u/turbodeathsnail

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I personally would, but I'd want a plan. Like, "if we're doing this, we're both gonna work on x y and z." She was such a genuinely kind soul, I really thought we had something. I wouldn't mind taking her back at all. And truthfully, I miss her every day. I'm assuming it's forever over, but that doesn't mean I don't miss her or that I wouldn't take her back.

Thoughts? If your ex came back, would you take them?

We had a sort of on and off relationship for the last 6 months. She got very distant and avoidant around the 4 month mark, and she told me about her mental health issues, while absolutely ridden with guilt and blaming herself for "mistreating me". So we went on break, i lightly checked in on her a couple weeks later, and she asked if she wanted to hang out again, so we did. And then we went back to seeing each other semi regularly after that.

​

​

However, it was very hot and cold, and very confusing. In person, we'd be making out, all over each other, joking around, etc. Then following that was days to weeks of dead silence and hearing nothing from her whatsoever. She would occasionally go out and do things with friends that I would have loved to join her for, but she wouldn't include me. She'd flake plans with me, but i do know she was A LOT more of a home body during this time.

​

​

Not long after, I panicked and bought her tickets to a concert for an artist she absolutely loves. I drove 2 hours to go to this show, I took my sister with me, and we had a good time. Following day, dead silence.

​

​

I really did this just because I wanted us to enjoy something together, and then have something to talk about when it was over, because communication took a heavy fall. She would go out and do stuff we both enjoy with her friends, but when it came to me it was always late night hangouts in the truck, and it was really hard to nake plans or get her to do anything else with me. Not that I'm mad about it, it was just so confusing. Because she would say she was really burnt out ajd didn't have energy for me, but her friends didn't seem to be much of a problem for her.

​

​

Prior to this, I would constantly try to get her out so we could make memories and do fun stuff together. So the concert that I knew she wanted to go to felt like my opportunity. I texted her saying we needed to talk, she agreed that we did. Like she'd been wanting to talk me.

​

​

The next day, i saw her at church and she barely looked at me or talked to me. I didn't take it personal at all, as i figured she had something heavy to drop on me.

​

​

So i took her back home, i let her start talking, and she immediately started balling and crying. She said that she couldn't be in the relationship, and she felt that she mistreated me, and she mentioned she had "a lot of anger and sadness towards me" due to not being able to be there for the relationship. She kept saying, "You just don't deserve a sad girlfriend." "I really tried, I keep trying to ignore it, but I can't." And she kept saying how none of this was fair to me, etc.

​

​

I had to let her walk away crying, after i told her i would stick around through everything and let her deal with her problems. I told her I would be there for her and love her through everything, and she declined. She kept saying, "I want to make this work, I still love you. I really tried, but I can't."

​

​

We got nostalgic for a sec, and talked about memories, then started making out for a sec, then she began crying again, and said, "No.... I can't.." and she got out of my truck.

​

​

I followed her out and i tried to hug her, and she said, "No, can't. I can't hug you right now, i need to go."

​

​

I then went back to my truck.

​

​

I sat in my truck, about a block from her house, devastated. I sat their for about an hour, just reminiscing.

​

That was the last I saw of her. The next day, I texted her, apologizing for begging her not to end things and how That was unfair to her in that moment, and that I was rooting for her recovery even if that meant i could no longer be in her life and that I wished the best for her. She basically responded, "Thanks, you too." And i liked it and didn't respond.

​

​

I don't think i ever mistreated her. I gave her space when she asked for it, attention when she craved it, and I always tried to be there for her for everything.

​

​

After about a week, she was posting stuff about being really happy, reposting about how she "made the hard but the right decision".

​

​

It felt like it meant i mistreated her, possibly deserved what had happened, and those posts just screamed "fuck you" to me. It cut really deep. I had since blocked her, and i unfortunately went to look one more time to see what was up, and she has since began going out and doing fun stuff with friends, and acting really happy. All stuff I would have loved to join her for.

​

​

I feel fucking awful about myself right now after seeing that. I feel like I'm the one who failed her.

​

It seems like possible fearful avoidant? The early connection was so strong, almost too good to be true. (Which i guess it really was.) There were a lot of hit and cold moments months going in.

​

She seemed on paper like everything I've ever wanted in a girl when we first got together, and she seemed so into it at first... I think that's part of why this one cut so deep for me.

​

​

We had a sort of on and off relationship for the last 6 months. She got very distant and avoidant around the 4 month mark, and she told me about her mental health issues, while absolutely ridden with guilt and blaming herself for "mistreating me". So we went on break, i lightly checked in on her a couple weeks later, and she asked if she wanted to hang out again, so we did. And then we went back to seeing each other semi regularly after that.

​

​

However, it was very hot and cold, and very confusing. In person, we'd be making out, all over each other, joking around, etc. Then following that was days to weeks of dead silence and hearing nothing from her whatsoever. She would occasionally go out and do things with friends that I would have loved to join her for, but she wouldn't include me. She'd flake plans with me, but i do know she was A LOT more of a home body during this time.

