u/skraw-nee

to buy! i’m interested in osteology and naturalia.

do you see this kind of thing at flea markets?

i’m thinking about asking butchers. i know it’s a long shot but has anybody tried?

as an aside, i’ve considered picking up roadkill, mostly pigeons and rats, and processing them safely, but i don’t have access to an outdoor space to do it, so it’s out of the question.

i’m also interested in human osteology but i’m sure that’s considerably more complicated. i figured i’d mention it just in case anyone happens to know of anything.

i’m very isolated and i’ve been trying really hard to get myself out of the house more, without putting too much pressure on myself because i burn out pretty easily. i have a lot of agoraphobia and there are weeks where i don’t go out at all, so even getting myself to go somewhere can feel like a pretty big thing. when i do go out, it usually goes well. there’s still that feeling of pretending, of noticing how different i am from other people and what i’m missing out on, and sometimes the occasional flashback, but i’m trying not to let that stop me from going out altogether.

i have a lot of anxiety, but if someone talks to me first i can usually figure it out and eventually relax enough to have a normal conversation. i actually get along with most people as long as they’re not creepy. i’m also naturally pretty playful and banter-y when i’m comfortable with someone. i giggle when i’m nervous, i smile a lot, and sometimes i joke around. that’s just my personality. it doesn’t necessarily mean i’m flirting.

i’m also on the spectrum and i’ve always been pretty oblivious to people flirting with me. ironically, if someone tells me about an interaction they had, i can usually immediately tell them whether i think the other person was flirting. when it’s happening to me, though, i don’t even consider it a possibility half the time.

and this is where i struggle with saying no.
sometimes i’ll be having what i think is just a nice, normal conversation with someone, only for them to start flirting and i only realise it is once they’ll sit really close, tap my shoulder, touch my arm or jewellery, etc. i get uncomfortable and don’t handle it very well.

i freeze. i talk less. i stop smiling as much. i look away. sometimes i move a little further away. sometimes i’ll make a joke that’s basically a rejection, depending on how far things have gone. it feels like i’m communicating pretty clearly that i’m uncomfortable without actually saying the words “i’m not interested”.

and i know i should probably just say it plainly. i know that would make things easier. but i have a really hard time being that direct in the moment. i start worrying that maybe i’m somehow at fault because i was playful or friendly earlier, or that maybe i gave them the wrong impression. i worry about what they’re going to think of me.
i just can’t get the words out.

i think part of why this is so difficult is that i’m already fighting so hard to be outside in the first place. when i’m already anxious and overwhelmed and have pushed myself to leave the house despite the agoraphobia, i don’t suddenly become good at asserting myself. if anything, i feel like i have even less capacity to deal with an uncomfortable interaction.

what bothers me is that sometimes it feels like none of the softer signals count unless i say no in black and white.

i’m not saying every guy who’s done this is a creep and that anything particularly bad happened. most of these interactions haven’t gone that far. it just sucks because i’m already trying so hard to get myself out of the house and have normal interactions with people, and sometimes i finally think “oh, this is nice, i’m actually having a good conversation,” only to realise the other person wants something from me.

and then when i become visibly uncomfortable, they don’t necessarily back off unless i explicitly reject them.

i don’t go to traditional bars or places where i’d expect this kind of thing either. these are usually pretty chill environments, and it doesn’t happen that often. but it’s happened enough that i’ve started thinking about it.

i know i need to get better at being direct and saying no, but i also wish i didn’t feel like i had to be perfectly clear and assertive for someone to take my discomfort seriously.

i think that’s the part i’m struggling with most. i’m already trying to overcome the isolation and agoraphobia enough to actually have a life outside my house, and then i sometimes end up in situations where i freeze because i don’t know how to say no. i don’t want that to become another reason for me to stop going out.

like just the foil sheets or loose pills.

it has a certain sound to it which mostly sounds like a fry but forced, with strain to have that very recognisable high pitched scream. so, i was wondering, is it not purely fry screaming? and is it even safe? or can it become safe? since it does put a lot of strain on your vocal cords and takes way more energy to practice in much less time.

