u/ultrqvoid

My ex best friend and I were best friends from 16-21. I cut her off in April.

Let’s call her Emma. Emma dumped her boyfriend in late 2024. She was with him for about 2-3 years. After that she became male centred. At first it didn’t seem harmful. She was excited to be free after years of being locked in.

At the start of 2025 is when I noticed Emma was becoming really male centred and selfish. She would talk about whatever guy she was talking to or she’d always say in public oh he’s hot etc. I would change the subject and ask her about uni or work or her goals and it would always go back to men. Even at basketball before the game or training she’d debrief or talk about men.

In june 2025 we went to the club with our friend. Our friend left early as she wanted to go home. It was just me and Emma. We ran into her uni friend’s brother let’s call him John in the club. We hung out with him for a bit. She then ran away in the corner of the club to make out with him. I was left alone. That section of the club closed as it was nearly closing. I wanted to go home as it was late but she wanted to stay and I didn’t want to leave her. We went to a different part of the club. We were standing together. The John walked into the dance floor and she followed leaving me alone once again.

I stood at the edge of the dance floor leaning on the chairs and tables as I knew it would be easier for them to find me there than in a crowd of people. A man came over and started talking to me. I wasn’t interested but I was being kind and chatting back. I was getting uncomfortable with him and was waiting for Emma to come back and help me as I was tense and froze. I was midway in messaging her. She came to me and asked if I was okay. I shook my head slightly to a no and gave her a specific look of help me. She turned around and left me. He began to sa me. I turned around and in the corner she was making out with John. She left me with a stranger while I was drunk to get attention from a man. It was partly my fault for freezing but as a friend in girl terms you don’t leave your friend alone in the club with a stranger or always stand with them or keep them in eyesight especially if you’re both drunk.

Fast forward two weeks after. We were warming up at training. Emma told me proudly that she slept with John even though the her friend let’s call her Mary said don’t sleep with him as a boundary. I gave her a dirty look and said “you slept with him knowing she said not to. That’s a boundary you broke and im extremely disappointed in you”. She continued to say “but I was drunk I didn’t know” I said “you did know”. She went quiet. I messaged Emma after and said I didn’t mean to come off as a bitch but what you did you need to come clean and apologise to Mary and I am very disappointed in you.

She told Mary then Mary cut her off and my friend acted like the victim and blaming the Mary saying there was no proper communication. She was still messing around with John and he did her dirty which btw the Mary said he’s a dickhead. For her revenge Emma slept with John’s best friend. It did nothing with John’s feelings.

She then got a pregnancy scare from the John’s best friend. It was negative but she told me “I kinda wish I was pregnant for the plot”. I gave her a dirty look and didn’t say anything.

At this stage I lost a lot of trust in her, safety and many more things. I didn’t hang out with her a lot and I just kept my distance.

For my birthday a few months after I asked her to come to town for my birthday weekend. Emma said she was gonna have a night in. I said that’s okay we can go to dinner. That weekend that I asked her to go out with me she was posing with her friends she always talked shit about out in town the exact day I asked her to go to town for my birthday.

Fast forward to 2026. In our men’s basketball team this new guy was recruited. Let’s call him Joseph. Joseph was recruited from the states to play her in Australia. He was recruited with another guy let’s call him Jayden. They first came in February. I found him attractive when I first Joseph. I told her and said I think Joseph’s cute I might have a crush on him. Emma said that’s cute you should go for it. In March Joseph and I had our first interactions I was shy and awkward he was shy and awkward.

We went to one of the b grade games and Joseph and Jayden were there. I randomly matched with one of their teammates on tinder but nothing happened it was for shits and giggles. We were sitting with the coach and the coach jokingly pointed at let’s call him George and said who dibs him. She pointed at me laughed and said extremely loud she matched on tinder with him. I froze as George looked at us mind you he was on the court playing meaning Joseph and Hayden would’ve heard as well. Coach looked and me and said wait really I said yeah we did but nothing happened im open. Coach giggled and he said good be open. I then gave Emma a big side eye and dirty look.

