u/Snoo1643

I live in Canada with roommates, and we’re all on the same lease, paying equal rent.

My roommates want to use an extra "red lock" every night for safety. The problem is that when it’s locked, it can’t be opened from the outside with a key. If I’m out and they lock it, I can’t get into my own apartment until someone inside wakes up and unlocks it. We don’t live in a particularly dangerous area. It’s a normal part of town. Like most downtown areas, there are some unhoused people around, but violent crime isn’t a regular concern for us.

My schedule is unpredictable, especially in the summer. Sometimes I stay at my boyfriend’s place but decide early the next morning that I'd rather go home to get ready for work or work from there. If I tell my roommates the night before that I won’t be home, they lock the door, and I can’t get back in until they wake up. The bigger issue is that my plans can change suddenly. If I go out for the evening and tell them I won’t come home, but then something happens and I want to return at 2 or 3 a.m., I simply can’t. They’re asleep, the red lock is on, and I’m locked out of my own apartment until someone wakes up. I don’t believe I should lose access to my home just because my plans changed.

Their solution is that I need to tell them every night if I’ll be home. I don’t think I should have to report my whereabouts just to access my own home. I believe I should be able to come and go as I please without asking for permission or providing constant updates.

I’ve suggested alternatives like a security system, different locks that allow key access from the outside, or extra security for individual bedroom doors. They dismissed those ideas and insist their system is the only compromise. Another issue is that when I first moved in, we all shared our locations for safety. After a while, I noticed them discussing my whereabouts and checking my location multiple times a day. That made me uncomfortable, so I stopped sharing my location. Since then, they’ve said I’m being unreasonable and not communicating enough.

Yesterday, they tried to speak to me in person while I was rushing to take a shower before going to a movie. I told them I didn’t have time to talk. They kept pushing the conversation, and it turned confrontational since I didn’t want to discuss it on their terms. After that, I preferred to communicate in writing.

They’ve told me they’re unhappy with our living arrangement and suggested that I move out. I declined because I’m also on the lease and don’t think it’s fair for me to leave just because I disagree with this rule.

Edit: Just to clarify, all of the roommates, including myself, are women. There have also been a few other incidents that have added to my frustration. For example, on a couple of occasions I’ve stepped outside for no more than 5 minutes around 10 p.m. to get some fresh air, and by the time I came back they had already engaged the red lock. I’m not sure whether that was intentional or just habit, but it meant I couldn’t get back into my own apartment without them letting me in. Also, my roommates tend to sleep in until around 11 a.m. or even noon. So if I tell them I’m staying elsewhere for the night but then change my mind and want to come home late at night or early the next morning, I can’t get in until they wake up. That lack of independent access is my main issue with the lock.

TL;DR: My roommates want to use an extra lock every night that can’t be opened from the outside with a key. If I tell them I’m staying elsewhere but change my mind in the middle of the night, I can’t get into my apartment until they wake up. They expect me to update them daily on whether I’m coming home, but I believe I should have unrestricted access to my own home without reporting my whereabouts. I also stopped sharing my location after overhearing them discuss it multiple times a day. I’ve suggested other security measures, but they insist this is the only solution and have even told me I should move out. Am I in the wrong for refusing to accept this arrangement?

Absolutely no hate to the Sun/Moon stuff, it’s iconic and I own several things with them on it myself, however I’m curious about what other icons/motifs in whimsigoth fashion/decor that y’all personally love?

Trigger Warning for non-consensual touching/groping

Long and short of it is I went out to my local gay bar last night because they were doing a trans rave for pride month. Went out to get fresh air and a guy I had briefly chatted with earlier in the evening came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me to start grabbing my chest while whispering in my ear about how I should never let anyone tell me I’m not beautiful or some shit (hard to remember, it was a long night). I’m 7 years on T, have a beard, and am half a decade post top surgery.

My friends (the living saints that they are) did so much to protect me. They went to the bar security for me. Guy got kicked out, but a few minutes later when my friends and I went out back to check on a group that had gone the same direction as him, we saw a truck jerkily ramming into a barrier behind the building. Apparently the guy was apparently on multiple drugs and had semi-passed out behind the wheel of his company truck with a big ass propane tank in the back that could’ve been a major threat to the bar had he reversed too quickly.

Now I’m sitting at home a few hours later wishing I could peel my skin off to forget what his hands felt like on me, trying to figure out if I’m going to press charges. Cops said he likely won’t face prison time for the attempted DUI but with get fines and lose his license (and probably his job since apparently he was driving a company truck). I want to be a prison abolitionist, but also jesus christ I can’t believe this guy is likely going to be out on the streets able to do this shit again.

I don’t know if I have the strength to press charges. I’m attempting to immigrate to the country I’m currently in (here as a legal visitor), but if my Permanent Residence isn’t approved then theres no way I’ll be able to testify in court given the projected timeline for a case like this, and I’m scared that because I was dressed slutty for the evening that that will be used against me in court. At the same time, if I don’t pursue this and he hurts someone else, I’ll never be able to live with myself (metaphorically, I’m not suicidal just to be clear).

I guess I just needed to vent. I’m so mad and tired and sad. A night that was supposed to be a safe place for me in my friends was fucking ruined and now I have to pick up the pieces.

Also to any fucking dipshits who want to claim trans guys don’t experience misogynistic violence just because we’re men (or generally perceived as a man, in my case), kiss my fucking ass. Didn’t matter that I pass, this shit still happened.