r/Celibacy

I posted here and have realized I feel most comfortable being celibate. I want to be celibate because anything sexual makes me very uncomfortable and used. And in the past, many guys took advantage of me only for sexual reasons, which feels AWFUL. Now I want to wait until marriage and only do sexual stuff with someone I have truly known. Unfortunately, I did somewhat break it by watching content and doing stuff by myself (not with anyone else). But I am ready and motivated to stop that and live a life free of anything sexual! Also, I feel extra motivated because I met a great friend who is completely celibate and is very good about it, and I feel like she is a great person to talk to and ask for advice. I am excited for this next stage and the relief in my life!

I want to ask, when I feel urges to do something sexual (watching inappropriate content), what should I do instead? How can I distract myself? Thanks so much for the input!

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I've been intentionally abstinent for about 405 days after a difficult breakup. Over that time, I've done a lot of healing and self-reflection, and I've recently started exploring my sexuality and becoming more open to new experiences.

Tomorrow I may meet up with someone I connected with online. It could also involve my first experience in the swinger lifestyle.

Part of me is excited, but another part is wondering if I'm rushing into a situation just because I've been abstinent for so long. I don't want to make a decision just to "end the streak" if that's what's really driving me.

For those who've broken a long period of abstinence, especially after a breakup or while exploring something new, did you regret it? What helped you know you were actually ready versus just caught up in the moment?

I choose abstinence as a way to heal post longterm breakup, I feel like Im ready to shed this era of my life but I'm not scared of restarting the streak either. It's my first one but I'm not scared of it being my last one

I have been celibate exactly for 1 yr 1 month, and I am just so unbelievably h#rny. The whole reason why I decided to abstain from sex is that I realized that, as a woman, sex is more emotional and deeper to us than it is for men. I was constantly catching feelings for the people I was intimate with, as well as my emotional relationships not working out, so I just stopped having sex overall. I am just so frustrated, and sometimes I wish I could have some good sex again. I miss it so much, but sex is so deep, and I can't really do it anymore if it's just anyone; there has to be some type of love for each other or connection. I can't do one-night stands or sneaky links or friends with benefits because I end up catching feelings or feeling just dirty afterwards. I also did have a very hypersexual time in my life about 2-3 years ago, where I was just doing anything lol but now I just can't anymore. UGHHHHHH idk what to do honestly I'm stuck. I miss it but at the same time I just want to feel loved and not used.

Hello everyone.

I don't have many irl experiences, i only had oral sex with one guy (some weeks ago) so im not an oral virgin but down there, yes i am.

I already sexted tons of guys tho and i learned, with that, that i cant have sex or even sext without catching feelings and wanting more from a man. I start to expect care, love, some connection. I decided ill only stop to be virgin in a long time stable relationship.

Although that, its being very hard to do this when i know i could be doing sex. Or even sexting. I had a fight with a guy i was sexting yesterday because that was going way too fat and that made me so sad. I cried and felt bad. So i decided to stop sexting at all, starting today. But i fear to dont be able to stop it. I dont want to stop masturbating, just sex and sexting. So i want to know if anyone has an advice for me.

Because I really want it, im someone with VERY high sexual drive. And i love to feel desired and all attentions it provides me. Its addictive. Im here to talk with people who are similar to me and that understand me.

Most people look at lust all wrong. Modern culture treats it as a harmless hobby, while old-school religion treats it as a shameful sin.

The truth is purely mechanical: Lust is a high-voltage biological program designed to force a downward drain on your energy.

If you let it leak downward through porn, compulsive chasing, or constant fantasies, you get brain fog, low motivation, and a fractured attention span. If you force that same raw energy upward, it acts like rocket fuel for your focus, confidence, and discipline.

Here is the raw logic of how to master it, stripped of the fluff.

1. The Golden Rule: Feeding it is Fertilizer

The biggest lie your brain tells you is: "Just give in this one last time, and the urge will go away."

It’s a mathematical trap. Lust works exactly like a fire. Pouring fuel (giving in) only makes it grow. Every time you scroll through a trigger or give in to a digital loop, you aren't satisfying the urge—you are deeply carving an addiction pathway into your brain. Gratification is not the cure; it is the fertilizer.

