r/Celibacy

I'm 21 years of age. I'm from India.When I was a child I used to study in a mixed gender school from nursery to 6th grade. In those years if a boy did something wrong like talking to his peers while teacher taking class, doing something else other than attending to teacher's word.One of the punishments the teacher gave to the boy student was to sit beside a girl to feel humiliated as the girls were disgusting creatures. That punishment planted the seeds of misogyny within my mind. I started to conceive them as abhorring creatures.They became untouchables to me like there were certain castes in India,Korean peninsula, China, Japan that people from upper castes hated to touch in history.Then, the Indian society that abhors the thing if a boy talks with a girl. That too affected my mindset towards opposite gender. My own mother who's mentally unstable, she always quarrel with my father and curses my uncles, aunties and their children. She always used to moral police everyone who was engaged in premarital relationship. She once told me women are the root of all evil. And to support her claim she cited the example two epics which were Ramayana and Mahabharata. She told me that in both of those epics a woman caused millions of men to butcher each other in the battlefield. When I past the 6th grade, I was admitted to a boys' school. From 7th to 12th grade I never talked with a girl throughout those years.In those years, it was always perpetuated in school that females will destroy your career which just enfored my misogynistic beliefs that women are your enemy. When I entered college, I started to feel infatuation and desire to talk to women then I realized I don't know how to talk to the opposite gender. The professor used to give two advices in terms of relationship.

1. Don't date before you build your career because building your career is like meditation. If you date, you can't meditate. My opinion is working on your career is great. But even after having your career built, you still have to continue and grow in your career which is more difficult meditation than the previous one. By that logic you shouldn't even date after you build your career.

2. If you build your career then women will just flock to you. My opinion on this advice is that it's true but in a specific context when the person is already good and confident about communicating with women but isn't working on his career, then it makes sense. But the problem is when this advice is directed to someone who doesn't know how to communicate with a woman, let alone having a romantic conversation with her.And 99.999% of time this advice is given to those boys and young men who are autistic around women. The advice becomes like this I can't interact with a woman but if I build a career then women will just flock to me. If it were true then business and job workers don't have to get into arranged marriages. In India 90 to 93% marriages are arranged marriages and an unemployed man can't go into an arranged marriage.Then that means all arranged marriages are done by employed men. Arranged marriage which is dependency on your parents and relatives to meet you with a woman for marriage. It's like buying a product from market. This advice is like if you build a career then as a law of nature you will be rewarded women such as if I win that race I will be rewarded women. Does reality work like that? One still has to communicate with a woman.

Now my problem is if I see a woman I can't approach her. If I approach her, I can't utter a word before her. If I somehow utter some words, I freeze up and can't converse with her anymore. If by magic I do have a conversation, she leaves the conversation by becoming uninterested as I don't exist. And the college professor pushing people like us into forced celibacy, these professors are posting photos with their wives. I have visited two different psychiatrists and they just gave me pills- medicine to just fall asleep. It did nothing for me. If this continues I will either end up in a mental hospital getting electric shocks or I have to leave my country and go to Afghanistan where women are publicly invisible. Please🙏 help.

Ever since i decentered men (i've never been in a relationship but was still seeking outside validation), and know my worth, i feel like i'm more inclined to try and look good for me and not for others.

Like i said in a previous post, refocusing on myself made me see my value and looks are also part of it, idc if guys find me attractive, therefore i feel more attractive because my value is not attached to an outsider's validaiton.

i actually put a lot more effort into how i look than when i cared what thers thought lol, because i know it's not a chore but more like an act of self love. i feel more confident so it's worth it.

I guess that's the difference between abstinence and celibacy.

Abstinence is passive while celibacy is actively focusing on yourself.

Ever since i stopped looking for a partner or for outside validation really, i began seeing myself in a new light.

I would always be worried about how others would perceive me and if i was "intimidating" or not "feminine" enough.
I stopped worrying about all this when i got rejected and ever since, i'm more comfortable with myself.

It's like i forgot i even had to nurture this relationship i had with myself first.

I don't feel the 'pressure' to make myself appealing or available to the opposite sex anymore. And feel prettier eventhough i haven't changed that much.

It's like once i started building a relationship with myself i realized "but wait, i have all those things going on for myself and i didn't see it ?" It's like God gave me all these gifts and qualities and i was just sleeping on them because i was blind to it cause too busy looking outside of myself for someone to "complete" me.

I dated somebody that claimed to be celibate, and it ended up being the most transformative, heart-piercing love I’ve ever felt in my whole life.