apart from local shows and concerts, i feel like i don’t stumble upon other alt people often.

so i wonder where they run off to, maybe there’s some common places i’m not yet aware of. or maybe it’s mostly just friend groups that hang out at parks or at home? rather than a scene.

by alternative i mean punk, goth, emo, metalheads and so on btw

since i finally got diagnosed with pots at the end of last year, which has been present since i was a pre-teen, i had been looking for an heds specialist i could afford all over the place but with no luck, as i wanted to understand what was causing it and heds seemed like the definite explanation.

my cardiologist, the one who diagnosed me with pots, very soon mentioned i should seek an heds diagnosis because it seemed like i had it when i hadn’t even mentioned to him that i was looking into it. he then booked me genetic testing to rule out the classical types.

6+ months pass, my appointment approaches, and i still hadn’t found a specialist. i even made a post on my local subreddit asking if anyone knew someone, so this post is a fun little foreshadowing moment as it was just a couple days before.

i expected my genetic appointment to only be a blood test, but when i got a reminder for it, it showed two consecutive appointments that day. i realised i probably would have a short appointment with a geneticist to talk about why i booked the blood test and thought, “oh! i’ll be able to ask them if they know anyone that knows eds.”

dummy me, i didn’t think they could actually be that doctor.

so i show up, not expecting much in that regard, but realise they’re asking me questions about my symptoms. we go through the diagnostic criteria and, sure enough, i end up with the diagnosis!

i did have some doubts at first because of a few questions he asked, but overall he was nice, listened to me, and was very thorough. he did try to dissuade me from doing the genetic test because he was convinced it would come back negative and said i shouldn’t do it just for my cardiologist, but i told him i already knew it was most likely going to be negative when i booked it. the point was to rule things out, and practically speaking it’s just a blood test, so i’d rather have the results for the future anyway.

now that both are confirmed, it feels nice to have an explanation for why everything overlaps. instead of treating my pots and heds as completely separate things, i can start looking at them together and find ways to make things easier to manage.

i think the biggest thing i’ll have to work on now is unlearning all the habits i built from years of just pushing through because i could. i’m so used to forcing myself through things that i don’t even always notice i’m doing it anymore. i don’t know how i’ll fully change that yet, but little by little i’ll learn that just because i can push through something doesn’t mean i should.

now that both are confirmed, it feels nice to finally have an explanation for why everything overlaps. instead of treating my pots and heds as completely separate things, i can start looking at them together and find ways to make things easier to manage.

honestly, i’ve suspected i had both for a bit, like a lot of us. but because i’m not great at taking myself seriously, i think part of me was waiting for an actual diagnosis before allowing myself to fully accept it and feel valid saying i have them.

i know i didn’t need to wait for a diagnosis to start using aids or making changes, but i was so used to just dealing with things and pushing through that i never really did much for myself in that way. now that it’s confirmed, it’s definitely more motivating. i finally have another reason to actually put in the work instead of just ignoring it.

i think the biggest thing i’ll have to work on now is unlearning all the habits i built from years of forcing myself through things just because i could. i don’t even always notice i’m doing it anymore, but little by little i’ll learn that just because i can push through something doesn’t mean i should.

also, now that i’m diagnosed, i’m a bit unsure what the next step is. i keep seeing people mention having a pt, which is something i never really considered before, but now that i think about it, it makes sense to have someone follow your case since the doctor who gives the diagnosis usually doesn’t become the person who manages everything afterwards. i’ll probably never see the geneticist again, and while i’ll probably keep seeing my cardiologist for general check-ups, that’s not really the same thing.

so i’m curious, how does follow-up work for you? do you have a doctor who follows your heds, or do you mostly manage things yourself? do you see a pt even with a milder case, and if so, has it been helpful? i guess i always assumed getting diagnosed was the main step and then i’d just figure things out myself, but i’m realizing having someone check in once in a while might actually be useful.

don’t know if this is the right sub for this as this isn’t specifically about singing but.. i’m f23 and i’ve always had a deeper voice. people have commented on it a lot. because of that, when i was younger, i naturally started softening my voice like going a pitch higher when talking to people because i wanted them to feel more comfortable.