2. Why "Just Fighting It" Fails

White-knuckling your way through a craving using raw willpower never works long-term. It’s like compressing a metal spring—eventually, your hand gets tired, the spring snaps back, and you suffer a massive relapse or explosion of anger. You can’t just block the energy; you have to redirect it.

3. The Three Tactical Weapons Used by History's Giants

The most focused minds in history—from elite warriors to world-changing scientists like Nikola Tesla—survived because they used precise mental hacks to disarm temptation the second it hit their radar:

Weapon 1: Break the Glamour (The Medical View)

The moment a visual trigger hits your brain, don't romanticize it. Strip away the illusion. Force your brain to look at the trigger clinically as a temporary machine made of skin, muscle, bone, and blood vessels. By forcing your logical brain to see the raw biological machine instead of a sexual fantasy, the chemical spark in your brain instantly short-circuits.

Weapon 2: Hijack the Energy (The Steam Engine Method)

Treat your raw sexual drive like highly pressurized steam in a boiler. If you just lock it up, it explodes. You must give it a new pipe. The exact minute you feel a massive urge spike, immediately bury yourself in a heavy, non-sexual obsession: hit a brutal workout, code a complex script, build a project, or study something highly difficult. Force that raw, creative energy to power your life goals instead of a temporary high.

Weapon 3: Kill the Secrecy (Friction Maximization)

Lust thrives in the dark and in comfort. When your mind enters a craving state, your logic shuts down. You have to design your environment so it's physically difficult to fail. Install aggressive web blockers, throw your phone in another room, or jump straight into an ice-cold shower. A physical counter-shock instantly resets your nervous system and diverts adrenaline away from the lower body.

The Bottom Line

Your brain is an electrical capacitor. Every time you leak your focus and energy into cheap, fleeting stimuli, your internal voltage drops. Conquering lust isn't about being a puritan or feeling guilty; it is about absolute energetic efficiency. Lock the gates, protect your voltage, and use your fire to build your empire.

No fab always linked with boys, but what does no fap means for girls !?

I've been struggling with lust for 2 yrs now. And I've tried so hard to stay clean but after my 2 week clean streak I fell into the same sin... Again. I really want to stay away from it so I can grow closer to God, and also feel better about myself.

Does anyone have any tips to help me overcome this?

I hope this makes sense.

I hate being single, but it's time to be okay with it. I want intimacy, someone to grow old with, children, ect. Looking back, I'm realizing that I've never been in an official serious relationship. The relationship that was serious was actually one-sided. I've been used for a long time. Whether it was physically, financially, or whatever... Then when rededicating my life to Christ, I struggled with celibacy. This has made my walk with the Lord very complicated. Now I am fully pursuing holiness and just pleasing God. This makes dating complicated because of being celibate. Also, I'm not the most glamorous chick. I'm very simple and casual. I'm definitely not ugly but I only dress up when I need to. I admit I do struggle with low self-image. Then gaining all of this weight does not help either. I've yo-yoed for most of my life but this year was the worst that I've gotten. I'm working on it now and there is some progress. Then there's all these things that I need to do with my life. I need to mature more, and get certain life situations in order. So of course that means I need to wait longer. I really don't want to wait longer because I'm 41 and I'm scared that I'm never going to have that family that I want. I'm trying to focus more on Christ. I've been keeping busy. I just struggle so much with lust and just tempted to settle. Sometimes I struggle with depression. How do I be okay with singlehood? My heart just isn't budging right now. I know why things are the way they are. Logically, it make sense that I have to wait. It just makes me so sad.

Sexual energy is more of a time waste. I dont fully understand how our brain works, is there really a net benefit in abstaining? Assuming there is, why cannot i convince myself towards it. Looking back i realise most of life's fuck up happened becasue of pursuing it (though i dont want to regret). Started with the false pride to prove worth, then rush to become independent so that i could take her care, detoxified, came back, became even more dependent mentally, entered sexual intimacy, parallelly frequent masturbation to pass time (and in a way escape from life), then reality kicked in, broke up with gf, started serious career afresh, after 1.5-2 years let myself get become a slave of my sexual desires, continued throughout, then started paid hookups, but morally couldnt make peace with it, now I'm well placed career wise trajectorily and at last here i am attempting to take a bhishma pratigya