We eventually ended up having sex. I always kinda felt like I “took him off course” lol. But it was literally the best sex of my life. The type of connection and intimacy you genuinely never forget. We probably had like three months of wild, beautiful, insanely passionate sex.

But then one day he told me I was distracting him from his spiritual journey. And I’ve always wondered if that was a cop out or if he truly meant it.

The thing is… he told me from the very beginning that his spiritual path was his main focus. He’s genuinely such a loner. He loves meditating all day, being at home, being inward. And honestly that lifestyle didn’t totally match mine lol. I like adventure, fun, going out, experiencing life. But somehow we still fell deeply in love. Like deeply. We talked about marriage. I moved into his home for a while. Things progressed very fast and it felt so real.

After those three months, he basically told me that if we stayed together, he’d want to remain celibate within the relationship. And I just couldn’t accept that. To me, sex felt healthy and connective and loving. I loved him so much, but I knew I couldn’t do that long term. So I left.

What hurt the most is that he didn’t really fight for me after. And to this day, it’s still the most beautiful love I’ve ever experienced. It showed me the depth of my capacity to love somebody. And honestly sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever experience something like that again.

I guess I’m asking… do you think it’s actually possible for someone to remain celibate inside of a marriage or deeply loving relationship? Or do you think eventually one person always ends up sacrificing a core need?

To this day I still think of him but I refuse to reach out bc he never looked for me after.. it took me years to get over him

Hey, (22F) I am wondering how you guys bring up celibacy while dating, or if you were a dude how’d you want to be told of it. I don’t know, I just haven’t went dating in a while and need advice. Especially, on what to do in certain situations.

I’m 26 (f) and have been abstinent for 2 years now by choice. I can’t do casual hookups because I get too emotionally attached or I feel horribly shameful after. I have a really high sex drive but want to have sex with someone who I love, and want to honor my future husband by not sleeping around casually. But the problem is, my dating life has gone so dry since being abstinent. It feels difficult to find a man who wants to actually get to know me rather than just hookup with me. I put myself out there, guys will ask for my number and then not text me, or lead me on. I carry and take care of myself well and have a good personality and attractive (subjectively). So I’m just feeling frustrated especially when I’m ovulating, I don’t know how much longer I can take this, I feel like I’m torturing myself for no reason. Abstinence has helped stay disciplined and in weeding out the guys who are just looking for hookups but I just am feeling discouraged like I’m doing this for no reason because ultimately men just want sex.

You've probably heard this frequently, a lack of touch - not verbal contact, but skin to skin contact - with other human beings leads to oxytoxin deficiency, suboptimal mental state, sadness and other consequences. So I wonder:

1. Is this a real thing, or just whining from lonely incels?
2. If it is a real legitimate thing, is it limited to infants, who can't survive without caretakers' touch?
3. If not just limited to infants, but also affecting adults, can it be substituted with pets? Does holding a fuzzy kitty help?
4. If affecting adults, and can't be substituted with pets, what's your solution? Go to a massage therapist? Drugs? Wank? Meditation? Or total denial of "touch starvation"?

I'm just starting my journey and would like to talk to other people that are on this ride too!

I have recently exited a 10 year relationship and I have zero desire for anything right now sexually..

I always joke with my friends that I am this 🤏close to turning into a nun. I’ve just had enough.. honestly just exhausted by the constant pouring into relationships and the energy it takes.

I realize that I really want all of my energy to myself and up upon leaving, I realized how stressed I was and that I genuinely like my own energy - alone.

Since leaving, I’ve been able to focus all my energy on my new hobbies and it just feels so nice.

I don’t mind being alone anymore however, I’m starting to think I’m broken or something because I don’t have any desire at all.

Is this normal? I’m almost wondering if I should just start this journey..

I won't ramble but the Lord works in mysterious ways. My celibacy is not religious but it makes me wonder more about the world, which includes God

Men are amazing, but also very dangerous, flaky and fluke. Also they're unnecessary once you are at a certain level of financial stability

I do not know where my life is going. But, I am happy to be here and committed to celibacy

I decided to go celibate after my long-term relationship ended in January this year, and after 2 hookups. I’m just wondering if self-pleasure helps, or if I should stop doing that too. I stopped watching porn in October last year, and now I’m wondering if I should get rid of my vibrators 😭

I'd say don't bother, and let no one join together, not social pressure or your own lust. Chalk it up as fate and submit to it.

