u/swiggityswirls

I know I’m killing myself.
But I don’t get why I have any supporters. My mom wants to send me to rehab, my brother wants me to go to church with him.
I just think they each have ulterior motives to feel better about themselves. They don’t know me or what I’ve struggled through. I think their offers to help are performative so that Mom can shine to her social club friends and my brother can have another excuse not to show up for his wife - that he’s doing shit for me.

I don’t feel worth anything, I’m just causing trouble wherever I land.
Even if I take them up on a rehab trip, doesn’t this mean I’m beholden? I feel gross thinking about every aspect of this. I don’t feel like I have people who want the best for me or who want to help me, I feel like a cog that others can use to benefit their situations.

Edit: I know I should focus on recovery. My pride and ego is getting in the way, and it’s something that I know will affect my relationship with these familial people. I don’t know how to handle that.

You may have close friendships with people on on one.

But if you struggle with being part of a 'group' when everyone is out together? You feel lonely and isolated, you feel like the odd man out?

It's because you're taking your frame of mind of being in a one on one friendship and you're trying to translate that to being an individual in a group of people. I think if you're here then you understand these.

But being part of a group? The goal isn't to make great friends with each individual member of the group. The goal isn't to become the center of attention or to be specially recognized for this or that.

The goal is entirely different when it's a group dynamic. The goal is to help ensure that the group has a great time overall.

It sounds simple enough, yeah? But it's not as easy to practice if you're an introvert and you are used to existing in one on one friendships.

What you do is you love all the members of the group. You celebrate all of them. You do things to benefit the group. You do the actual work to recognize what each person brings to the group and you acknowledge it and celebrate it.

I used to feel so lonely in group settings. Looking back, I realize I was waiting for those individuals who would comment or recognize my contributions to the group. But did I do the same? No. I was so in my own world that I don't even remember any other group members for the most part. I certainly wasn't acting as a proper group mate.

So just wanted to share. It's actually higher pressure one on one. And when it's group? Be fucking humble and pay attention to the vibe of the whole group and do what you can to improve it and contribute to it even if you don't get public recognition.

I don't have a lot of money left after my divorce.

I can travel for rehab. I can't afford the thousands per month that clinics ask for in the US. Please, does anyone have recs in other countries? I can spend 1-2k.

Thanks

There's been a stray dog in the neighborhood for months and no ones been able to catch them. A few weeks ago a couple of teenagers finally caught this little dog and went door to door before I decided to take the dog in.

They shared their numbers and I've updated them with the regular stuff like "he's eating', and 'he's playing with my other dog who's the same size".

But the texts have gotten so much that I'm now uncomfortable. These kids are in their early teens and I'm in my late thirties. I've just asked them for the best contact number for one of their parents and just now received the numbers and contact info of their mothers.

What now?

I don't have kids of my own, I just felt iffy with previous communication because I don't really know them outside of this dog and I'm also more than 20 years older than them.

Do I just ignore the kids and just text the parents updates? Do I text the parents a summary and then keep the parents up to date?

I'm thinking I should send a summary text update of what's going on to the parents so they are in the know and then keep texting the teens updates on the dog? I don't know what's normal or acceptable here.

The updates I share are "here's the dog getting comfortable in a bed/with a treat/ being friendly with my other dog"

And while I know my own conversations with them are benign, I worry that texting an older person is setting a bad precedent for these impressionable young people and could possibly set them up for grooming by predators.

Can anyone share advice of how to navigate this thoughtfully?

Edit: I know I'm safe. But I'm worried that I'm influencing them to be comfortable with texting stranger older people that could open them up to grooming.

I started texting with what I thought would be one off updates that the dog was safe. But they're interested and invested and the texting has continued. I didn't say 'stop texting' but today I asked for and got both of their mothers contact info. I haven't reached out yet but I intend to. I want to handle this well that still leaves the kids happy that they got this stray dog to a good home, but that they shouldn't be so open texting with strangers, if that makes sense?

EDIT 2:

Thank you all for the advice! I just sent separate text messages to each of their mothers that basically said "hey, i texted them because they found this dog and I sent updates up until now when I finally decided to adopt him. I just sent them both full text messages explaining the circumstances and I've invited them to come over for a luncheon (since it's the same neighborhood) once the pup is fully vaccinated.