​

​

Not long after, I panicked and bought her tickets to a concert for an artist she absolutely loves. I drove 2 hours to go to this show, I took my sister with me, and we had a good time. Following day, dead silence.

​

​

​

I really did this just because I wanted us to enjoy something together, and then have something to talk about when it was over, because communication took a heavy fall. She would go out and do stuff we both enjoy with her friends, but when it came to me it was always late night hangouts in the truck, and it was really hard to nake plans or get her to do anything else with me. Not that I'm mad about it, it was just so confusing. Because she would say she was really burnt out ajd didn't have energy for me, but her friends didn't seem to be much of a problem for her.

​

Prior to this, I would constantly try to get her out so we could make memories and do fun stuff together. So the concert that I knew she wanted to go to felt like my opportunity. I texted her saying we needed to talk, she agreed that we did. Like she'd been wanting to talk me.

​

​

​

The next day, i saw her at church and she barely looked at me or talked to me. I didn't take it personal at all, as i figured she had something heavy to drop on me.

​

​

​

So i took her back home, i let her start talking, and she immediately started balling and crying. She said that she couldn't be in the relationship, and she felt that she mistreated me, and she mentioned she had "a lot of anger and sadness towards me" due to not being able to be there for the relationship. She kept saying, "You just don't deserve a sad girlfriend." "I really tried, I keep trying to ignore it, but I can't." And she kept saying how none of this was fair to me, etc.

​

​

I had to let her walk away crying, after i told her i would stick around through everything and let her deal with her problems. I told her I would be there for her and love her through everything, and she declined. She kept saying, "I want to make this work, I still love you. I really tried, but I can't."

​

​

​

We got nostalgic for a sec, and talked about memories, then started making out for a sec, then she began crying again, and said, "No.... I can't.." and she got out of my truck.

​

​

​

I followed her out and i tried to hug her, and she said, "No, can't. I can't hug you right now, i need to go."

​

​

​

I then went back to my truck.

​

​

​

I sat in my truck, about a block from her house, devastated. I sat their for about an hour, just reminiscing.

​

​

​

That was the last I saw of her. The next day, I texted her, apologizing for begging her not to end things and how That was unfair to her in that moment, and that I was rooting for her recovery even if that meant i could no longer be in her life and that I wished the best for her. She basically responded, "Thanks, you too." And i liked it and didn't respond.

​

​

​

I don't think i ever mistreated her. I gave her space when she asked for it, attention when she craved it, and I always tried to be there for her for everything.

​

​

After about a week, she was posting stuff about being really happy, reposting about how she "made the hard but the right decision".

​

​

​

It felt like it meant i mistreated her, possibly deserved what had happened, and those posts just screamed "fuck you" to me. It cut really deep. I had since blocked her, and i unfortunately went to look one more time to see what was up, and she has since began going out and doing fun stuff with friends, and acting really happy. All stuff I would have loved to join her for.

​

​

​

I feel fucking awful about myself right now after seeing that. I feel like I'm the one who failed her.

​

​

It seems like possible fearful avoidant? The early connection was so strong, almost too good to be true. (Which i guess it really was.) There were a lot of hit and cold moments months going in.

​

She seemed on paper like everything I've ever wanted in a girl when we first got together, and she seemed so into it at first... I think that's part of why this one cut so deep for me.

We had a sort of on and off relationship for the last 6 months. She got very distant and avoidant around the 4 month mark, and she told me about her mental health issues, while absolutely ridden with guilt and blaming herself for "mistreating me". So we went on break, i lightly checked in on her a couple weeks later, and she asked if she wanted to hang out again, so we did. And then we went back to seeing each other semi regularly after that.

​

However, it was very hot and cold, and very confusing. In person, we'd be making out, all over each other, joking around, etc. Then following that was days to weeks of dead silence and hearing nothing from her whatsoever. She would occasionally go out and do things with friends that I would have loved to join her for, but she wouldn't include me. She'd flake plans with me, but i do know she was A LOT more of a home body during this time.

​

Not long after, I panicked and bought her tickets to a concert for an artist she absolutely loves. I drove 2 hours to go to this show, I took my sister with me, and we had a good time. Following day, dead silence.

​

I really did this just because I wanted us to enjoy something together, and then have something to talk about when it was over, because communication took a heavy fall. She would go out and do stuff we both enjoy with her friends, but when it came to me it was always late night hangouts in the truck, and it was really hard to nake plans or get her to do anything else with me. Not that I'm mad about it, it was just so confusing. Because she would say she was really burnt out ajd didn't have energy for me, but her friends didn't seem to be much of a problem for her.

​

Prior to this, I would constantly try to get her out so we could make memories and do fun stuff together. So the concert that I knew she wanted to go to felt like my opportunity. I texted her saying we needed to talk, she agreed that we did. Like she'd been wanting to talk me.

​

The next day, i saw her at church and she barely looked at me or talked to me. I didn't take it personal at all, as i figured she had something heavy to drop on me.

