reflecting on a lesson learned: sparring with a wrestler in a kung-fu class
Hi all, long time lurker - just posting to share a Kung Fu experience that happened decades ago...reflecting on it really helped me in different ways.
this happened back when i was first learning kung fu, and had been studying for about a year. I had an amazing time up to this point, just getting my body blasted by a brutal warmup routine, hearing sifu's old war stories, etc.
the specific kung fu style has never been mntioned here, that I know of, and it's a very small community. So I don't want to seem like I'm calling it out - no names unfortunately.
But to most TMA practitioners I would say it resembles american kenpo (ed parker style maybe), mixed with some northern shaolin styling and techniques. A lot of focus on pragmatic force with some graceful stuff added at different points. Oh and walk on your hands across the room, etc.
The cringe experience
So, my roommate's close friend knew I did this Kung Fu stuff. He was basically triggered by it.
Looking back, I think he wanted to show me up because I was actually lifting weights and working out when he was out in the front room sitting on the couch. And I know for a fact that this causes some major internal discord, to be the couch guy. lol
He asked if he could come along to kung fu one night (asked my roommate, who went to the school with me)...then walked in like he owned the whole room. he had been a HS wrestler, and had a kind of awkward dual personality: cool at first, then suddenly all business.
He went through the warm-ups half-heartedly, mocking some of them even though he couldn't do them at all. Reminded me of watching somebody grab a flute and pretend to be a flowery-cutesy flute player, only for some awkward notes to come out - yeah at least learn to play the flute if you're going to do that.
I smiled, just to be a friend.
When we started the sparring portion of the class, Sifu assigned him to me. Pretty sure he thought, "they live together and want to get it all out," that old thing.
sparring started normal - light contact punches and kicks, nothing crazy, but he was clearly untrained and sloppy. He punched like he had only watched punches in action movies. His kicks were playground kicks.
And then - like a switch flipped, he got tired of the sparring style and went straight to a double leg takedown, followed by an impromptu wresting match.
(my roommate who was there said "he just got upset that he didn't know what he was doing at first, and switched into wrestler mode" which sounds about right)
i already knew how the wrestling part would end, because we weren’t trained in ground work. Hell, even my wrestling unit in high school PE was a total joke.
So, it wasn’t a "skill issue" so much as an eye-roll, like really??
what got me was sifu. he didn’t say anything as this all unfolded. he just smiled, like a wise man watching the lesson play out.
afterward, sifu dropped the advice like it was obvious: "you could have turned out when he did that last part!"
that's it! OK time to move on, everybody.
and that’s where the big questions about this started to hit me...
i didn’t get scolded for failing, but I was critiqued without any context - i got hit with a sentence that sounded simple, but sifu never taught us what “turn out” actually was. not the concept, not the progression, not the structure.
and a bigger lesson, i think, was behind the scenes.
sifu seemed to get excited by, and empower, the chaos of the moment. This was an early lesson about personality - your personality is powered by your philosophy, and you can watch & learn somebody's philosophy even if they don't know it themselves. A big part of his philosophy was: protect the pro-chaos “life comes at you fast” philosophy at all costs.
And "structure" is for pussies.
I believe to this day that Sifu didn't think sparring was worth much vs. gladitorial combat, when it came down to it. thus the low attention to preserving the sparring structure.
Even though sifu never fully expanded the times when he said things like, "you guys need to learn to take on anybody," he absolutely had to say it. He desperately wanted us to be gladiators, but couldn't be bothered to integrate anything like that into our actual training.
So, "structure is for pussies" actually also meant: "I am really bad at structuring the training."
It was also related to the fact that he would enter his white belts (equivalent) against black belts, in local MA tournaments - bluster without structure.
I should have paid attention when he lost students because of that.
This turned out to be a big point of learning for me.
That philosophy was running wild in his mind, but the real training structure, supporting his combat ideals, wasnt there at all.
Overall - what did i learn?
- Sparring should have some basic, clear rules that are enforced, even if having "rules for fighting" seems like an embarrassing concept to the sifu. This would allow Sparring to be used FOR its strengths.
What looked like "1-0, Wrestler," was more like "3-0, Kung Fu," by sparring rules.
And saying "light contact" is meaningless to someone who only knows wrestling. The "light contact" part actually triggered the wrestler & his ego a lot, when it turned out he sucked at it.
The wrestler could have been humble and learned some things - working on his flexibility, punching better, kicking better - protecting his head omg. These are the pragmatic strengths of sparring.
He could have actually learned some truly useful things we were learning at the school, and he could have integrated that with his wrestling, but instead he went home thinking Kung Fu Sucks.
