u/supersadman73

I just wish I had a dick, everything in my life day to day would be so much fucking easier if I had just been born with a dick and set of balls. But more than anything I would actually be able to date and I would be able to hook up if I wanted, in the last few years I find myself really craving physical intimacy. It just sucks that every time I get talking to a guy and I think he's into me, the moment I tell him I'm trans I get blocked, ghosted, fetishised or they just ask incredibly intrusive questions and have this weird curiosity about me.

Even when I've genuinely come close to being with a guy, I just can't, there's a mental block that stops me because I can't stand the thought of someone touching me in that way. It just feels wrong... there should be something down there and there just isn't. I don't know if I would ever get lower surgery, mentally and physically it just feels like too much for me to go through and wait lists are way too long here anyway, I could never afford it privately either. But packers just don't cut it, I want something I can actually feel that can actually get erect. Even in a daft way I actually wish I could get kicked in the balls, I actually get envious when I see it happen to other guys. It just hurts so much having to look down every day and there's nothing there.

I'm just asking because no matter what I do the fat on my hips just won't go, I've tried different diets, different workout routines and I have lost weight on and off before in the past but I only ever lose weight on my waist which just makes my hips look even bigger. I'm just sick of them, I just want them gone and I'm heavily considering going down the cosmetic route to do so. Just wanted some advice and if anyone has had any good results with having a procedure done to get rid of the fat on their hips?

Just wondering if anyone else experiences this? (Had DI with nipple grafts) If I don't regularly stretch every day or do some form of exercise my scars feel really tight. It seems dependent on weather as well like if it's too cold or too hot, I don't know if this is just how scar tissue is since I've never had scars like this before. Things were very tight immediately post op and it did take a long time before I could comfortably raise my arms above my head, no complications or anything and I did scar care for about 1 year post-op. Just looking for some advice, thanks.

My hair loss was just getting to the point where it looked awful so I just decided to do a 0.5mm all over and honestly I fucking hate it so much. I thought it might be bad but christ it's so bad. I'm just way too fucking ugly to be bald and all it does is make me look so much uglier. I'm so fucking miserable and everyone is just like 'oh have you tried those pills?' as if hair pills magically just work overnight. I've done the research and looked into them and not only can it take over a year to see any results, I just don't think they're worth paying out for just to potentially have horrible side effects with no actual results. I can't afford a hair transplant so I'm just stuck basically and it'll only get worse when the stubble on top goes completely. It's not just the looks, it's everything, it's having to wear a hat all the time either because it's summer or your head is cold, it feels so weird having the hat directly on my scalp and because there's no hair there is so much sweat now. Honestly everyone was like oh it's easier once you've shaved but it's not, being bald comes with so much extra stuff you have to deal with. I'm just so depressed about it all.

Honestly I guess this is on me for not backing them up anywhere other than Onedrive, but I just assumed because they were backed up online and also on my hard drive that I wouldn't have to worry about them. Microsoft did some sort of weird update with the photos camera app on my laptop and since then none of the files can be read but they're also no longer in any of my documents folders. I've done everything I can reasonably do without being a tech wizard to try and get the files back. They were only ever personal videos that I wouldn't ever plan to show anyone, but it was a part of my life where I first started T and then had top surgery and it meant a lot being able to document all that, and I'm just really upset about it.

I don't in any way regret it, it was definitely the right decision but I had a very brief sweet spot where I actually looked ok and was happy. I then started gaining weight even though my food and activity levels hadn't changed, and then started losing my hair as well. I just look in the mirror and see a fat, balding, ugly man. I knew that weight gain or hair loss were both things that could happen from T before starting, but I guess I just hoped they wouldn't. Especially because I've always been someone who could just eat and not have to worry about it, and I used to have such nice hair, it just looks shit now. I'm not confident or good looking enough to go bald, I don't have anything going for me. Honestly it's making me suicidal, I just cry when I see my reflection now. Whenever I try talking about this, I just get shot down with people saying that's just something that happens to men when they get older and to just accept it. I get tired of people saying to just join the gym and get jacked when it really isn't that simple, I'm too depressed to have any motivation to do anything. I see other trans guys and cis guys who look really good and it just makes me feel worse. I had this idea in my head of how I would look after transitioning and I'm just really sad that I look the way I do.