also, when i speak normally, sometimes people don’t hear me properly, like my voice blends into the background, so when i try to be louder my voice naturally goes higher but probably not as much as i should. i still have that habit and it feels automatic, but i’m trying to unlearn it because i’m wondering if it’s damaging my voice.

i often feel like my throat/vocal cords get tight. it happens randomly, but especially when i talk or sing for a while. it feels like it happens faster than it should compared to other people. even if i stop talking or rest for a while, sometimes the feeling is still there. for example, as i’m writing this, i haven’t spoken in 30 minutes but i still very much feel it.

it feels like my throat gets tight and almost like my voice is sitting higher than usual. i try to get it to loosen, but i can still feel the tension, like my throat is staying tense. sometimes it gets so uncomfortable that my throat actually hurts. sometimes i genuinely wish i could just get in there, take it out, and beat it like i’m tenderising meat lol

my throat and voice actually feel the best in the morning, when my voice sounds deeper and feels more natural.

i’ve always wanted to learn how to sing casually, just for fun, but i’ve never really given it a proper try. part of it is because i’m shy and i’ve never lived alone, so i’ve never really had a space where i could practice comfortably and consistently. but aside from the usual confidence issues, another big reason is that i convinced myself there was something wrong with my throat and that maybe i just wasn’t meant to sing.

this has been happening for a long time, since i was young, so i think i just accepted that it was my anatomy and that something about my throat was different or wrong, without ever really looking into it.

i also have moments where i struggle to project my voice, and i don’t mean in a singing sense, i mean just talking. sometimes it feels like i have to force my voice to come out, especially when i’m trying to be louder.

i’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar. could this be muscle tension, a vocal habit, or something caused by the way i’ve been using my voice? could years of trying to soften or raise my voice have contributed to this? and would this be something worth getting checked?

i have suspected heds (hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome), but haven’t been diagnosed yet because i can’t for the life of me find a conventionné specialist.

i’ve looked everywhere. deep-dived through hospital and cabinet websites, but every time there’s even the slightest mention of hypermobility, connective tissue disorders or anything related, they’re always non-conventionné.

i’ve even looked on forums like this one, emailed gersed (groupe d’etude et de recherche sur les syndromes d’ehlers-danlos, a french research and study group that provides educational resources) and called hospitals to ask if their rheumatologists deal with this. but the secretaries never really seem to know much of anything so i won’t be able to tell unless i get an appointment. i’m not trying to wait 3+ months for an appointment just to be dismissed. i don’t want to blindly try random rheumatologists.

i do have an appointment with a geneticist soon for genetic testing to rule out the other types of eds, since heds is the only type that doesn’t have a known genetic marker. so i will be asking if their geneticists are available and see if they can help.

i’ve also tried asking my cpas to cover the costs, which i’ve never asked them to do before. i explained that the only specialists i could find were non-conventionné and how important this is for my medical file, especially since i have some other health issues and i’m building a case for spf handicap. mentioning this extra bit of context in case it’s relevant.

i’d really appreciate any recommendations.

never had an actual instrument before so this will be my first and i’ve been doing a lot of research.
my budget is really small, around 200€ total, so i’ve been trying to figure out what makes the most sense. i already ruled out those random cheap amazon brands, so that pretty much leaves harley benton as the only brand with new basses in my price range.

i also looked into getting something second hand, like a squier, ibanez, or similar, but even though i live in a “big” city (brussels, belgium), there just aren’t many bass listings. basses are less common than guitars, so there just aren’t many being sold, especially under 300€. i’ve been checking for months, pretty much daily or at least every week, and i’ve also been keeping an eye on thomann sales, but no luck.

i’ve also gone to instrument shops, but they barely had any basses, let alone short-scale ones or anything under 300€.