We asked Joseph and Jayden to come to town with us to experience it. That was in about four weeks before we had a date set for town. During this time I would noticed at basketball she was flirt with him which he wasn’t flirting back. She was messaging him behind my back without me knowing showing everyone their messages but me. Whenever it was group convos with Joseph and Jayden and us she’d purposely belittle me or exclude me completely. In April we went to the clubs with both of the boys. I had a gut feeling she liked him but wanted to wait to confront her until our night out as alcohol would’ve showed her true colours.

We went out had a good time. Me and Joseph clicked instantly and was together most of the night chatting getting to know each other and just having fun. When it was me and Joseph having one on one time she’d give me a dirty look of jealousy. I didn’t let it affect me. But that’s when I knew she liked him. At the end of the night me and Joseph were still talking and we agreed we wanna go home she kept saying stay stay a few more minutes. I said fine but im going to the toilet stay right here. I went to the toilet came back they were gone. I walked all over the club and didn’t find them so I sat down and went to message them. A guy came up to me making me uncomfortable and I quickly messaged her before I could freeze. She came and grabbed me and I said I wanna go home. We walked out and got food and waited for our uber. Usually the combo of uber drop off is her me and then him. But she did the combo of me him then her which I found weird and she wanted to put herself in the middle.

That was on saturday. It’s not Monday and we were at basketball. She asked me what do you think about Joseph. I stopped and said Emma you know what I think about Joseph. She said I can’t stop thinking about him and I don’t wanna hurt you. I was fuming even though I knew so I went quiet. We went on with the game blah blah blah. Late that night I got a message from her which was going on about how she likes him and blah blah blah. The whole message was extremely inconsiderate, guilt tripping, belittling me and my feelings and selfish and urgent.

I left that message on read for a couple days as I felt the betrayal. I messaged her back and said thanks for being honest and told her the truth of yes I like him a lot but because he’s only here for a few months im not expecting anything serious but open to whatever can form naturally. She proceeded to say I’ll always be honest with you and ask me if she can ask Joseph to go to town that weekend again. Not with Jayden. Not with me. Not with anyone from basketball. I say yeah whatever.

We had chats back and forth as my best friend let’s call her Chloe was saying that’s wrong you gotta speak up so I did. I told her everything of how I felt and what I noticed she was doing infront of me and behind my back yet she still didn’t come clean until it was too late.

She didn’t apologise or say anything. I then had called her boy obsessed, selfish, a liar and male centred, desperate etc. over reposts on tiktok but didn’t say it was about her which i acknowledged wasn’t a great time to do it but I was filled with anger and betrayal. She demanded an apology and to take them down and proceeded to act like the victim knowing that her disrespect and actions caused my reaction. I never apologised or said anything. I said I acknowledge how you feel.

She was being petty and demanding about having a convo knowing at this time I was dealing with a bacterial infection. I just decided that I didn’t wanna be friend with her anymore so I cut her off. She was petty and wanted her harry styles ticket. I was tempted to sell it and only send her sisters ticket but I didn’t.

Really everything I felt was betrayal, dishonesty, disrespect and many more feelings towards her. She was draining the life out of me and I had a grudge against her after that night I was assaulted. I never apologised to her or anything and im still processing and not over how much of a bad friend she was to me and how she disrespected and betrayed me so bad.

I have so much hatred for her that i want to say to her still as I am still so angry and fuming about everything. I felt like I played it too nice and didn’t say enough and I think she deserves a mouthful from me.

I want to say during all of this I was dealing with a critical iron deficiency anemia and severe vitamin d deficiency which may have caused me to overreact or feel emotions heavily. I want you to be honest.

Was I overreacting or wrong for doing what I did and was I too nice in the end and should’ve been meaner?

I’m 20 about to turn 21. I have been unemployed for over two years now. I’ve submitted over 1,500 job applications and got hundreds of interviews but still jobless. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried handing in resumes, using connections etc. nothing.