Will try to come here, post regularly -- progress, issues, triggers etc

I was a drug addict and am clean for more than 7 years now. I have my why apropos drugs, but dont have a clear, sustainable and time tested why for celibacy

Hae keshav, guide me 🙏

I (20M) has been in a relationship with a (20F) for 4 years with 1 serious break up from my side due to the lack of s\*x (roughly once every 3-6 months, with 95% of effort done by me). We talked it out and she tried but its now back to “normal”. I remember that when we started dating (both 16) it was great (having s\*x every night, outside, in the car, just normal teenager stuff), after couple of weeks she started taking birth control and since then it just went downhill (I assume that’s what causes the lack of interest in s\*x) we both has since gotten slightly bigger (30-35 % of body fat) I have supplemented my desires by m\*sturbation (however it didn’t affect my ability to perform). Right now our s\*x is: only oral which she doesn’t know how to do (she never made me finish) and then I make her finish with my hand or mouth, and then finish myself. The issue is that other then that it’s an absolutely perfect and healthy relationship. She doesn’t want to get off birth control and I don’t know what to do. What would you do in my situation?

I apologize for all my mistakes, English is not my first language and it’s hard for me to write this, I will be very grateful for any tips, opinions or criticism of me or anything relateble thank you all for your time and support
\*\*TL;DR;\*\* :I’m in a s\*xless relationship that is otherwise perfect, what should I do?

m31 and idk as great as it feels I just don't care enough to pursue it. Have had chances on dating apps more recently but it just seems everyone just wants to bang for that alone and base line minimum I need an emotional connection also. Post 2012 it seems like everyone's turned into a cyborg with smart phones and apps and the majority of the general populace just doesn't seem interesting to me in that regard. I don't think I'm anything special but just can't be bothered to care enough in this modern hook up culture. Its almost like someone would have to be on a similar journey of it for a while for me to be remotely interested and even then idk

I’m on a journey to transform my sexual and romantic desires because I want to channel my energy into higher and more productive pursuits. I’ve realized that most of my triggers stem from a desire to form a connection or from watching romantic content and that this fuels my daydreaming.

For those of you who have been on this path for a long time: Is it possible to transmute these desires so that they no longer control you? What does your daily routine look like when a strong urge or romantic fantasy crosses your mind? I would be grateful for any advice on how to discipline my mind without suppressing it in an unhealthy way.

I'm new to this and I want to know more about celibacy.

I've been banging a lot of girls lately though.

I’m a trans lesbian woman with bottom dysphoria so bad the thought of using it makes me want to vomit. Im not really compatible with anyone because of it so… I live celibate. It has cost me potential relationships, has made sexual desire a living nightmare, and has rendered me loveless through my entire teens and twenties. I’m not asexual, I do have desire, but my life has become very restrained and dulled. I’m very happy to have transitioned and feel more connected with my body than I ever did before.

My options look pretty grim. The process to achieve the genitalia I desire is a long, expensive, and possibly dangerous path. I very well may be looking at a lifetime without sexual activity ever.

What tactics should I use? What knowledge should I impart? If I am to walk the path of being true to myself, I might be a virgin my whole life. Does anyone else have any experience like this? Having desire but literally no physical outlet for the desire to go? Most trans spaces aren’t a great help for this, so I decided to post here. I don’t need trans advice, I need celibacy advice.

I have been suffering from OCD all my life.