i also definitely want a short-scale bass for a bunch of reasons, so i’m not really looking to be talked out of that. that narrows my options even more, and the only bass that really seems to fit is the harley benton pb-shorty sbk standard.
i would’ve preferred a pj bass because i like the sound more and i like that it’s more versatile since i want to play a lot of different genres and hopefully keep this bass for years. but every short-scale pj i’ve found is basically double.

if i stretch my budget by another 35€, i could get a b-stock squier mini p bass, but i don’t really prefer the sound of it over the harley benton from the demos i’ve heard, and from what i can tell the materials are pretty similar. i know i can’t really judge comfort without playing them in person, but i don’t really see an obvious reason to pick the squier over the harley benton. i’d also have to buy everything separately instead of getting a starter set, which would push the total cost up even more.

i’m leaning towards the set because i’m pretty sure i’d get the harley benton hb-20 amp anyway. i was also considering a second hand fender rumble 15. i know people always say a better amp is more important, but when you’re talking about small practice amps i don’t feel like the difference is big enough to justify spending that much more. i also like having the extra eq controls since i won’t be able to buy pedals right away, hopefully just a few weeks later.

does this all make sense or am i overlooking something?

since i was a kid, i’ve had really strong urges to eat or chew on things that aren’t food. i used to eat sand and snow, chew on ice cubes, eat raw pasta, chew on wooden pencils, pencil “lead” fillings, and plastic pens. i’ve even tapped my teeth on glass because i had the urge to chew it.

smells are a huge trigger for me too. when i smell paint or any kind of chemical substance, my mouth waters, but soap and detergent have always been the strongest trigger. when the urges got really intense, i used to mix soap with water and drink it because sniffing it wasn’t enough.

i don’t do that anymore because i know it’s dangerous and i’m able to stop myself. but the urges have never fully gone away. i still find myself wanting to chew on things, although now i spit them out instead of swallowing them and i still sniff soap when in reach.

i’m wondering if this could still be pica, even though i’m currently technically not eating non-food items.

i’m getting diagnosed with autism so this is probably a symptom especially as the urges have been lifelong and might partly related to sensory seeking. does this sound right?

consistency is key to learn anything but the voice needs to rest so, how many times a week and for how long is a good amount? enough to improve but not too much to the point of damaging. i’m sure it slightly depends from person to person but i was curious what people think. also, what would you say is the minimum amount of practice to maintain it?

i’m not actively restricting anymore. it’s more passive now, enough to maintain my weight, which has been my normal for a while. because of that, when i eat a bit more, it feels like i’m eating a lot, even when it might not even be close to a normal amount, let alone when it actually is a normal amount for someone my weight.

i go through weeks where i eat a little less or a little more depending on a lot of things like my mental health, my cycle, stress, and so on. but i also have periods where i go back to fully restricting or fasting like i used to, enough to lose some weight and feel better for a couple of weeks. scratching the itch, ya know. the problem is that it takes so much effort, it’s so very unsustainable. i know it never lasts, but it still feels like the only thing that works sometimes.

my body has become used to this normal, so if i try to lose weight it takes a huge amount of effort, but if i just ate slightly more on average, i feel like my weight would go say up, way fast. the whole, hard to lose and easy to gain thing. it’s not fair.

feels like i’m just postponing going back into active restriction. it’s always in the back of my mind and because i’m not restricting or fasting the way i used to, i feel like a huge fraud for even having these feelings in the first place like i’m making myself ill to be more ill not because this is genuinely. and yet, even though i’m not actively restricting all the time anymore, it still feels like my thoughts are centred around food, my weight and wanting to be doing more, way more.

at the same time, i feel normal. i feel like i eat normally and that i think about food the same way everyone else does. one thing that hasn’t changed, though, is that i get defensive when people say things that suggest i’m not normal. even though part of me knows they might be right, there’s still that soft denial that makes it hard to fully accept and of course, that nasty little pride.

as the title mentions, is that even a thing?

i’m wondering if brussels has anything similar to aa meetings, but for general mental health issues. not formal group therapy, more of a peer support setting where people can show up, listen, and talk if they want.

i’m getting my first bass and i’m stuck deciding what to get. there aren’t many budget options, and short scale ones are even harder to find, especially second hand.

