u/ungovernable_fable

If this isn't the right place to post this can you PLEASE help me find a different place. Instead of just deleting this or ignoring it. Cause I actually want advice/help...

I'm so sorry if this is the wrong reddit but I really just. it's so hard to eat. If I have disordered eating it's really mild so I feel like so intrusive posting here but there's not like a "mild disorder-not-disorder" subreddit 😭

I've started to feel stressed every time I think about eating. every day I wake up and I get so frustrated cause it feels like there's nothing to eat. even food I like sometimes makes me want to gag especially in the morning. I skip meals a lot because of this and I can tell by the way my pants fit I've lost a little bit of weight, which isn't good at my size/height. I was at a healthy weight before lol

it's too hard to make myself eat. I have issues even buying food because I feel guilty spending money on it (kinda unrelated) and every easy food that gets recommended, like "oh just nibble on some trail mix through the day! eat oatmeal in the morning!" etc is so gross to me OR I like it but it makes me feel queasy. I feel like I never have the right kinds of foods in the house or it's too overwhelming to cook and think of food to make and I'm just so sick of having to eat every day

I can't just keep making myself eat things I don't like because of this because it's not just a "oh not my favorite" it just makes me so grossed out I can't do it

I'm sure this is asked a lot, but like. After he visits I'm just depressed for a week and a half or so... He's finally real and in my arms for just a day or two then sometimes it can be almost 2 months before we see each other again. He's not super far away but just far enough that it has to be a sleepover for either of us, a day trip just isn't really viable... But I feel so guilty for missing him. Genuinely just. I feel so clingy for just wanting him next to me and being able to cuddle and hold hands and see his smile and hear his laugh. I feel pathetic that I get so sad without him because people always warn so much about "don't let your partner be your main source of happiness or the only thing that can fix you", and I know I'm not doing that cause I still have fun sometimes and hang out with friends and such, but gosh. life is so much better with him. I think it's so intense cause I don't get enough time with him... how do I deal with this and all the guilt attached to it 😭