Written previously about how everyone at the top is seemingly gay/bisexual & if it’s linked to DID/OSDD or some other kind of personality disorder, think of the alter from the movie Split named Barry

When it dawned🧠📡on me yesterday that the alleged sexual ritual initiation which is believed to include sodomy could also be to blame, which I’ll outline how below

The body/mind compares/responds to the strongest stimuli experienced regardless of its morality, so if it’s to be believed that sodomy due its taboo/deviant sexual nature will give someone their strongest, most deepest orgasm they’ve ever experienced, no matter their actual sexual orientation is…you can begin to see the issue

Did the higher ups know this & purposely include this in the alleged initiation, knowing the long term effects or was it something they accidentally stumbled upon, probably the former but who knows🤷‍♂️

So when said heterosexual person/celeb/entertainer/athlete whose experienced such an strong type of orgasm during the alleged initiation, normally reserved for those living an alternative lifestyle, you can see how that could & does fragment the mind

Putting them in an Big conundrum where “normal” sex with the opposite gender doesn’t get them physiologically & neurochemically aroused like it did with the same gender during the alleged initiation…so what do you do, what can you do??

Probably explains the behaviour of Boston Richie & others who are alleged to be into pegging by women, their kinda trapped psychologically & physiologically, wanting the same stimulus you get from sodomy but with an woman so it’s not “sus”

The Only possible solution to this conundrum which I think MJ🕴️,Prince☔️& probably Messi utilised to high degrees of success is complete sexual abstinence/celibacy, as anything else will inevitably lead to proverbially “chasing the dragon”

The beginning might be slightly triggering but it serves a higher purpose: letting wisdom come to the all so natural experience of lust.

The story is this: I logged in briefly to social media and saw a female friend of mine showing her skin and curves close to her genitals. I've been on the celibacy business for about two years, and quit porn about 5 years ago; and all of that being the case, some arousal came when watching. I asked: why?

To me, it is very simple. Forms or images are known by the mind, and the latter interprets the former. I trust that fully awakened beings can simply interpret it as mere images: "in the seen, only the seen". However, human - not simp - conditioning sees the curvy images and quickly interprets that as a possible mate, and then directs energy towards the genitals. After all, having a curvy body of certain characteristics has been the main carrier of human life for millenia. But then, what differentiates a spiritual evolving human from a mere human or an animal? Spiritually evolving humans can make the energy that just came down can go up once again. HOW?

One way is acknowledging that it's simply biology trying to pass on genes, but, however natural that might be, it's not the most important thing. If this wisdom doesn't come in, HUMAN LIFE BECOMES A JUNGLE, people getting dragged around by their desires, passing on energy for the mere reproduction of humanity. However, humanity, on a mental level, is not mere reproduction and the seeking to allay sexual desire, it also has the capacity to think beyond the moment and aspire for, not only human lives, but, for example, human lives that live in good conditions.

It does make sense: how beautiful is a human body that has faeces and bile on its insides and will end up decaying altogether? (Notice that all human bodies are like that). The true beauty a human can bring lies in its virtue and creativity towards the good, in the capacity to behave in such a way that makes this life better for generations to come, not in behaving in a way that simply brings about a human life in the midst of a chaotic family, for example.

If life wants to drift away from a human body, may it be for the benefit of many, for a child to be born in a loving and caring family, not for a child to be simply born. Keeping that in mind, the motivation is now more pure, not simply lust. Lust traps us in jungles, higher purpose are a seed for peaceful environments for generations to cone. I believe that keeping this in mind is sexual energy transmutation from a philosophical practice.

26f, I've been celibate for almost a year and 1/2 after my last relationship. I did it to protect and guard my heart, but also push myself to make better decisions in dating. I thought I'd only be celibate for a year, but the more it goes on, the more I'm kinda scared because why do I not have a drive anymore?! I think things like (do I still know how to have sex? Will I be able to have a sex drive or desire anymore? If I'm mellowing myself out instead of enjoying or being open to sex?).

I've had opportunities and turned them down because I think it's all those guys really wanted anyway, but I got to the point where I'm just lonely, and even if it's just to cuddle, that's enough for me. Sex is so far from my mind that it stopped being a want. However, it's not always the case for guys, dating a guy, he wasn't pushy, I spent the night at his house, and nothing happened, we kissed and stuff, but I just didn't feel a drive for him. He didn't turn me on, I just wanted to be close to someone, and I feel so awkward because I feel so withdrawn sexually, I'm nervous I made myself asexual or something (didn't help he had a small guy if you know what I mean), but I just felt grossed out. I just keep thinking about his "want to f eyes," and I cringe badly. I don't really want anything with anyone, and it's weird, since I used to have a really high drive.

