u/synchrohobbit

Sorry for crossposting this, I'm just so lost. My partner, who I have been with since 2014 except for a weird period in 2022, gave me an ultimatum. Basically go to residential and gain a bunch of weight or we're done; he basically said I love you but I can't do this. Right now I am on FMLA to do virtual treatment (Equip) and ECT.

I seriously regret doing this. I am mentally worse off, although physically better, and I certainly don't want to exhaust more FMLA because I feel bad about it already. I'm so mad at myself for attempting this; I can almost tolerate the weight I have gained but couldn't imagine gaining more, and I'm definitely still not at a healthy weight.

I don't know what to do. It would be ridiculous to lose a 12 year relationship (of which we've lived 8 years in our house) over an eating disorder. That isn't making this any easier. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Does anyone have any idea what to do??

My partner, who I have been with since 2014 except for a weird period in 2022, gave me an ultimatum. Basically go to residential and gain a bunch of weight or we're done; he basically said I love you but I can't do this. Right now I am on FMLA to do virtual treatment (Equip) and ECT.

I seriously regret doing this. I am mentally worse off, although physically better, and I certainly don't want to exhaust more FMLA because I feel bad about it already. I'm so mad at myself for attempting this; I can almost tolerate the weight I have gained but couldn't imagine gaining more, and I'm definitely still not at a healthy weight.

I don't know what to do. It would be ridiculous to lose a 12 year relationship (of which we've lived 8 years in our house) over an eating disorder. That isn't making this any easier. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Does anyone have any idea what to do??

My partner, who I have been with since 2014 except for a weird period in 2022, gave me an ultimatum. Basically go to residential and gain a bunch of weight or we're done; he basically said I love you but I can't do this. Right now I am on FMLA to do virtual treatment (Equip) and ECT.

I seriously regret doing this. I am mentally worse off, although physically better, and I certainly don't want to exhaust more FMLA because I feel bad about it already. I'm so mad at myself for attempting this; I can almost tolerate the weight I have gained but couldn't imagine gaining more, and I'm definitely still not at a healthy weight.

I don't know what to do. It would be ridiculous to lose a 12 year relationship (of which we've lived 8 years in our house) over an eating disorder. That isn't making this any easier. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Does anyone have any idea what to do??

For context, I'm a late 30s AN (with other previous diagnoses) with severe anxiety and depression. I have had four courses of ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) and although the efficacy was variable a couple of times it was like a miracle, basically helped me finish weight restoration and one time was my last ditch effort to not kill myself.

I'm struggling with mood during weight restoration again, but the last time I did ECT I felt like there might have been some lingering impacts. I still got very desperate when my mood exploded with time off work and intake increase and started a course. I have had three so far (usually there's 12) and did not like how confused I was when I woke up. To be fair I literally don't remember the months that I had it done, it's gone forever, but that's never actually bothered me before (why want to remember distressing times?).

Basically I have a decision to make, and there's a lot of people with a lot of expectations about my recovery. I'm just wondering if there's any other EDs out there who have had experience with the treatment, and if they ever felt differently about it from one time to another.

I have had four courses of ECT, half of them bilateral, and they've improved my mood every time. I never remember any part of month where I'm doing it three times a week, but that actually had never bothered me. I've started a new intensive course to help with the anxiety and depression of weight gain recovering from an eating disorder, and I am having really intense anxiety about the confusion I am already starting to experience (just had my third one today). Part of the reason is I'm taking extra time off of work to do it, and I have to go back to work the day after the course ends.

What I'm wondering is if anyone has experience feeling really anxious about the side effects to such an extent that it actually negatively impacts the efficacy of the ECT. I get that there are people that have had an overall negative experience and real serious memory loss with just one course, so I'm sort of wondering if there are other people who have done it multiple times that have felt differently during some course and whether or not it still ended up helping. I am close to actively suicidal and severely depressed and anxious, and don't know what other intervention to do (done ketamine and TMS) so I definitely need it to work, but I don't want to take time off work and do it if there's a possibility it won't work.

That was a long explanation, but basically I'm curious about other people with bilateral courses who had it stop working because of new anxiety about memory loss.