It makes you really self conscious. I’m putting in all this effort and I can’t even get a reply to say why I didn’t get the job. I am slowly losing motivation to keep applying to jobs or even look for a job.

It’s also hard and gut wrenching seeing everyone around you change their job or get new jobs as often as they change their underwear yet no one considers you for employment.

Everyone thinks im lazy. Everyone say try this do this so that. I’ve done it all nothing works. I’ve tried to change from retail to hospitality but they always say they want experience. I even applied to Maccas and kfc and got rejected. I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WRONG AND ITS SO FRUSTRATING.

I’m 20 I have no savings. No job. No commitments. Still living with my parents and can barely afford a lollipop that costs $1.50. That’s how broke I am.

I sew and have been trying to sell some items for some cash but it’s not fast income. I do pet sitting for something but it’s not much either. Realistically I would only get about $20-$300 a week depending if im booked or not or getting orders.

Any advice would help as I would like to move interstate for more opportunities of my career.

Back in june 2025 I experienced my first ever encounter of sexual assault. I was 19 at the time. It happened in the middle of the club with dozens of people while I was drunk.

I blame myself. I keep thinking if I didn’t go out that night it wouldn’t have happened or if I left earlier it wouldn’t have happened. I blame my body and myself for freezing and just letting it happen. I didn’t physically say no but I was trying to push him away and turn my head away. I kept trying until he pushed me back and I realised I wasn’t strong enough to get him off me or fight him off so then my body froze completely and just let it happen. I never thought it was assault as I’ve really only ever been told anything penetrative is assault. Even though ik it was assault now it still feels like it wasn’t and that I am overreacting and my story isn’t as bad as other peoples stories so my brain thinks it’s not important to talk about.

To this day I still get flashbacks. It’s affected me in ways I don’t think people understand. I don’t like hugging people anymore even if it’s my family or friends. I have trouble with anything intimate even if it’s just crushes and have developed an immense fear of intimacy now. I have been more isolated and not wanting to go out. I mostly stick to myself now and don’t like to make new friends or talk to people as I don’t trust anymore and find it difficult as when it happened my ex friend left me and yes ik it’s not her fault. My nervous system was so broken I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t hang out with my friends one on one even if it was my best friend. I had mood swings and even still scrub my body raw because I can still feel him. I get paranoid everywhere I go. Basically im such a mess and I genuinely don’t know how to fix it.

My mind doesn’t remember much but my body remembers everything. I have only ever told my best friend she is the only person to know as I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that my body froze even though I tried to do everything I could to stop him.

The worst part is I can’t even get justice. He was a stranger in the club where we were both drunk. I never got his name. I only remember his face. And that’s the part the hurts me the most is that im stuck with this forever. He took away the one thing I loved most and now im petrified to do anything with a man again. And it feels like it’s all my fault because I couldn’t say no.

My ex best friend and I were best friends from 16-21. I cut her off in April.

Let’s call her Emma. Emma dumped her boyfriend in late 2024. She was with him for about 2-3 years. After that she became male centred. At first it didn’t seem harmful. She was excited to be free after years of being locked in.

At the start of 2025 is when I noticed Emma was becoming really male centred and selfish. She would talk about whatever guy she was talking to or she’d always say in public oh he’s hot etc. I would change the subject and ask her about uni or work or her goals and it would always go back to men. Even at basketball before the game or training she’d debrief or talk about men.

In june 2025 we went to the club with our friend. Our friend left early as she wanted to go home. It was just me and Emma. We ran into her uni friend’s brother let’s call him John in the club. We hung out with him for a bit. She then ran away in the corner of the club to make out with him. I was left alone. That section of the club closed as it was nearly closing. I wanted to go home as it was late but she wanted to stay and I didn’t want to leave her. We went to a different part of the club. We were standing together. The John walked into the dance floor and she followed leaving me alone once again.

