u/the_cleric_cleric

I'm always going to be celibate due to my vocation.

99% of the time it doesn't bother me at all. I'm not a sexual person much at all. I've never been in any sort of romantic or sexual relationship. This also usually doesn't bother me either. Honestly, the idea of being in one is both terrifying and unappealing to me. Even if I was not celibate I still probably choose not to date or marry. Celibacy is easy for me.(Not trying to brag, I promise)

I know it's really goofy but sometimes I wonder what it is like to hold hands romantically, snuggle, or kiss on the lips. I've never done any of those things.

It's not like I would ever do so now, but sometimes I think of it.

I genuinely wish I had erectile dysfunction.

I'm never going to have sex, it's not like I'm ever going to use that function. It doesn't even happen to me that often but I just hate it so much.

It's so annoying, uncomfortable, and disgusting. It's so embarrassing even if it's very unlikely anyone knows. I still *feel* like everyone around me knows about it.

I can usually make it go away pretty easily by flexing my thigh muscles or the like for a minute or so but I still just wish it didn't happen.

Warming: body fluids (gross)

&gt;!The absolute worst part about it though is how when it happens it often gets kind of slimy, I guess because of pre-ejaculate(?). It's disgusting and I absolutely *loathe* it. It's absolutely disgusting. It does that and then it is just like "well, I guess my underwear is just going to be dirty and feel disgusting now." There's nothing I can do about it either. Most of the time my work is only a minute walk away (I live directly next to where I work), so sometimes I literally go and change because it bothers me so much. But my work often has me going to other places and then I can do nothing about it except be gross. I hate it so much. Just thinking about it now makes me feel like I'm going to cry. !<

&gt;!And I know that even if I got erectile dysfunction it would probably still do that. I'm just going to occasionally ooze sometimes, there's nothing I can do about it, and it's going to be like that for the rest of my life. !<

&gt;!Same thing with nocturnal emissions. Disgusting. Absolutely ***VILE.*** And again, there's nothing I can do about it. It just happens. (I know that masturbation can prevent this but I don't masterbate, and I'm never going to masturbate. It's against my religion and sounds like a bad time. The concept yucks me out.)!<

&gt;!It's not like I'm having steamy dreams or anything. The most is maybe snuggling with some fictional character I like but mostly I'll dream about normal random stuff. !<

&gt;!I'll dream about flying by doing the breaststroke really fast to take off (which I guess I can just do in all of my dreams as long as I remember I can do it) then I'll wake up and oh boy, *goo.* !<

I'm only 30 so maybe these things will lessen as I get older but they won't ever *stop.* I feel so devastated every time I remember that.

Erections are just uncomfortable in general. They are uncomfortable when they happen, they are uncomfortable after. I just want my stupid body to knock it off.

My friend confided in me that he has erectile dysfunction somewhat recently, and he has spoken to me about it, the impact it has on his life and self esteem, somewhat recently. I feel for him and understand that it hurts him, I hurt for him to have to experience that. At the same time part of me is so jealous of him.

He says he never gets erections at all. I wish that was me. It feels so unfair that someone like him, someone that actually wants and plans to have sex, gets erectile dysfunction and I don't. He isn't too much older than me too.

It's really awful of me, sometimes inside when he has talked about it I feel almost annoyed. He is complaining about something that I really wish would happen to me. Again, I know that is such an awful thought to have. I genuinely feel for him, and can empathize with his situation. It's just a thought for a moment, although it is still an awful one. It just feels so unfair.

I wish I could have just opted out of that part of puberty and never had it start in the first place. Even if it was just getting rid of the feckin goo that would feel life changing. Not that I think about it all the time it ruins my life when it isn't happening, I just hate it so much when it does. Body fluids are one of, if not the thing that grosses me out the most.

I wish I could just go into my settings and untick that function.

I just hope I get erectile dysfunction when I get older. At least my odds are upped a bit because I don't ever masterbate. When I pray I sometimes pray that I get erectile dysfunction, which I realize is kind of a wacky thing to pray for.

