u/sneezed_up_my_kidney

So, I’m in the permethrin on fabrics and deet on skin camp. I know nothing about more natural bug sprays.

What are your experiences with with more natural brands that straight people trying to have a child who are visiting our site? It’s really buggy here.

(While pregnant people is not the main concern, many people dont like deet. It tastes like shit, ruins anything synthetic, and people dont like it…i dont know what to tell you)

Our mosquitos and ticks don’t care at all about the presence of citronella candles or essence of angel prayers we scatter. They are vicious.

What works for you all?

So, I’m in the permethrin on fabrics and deet on skin camp. I know nothing about more natural bug sprays.

What are your experiences with with more natural brands that straight people trying to have a child who are visiting our site? It’s really buggy here.

Our mosquitos and ticks don’t care at all about the presence of citronella candles or essence of angel prayers we scatter.

What works for you all?

I am notoriously terrible at ratios and fractions, and I need help figuring this out. I have thought myself into a thought corner, and I am trying to not kill things. I need someone who didn’t fail high school math twice, or ai to confirm all this for me. (Yes, I am aware this is like.. 7th grade math..we all have our strengths and this is not at all mine.)

The end ratio for the finished product (hummingbird nectar) is 1 part sugar to 4 parts water. Or 1:4.

I am making a concentrate, of 1:1 of sugar and water and freezing it.

Half of this solution is water..In my head, I would have to double the ratio to have a finished product that is 1:4. Sugar/water. Which would be 1 part concentrate and 1 part water… right?

Our two feeders each hold 16 oz. So, that’s 32oz of total nectar I would need. The ice trays hold 8oz of this concentrate. (I’m sorry, rest of the world.. I hate it too)

So, I would use an entire two entire trays of ice and 16oz of water to fill both feeders for a total of 32 oz of 1:4 sugar water…right?

Or, I could use one tray of frozen concentrate for each feeder and 8 ozs of water to achieve the end goal of 16 oz of 1:4 sugar and water..correct?

I’m trying to make this as simple as possible for me and my husband (also terrible at math) to fully comprehend.. not just do. I also don’t want to kill things..

Thanks for either confirming, correcting, or explaining this to me.

I have a single visible cigarette socket and i never use it.. and im thinking about how i WOULD use it, and a lighter would be nice. I dont smoke anymore, my husband smokes cigars..and nothing can be lost as quickly as a lighter. Having the one place that it goes is handy.. and dollar wise? This mod is under $10.. and when you need a lighter.. you NEED a lighter..

I am quite handy. My husband and i have fully renovated 4 houses in 3 years by ourselves. And there is no shame in asking questions or admitting you have no idea what youre doing, or are in the weeds or out of your depth, and…

I have no idea what im doing when it comes to car electronics. Really, it extends to cars and motors in general.. but electricity is magic, and my father who was an electrical engineer tried explaining it to me a billion times, and no one knows how it works, and it just magically arrives out of the wall.. /s

If this is a task that is literally unscrewing some stuff (including the dashboard, which i have done before, that was fine), screwing things into already existing terminals, and reassembling..i got this..ive done all the puck lights in 2 houses…

But.. if we are splicing wires, or understanding pull from a device.. i will mess this up..

Has anyone done this? What all do we think?

My family is not supportive of any queer people at all.. I (35) myself am gay and married and my family introduces my husband as “my friend” and ive been out for 18 years we dated for 9, and are married for 3.. he ain’t going anywhere.. Most of the gay people have been cut out, or cut themselves out of the family. It is pretty much just me, this guy, my uncle who cut himself out in the 80s, and cousin who is bi “when she partied that one time in college” which.. is a whole separate issue..the people in the family at large that are out, included and accepted are.. pretty much just him.

My relative is a little, baby trans man (24). He came out to me earlier this month. Apparently they began transitioning a year or so ago socially. I pretty much knew it in my bones last time i saw them, but.. one should not assume.but..the was wearing a binder, chain wallet, deepened voice, haircut, even mannerisms..like.. dude.. i did not say this, but based on appearance, if he wasnt trans, he’d be the most aggressive lesbian on earth. He DID tell me he was dating girls, and i was like.. “yes.. you are..if you need any advice on navigating this family as queer, im here. ” in general, our family is like.. wild dogs.. you wait for them to come to you…I am not a fan of this.

So.. he went to a family event for the other side of the family that hes also not out to… and i know that going back in the closet is misery. The entire time, his mom would have reintroduced him as her DAUGHTER, and.. i mean.. he looks like an 18 year old boy.. and a server would call him “Sir” and the mother would correct him..because thats exactly what happened last time i was at an event with him.. just deadnaming and disrespecting him for like 3 days. This was before he came out to me, but was socially transitioning for like.. 6 months at that point.

