r/Celibacy

I'm stuck

Hi, I’m 21 and I’ve never had sex. I’m a good-looking guy and I’ve had things going on with some really attractive girls. They wanted to have sex with me, but I didn’t do it.

The more I stay celibate, the more I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of experiences and things in life. My cousins have a lot of sex, and they seem like more fun, cooler, and more respected guys. Sometimes I feel like what I’m doing is just plain stupid, but another part of me tells me that I’m doing the right thing.

But compared to society, sex is completely normal. Everyone seems to want it, and sometimes I feel like I’m the odd one out here, like I’m the only guy everyone looks at differently.

I honestly don’t know what to do. Should I have sex or stay celibate? Marriage isn’t something I can easily or quickly have right now, and at the same time, having sex and experiencing it at my age is completely normal.

What do you guys think?

I was just wondering if someone could explain what celibacy is and the benefits of it. is is lifelong? does it help with lust and bad thoughts?

I am 38 years old single and on almost 4 years semen retention, no relapses and just 2 wet dreams. A month ago a woman started chasing me like crazy and she wants to be intimate with me. To tell the truth she turns me on but i don't want to end my streak and my whole progress i have done all these years. What should i do?

I (27M) went a year without it. I did it because I couldn't feel a thing. In my uni years I had sex with different partners like 3-5 times a week. I felt like the scum of the Earth so I decided thats enough. I told myself I'd only do it with someone I felt connected with. I did. Last weekend. Didn't feel a fucking thing afterwards. How long do I have to be celibate for sex to mean me something? Any tips? I hate this "not feeling a thing" -phase of my life. I feel like shit. At leastearlier I felt worthy from having sex but nowadays I feel like an exploiter for having sex without it being something else than just sex.

I'm a 28 year old muslim woman who is completely celibate unless I get married. I discovered my sexuality when I was about 14 years old, and have always had a very high libido (taurus things), but in the past couple of months I've realized it's stronger than it's ever been in my life.

Last week I was in the office trying to do design calculations, but I was completely unable to focus because of how aroused I was. There was no trigger, no colleague I'm attracted to, and I wasn't even ovulating. After nearly an hour of this I was forced to go to my car and relieve myself. It was so humiliating and debasing I wanted to cry afterwards. I felt more animal than human.

When I seek advice from other muslims, I get the same two answers: get married or fast. For the latter, fasting really does not help me. Even in Ramadan I am very hormonal and sometimes have to count down to breaking the fast not out of hunger or thirst but because I need to relieve myself.

The more complicated answer is marriage. Of course I consider it and look, but I keep coming across the same problem. The men who I am attracted to are not a good match either in terms of values or personality, and I find it uncomely to enter a holy covenant just so I can have sex.

With the men that are husband material but I am not attracted to, my body yearns for intimacy too much to have a husband I would cringe at internally when he approached me. I also take the duties of a wife very seriously and cannot commit myself to a man I know I would struggle to be a good wife to, and I know I would struggle sleeping with someone unattractive.

The older I become, the narrower the gap of remaining in a marriageable age becomes. So I have been taking the possibility more seriously that I may never marry at all. And for the most part, I have made peace with it since I've spent all my life lonely and unloved. But my libido has me worried. Even with the hijab, my face is beautiful enough that I am still approached by men. If I ever took it off even to make a dating profile, I know I am attractive enough that my nearly 3 decades of celibacy could be gone within a few hours.

To the women here, how do you control your urges?

Tons of women who fkk around with bad boys and even criminals come to spread their hate towards men and accusing us of being the worst beings on the planet. Not to mention how pathetic they are supposedly adopting celibacy just AFTER making the wrong choices, and NEVER before it.

The worst part is that mods simply ignore them all. But I bet this post is being taken down soon.

Have a happy life, men who are into celibacy. Don't give in to them, remember they HATE us.

(I'm an atheist so i would appreciate if you didn't bring up religion in the comments, ty)

Lately I've been thinking about becoming celibate. Not because i carry shame with the idea of sex, but because I'm afraid of being hurt. I've always held back from loving people especially men because i know that they want to hurt me, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously.