So, Sifu lost points here too IMO, the moment that wrestler walked out the door.
It was frustrating because this could have been a win for me, the wrestler, and the Sifu in different ways, but in the end nobody won. The wrestler clearly felt dumb for getting triggered, and he looked dumb af during the warmups and stand-ups.
- I learned the school was shaky on rules and order, and this is crucial to give some attention to, if you are running the school sure, but also if you're a student!
As a paying student, i went to kung fu because I liked kung fu. I had specifically decided against training myself into an MMA-style fighter-grappler, because the internal meaning and resonance of the traditional Chinese arts was stronger for me after living in asia for a while. If you meet someone you love who does traditional Kung Fu, taking up that art yourself later becomes a reliable form of sending long-distance respect & an expression of cherished memories.
Sifu actually betrayed my trust in that moment of surprise, but to this day I think he would still stand up for his barely-backed-up philosophy, that I was "trained" to fight anybody. (Actual meaning: "Encouraged to fight anybody")
- Speaking of practical, real world self-defense: IF the school structure falls through, my first line of practical self-defense is to assert myself to MY preference clearly and directly.
Even though my roommate told me later, "you were humble in the first place, you didn't get humbled," I knew something had to change if I wanted to keep going to classes where stuff like this could happen.
I practiced this skill in judo, years later: I thought back to this wrestling thing, and started outright refusing any technique practice or randori with the angry “brown belt in jujutsu” new guy who was too harsh and sloppy with beginners to judo.
Everybody else just accepted that i wouldn’t roll with him - done.
And not only that, they told me they supported it 100% and were worried about his temper, since he was the principal at a local school.
I wish i had that "nope, not doing this with you" instinct earlier, because in my kung fu days, i thought my Sifu would naturally see that you don't just let a hockey player into a tennis match and start teaching your tennis students "see, he got you there - when he pulled out that puck and scored a fast goal".
- Internalizing the art still matters far, far more to me than getting stuck in “self-defense mode.”
Even on reflection - I just never found the “you never know” mentality something that reflects real life except in the corner cases. Preparing for all these contingency scenarios by integrating every art isn’t that useful to me, and has never been.
What helps me now is anchoring in the values and principles i actually care about, not rehearsing fear-based scenarios like they’re the whole point.
Instead of just fantasizing my way around life, I developed a personal system of internalization, to my preference and structure, and it is one of the most useful tools I have, every single day.
- I didn’t stop learning, but i kept it honest and pragmatic.
I spent more time thinking about my instructors, and less time thinking the feedback was 100% about me.
I also studied some takedown defense later. I even dabbled in wrestling after that. but just enough to satisfy curiosity, because i was legitimately interested in how wrestling works - what are the rules, how are points scored, and so on.
if the interest and values aren’t there, it’s still probably not worth the effort - but when I had some interest, I looked into it.
and honestly, i still think about sparring with that wrestler, from a sparring angle...i had 3-4 of the best openings right at the start of that session. he didn't know how to punch or kick or keep his hands up when doing either one.
i didn’t use the openings - not because i couldn’t, but because i was giving him the benefit of the doubt. thinking he was going to do his best to follow the "light contact" social contract or just admit - OK I'm losing to the Kung Fu guy, lessons learned.
and if this were real life? if he’d actually had the same intent he showed on that double, he would’ve had a broken jaw minimum, prior to attempting the takedown. His entire head just floated there in the open, even after being tagged.
I have a lot of great memories of those times, and this was only one, early in my studies - but it's nice to reflect on from time to time.
Overall, those are my takeaways - thanks for reading.
My questions for you:
If you were teaching Kung Fu without grappling technique, would you let a wrestler use wrestling techniques in sparring with your students?
What is your philosophy when it comes to sparring? Is sparring essential for everyone, or just those who are interested in that side of the art?
Do you see it as more helpful, or less helpful, to put (disguise) a white belt against a black belt in a tournament, so that they can improve faster? Would you take the student's own preference into account?
Have you ever learned tough lessons because of an unprepared teacher?
Edit: Thanks all for the responses. Here are some great examples that got me thinking:
"Who lets someone spar on the first day? That's crazy irresponsible" - alucard346
"We had Wrestlers at our Boxing gym and it was obvious for them, that in sparring they don't do double leg takedowns" - OceanicWhitetip1
"sparring should have rules, and the most basic of those rules should be that you spar with what you’ve learned" - big_reindeer_88
"my style has about 3 kicks when on the ground to get back up. if those fail.. well we arent meant to be on the ground in the first place. here ends the lesson of what you wont be learning" - buccinator