It's really upsetting, and makes me feel so hopeless in a way. I just wish I didn't have to deal with it.

Does anyone else still with these sort of feelings?

Does anyone maybe have any advice? Either with the feelings or on the actual physical end of it.

Any sort of reply/thoughts are genuinely appreciated.

I've vented about it here before, but it still just ticks me off so much.

I wish I had erectile dysfunction. I'm never going to have sex, it's not like I'm ever going to use that function. It doesn't even happen to me that often but I just hate it so much.

It's so annoying, uncomfortable, and disgusting. It's so embarrassing even if it's very unlikely anyone knows. I still feel like everyone around me knows about it.

I can usually make it go away pretty easily by flexing my thigh muscles or the like for a minute or so but I still just wish it didn't happen.

Warming: body fluids (gross) >!The absolute worst part about it though is how when it happens it often gets kind of slimy, I guess because of pre-ejaculate(?). It's disgusting and I absolutely loathe it. It's absolutely disgusting. It does that and then it is just like "well, I guess my underwear is just going to be dirty and feel disgusting now." There's nothing I can do about it either. Most of the time my work is only a minute walk away (I live directly next to where I work), so sometimes I literally go and change because it bothers me so much. But my work often has me going to other places and then I can do nothing about it except be gross. I hate it so much. Just thinking about it now makes me feel like I'm going to cry. !<

>!And I know that even if I got erectile dysfunction it would probably still do that. I'm just going to occasionally ooze sometimes, there's nothing I can do about it, and it's going to be like that for the rest of my life. !<

>!Same thing with nocturnal emissions. Disgusting. Absolutely VILE. And again, there's nothing I can do about it. It just happens. (I know that masturbation can prevent this but I don't masterbate, and I'm never going to masturbate. It's against my religion and sounds like a bad time. The concept yucks me out.)!<

>!It's not like I'm having steamy dreams or anything. The most is maybe snuggling with some fictional character I like but mostly I'll dream about normal random stuff. !<

>!I'll dream about flying by doing the breaststroke really fast to take off (which I guess I can just do in all of my dreams as long as I remember I can do it) then I'll wake up and oh boy, goo. !<

I'm only 30 so maybe these things will lessen as I get older but they won't ever stop. I feel so devastated every time I remember that.

Erections are just uncomfortable in general. They are uncomfortable when they happen, they are uncomfortable after. I just want my stupid body to knock it off.

My friend confided in me that he has erectile dysfunction somewhat recently, and he has spoken to me about it, the impact it has on his life and self esteem, somewhat recently. I feel for him and understand that it hurts him, I hurt for him to have to experience that. At the same time part of me is so jealous of him.

He says he never gets erections at all. I wish that was me. It feels so unfair that someone like him, someone that actually wants and plans to have sex, gets erectile dysfunction and I don't. He isn't too much older than me too.

It's really awful of me, sometimes inside when he has talked about it I feel almost annoyed. He is complaining about something that I really wish would happen to me. Again, I know that is such an awful thought to have. I genuinely feel for him, and can empathize with his situation. It's just a thought for a moment, although it is still an awful one. It just feels so unfair.

I wish I could have just opted out of that part of puberty and never had it start in the first place. Even if it was just getting rid of the feckin goo that would feel life changing. Not that I think about it all the time it ruins my life when it isn't happening, I just hate it so much when it does. Body fluids are one of, if not the thing that grosses me out the most.

I wish I could just go into my settings and untick that function.

I just hope I get erectile dysfunction when I get older. At least my odds are upped a bit because I don't ever masterbate. When I pray I sometimes pray that I get erectile dysfunction, which I realize is kind of a wacky thing to pray for.

It's really upsetting, and makes me feel so hopeless in a way. I just wish I didn't have to deal with it.

Does anyone else still with these sort of feelings? Does anyone maybe have any advice? Either with the feelings or on the actual physical end of it. Any sort of reply/thoughts are genuinely appreciated.