u/thestrongcoder

I have such a horrible photo on my lpu touch app, I need to get it changed before I get my ID.

Just asking, so we can go home together

Getting bored, trying to find some friends to play chess with

So as I was in the reporting area, I saw people playing chess and I played with a few of them myself and I was wondering if there are some chess players who wanna hang out and play chess.

I miss my brother and yes he is alive, happily married and I guess he forgot me too but I miss him and I can't do anything about it.

I miss dancing with him on bhangra, I miss playing video games with him, I miss letting my mama and mami go sleep on terrace while we stay up at light in room and Play PUBG on emulator. I miss watching movies/web series with him after making the whole room go dark.

I miss how he was my first google and every question goes through him before any book, encyclopedia or internet, I miss how he kept my curiosity alive and I miss all the card and board games we played together.

I miss the quizzes he used to ask and then train my brain to find those answer off wikipedia, he made my first gmail, he thought me coding, i just miss him.

I miss how he used to annoy and make me cry and then take a photo just to make me laugh cause he knew I don't want to look bad in a picture.

I miss how he accepted me for who I was and never judged me once, I miss how secretly he loved me more than anything but never showed, I miss how I was the most favourite of all the brothers and I just can't stop missing him.

I was listening to the song that he used to listen while he sit on computer and code whilst I enjoy watching him wating chips and I cried so hard I just didn't knew what happened but it just happened. I never intentionally hugged him ever when I used to get afraid from horror movies like "The Ring" I used to hug him and he embraced me back.

Sometimes when we sleep together I just cuddle him to sleep.

I am leaving my city for University in 3 days and the only thing I want is to see him once like at least once and talk to him but I guess the brother I used to miss is long gone and what left of is his body so I guess I need to accept the fact that the person I used to miss is long dead.

I still want to hug him and tell him how much I loved him, if I knew he would get separated when I was a kid, I would have cherrished the time he was with me even more.

He was my mama's son but I always felt that he treated me like his own blood brother, I don't have my mom and dad so what was left to be called as a family was him and him alone and he left me at the most vulnerable time of mine, his family fought and got separated and now all I am left with is my nani and she is all about herself and chote mama ( my big brother was of bade mama).

They bought a new home and ditched us and I am not sad about it that he is happy I just wish I could see him more, or once, I'll be happy seeing him around.

It's been 3 years of them ditching me and I am earning by myself, bought a laptop to play games on, bought card and board games, bought every single thing that I used to do with him but I guess I won't be able to buy a brother, a person who would love me this unconditionally like he did.

First my mom, then my best friend and later my very own alive brother. "Jo hota hai acche ke liye hota hai", I am trying to examine this situation thoroughly kya accha hai isme.

Be it walking on ghats, going to eat pizza or anything really.

I don't know what is happening to me but I am sleeping a lot, I slept at midnight, and woke up at 5 pm. I just feel like I have no purpose in my life, everybody around me seems to have work that they are doing except me.

I am so free when people call me I just go with them, when I try calling them they tell me let's fix a time first before meeting it's not the case with me.

I just can't connect with people or at least I try to but it just doesn't happen. I don't want to meet people but when I do I don't want to leave them just want them to stay with me as long as they can.

I am not at ease at all, the world around me keeps on falling and I am leaving this life without any purpose, it just feels like I don't deserve happiness so I just crave cheap thrills and pleasure from movies and rubbish stuff.

I am trying to be friends with kids near my home but it's just I don't know I know they can't stay with me all the time as well.

I am leaving varansi for my college on the 3rd of August and this just doesn't feel right, if I go with this state of mind, I really want to fix all this.

I want to experience the best pizza in Banaras, where I can get it. Money is not the concern I just want to experience the best pizza Banaras has to offer.

So tired staying at home sitting here