u/us3rr0

no numbers. for context i am afab

- lower belly fat. my "morning skinny" has always looked like other people's "bloated after thanksgiving dinner". this is just my body

- calves that had loose skin hanging down and jiggled when i walked

- a rounded babyface

- thighs that spread out when i sat down

- normal looking fingers (not slender)

- asymmetrical ass and boobs

- arms with loose skin

- wide hips

- broad shoulders

i am weight restored and i still have all of these things. look at pictures of yourself when you were a baby - do you recognize your body's proportions? i bet you will. nobody asked to be born, this is what we happened to be born with. losing weight won't "even you out" or give you a different body, you will just get sicker and sadder.

and also, go ride the bus or go to a public park and look at people. you do not need to lose weight, you just need to be reminded that other people have bodies and features just like yours.

i literally just binged without thinking about it. no, not even a "im so full i should stop" thought. i was shoveling food into my mouth until i realized, wait, ive already eaten dinner, im not hungry, im beyond full. my mind was completely blank, i wasnt enjoying or hating anything, i was just doing it. i didnt even think about eating, i just did it. im too full to throw up, too bloated to lay down and sleep, too embarrassed to go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

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guys, i hate this feeling😭i worked so hard to not be bloated and sick and holding my stomach while falling asleep. i was doing so good. what happened. i am so sad for myself, i feel so alone right now, i dont feel like myself anymore

fmlllllll im literally going to gain weight i feel sick

please please please note this is not advice, because all of these things are very questionable and not sustainable ways of dealing with BED. also, after writing this, i realize this sounds like a list of rules i have for myself, which is equally unhealthy when trying to heal your relationship with food. but these aren't things i HAVE to do, i just do them to help me not feel worse in the long run.

trust me when i say i know i still have a long way to go in recovery. but also idc anymore, harm reduction is my middle name at this point.

1. i chug a diet coke after i finish my meal. well, chug is an exaggeration. and granted, only when it is a well balanced and appropriately portioned meal. not just a plate of lettuce with one bite of chicken or a party sized bag of chips. like a real meal that i truly feel satisfied afterwards. but if i'm full and tempted to keep eating? i drink that diet soda, fill my stomach up on that instead. i feel uncomfortably full afterwards for a few minutes from the food and carbonation but it reminds me how much worse i'd feel if i binged. and it goes away after a few minutes too. i only do this when i have had a real meal and i dont do this after every meal just usually dinner.

2. i know how much i'll eat aka i can't make leftovers. like, i can't make dinner with the intention of having leftovers, because if i make a pound of ground beef, i will eat the entire thing right after i make it before i even have the chance to incorporate it into a meal. so i cook exactly what i need. i usually cook around a third of a pound of ground beef at a time, which is just a third of the container i buy it in. and this way i can eat all the ground beef in the pan, feel satisfied for finishing it, and still have ground beef left for two more meals.

3. i dont shower after i eat. because this is how it goes: i eat -> i eat too much -> i binge -> i'm bloated and hurting -> i shower -> i can't see my toes and i freak out -> i hate myself even more -> i think "well fuck it, it doesn't matter how much i eat next time". INSTEAD, i wait to shower until my body has had time to process my meal and lose some of that initial bloating.

4. i drink water until i think im going to be sick. NOT right before a meal or NOT in place of a meal. but just randomly throughout the day. i am someone who does not drink enough water and i have to do this in order to stay hydrated. and being hydrated means my hunger and fullness cues are a bit clearer to me.

5. i get all my food groups in for every meal. literally, if i have dinner that is just a bowl of stuff and theres no carbs or veggies, ill eat bread and fruit afterwards. to make it count for a "complete" meal with all the food groups to help me stay full, help my food digest properly; makes me less tempted to keep eating because there's no excuse. i ate all my food groups, this is enough for me.

ive struggled with every kind of ed, and its always been a brutal cycle between them. im trying to come back from a bad few months of binge eating and here are some things ive been doing that help me. by no means am i an expert or recovered, but these are things i am constantly trying to remind myself of.

1. make sure your needs are met before you eat. im talking basic needs, like going to the bathroom, making sure you washed your face or showered, are wearing clean clothes, etc. are the dishes stressing out? do them for 5 minutes and feel better afterwards, and then eat. it really helps slow me down before i eat and curbs my general anxiety around food. it also gives me the satisfaction of completely something, and i don't feel the need to chase the feeling of satisfaction when im eating.

2. make sure food is not your only source of pleasure. if you have a long day of work, school, life stuff, and you make no time for yourself to do something joyful or feel something besides stress, of course you are going to binge. food cannot be your only source of pleasure.

3. include every food group in a meal. i know this is standard, but it truly does help. in the past, i would hesitate to make a sandwich because i felt like 2 slices of bread was too many carbs/too high in calories, so i would end up eating handfuls of random things until i eventually ate a loaf of bread. i can avoid this by just making a sandwich with meat and cheese and lettuce and all my favorite toppings.

4. eat at normal times. this reallyyy helps me prevent binging. eating something small like a protein bar with your coffee/energy drink in the morning will help you avoid that feeling of complete starvation. i have always skipped breakfast and then by 3pm i overeat and feel like shit. then i skip dinner and binge super late at night. i could've prevented an entire day of binging by just listening to my body in the morning and eating when i knew it was a normal time to.

5. if you are still hungry after overeating/binging, remind yourself that you won't starve. sometimes i feel like im about to pass out from hunger AFTER i binge. and i have to remind myself that no, this isn't a cue to eat more. i'm the one that will have to sit with even more food in my stomach. i just ate, my dietary needs are met, i do not need more. i wont starve.

take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself :)