u/unicorn_gangbang

So this is my (36f) first time looking to buy a house. I have a child (5m) and my husband passed away 2 years ago. We currently rent a house from my in-laws but they’ve been not so nice to us. The day my husband died my MiL said “you can stay here as long as you like” then the next day she came back and said “I misspoke”. Because my FiL is an asshole.

I’m a teacher as well and when he learned childcare was free to teachers in our district, he wanted to raise my rent by 75%. My husband made 6 figures but I don’t. And they’re about to put a timeline on me leaving because “he just doesn’t want to be a landlord anymore”. Can’t buy this house because our neighborhood doesn’t have any kids and I want us to live somewhere with community. That was just the background..

My realtor is a wonderful human. I used to work with her at a school and she left teaching to pursue real estate. But I’m just not very knowledgeable about things and I think she’s maybe not doing the right things?

We’ve been looking for new builds for incentives, I made sure that she knows I want a community center in the neighborhood. But she’s taken me to a few new communities that will not include amenities. And I’m like why did I even look at this if I can’t have it?

Then I found a resell house I REALLY loved. It was in a great neighborhood with a big community center that throws events and there are so many kids my son’s age so he could grow up with friends playing in the neighborhood.

The problem was.. it was WAY above market value and I wanted to send a low-ball offer with a letter about my situation. Tbf it was $80k less than asking. I will have about $150k-$200k to put down from my husbands’ life insurance and I’ve been told this is a good thing. But she refused to send a low-ball offer.

I just thought, what’s the worst that can happen? They say no? But she wouldn’t. She said it was “disrespectful” to do that. Is that true?

Does it look bad on her if we make a low-ball offer? Is that why she told me she wouldn’t? I was so upset and took a month off looking. The seller took the house off the market so I’m like.. what if we had sent the offer? Would they have sold to me?

I don’t really know what to do. I also asked if she would contact a seller who is renting a house to see if they would be interested in selling, but she wouldn’t do that either. Is this normal?

Am I being swindled or is this regular realtor things? I just thought she would fight harder for me. The universe screwed me and my son over, so I will be using that to try and get a better offer. I’d just love some feedback.

ETA: I now understand that writing a note to a seller is not a good idea. Thank you for all of the kind words of advice some of you have given. To the others who are making negative comments about my “sob story” of the death of my husband, I hope you never have to experience a loss like this in your life. Please be kind, you don’t know what everyone is going through.

My friend mentioned Quakers to me the other day.. she explained that they are actually more of a “community focused” group than an actual religion. How they’ve been helping people in the ICE raids and are very humanitarian.

This is what I’m looking for. A community, a village. Like-minded people helping society. Not in the name of some being.. but because they want to actually help make our world a better place.

My husband passed away unexpectedly in 2024 so now it’s just me and our 4 year old son. I’ve spoken to older widows who had young children and they all say they couldn’t have gotten through it without the people at their church.

Unfortunately, I am a heathen and don’t believe in a god. And that’s kinda like their whole deal so I don’t think going to a church would help.

Would a Quaker community accept us?

My (36F) husband (33M before he died) passed away in 2024 from a sudden heart attack while I was at work and our son (4M) was at school. It’s been a really difficult 2 years.

We currently rent a house from my in-laws who have been not so nice during this whole process (which is common apparently according to the young widow groups I’m in). Long story short, since my husband passed we live in fear of being evicted because FiL doesn’t want to be a landlord anymore and wants to increase rent by 75%. I’m a teacher so that’s been tough.

ANYWAYS this is about my mother. We’ve always had a tough relationship ever since I went to college and began to think critically for myself. Ever since I stopped aligning with her politically and religiously she doesn’t understand why I don’t act “the way I was raised”. I have a lot of tattoos now, colorful hair, and am a liberal atheist. Now that I think differently, she completely hates me.

It was okay when I had my husband to console me. She said no other kids would hang out with our son because of our tattoos and strange home decor (we have an astrology tapestry and some other witchy things around the house). Things are different now.. not everyone has tattoos but it’s a lot more common than it used to be.

My parents have tried to be helpful during this time, they watch my son on Friday nights to Saturday so I at least get a break. But otherwise I have to schedule an appointment with them months in advanced to see my son. They’re retired and love their retirement community. So they “can’t always help me whenever I want”.

Unfortunately my mother’s kindness has run out. I’ve been looking for homes to buy to get out of this one and away from my in-laws, so I’ve been talking to her about buying a house. She’s been somewhat helpful, but always puts me down or says things that are out of touch. Homes aren’t 50k anymore and they don’t really understand it.

Earlier this week I was talking to her on the phone because I thought she had gotten over how I look/dress because I’m a good mom, a successful teacher, and I’ve been going through this grief. But apparently that’s not the case.

She said she’s been biting her tongue. If I move into a nice neighborhood with a good community no one is going to want to associate with me or let their kids come to our house. She told me she’s always right and was right about my husband being an alcoholic and that he would die. She told me that I should have gone to Al-anon like she told me to and that’s why my husband is dead.

Immediately after she said that I repeated it back to her and she knew it was fucked up. She started to backpedal and told me not to tell any of my friends or family and to not twist her words.

I haven’t talked to her since and she’s called me twice. When we spoke for a little bit she never acknowledged that she said something messed up or apologized for it. She just acted like everything was fine. It’s not fine.

I have no one. At least my husband would console me and make me feel like the way I am is okay.

I would love to go no contact, but I don’t think it’s fair for my son. Same with the in laws. My son loves his grandparents and I don’t want to take that away from him especially after losing his father. I’m just stuck. I hate this. I hate this life. Can’t my mother just understand there are people who are different than she is?

This is definitely a specific question.. I’ve never lived in a state that my parents weren’t living in. Maybe that’s naive of me but I just never found the urge to do that.

My late husband’s 2 siblings live in 2 different states. In-laws live where I live and I know they want to spend more time with their children since my husband passed.

Some things have gone down with FiL (he’s kinda toxic masculinity bro and my SiL is a lesbian so maybe that comes into play? Idk.. but if your youngest sibling died, would you be willing to move closer to your family? Or is that a weird thing to suggest?

I should preface this by saying that my (36f) husband (33m) died in 2024 from a heart attack. Now it’s just me and my son (4m) and I’m a high school teacher.

I am so exhausted all of the time. Especially during the school year. I don’t have the time I need to clean our house. To keep us from living in squalor I hire a cleaning service to come once a month to do a deep clean.

One day when my MiL brought my son home he was excited and said “did the cleaners come?!” To that my MiL made a snide comment “oh no, your mom cleaned this. Just kidding she has a job”.

My MiL was a SAHM to 3 children. My FiL verbally and mentally abused them (which is honestly why my husband had alcoholism) and my MiL either didn’t know or just ignored it. We live in a house that they own and they charge me rent. They wanted to up my rent by 75% because they found out our school district pre-k was giving teachers free tuition this year. They wanted that $750 back in rent.

They’re not struggling for money. My FiL just purchased a 150k corvette for himself last December. While I do think my MiL suffers from her husband’s abuse, she has no spine to do anything about it. And now he’s financially abusing the mother of his own grandchild. To “teach me about the real world”.

Sir, the “real world” slapped me in the face when my husband died. I hate living under their roof. I hate that they control everything. But I do need my MiL for childcare. I’m just stuck in this dumb limbo of assholes. I’m saving up for a house with my husband’s life insurance (it wasn’t much but it helps) and since it will probably be the only house I ever purchase I’m trying to find a good neighborhood with a home I actually like.

I hate this life. I hate my MiL and my FiL. I thought they would be more kind after their son died but it’s just gotten so much worse. Thanks for reading all of this.

Edit: spelling