u/severalpokemon

Hi! I have literally 1A hair, and my almost 2 yo daughter has somewhere between 2 and 3c. It's been an adventure as her beautiful curls have come in (and boy, have they come in fast🥺). I need advice because I'm pretty sure I overexposed her hair to protein, and I'm looking for a natural moisturizer without it to help.

**Here's her routine** : water (sometimes mixed with a tiny amount of CurlyKids Super Detangling Spray) every morning spritzed on until her hair is soaked to regroup the coils, usually after her nap too. She takes a bath every night for bed routine and I effectively wash her hair just with the water except for once a week or if she gets a ton of food or something gross in her hair. When I do wash it I use co-wash for kids. After bath i put a small amount of conditioner some days (Aussie curl miracle I think) and then while it's soaked I always put a small amount of CurlEssence moisturizing leave in conditioner with Jamaican castor oil & coconut oil.

They're still gorgeous, but I can feel them getting a little drier, and see them being a little more resistant to water itself, as though I've accidentally coated the outside and now moisture can't get in? Does it sound like that's what I did, or does lacking protein just make you hair less absorbent?

So I saw Shea butter is good and protein free, but then I saw that actually it's best at locking in moisture, so what do I put on first to lock in? And do I need to first do something to strip this layer of stuff on the outside of her hair or am I wrong about that? Also as the title mentions and you may guess from her being a baby/toddler, she's not the most patient, so simple is best. For example, def no caps are an option because she rips everything off her head. And her sleep bonnet is so cute for the two seconds before she throws it! 😭

Anyway, thanks so much for any help, and I bet your hair is really pretty 🫡

Is this already here, guys? This mean tick and these mean extremists 😭😭😭

I have seen so many posts and comments talking about how much people hate it/its pronouns and stupidly refuse to use them, and how it's so moronic for anybody to think it's dehumanizing. "Good for you don't use it for yourself then" when someone even in the queer community is just trying to understand or help others understand, is wild. And those comments dismissing others are the ones with the upvotes. I've never seen or heard anybody (who would bother with preferred pronouns) refuse to use or belittle the pronouns it/its. But I *do* constantly see people *saying* people do this, and I see people absolutely jumping down someone's throat if they try and explain the pain for many behind the word (Not to say "let's don't use it", but to help people understand their headspace).

It's no secret that many of us have been bullied by being called 'it' as an intentional slur, and it physically hurts some of us to use this word to someone else. It's the same way I feel if my girl friends want to be called "bitch", and the same way my bff feels when people think it's comradely to call him the n word and expect him to do it, too. If you literally change your name to something I've been taught to my core is very hurtful, it'll be difficult to call you that. I think if you are here to tell me there's not a single word that would make you uncomfortable to call someone if they decided it was their preferred name, I think you havent thought about it. And I don't think people who use the b word and n word in friendly ways are stupid, either. But they'd be silly to pretend they don't understand at all why someone else might be hurt by the history of those words.

Do I still call my friends who identify with it/its pronouns 'it'? Yeah, you bet I do if I'm unable to avoid using a pronoun. I'll put their comfort over mine for sure, and I hope others do that as well, but I'm just not understanding why there is so much vehemence for people who aren't even refusing to use the pronouns, but are simply explaining how hurtful a term it has been historically for queer people to try and help people understand their discomfort. "Queer" carried a lot more hate for a long time and was hard for some people and is now pretty pure I think, so maybe it/its will come full circle and feel less hateful to more people like queer does now. I hope it does. For the time being, I just think it's important to try and actually help people understand, instead of acting like people are stupid for their brains experiencing a reaction to negative conditioning of a thing for decades, which is healthy and normal.

Just some thoughts. Love to my its out there and to those who are very not it and have a hard time with the word. We're all valid; I just wish we'd so being so obtuse and driving each other away. Thanks for reading.