u/tallyjall

So basically, I barely get education from my parents, (homeschool) so, I kinda just stay on the internet, a lot, and I feel like my world is slowly crumbling and rotting inside from out, filled with gnats and flies. I feel like I can’t really reach out to anybody now or else they won’t like me anymore, and think about how weird I am and how bad my intrusive thoughts get sometimes, and I hate how disgusting I feel all the dang time. Like really bad intrusive thoughts, stuff I shouldn’t be doing, but I always do it anyway since I just never get supervision. I don’t know when I’ll really learn. It’s a stupid little struggle I have, staying in the same place all of the time even though I WANT to change something, and I never get to it, or it never works. I’m just stuck in a loop.

I’m really sorry if this is kind of a ramble, I just feel really stupid and bad right now. Alright, thank you for reading.

I do not have any motivation for studying or doing anything like that at all. I homeschool and my parents do not try to tend to me for that and now I feel like I cannot do anything. Like I am a limbless fetus. Sometimes my parents fight and then I start to beat up stuff in my room and yell at them, it's the thing I've reverted to since recently. I want to open up my insides and rip out my ribs and lungs and chew at my skin. I stay on the internet to tend to my daydreams, my little world that's breaking down on itself. If I do this any longer I think I'm going to end up six feet under dirt and rot. Every day I get reminded that time is shifting. I do nothing, and sexual urges pull at me and I don't even know what to do anymore, I'm not even of age to do that. I'm not even worthy of feeling pleasure and yet I found it when I was younger, on some sort of website, now it's grown on me so much. I even feel it crawling in my skin right now, as I'm writing this. I am in hell.

i am just some thing on the internet

i have been on the internet

if god exists why did he make me see those things the fuckage of my mind it was like a cheesegrater against my head and nobody really checks up much on me so i do it so much it feels good but i hate it and i want to destroy it but it feels good

everytime i go in the bath the warm water it itches at me like some sort of ugly ugly rat whispering in my ear

"do it do it do it pls pls do it hahahahado dododooooo p. and it's always there i always succumb to it like it feels so bad after i do it and i just sit there half in water like some sort of ancient godess falling to sin or whateber i hate it so much i hate it i hate it so much its temporary and i hate it so much i fucing want to chooke it like get =out rid iof ituhh u hhhhhh

he uh.hhhhhsorry if i did something wrong here i tried to read the rulesbut i think i might be getting too angry now if you bully me its ok ok uhhh illllllprobably look back on this 1 milliseconds after and thin kof how weird i am and squint at it like im looking directly at the sun