I’m writing this as a quiet reflection on a path that unfolded gradually and then became very clear to me over time.

I’m a woman in my 40s. Throughout my life, I’ve had a few relationships, none of them long-term or leading to cohabitation. I don’t have children. For many years, I lived in a way that was fairly typical—open to connection, dating, and the possibilities that come with it.

Around 2018, something shifted in me in a way that I can only describe as a calling. It wasn’t a sudden decision, but rather a deep inner clarity that developed over time. From that point forward, I began to step away from sexual and romantic involvement altogether.

Today, I live in a state of complete celibacy. I don’t experience sexual desire or the need for physical intimacy with any gender. This is not rooted in rejection of anyone, nor in judgment of others’ paths or choices. It is simply something that arose within me as part of a deeply personal spiritual direction.

I do identify this experience as a form of religious calling. It has become a quiet but central part of my inner life, one that deepens my sense of connection with God and brings a strong sense of clarity and alignment.

Interestingly, I did still explore casual dating again in 2023 and 2024, as a way of checking in with myself and my feelings. After those experiences, I found even more certainty in my path and chose to step away from dating entirely.

What remains for me is a sense of peace—something very clean, settled, and undisturbed. It feels like I am no longer carrying emotional dynamics or expectations that were never truly mine to hold. There is a lightness in that.

I share this quietly, not as a statement or philosophy, but simply as one lived experience among many possible ways of being.

If anyone here has gone through a similar transition into voluntary celibacy—whether gradual or sudden—I would genuinely be interested in hearing how that unfolded for you. What changed, what stayed, and how you experience your path today. Feel free to share your story if you feel comfortable.

I’m a 25 year old woman. I abstained from all sexual activity until about a year ago. At that time, I lost my virginity, and all I have run into since letting my guard down is men who do what they need to in order to get what they want, and they leave as soon as they’re bored and/or find someone prettier. Just got out of a 6 month relationship where I got left in such a state of heartbreak that I am currently looking to turn to celibacy for life. No more romantic relationships in any capacity. I refuse to go through this kind of pain over and over for the rest of my life. While I believe it is the correct decision, it’s a definite change. What have been the positives you have been experiencing after choosing to be celibate?

About 10 years ago I went one year without sex. I Now I decided to restart my celibacy journey. So far I am one month in and I feel really good. I am on a path of self discovery. Good luck everyone

33F. I’ve been consciously abstaining from sex and self love for almost 6 months now, this is the longest I’ve gone since I was first sexually active… so it’s been a huge deal for me. I’m in therapy for BPD and sex addiction, and my mental health has never been better. I’ve worked really hard to get to a point where I like me as an individual outside of my sexuality, I’ve stopped a lot of my bad habits, I enjoy my life and my hobbies, I have a job I adore that has renewed my love for what I do… annnnddddd I’ve committed to the gym at least 4-5 times a week for several months. I really enjoy it, now. But after every gym session I feel like a feral animal. I feel like I’m going to explode. I’ve tried to push myself to sheer physical exhaustion so I’m just too tired to think about it, and even that doesn’t help, so what the heck do the celibate gym goers do to chill tf out? 🫠

My strategy is to subtly shift the subject from the abstract CONCEPT of marriage to a specific partner which may or may not exist. It's like they ask you, "when will you make an investment against inflation?" "when will you travel around to see the world?" "when will you go for an audition?" These obviously raise a series of questions, in case you fail to notice - "invest in what, do I even have the money?" "travel to where, why would I, do I have the time and energy?" "what audition, what are you even talking about, how do you assume I have the talent?" Likewise, if I'm not dating anybody in the first place, and nobody's interested in me, whom am I supposed to marry? Myself? My cat?

If you are dating someone, or you're set up on a date with someone, however, then you can give a report on your progress, whether you or your partner is marriage material, whether your partner is a good match, whether they're serious for a relationship, whether you two are compatible, whether they share the same value, whether they like you or not, whether they have marriage in mind as the end goal, that sort of thing.

So as you can see, if you follow their lead on the subject of marriage, you're on the hot seat, you have to reveal your attitude on marriage, and it could go political, ideological and thus very ugly, at least uncomfotable; but when you shift it to the reality of your situation or the merit of your partner, then you're off the hot seat, you're not married simply because there's nobody to marry, or your partner doesn't want marriage, it's not entirely your choice any more, it's just fate.