I stood at the edge of the dance floor leaning on the chairs and tables as I knew it would be easier for them to find me there than in a crowd of people. A man came over and started talking to me. I wasn’t interested but I was being kind and chatting back. I was getting uncomfortable with him and was waiting for Emma to come back and help me as I was tense and froze. I was midway in messaging her. She came to me and asked if I was okay. I shook my head slightly to a no and gave her a specific look of help me. She turned around and left me. He began to sa me. I turned around and in the corner she was making out with John. She left me with a stranger while I was drunk to get attention from a man. It was partly my fault for freezing but as a friend in girl terms you don’t leave your friend alone in the club with a stranger or always stand with them or keep them in eyesight especially if you’re both drunk.

Fast forward two weeks after. We were warming up at training. Emma told me proudly that she slept with John even though the her friend let’s call her Mary said don’t sleep with him as a boundary. I gave her a dirty look and said “you slept with him knowing she said not to. That’s a boundary you broke and im extremely disappointed in you”. She continued to say “but I was drunk I didn’t know” I said “you did know”. She went quiet. I messaged Emma after and said I didn’t mean to come off as a bitch but what you did you need to come clean and apologise to Mary and I am very disappointed in you.

She told Mary then Mary cut her off and my friend acted like the victim and blaming the Mary saying there was no proper communication. She was still messing around with John and he did her dirty which btw the Mary said he’s a dickhead. For her revenge Emma slept with John’s best friend. It did nothing with John’s feelings.

She then got a pregnancy scare from the John’s best friend. It was negative but she told me “I kinda wish I was pregnant for the plot”. I gave her a dirty look and didn’t say anything.

At this stage I lost a lot of trust in her, safety and many more things. I didn’t hang out with her a lot and I just kept my distance.

For my birthday a few months after I asked her to come to town for my birthday weekend. Emma said she was gonna have a night in. I said that’s okay we can go to dinner. That weekend that I asked her to go out with me she was posing with her friends she always talked shit about out in town the exact day I asked her to go to town for my birthday.

Fast forward to 2026. In our men’s basketball team this new guy was recruited. Let’s call him Joseph. Joseph was recruited from the states to play her in Australia. He was recruited with another guy let’s call him Jayden. They first came in February. I found him attractive when I first Joseph. I told her and said I think Joseph’s cute I might have a crush on him. Emma said that’s cute you should go for it. In March Joseph and I had our first interactions I was shy and awkward he was shy and awkward.

We went to one of the b grade games and Joseph and Jayden were there. I randomly matched with one of their teammates on tinder but nothing happened it was for shits and giggles. We were sitting with the coach and the coach jokingly pointed at let’s call him George and said who dibs him. She pointed at me laughed and said extremely loud she matched on tinder with him. I froze as George looked at us mind you he was on the court playing meaning Joseph and Hayden would’ve heard as well. Coach looked and me and said wait really I said yeah we did but nothing happened im open. Coach giggled and he said good be open. I then gave Emma a big side eye and dirty look.

We asked Joseph and Jayden to come to town with us to experience it. That was in about four weeks before we had a date set for town. During this time I would noticed at basketball she was flirt with him which he wasn’t flirting back. She was messaging him behind my back without me knowing showing everyone their messages but me. Whenever it was group convos with Joseph and Jayden and us she’d purposely belittle me or exclude me completely. In April we went to the clubs with both of the boys. I had a gut feeling she liked him but wanted to wait to confront her until our night out as alcohol would’ve showed her true colours.

We went out had a good time. Me and Joseph clicked instantly and was together most of the night chatting getting to know each other and just having fun. When it was me and Joseph having one on one time she’d give me a dirty look of jealousy. I didn’t let it affect me. But that’s when I knew she liked him. At the end of the night me and Joseph were still talking and we agreed we wanna go home she kept saying stay stay a few more minutes. I said fine but im going to the toilet stay right here. I went to the toilet came back they were gone. I walked all over the club and didn’t find them so I sat down and went to message them. A guy came up to me making me uncomfortable and I quickly messaged her before I could freeze. She came and grabbed me and I said I wanna go home. We walked out and got food and waited for our uber. Usually the combo of uber drop off is her me and then him. But she did the combo of me him then her which I found weird and she wanted to put herself in the middle.