​

So i took her back home, i let her start talking, and she immediately started balling and crying. She said that she couldn't be in the relationship, and she felt that she mistreated me, and she mentioned she had "a lot of anger and sadness towards me" due to not being able to be there for the relationship. She kept saying, "You just don't deserve a sad girlfriend." "I really tried, I keep trying to ignore it, but I can't." And she kept saying how none of this was fair to me, etc.

​

I had to let her walk away crying, after i told her i would stick around through everything and let her deal with her problems. I told her I would be there for her and love her through everything, and she declined. She kept saying, "I want to make this work, I still love you. I really tried, but I can't."

​

We got nostalgic for a sec, and talked about memories, then started making out for a sec, then she began crying again, and said, "No.... I can't.." and she got out of my truck.

​

I followed her out and i tried to hug her, and she said, "No, can't. I can't hug you right now, i need to go."

​

I then went back to my truck.

​

I sat in my truck, about a block from her house, devastated. I sat their for about an hour, just reminiscing.

​

That was the last I saw of her. The next day, I texted her, apologizing for begging her not to end things and how That was unfair to her in that moment, and that I was rooting for her recovery even if that meant i could no longer be in her life and that I wished the best for her. She basically responded, "Thanks, you too." And i liked it and didn't respond.

​

I don't think i ever mistreated her. I gave her space when she asked for it, attention when she craved it, and I always tried to be there for her for everything.

​

After about a week, she was posting stuff about being really happy, reposting about how she "made the hard but the right decision".

​

​

It felt like it meant i mistreated her, possibly deserved what had happened, and those posts just screamed "fuck you" to me. It cut really deep. I had since blocked her, and i unfortunately went to look one more time to see what was up, and she has since began going out and doing fun stuff with friends, and acting really happy. All stuff I would have loved to join her for.

​

​

I feel fucking awful about myself right now after seeing that. I feel like I'm the one who failed her.

​

It seems like possible fearful avoidant? The early connection was so strong, almost too good to be true. (Which i guess it really was.) There were a lot of hit and cold moments months going in.

She seemed on paper like everything I've ever wanted in a girl when we first got together, and she seemed so into it at first... I think that's part of why this one cut so deep for me.

I'm a guy in my 20s only wanting a best friend/partner in crime relationship with a girl. The only thing is, while I love going out and doing things, I have absolutely zero interest in drinking at all or getting fucked up. I love doing outdoorsy things like hiking or riding dirt bikes, or small town things like local punk shows and as oxymoronic as it sounds, going to church. How do I find and pursue someone? And when I get to that point, how do I keep that person in my life?

We had a sort of on and off relationship for the last 6 months. She got very distant and avoidant around the 4 month mark, and she told me about her mental health issues, while absolutely ridden with guilt and blaming herself for "mistreating me". So we went on break, i lightly checked in on her a couple weeks later, and she asked if she wanted to hang out again, so we did. And then we went back to seeing each other semi regularly after that.

However, it was very hot and cold, and very confusing. In person, we'd be making out, all over each other, joking around, etc. Then following that was days to weeks of dead silence and hearing nothing from her whatsoever. She would occasionally go out and do things with friends that I would have loved to join her for, but she wouldn't include me. She'd flake plans with me, but i do know she was A LOT more of a home body during this time.

Not long after, I panicked and bought her tickets to a concert for an artist she absolutely loves. I drove 2 hours to go to this show, I took my sister with me, and we had a good time. Following day, dead silence. I texted her saying we needed to talk, she agreed that we did. Like she'd been wanting to talk me.

The next day, i saw her at church and she barely looked at me or talked to me. I didn't take it personal at all, as i figured she had something heavy to drop on me.

So i took her back home, i let her start talking, and she immediately started balling and crying. She said that she couldn't be in the relationship, and she felt that she mistreated me, and she mentioned she had "a lot of anger and sadness towards me" due to not being able to be there for the relationship. She kept saying, "You just don't deserve a sad girlfriend."

I had to let her walk away crying, after i told her i would stick around through everything and let her deal with her problems. I told her I would be there for her and love her through everything, and she declined. She kept saying, "I want tk make this work, I still love you. I really tried, but I can't."

We got nostalgic for a sec, and talked about memories, then started making out for a sec, then she began crying again, and said, "No.... I can't.." and she got out of my truck.

I followed her out and i tried to hug her, and she said, "No, can't. I can't hug you right now, i need to go."

I then went back to my truck.

I sat in my truck, about a block from her house, devastated. I sat their for about an hour, just reminiscing.

That was the last I saw of her. The next day, I texted her, apologizing for begging her not to end things and how That was unfair to her in that moment, and that I was rooting for her recovery even if that meant i could no longer be in her life and that I wished the best for her. She basically responded, "Thanks, you too." And i liked it and didn't respond.

It's been about a week, and now she's posting stuff about being really happy, reposting about how she "made a hard but the right decision".

Does this mean I mistreated her? Does she hate me now? Did I cause these problems she had in her life?

I feel fucking awful about myself right now after seeing that. I feel like I'm the one who failed her. Does it sound like I'm the asshole?