I don't feel as if men make enough effort to understand women and what they want nor do they make the effort to make a relationship stronger and deepen the emotional connection. They're mostly drawn to women for just the idea of sex. And I'm not against that, i want to have sex someday too but with someone who values it and values me, and doesn't see sex as a way to let their sexual frustrations out or their sadistic fantasies.

Overall, i think that men tend to be misogynistic, sometimes not even consciously but because of all the media we consume nowadays. It prevents us from getting educated and it makes us hold grudges against one another since all content created is meant to stimulate the brain instead of educating it. And men don't really try to resist because they find that it feeds their ego and superiority complex and they drive further away from the idea of perceiving women as equals. And a person can only truly love me if they see me as an equal.

Whenever i talk to a guy, it wouldn't take long until he brings sex up. Or whenever I'm wandering through the comments of a post, i find that men sexualize the woman in that post even if she's not wearing provocatively. And whenever i go out, men make it their goal to sexually harass me and make me feel as uncomfortable as possible because to them that's their expression of dominance but in reality it's their evilness and their predatory side.

And i see that these men don't really see me as a human being but a tool, or someone to brainwash and convince into sumbitting to their sexual fantasies. They don't seek love and connection. And the thing that bothers me the most is that men who claim to be different, to have a pure heart and to respect women, never defend us against those creeps, they always stay silent and it shows that they are hypocrites. They are too afraid of tainting their picture as "men" in front of their buddies instead of fearing women getting hurt.

And that's why i find it safer to be celibate than to risk my time and my feelings with someone who hides it all underneath. It's more common than you think.

Never thought I’d be here but I’m so proud of myself. But not gonna lie, I do miss it.

So while I can (and intend) to abstain from sex including masterbating for the rest of my life, I get those urges right after my period ends and right before it starts. I know it has to do with the body's "procreate" setting. It doesn't make me want to change my mind about singleness/celibacy but it IS really annoying and inconvenient. I couldn't care less about having sex with someone but I sometimes want to masterbate just to have the orgasm and not be annoyed anymore. But it violates my spiritual beliefs to do so. Do any of you ladies have the same problem I have and how do you deal with it?

The point of view is necessarily gonna affect the definition of celibacy.

From my experience, celibacy is just a way that gives me time and the freedom to look inside myself. To really look how i think, feel and react. Celibacy is not a goal. It's a journey that ends at a given time, just to begin an other journey, with more confidence and inner freedom.

I have thought about it for a long time and the main thing that kept me from commiting in an LTR as a 19 year old guy was that I was scared that my partner ages with me and that she gets less attractive to me physically when I’m 60 or 70 and that I dont get laid anymore before I die. So to solve that I thought that me being promiscuous or celibate now and waiting until 40 to date a 20 year old would be ideal in terms of lifestyle purely for me, I am fairly physically attractive now and let’s assume I would be 40, fit and rich, the problem isn’t about getting the 20 year old partner or no.

It sounds like the perfect plan on paper; get laid with women my age now or do semen retention and then when I get to to 40 settle down to enjoy my remaining years, have children and get laid with an attractive partner until the day I die, literally until the day I die, it’s just that there seems to be an ick for me in that plan, its technically good but I just don’t want to commit to it for whatever reason, a lot of guys say it’s great to do that too, so if one of you can find a genuine flaw in that plan I’ll be happy to hear it, and we assume everything goes well for the sake of the argument. It’s just that I weirdly don’t seem drawn by it, might be my mind playing around.

I decided not to get into relationships with women at all for the rest of my life and i have my personal reasons for that. The thing is I had a goal before to study hard, find a job improve myself etc. In order to provide for my future wife and future children. But now with my final decision I can't see any goal in my life. I am definitely not saying I want to end my life, I just mean it is now just sad and boring. For people who spent their life with no relationships at all, what goals can I chase in life? I want examples, what can someone do in life while being alone? I also wanted to say I'm muslim but I chose to ask here as we have the same goal and not many Muslims choose a celibate life so I decided to ask here.

My spiritual path has led me through the Bektashi Sufi Order as a *Müdjerred* (celibate dervish) since shortly before I turned 29; now in my late 40s, I have remained devoted to the Order for nearly two decades. I am a bisexual man—a "side"—with a sensitive nature and a feminine style of movement and speech.

