop talking later before finishing my phrase bc yea i just dont know why but physically find it so difficult to talk and interact with people.
i didnt felt this way when i got to know them, i was shy rhen, vut then became more talkative, and now everyone jnowsnme as the guy thats silent, and i thoufht i actually overcame that phase of my whole life some years ago, but its coming and coming back and i hate it.

i just feel like words dont appear in my mind, im stuck and nothing thinks, and when i think its either i think too much and the time is gone so i can’t add the thing i was thinking about to the conversation bc its too late, or i just get too nervous and my head gets blank so i just stare at one point and answer i dont know, bc i actually do not know, but it coyld be anything, even my fav color, i just dont know.
and not only talking but laughing and etc also got much more difficult

does someone experience this about not being able to talk or finding it too difficult to intersct with people?

i feel too self conscious. i could feel okay i know what i should do, journal, sport, create, self care, but i cant get myself to do it, and does it even help?
all i do is find myself looking for ways to get better, always the same thing. im just looking for things and planing on doing them but i actually never do.
i dont even wanna get better loooool why should i?

life is boring i dont feel nothing all my emotions are gone and i have no joy. only thing i do is exist.

i always try to find new hobbies to do so that i get to like something and get better, nothings cool, i mean, i know i like most of those things, at least i once did, and i know that if i wasnt feeling as i am, this id enjoy those things.
but all i do is get things compulsively to make and be happier and never or learn nothing. yesterday i bought a stick and poke kit bc i really wanna tattoo a fish on myself bc thats literally how i’d describe i feel, like a fish in an infinite see, just swimming, just being.

also i find it so difficult to feeeeel my feelings, i mean im just here, i dont feel sad, i feel empty, id love to feel sad, or whatever but i want to feeele its horrible, i miss feeling and enjoying live, living life