u/tammythrow111

I live in Canada with roommates, and we’re all on the same lease, paying equal rent.

My roommates want to use an extra "red lock" every night for safety. The problem is that when it’s locked, it can’t be opened from the outside with a key. If I’m out and they lock it, I can’t get into my own apartment until someone inside wakes up and unlocks it. We don’t live in a particularly dangerous area. It’s a normal part of town. Like most downtown areas, there are some unhoused people around, but violent crime isn’t a regular concern for us.

My schedule is unpredictable, especially in the summer. Sometimes I stay at my boyfriend’s place but decide early the next morning that I'd rather go home to get ready for work or work from there. If I tell my roommates the night before that I won’t be home, they lock the door, and I can’t get back in until they wake up. The bigger issue is that my plans can change suddenly. If I go out for the evening and tell them I won’t come home, but then something happens and I want to return at 2 or 3 a.m., I simply can’t. They’re asleep, the red lock is on, and I’m locked out of my own apartment until someone wakes up. I don’t believe I should lose access to my home just because my plans changed.

Their solution is that I need to tell them every night if I’ll be home. I don’t think I should have to report my whereabouts just to access my own home. I believe I should be able to come and go as I please without asking for permission or providing constant updates.

I’ve suggested alternatives like a security system, different locks that allow key access from the outside, or extra security for individual bedroom doors. They dismissed those ideas and insist their system is the only compromise. Another issue is that when I first moved in, we all shared our locations for safety. After a while, I noticed them discussing my whereabouts and checking my location multiple times a day. That made me uncomfortable, so I stopped sharing my location. Since then, they’ve said I’m being unreasonable and not communicating enough.

Yesterday, they tried to speak to me in person while I was rushing to take a shower before going to a movie. I told them I didn’t have time to talk. They kept pushing the conversation, and it turned confrontational since I didn’t want to discuss it on their terms. After that, I preferred to communicate in writing.

They’ve told me they’re unhappy with our living arrangement and suggested that I move out. I declined because I’m also on the lease and don’t think it’s fair for me to leave just because I disagree with this rule.

Edit: Just to clarify, all of the roommates, including myself, are women. There have also been a few other incidents that have added to my frustration. For example, on a couple of occasions I’ve stepped outside for no more than 5 minutes around 10 p.m. to get some fresh air, and by the time I came back they had already engaged the red lock. I’m not sure whether that was intentional or just habit, but it meant I couldn’t get back into my own apartment without them letting me in. Also, my roommates tend to sleep in until around 11 a.m. or even noon. So if I tell them I’m staying elsewhere for the night but then change my mind and want to come home late at night or early the next morning, I can’t get in until they wake up. That lack of independent access is my main issue with the lock.

TL;DR: My roommates want to use an extra lock every night that can’t be opened from the outside with a key. If I tell them I’m staying elsewhere but change my mind in the middle of the night, I can’t get into my apartment until they wake up. They expect me to update them daily on whether I’m coming home, but I believe I should have unrestricted access to my own home without reporting my whereabouts. I also stopped sharing my location after overhearing them discuss it multiple times a day. I’ve suggested other security measures, but they insist this is the only solution and have even told me I should move out. Am I in the wrong for refusing to accept this arrangement?

I live in Canada with roommates, and we’re all on the same lease, paying equal rent.

My roommates want to use an extra "red lock" every night for safety. The problem is that when it’s locked, it can’t be opened from the outside with a key. If I’m out and they lock it, I can’t get into my own apartment until someone inside wakes up and unlocks it. We don’t live in a particularly dangerous area. It’s a normal part of town. Like most downtown areas, there are some unhoused people around, but violent crime isn’t a regular concern for us.

My schedule is unpredictable, especially in the summer. Sometimes I stay at my boyfriend’s place but decide early the next morning that I'd rather go home to get ready for work or work from there. If I tell my roommates the night before that I won’t be home, they lock the door, and I can’t get back in until they wake up. The bigger issue is that my plans can change suddenly. If I go out for the evening and tell them I won’t come home, but then something happens and I want to return at 2 or 3 a.m., I simply can’t. They’re asleep, the red lock is on, and I’m locked out of my own apartment until someone wakes up. I don’t believe I should lose access to my home just because my plans changed.

Their solution is that I need to tell them every night if I’ll be home. I don’t think I should have to report my whereabouts just to access my own home. I believe I should be able to come and go as I please without asking for permission or providing constant updates.

I’ve suggested alternatives like a security system, different locks that allow key access from the outside, or extra security for individual bedroom doors. They dismissed those ideas and insist their system is the only compromise. Another issue is that when I first moved in, we all shared our locations for safety. After a while, I noticed them discussing my whereabouts and checking my location multiple times a day. That made me uncomfortable, so I stopped sharing my location. Since then, they’ve said I’m being unreasonable and not communicating enough.

Yesterday, they tried to speak to me in person while I was rushing to take a shower before going to a movie. I told them I didn’t have time to talk. They kept pushing the conversation, and it turned confrontational since I didn’t want to discuss it on their terms. After that, I preferred to communicate in writing.

They’ve told me they’re unhappy with our living arrangement and suggested that I move out. I declined because I’m also on the lease and don’t think it’s fair for me to leave just because I disagree with this rule.

TL;DR: My roommates want to use an extra lock every night that can’t be opened from the outside with a key. If I tell them I’m staying elsewhere but change my mind in the middle of the night, I can’t get into my apartment until they wake up. They expect me to update them daily on whether I’m coming home, but I believe I should have unrestricted access to my own home without reporting my whereabouts. I also stopped sharing my location after overhearing them discuss it multiple times a day. I’ve suggested other security measures, but they insist this is the only solution and have even told me I should move out. Am I in the wrong for refusing to accept this arrangement?