I have now realized that I was never masterb*ting to lust (I partially was now which I am able to manage) but the breaking point for me is always my past experiences of grief, bullying, ragging and my present....I have heard people just get busy with your task and all that but the career which I am pursuing I don't like that at all plus my loneliness like total pure loneliness just eats me up and I think I am just losing my life and peace of mind and my mind's judgement ability It is not related to p*rn at all but an escape from my shitty life
I always vow not to breakup my promise to myself but sometimes it just adds to much after 3-4 days and I end up breaking my streak I am also not able to solve my deeper unresolved past problems and as well as present problem it's not like I have not tried but It is just not possible and I cannot seek therapy as because of I am not financially independent
I just hope that someone guides me out through this rabbit hole

If men having their balls taken away makes them almost not have any desire to mate anymore then wouldn’t that prove that sexual energy is not spiritual but merely a physical function that pushes us to pass our genes ? If it was an energy that flowed in all the body then guys being castrated would still feel it.

Something else is the fact that castrated guys can’t mate because they don’t have sperm; so if the mere fact of taking the balls capability away means men not being able to create life then wouldn’t that prove how mundane that same energy is ? Semen retention comes in part from an ancient Chinese belief that semen came from the blood

I’ve noticed a lot of people talk about celibacy from a place of frustration or even hatred toward sex, men, or women. For me, it’s been much more about staying centered and understanding myself.

Over the past couple of years of celibacy, I’ve become increasingly intuitive and sensitive to other people’s emotions, moods, and subtle shifts. Sometimes I even feel like I can pick up on thoughts or feelings before they’re expressed.

Whether others see that as heightened intuition, awareness, or something more spiritual, I know the experience has become stronger for me.

I also think it’s important to distinguish biological sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, and pronouns.

XX and XY are associated with typical female and male development, while sexual orientation, gender identity, & gender expression are separate concepts.

Regardless of sex or orientation, people can deeply connect, hurt, & eventually walk away from one another. Celibacy has helped me step outside of that cycle and remain grounded in myself.

Instead of directing all of my energy toward sexual relationships, I’ve had more space for self-awareness, intuitive development, personal & career growth.

For me, celibacy isn’t about hating sex or anyone else — it’s about staying centered within myself, especially as these intuitive abilities continue to develop.

Has anyone else experienced a stronger sense of inner awareness through celibacy?

I absolutely hate the feeling that in some sense I want to “take” something from women as a biological drive. Lust absolutely disgusts me, the problem is that I have it, it almost seems like lust is a demon that lives inside every man, even semen retention or waiting until marriage don’t do much, you are still waiting to use someone’s body for your pleasure which is by nature carnal and animalistic no matter how you like to frame it. I kinda feel bad for even desiring such carnal act that by default creates power dynamics. A sexless society with artificial insemination would be the first step to a utopian society. The problem is that I ask myself why nature or God did it that way, why is the act of continuing humanity tied to desire of control and hate and violence and basically every negative thing you could think of. Before you refute me by saying that women love sex I will remind you of the fact that they take the enormous risk of pregnancy and exposure with it compared to men that don’t take any risks, which is unequal by default.

Even if guys do semen retention, to reproduce naturally they would still have to engage in the act of penetrative sex with women, perhaps the real fall from grace in the Bible is the separation of genders, no matter how you say it, sex is penetrating someone else, even if the person is brainwashed by society to let you sleep with them in exchange of feeling the fake love and attention that society sold to the masses, if that’s not proof that the world is a prison planet than I don’t know what is.

It is intellectually dishonest to claim that wasting your seed by yourself is terrible and then claim it is ok to do it with a “loving partner”. It sounds like enormous cope, it’s basically the same as saying, “don’t drink and drive but only do it with a nice fast car”. The point is that ejaculating takes your energy away, it is actually somewhat better to relapse alone than to share that with another soul. By the logic, any non reproductive sex would not be allowed.

There is no point in condoms and pulling out in that case, claiming there is and blaming masturbation is illogical. It even is biologically illogical for women to desire sex outside of their ovulation cycle sincd they cannot reproduce outside of that time period.