That was on saturday. It’s not Monday and we were at basketball. She asked me what do you think about Joseph. I stopped and said Emma you know what I think about Joseph. She said I can’t stop thinking about him and I don’t wanna hurt you. I was fuming even though I knew so I went quiet. We went on with the game blah blah blah. Late that night I got a message from her which was going on about how she likes him and blah blah blah. The whole message was extremely inconsiderate, guilt tripping, belittling me and my feelings and selfish and urgent.

I left that message on read for a couple days as I felt the betrayal. I messaged her back and said thanks for being honest and told her the truth of yes I like him a lot but because he’s only here for a few months im not expecting anything serious but open to whatever can form naturally. She proceeded to say I’ll always be honest with you and ask me if she can ask Joseph to go to town that weekend again. Not with Jayden. Not with me. Not with anyone from basketball. I say yeah whatever.

We had chats back and forth as my best friend let’s call her Chloe was saying that’s wrong you gotta speak up so I did. I told her everything of how I felt and what I noticed she was doing infront of me and behind my back yet she still didn’t come clean until it was too late.

She didn’t apologise or say anything. I then had called her boy obsessed, selfish, a liar and male centred, desperate etc. over reposts on tiktok but didn’t say it was about her which i acknowledged wasn’t a great time to do it but I was filled with anger and betrayal. She demanded an apology and to take them down and proceeded to act like the victim knowing that her disrespect and actions caused my reaction. I never apologised or said anything. I said I acknowledge how you feel.

She was being petty and demanding about having a convo knowing at this time I was dealing with a bacterial infection. I just decided that I didn’t wanna be friend with her anymore so I cut her off. She was petty and wanted her harry styles ticket. I was tempted to sell it and only send her sisters ticket but I didn’t.

Really everything I felt was betrayal, dishonesty, disrespect and many more feelings towards her. She was draining the life out of me and I had a grudge against her after that night I was assaulted. I never apologised to her or anything and im still processing and not over how much of a bad friend she was to me and how she disrespected and betrayed me so bad.

I have so much hatred for her that i want to say to her still as I am still so angry and fuming about everything. I felt like I played it too nice and didn’t say enough and I think she deserves a mouthful from me.

I want to say during all of this I was dealing with a critical iron deficiency anemia and severe vitamin d deficiency which may have caused me to overreact or feel emotions heavily. I want you to be honest.

Was I overreacting or wrong for doing what I did and was I too nice in the end and should’ve been meaner?

I had blood tests done and got my results back friday. Doctor said I have low iron deficiency anaemia and low vitamin d. I’ll list my results below:

Haemoglobin 74
Vitamin d 29
Iron 2.5
Transferrin 3.38
Saturation 3
Ferritin <6

I never got serious symptoms until just over a year ago where my body physically couldn’t function anymore yet I kept pushing it just saying it was anxiety related. My body was so deprived of oxygen and in these past few months it has only gotten worse. Glad im not on supplements to help me get it back up to normal. I never knew how serious anaemia could be until friday when my doctor was genuinely concerned for me and explained eve try thing.

I am based in Australia so im not sure if numbers are the same around the world.

As someone who has survived this, if you have a male centred friend do yourself a favour and walk away. They never change. They never look at themselves and say maybe im too focused on men. You’ll constantly feel drained when you’re with them or messaging them cause they centre their life around men. You WILL get exhausted. They’ll constantly bully you when a man is around even if it doesn’t seem like it just so they can get validation and feel better of themselves. They will get you in dangerous situations. This one was a big one for me. Because they’re male centred they’ll bring men to your airbnb to hook up, leave you in the club to hookup, etc. so if you’ve talk to you’re male centric friend and they don’t change leave. You’ll feel so much better.

My friends and I were positive he liked me back. Basically he’s an import from my basketball club. He’s from USA im Australian. He got recruited.