my budget for the bass alone is around €120, so i’m trying to find the best value and quality i can get. the options i’m realistically looking at are:

• a brand new harley benton short scale bass
• a better harley benton bought second hand for around the same price, but full scale
• if i get lucky, a second hand squier within my budget, also full scale

i’m interested in short scale because i have really small hands and expect it would be more comfortable. i know small hands can play full scale basses, and i’m not asking whether it’s possible. i’m wondering how noticeable the comfort difference actually is and whether it’s worth choosing a short scale over a potentially better full scale bass.

i don’t want the size of the bass to get in the way of learning, practicing, or enjoying playing, but i’m also wondering if i’m focusing too much on short scale and if a better full scale bass would be the smarter choice long term.

short scale basses are basically nonexistent second hand where i live, so these are realistically my choices.

for people who have played both, how big is the difference between short scale and full scale? is the comfort difference enough that you would choose the short scale, or would you go for the better full scale bass?

i’m also thinking of going into an instrument shop to try a short scale and full scale side by side and ask what i should pay attention to when comparing comfort. is that a normal thing to do, or would it be weird?

i’m open to different perspectives, but i’m mainly looking for answers that consider the actual difference in feel and comfort rather than just “everyone can play full scale.”

i know price doesn’t automatically equal quality, i’m just trying to figure out what matters most here.

yes, i’m an overthinker, how could you tell?

i’m looking for shops that sell budget second-hand instruments. i know some of the more renowned instrument shops have second-hand sections, but they’re often full of vintage or limited edition stuff, so they end up being pretty expensive and aimed more at professionals or even collectors. i’m looking more on the amateur side of things since this’ll be my first real instrument.

i’m not having much luck on 2ememain/2dehands or facebook marketplace either. i’m specifically looking for a bass, which seems harder to find. most of the listings i come across are either people selling parts, vintage stuff, or basses priced higher than what they’re actually worth.

so aside from cash converters, does anyone have any recommendations? or know anyone who happens to be selling a bass for under €200? thanks ^_^

so i’m on a pretty tight budget but i’m still trying to get a decent setup going.

what i’ve noticed is there’s kind of a gap between the really cheap basses and the decent budget ones. the cheap ones go up to around €150, while the ones people actually recommend seem to start around double that at €300. the one exception i’ve heard about is harley benton from thomann.

i know buying second hand is an option, but i can hardly find anything in my area that’s actually worth it. most listings don’t come as a full set (amp, cable, bag, etc.) and buying everything separately usually ends up going way over budget. i’d also rather get a short scale bass since i’m smaller but those seem even harder to find used.

let alone the possibility of getting scammed but if i do end up getting one second hands, i’d probably take it to a shop to get it checked out and set up properly anyway.

so i guess my question is, do i just go for a brand new harley benton short scale set or spend a little more and wait for a used squier? the downside is it’ll probably be full scale and it might take a while before i find one that actually fits my budget and all. orrr is there other options i’m not thinking of?

without going into too much detail, every time i’ve ended up in the er because of an acute mental health crisis, i’ve left feeling ignored, abandoned, and like i was a burden wasting resources.

i’ve spent hours waiting with little to no info and it often felt like i was being left there until they could discharge me as quickly as possible once they had “cleared” me, even when i was still visibly unwell or couldn’t totally walk straight yet.

like unless you explicitly say, in black and white, that you can’t be trusted not to hurt yourself, you won’t be taken seriously. even when it’s obvious you’re in a bad state and genuinely unsure of your own safety or like you have to be visibly falling apart and have a big reaction.

i’ve even been told they “need the space for other people” and i understand that emergency departments are under pressure, but it’s difficult for someone in a vulnerable state to feel rushed out rather than supported. i’m quiet and polite about my discomfort and tend to downplay my own distress, but not everyone expresses a crisis in the same way and i wish they tried to understand and accommodate to that.

every time i’ve been discharged, i’ve felt worse than when i arrived.

has anyone else had similar experiences with emergency psychiatric care in brussels? for context, my experiences were at hôpital saint-jean.