I have been on Semen Retention for 3 years (1181 days), I relapsed for the first time in 2026 February 28th. Then I felt ashamed so I started to avoid girls, people, objects, passions I follow like dance, music and gym because after the masturbation I thought I don't deserve anything in life because I broke my streak. Not relationships, dance being social and all the things that make us humans I felt impure after that relapse of masturbation. Then after 62 days on May 1 2026, I relapsed again as a way to cope with uncertainty that I don't know if I Masturbated or not so I went to the bathroom and I ejaculated. I felt guilty and ashamed. Then after 9 days since the 2nd relapse, on May 11 2026, I wanted to see if I would masturbate and not feel guilty and anxiety using different techniques which were using my hand. A relapse for the 3rd time. After the third, an hour later, I had a thought, "anyway the long streak is broken who cares?" And did for the 4th time this year. Then on June 18, there was a sleep interruption so when I felt the erection I started fapping. Then I went to the bathroom, and did relapses two more times within the time framework of 2 AM and 4 AM. Now I am avoiding everything and everyone. Withdrawing mostly. Feeling like I don't deserve anything anymore. And some evidence points towards the fact that I have made a rule so strictly on NoFap /Semen Retention that if the streak is collapsed, everything else structured gets cause-and-effect chain like an exothermic reaction. Now I am currently on the 3rd Day of living a lifestyle where NoFap rules still apply but I am not trying to not tie it to my self-worth. But I can't. I have also been Sexually Abused as a child of 11 and 12 by a year older than me back in those times. So whenever I masturbate, I cancel all other activities for a while until I feel deserving or think I have the right to do them again or do them when I feel okay after avoidance for several days. I think people will judge me for masturbating before somehow they can know it from my face because after masturbation I would be looking dull and tired.

Now I don't have a structure. I am also not good at the things I am passionate about. I started then all late when I was 21. The only thing I was good at was NoFap and now it's broken.

I don't know what else to do. I have addressed the shame but it has not worked in favour of me yet. I try to be self-compassionate but I fail to do it every time. Now I feel like I don't deserve friendships at all and I think that my feelings get invalidated because of masturbation. And I always think about the 6 relapses and it still haunts me.

I am very depressed. I wish I didn't take this challenge too seriously. 😞😞

I still have counting compulsions and it's kind of second nature for me. Also checking too. Reviewing inside. When I face other people, I hear what I say to myself in my head when I am alone and think that people are already saying what I am saying to myself because I project my fear onto others. Sometimes I wish that something awful happens to me. I am just tired. And my nervous system is too sensitive for this world. 😢😢

I am trying to get back up but screaming voices of relapses and streak roars loader than a lion.

Ive been abstaining for 2 yrs and 3 months ( after june ) im so proud of myself and i feel the desire for a relationship fading. My main focus now is just financial freedom and traveling one day.

I feel my energy being able to be diverted into myself, my kids, hobbies, my future as well as my dreams.

Im so happy i decided to abstain. I have clarity of mind and peace..and i can honestly go the rest of my days like this.

Im also to the point just the thought of someone touching me and sex makes me cringe. I feel itd take someone special but i havent had a crush in years.

Idk i just feel free and thought id share.

My heart is free, my mind is free and i f eel peace. I feel good.

Not one, but TWO TRANS GUYS ASKED ME OUT! 🥰🥰

I want a man that doesn’t have a dick so bad ugh 😩 I’m so sorry if this is insensitive to anyone. I just don’t know if I’m gay or straight or ace, bc I do like men, just not dick/being penetrated, bc I’m deathly afraid of pregnancy. So I don’t want dick near me at all down there, and only like receiving oral sex. Anyway, the people I’ve been meeting on the HER app are really nice

They’re accepting of me not liking penetration ☺️ and screw everyone on here saying I’m not ace. The definition is LITTLE to no sexual attraction. Can’t I be ace/abstinent if I only like oral/being rubbed?

there are some things you are born with that you just can’t change about yourself. the color of your eyes and skin. your height. any chronic or genetic conditions you have. but also, being an introvert or extrovert. needing a lot of touch or none at all to be functional and happy.

i am a flaming extrovert and person with a very high need for physical contact with other humans. it follows logically that i was, uh, quite promiscuous for many years. eventually i fell in love twice within just over a year and both relationships fundamentally changed my relationship with sex and i became celibate after the second breakup. i am incredibly heartbroken now. but i’m also fatally touch-starved and the loneliness is excruciating.

God created me for companionship and intimacy, and i have absolutely zero of either now. can anyone relate to how painful it is even though we’re doing this 100% voluntarily?

Pnoè is the rhythmic mediation that transforms the opposition of Eros and Thanatos into a genuinely dialectical movement: not a third drive, but the breath‑like oscillation that makes life, its negation, and becoming co‑constitutive. Celibacy is a technique for modulating pnoè. Judaism’s main weakness is that it does not valorize celibacy, and in fact it structurally rejects it.