So, im trying to break this familial cycle of queer family members not being there for each other, and said something along the lines of, “ how was that?”.. and im texting him trying to be very vague in case his siblings or family see it, or whatever…as this is a really emotional time for a person who just came out.

And i say “let me know if you want to talk about anything brought up in our last conversation, okay? Im here if you need to vent.”

As a gay dude, there are tons of ways that we can discretely say to fellow gay men, “did you talk about Dorothy this weekend?” In front of other people, and it isnt read into..

And im asking the trans community how elder queer people have walked you through or been there for you a situation like this…

He is not accepted in his family, he wants a relationship with them (and ive shared that that is extremely difficult to do, and you are all adults and your cant force someone to accept or respect you..), and i assume he was deadnamed the whole time….like.. this is all terrible..

I know i need to let it rest, and check in later when hes alone. But any advice on how to have done that better? How do i be a queer mentor in this scenario?

A lot of us are “overly empathetic” compared to NTS, and if we see something unfair, we can steamroll everyone out of our way to fix it.

How have you helped a person or group? How has this excess of empathy helped you or another person?

I learned a whole language so a friend of mine at work felt included. We then hired a whole team of people speaking that language. And I eventually managed the team and drove hiring for more people who spoke that language.

We are all not the same person. This is not an expectation, but I thought it’d be fun to have a positive conversation.

Our kitchen is extremely small. On one side, there’s maybe 18” of counter space next to a 24” wide sink and across from that is a 4’x8’ island. Our dishwasher is only 18” wide.

What’s lovely about this is that when unloading the dishwasher or throwing something away the farthest you have to travel is like, 2 steps. It’s just two gays and a cat, so this usually works.

My husband loves to cook. The issues are:

-dirty dishes aren’t put in the sink. They aren’t even stacked. They’re placed all willynilly everywhere from covering the stove to entirely covering the island.

-when unloading the dishwasher, he will place the clean dishes on the island above the drawer that they go in.. mixed with the dirty dishes. And I’m supposed to like.. just know that they’re clean.. sometimes, they’re just piled ONTOP of the dirty dishes a foot away from the drawer they go in.

-mixed in with this is like.. onion scraps or whatever he last cooked. I just found some hotdogs from 3 days ago..

I am not kidding when I say that there won’t even be a square foot of surface area (including on the stove) to like.. butter toast. I’ll be honest, I’ll sometimes leave the kitchen less than ideal if a recipe is a late night cooking situation, but I’ll clean it up the next day..because he doesn’t like it when I load the dishwasher when he’s sleeping..but dirty dishes are in the sink, and clean dishes get put away.

I can’t even wipe down the island or counter because it’s never clear. This started as a calm conversation around what it’s like to live with another person in shared space, and did not end as one.

AITAH

I was diagnosed as autistic (audhd, 34) a couple months ago, and the shift in therapy styles is… life changing. My personal therapy and regulation is going very well.

Particularly when it comes to close relationships, apparently MY accommodations for them for years are more okay than me saying, “can you not? That light level literally hurts. Let’s turn on these other lights..”

My husband and i have been in couples therapy for 3ish years (11 year relationship) for “communication issues”, and ive done all these giant things. Ive gotten control of my health and go to about 3.5 hours of therapy a week of the various things that presented before I was diagnosed that he complained about. It’s exhausting.

I have complained about one thing the whole time: feeling unheard and not feeling like I have autonomy.. which makes sense based on my late diagnosis..

He will not acknowledge it. He does the thing that people do to toddlers; “do you want to go to the playground or the museum today?” In an attempt to give people the appearance of choice…hell also sound.. incredibly scripted when he says this stuff…two acceptable options to you that you have selected for me to choose from..its not a dialogue..

He’s an amazing man.. he is not fucking listening to me. This is all ive said in therapy for 3 years and actioned on nothing…he’ll also suggest that we spend a 4 hour car ride and 3 day trip with HIS friends after a double therapy session.. like.. again, even before i was diagnosed.. i was like.. “i need a second, ignore me”. There was a time where he’d only speak about topics i dont like to talk about IN THE CAR, ON THE HIGHWAY ON A TWO HOUR DRIVE!! I was like.. do not ever do that again..

I understand. Once you unmask as a diagnosed adult, putting that back on is so fucking hard. I know thats not suggested… But he met me as masking me. My fatigue with masking became so unpleasant that i pushed him away, and now im trying to balance the two..and he doesnt seem to understand that i cant sustain the previous version of me…

Im just feeling overwhelmed. And i dont know how to navigate this shit as a person who also values my own comfort..