u/searcherbee123

I’ve dealt with crazy working mom guilt since my daughter was born just over 5 years ago. It’s wild because wanting to be a sahm was not something I would have ever considered before marriage. In fact, I wasn’t sure that I wanted a child at all. I’ve been in a lot of therapy and worked on this. Things are better now that she’s starting full time school, but over the past 5 years I’ve just felt like I was doing something wrong- something I’d regret- by working. Wishing I could spend more time with her and that all the time I am with her needs to be super count.
I kept working because I am the breadwinner, kind of by a lot. It’s a high paying job and even though full time, I really only work like 30 hours, from home. I want to provide all the extras for her- the schools, the extracurriculars etc..
But like, I have so little time as is! How could I possibly add more to this puzzle? And how guilty would I feel about splitting this time even thinner with another? These are the things I just can’t wrap my head around. I find myself frazzled and at the end of my rope by the end of the day. I worry I’d have even less patience with more.

I’ve dealt with crazy working mom guilt since my daughter was born just over 5 years ago. It’s wild because wanting to be a sahm was not something I would have ever considered before marriage. In fact, I wasn’t sure that I wanted a child at all. I’ve been in a lot of therapy and worked on this. Things are better now that she’s starting full time school, but over the past 5 years I’ve just felt like I was doing something wrong- something I’d regret- by working. Wishing I could spend more time with her and that all the time I am with her needs to be super count.
I kept working because I am the breadwinner, kind of by a lot. It’s a high paying job and even though full time, I really only work like 30 hours, from home. I want to provide all the extras for her- the schools, the extracurriculars etc..
But like, I have so little time as is! How could I possibly add more to this puzzle? And how guilty would I feel about splitting this time even thinner with another? These are the things I just can’t wrap my head around. I find myself frazzled and at the end of my rope by the end of the day. I worry I’d have even less patience with more.

I have zero lately. Everyone says “it gets easier” but for me in this moment, tis gotten worse. I really loved the baby stage, and I had a really hard baby. Loved two, three, four. five?? Not so much. She is testing me. I just found out my dog has cancer so dealing with that, and my five year old is just so annoying. She is in camp every morning and with a babysitter who she loves every afternoon. But still at 5 o’clock she wants to play play play until 9, hang on me, sass me up, and I just no longer have the patience for it. It’s like 8:30 and she wants to go play baseball outside or start a craft. Come on.

I used to have tons of patience. I used to pine for more time with her and felt so guilty for working and not spending more time with her. I planned our evenings and days off together to maximize the best quality time.

Is patience finite? Have I literally run out of it? The past two months I dread the weekends and we have a week with no camp/school Coming up and I don’t know what we’ll do. Also we’ve been trying for a second for 6 months after being very on the fence and the past few days I’ve been feeling that would be a bad idea based on my current mental status and patience depletion. If I don’t have the patience for one, I can’t have the patience for two right?

My biggest fear! I have numbers I like to play, but I don’t play every draw, and sometimes I play a random quick draw instead. Can you imagine if your numbers were drawn when you didn’t play?!

My husband and I (40s) and our 5 year old daughter are traveling to the cape the last week of august. We are currently between staying in Falmouth (closest, easy access to ports to MV) or Chatham, which I’m kind of leaning towards. I know this is a broad question but can anyone recommend one area to focus on more than the other? Or am I missing somewhere?

My husband is reluctant to travel all the way to Provincetown. We were thinking a day trip to MV on the ferry. I read we might be beholden to a bus schedule once we get there. True? Should we do Nantucket instead or make the drive up to Provincetown?

In an ideal world we’d be on the beach with a pool AND walkable to town, but that might be rare. We can’t do the Chatham bars ($1400 a night), and was currently thinking of splitting our trip to “in town” with pool in chatham (maybe pleasant bay village resort or or Chatham wayside inn) and then a few nights on the beach at Falmouth tides (no pool, unfortunately for my girl).

Thank you!

I hate to be gloomy but I’m feeling so sad today. My daughter is 5 and I was pretty content one and done but my husband wanted a second. I came around to the idea, and we’ve been trying the past 7 months. But this month I just don’t want to try. I feel like I wouldn’t be excited to get pregnant, and just think about the sickness (I was very sick for about 4 months), the sleepless nights, the less attention for my daughter.

But it makes me feel sad and I don’t know why. I feel like less of a mom than others that can seem to handle more, and want more. I love my daughter so much but I just feel like I don’t have the patience for another one, maybe I wouldn’t be as excited for all the firsts and little baby classes and stuff. My daughter doesn’t really seem to want one either. I feel very blah with life right now.

I’m also an only and I never even thought about it until my own family planning came into play. I liked being an only I think, my parents and I are really close, but I just don’t know what I’m missing either. 😞

I’ve done absolutely nothing productive today. I had one meeting this morning and I’ve answered a few emails but every time I try to start a task I just daze and scroll. Went for a walk at lunch time to try to invigorate something. Walk was nice but it did not jump start productivity.

I’m wfh and my babysitter is leaving in an hour so that’ll be that. Oh well. Some days are just washes right? RIGHT?

But seriously anyone have suggestions for scrolling doom? Like I need my little dopamine hit.

UPDATE: made a nice dinner and had a nice family evening so all was not lost. I will try some new things tomorrow - going to go to a coffee shop for a few hours in the morning and then put my phone in another room for a few hours in the afternoon. Thanks all for your support

Keep hearing all over the internet “I want them to have a 90s summer” and “let them be bored” but omg, do they know what it’s like to have a bored kid? Like what said bored kid does to you?

My 5 year old has said my name 1000 times today and it’s not even noon. She’s physically poked me and put her head in my head space to the point that I’m ragey.

As she asked me to play with her for the millionth time after we already did 3 activities and are waiting for our town pool to open, I say “no” and she walks away sulking.

I feel so badly. In that moment I couldn’t help but feel guilty for not giving her a sibling- that maybe that would take some of this pressure off me to play with her all the time. It just wasn’t in the cards for us / I didn’t want years ago, and I we’ve been trying for about 6 months with no luck so far (and I also realize we’ve passed the “they’ll be playmates” stage). But ooof.

I was an only child and while I remember being bored at times, I can’t imagine I bugged my mom like this. But maybe I did idk.

Signed,
Frustrated

Maybe everyone does, and that’s why we play. I just have the feeling I will win one day, tonight even. It’s basically my plan out of this rat race. I don’t want silly money. I want a few million to quit my job. I daydream about it daily- how I’ll quit, how I’ll spend the summer. Do you all feel something like this? Is it just the draw and enticement of the lottery, or is it an inner knowing?

Maybe everyone does, and that’s why we play. I just have the feeling I will win one day, tonight even. I don’t want silly money. I want a few million to quit my job. I daydream about it daily- how I’ll quit, how I’ll spend the summer. Do you all feel something like this? Is it just the draw and enticement of the lottery, or is it an inner knowing?