u/snowyy2000

I of course understand people need medications and I am not demonizing any medication.

I feel like every other ad I see is for a GLP-1. I keep seeing all these celebrities and ‘influencers’ who are on these meds who are so small, smaller than I could even dream of being. Everyone around me keeps getting smaller. I’m happy for people don’t get me wrong but it’s so beyond triggering.

My binge eating is very much related to the constant restriction/binge cycle I’ve been in for the last 8 years. I know I never recovered from my restrictive ED I had all throughout my teenage years. I just got fat. But my brain, the way I view food and calories is just the same. I know if I got on a glp-1 I wouldn’t eat. That would be pure heaven for me and would end up very very bad.

With that being said, I know I can’t take these medications, at least not right now. It’s constantly brought up to me by providers or even friends. My NP who also prescribes my psych meds suggested I get peptides off label and she can show me how to mix them in her office because I can’t afford them.

I just feel so suffocated by the constant discussion of diets, weight loss drugs, restrictive ED’s, etc. I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I feel like I should just sacrifice my mental health and physical health just to be skinny so everyone else feels comfortable. There’s been a few times where I almost did buy it off label because at least then I’ll be skinny.

It’s literally inescapable. It’s shown and discussed in so many places and on so many platforms and apps it’s like I’m constantly being reminded that I’m fat.

All I want is a break from my mind. I’m so tired of being suffocated by my own mind and trauma.

The only ways I’ve ever found relief is through substances. I don’t know how to be alone with my mind. I’m constantly running from myself and I know it only works for so long before I can’t run anymore.

I’m in constant agony. The only thing that brings me any relief is sleeping and occasionally smoking cannabis. Other than that, my mind never stops.

I’m so sick of people only viewing me as someone who has degrees and has a job and a couple friends. They think because I’m able to do those things, I must be fine right? I must’ve not had it that bad, right? Nobody knows the sheer pain I had to go through for 2 decades to even get to this point. I’ve had several professionals tell me it’s genuinely a miracle I survived it, let alone integrate back into society. But I don’t and didnt have any other choice. Either I got a job or I’d be homeless. Either I went to therapy and fought for myself or I give up and die. Either I pull it together or no one will want to be around me.

I’m sick of no one truly seeing what it took for me to be the person I am today. I’ve tried every medication under the sun, been to every single kind of treatment program, inpatient, outpatient, residential, rehab, etc there is. I’ve been in therapy for 8 straight years. I’m diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, panic disorder, depersonalization/derealization disorder, binge eating disorder and insomnia. Like what the fuck??? Does anyone know what kind of hell I’m living every day fighting against my own fucking mind? But I guess it doesn’t matter because I have a job.

I have made myself small my entire life and I’m sick of pretending I’m not still fighting like hell. I’m sick of holding this pain inside. I’m sick of minimizing and hiding my own pain for everyone else’s comfort. I can’t even fucking talk about my own story because I fear it’ll make other people uncomfortable. I’m sick of this. I can’t do this alone anymore, I won’t fucking do it anymore. I don’t deserve to deal with this alone. I don’t deserve to have to hide my own fucking trauma because it triggers others and “brings down the mood”… imagine how I fucking feel. Nobody knows my entire story, nobody. But somehow I’m expected to move on because it’s over now… how can I move on if nobody knows what I went though? If nobody knows my story? If nobody ever fucking sees me and recognizes every day that I wake up and continue, is a damn miracle.

Hi friends. The library I currently work at is removing the majority of our DVD, CD, and books on CD’s collections. I would say we’ve cut down by at least 75% of those collections. Our director keeps pushing for us to buy less and remove more. However, we have a spotlight collection by our entrance and I see so many people stop to look at those DVD’s everyday. People loved to come see our DVD collection because of how large it is. I had a conversation the other day with a patron about how DVD’s will be coming back due to the cost of streaming services. I don’t disagree. We still have some and do buy new releases but we really have been pushing Libby, Kanopy, and Hoopla. Granted, we are in a consortium so if someone wants a title we can more than likely obtain from somewhere but I feel like it’s so early to just massively remove these items.

Do you think there will be a resurgence of these items? Have any of you had to cut down on these types of items? Thoughts?

I truly feel like I’ll never get over this pain. Especially as a woman, I see all these moms and daughters together all the time and I know I’ll never get that. I never felt loved by my mom. I don’t know how to move past this pain and this hole in my chest. Is it even possible to ever move on from it? I just don’t get what was so wrong with me that my own mom couldn’t love me. It’s so painful and unbearable.

ETA: Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts. I was spiraling bad last night and waking up to these comments means a lot 💗