Back in February he arrived and that when we first noticed each other. We couldn’t stop looking at each other. We had a few interactions before we had our first proper chat. In April we went to the clubs together with some friends. That night a lot happened. He was attentive, asking about me, cared for me, wanted to talk etc I thought he was just being nice which he might have been.

I’m an avoidant so I pulled back after that night knowing I was liking him more knowing he would go back home in August. We sort of both went silent with each other after that night. We didn’t talk a lot or at all. We’d make eye contact a lot and just be nervous around each other. After I snapped out of it I would talk to him he’d get nervous. He would smile when id walk up to him or anything.

A lot of my friends could see something and said he likes me. The big giveaway was when i talked to him on our last night we’d probably see each other he was nervous I could see his hands shaking, and when he was handing something back to me he thumbled and dropped it. I then heard his friend as they walked past me after our convo say something like “go up to her” or “ask her”. I don’t know what the context was but I was the only one around then and he friend was looking at me while talking. I could feel something mutual back but my intuition was wrong.

I confessed to him a night after our last night seeing each other and he left me on seen but he still follows me. So im just confused that he was showing a lot of signs and interest and me and everyone around me could feel the mutuality but he leaves me on seen. My guy friend said he might’ve saw it and just forgot to answer it but I don’t believe it. Maybe I left it too late as he’s going home in a few weeks. I don’t know. But I feel even more crazy and confused now than I did all those months liking him and reading him.

My friends and I were positive he liked me back. Basically he’s an import from my basketball club. He’s from USA im Australian. He got recruited.

Back in February he arrived and that when we first noticed each other. We couldn’t stop looking at each other. We had a few interactions before we had our first proper chat. In April we went to the clubs together with some friends. That night a lot happened. He was attentive, asking about me, cared for me, wanted to talk etc I thought he was just being nice which he might have been.

I’m an avoidant so I pulled back after that night knowing I was liking him more knowing he would go back home in August. We sort of both went silent with each other after that night. We didn’t talk a lot or at all. We’d make eye contact a lot and just be nervous around each other. After I snapped out of it I would talk to him he’d get nervous. He would smile when id walk up to him or anything.

A lot of my friends could see something and said he likes me. The big giveaway was when i talked to him on our last night we’d probably see each other he was nervous I could see his hands shaking, and when he was handing something back to me he thumbled and dropped it. I then heard his friend as they walked past me after our convo say something like “go up to her” or “ask her”. I don’t know what the context was but I was the only one around then and he friend was looking at me while talking. I could feel something mutual back but my intuition was wrong.

I confessed to him a night after our last night seeing each other and he left me on seen but he still follows me. So im just confused that he was showing a lot of signs and interest and me and everyone around me could feel the mutuality but he leaves me on seen. My guy friend said he might’ve saw it and just forgot to answer it but I don’t believe it. Maybe I left it too late as he’s going home in a few weeks. I don’t know. But I feel even more crazy and confused now than I did all those months liking him and reading him.

a friend told her not to sleep with her brother, then slept with him even after the friend told her he’s a dickhead and will hurt her feelings. he did hurt her feelings so to make things better in her eyes she slept with the brothers best friend and got not benefits out of sleeping with both.

she was constantly talk about boys. about which new boy she was talking to this week. i could never have a normal convo with her about life. she’d leave me for men in the nightclubs, belittle, exclude and disrespect me in front of men she found hot in every way possible even if it was a group thing and i had no feelings toward them. she’d always try to put me down and try be in a competition with me around men.

a year later she developed feelings for the same guy i liked, went behind my back messaging him, flirting with him openly in front of me instead of telling me and being honest, and made digs at me whenever she felt threatened. when she told me she liked him too and i caught her out about all the things i noticed and found out what she was doing and called her male centred, a liar and selfish she demanded for an apology like she wasnt disrespectful to me first. im a tit for tat girl don’t come for me or i will come for you. respect goes both ways im not gonna respect you if you can’t respect me.

fast forward a few months to now she is going around telling people me and her were fighting over a boy when i was actually fighting for her to respect me once.