u/v4n_the_man

Idk been 5 month and been crying and missing her since the discarded. Just last week to now I think I moved on. Haven’t cry when moment reply in my head. I find other female attractive and interesting. Before I would feel guilty. But now I think I can finally move on. It just clicked over night. I still check her social but it Dosnt have any feeling behind it like it use to. I guess am lucky. Maybe too soon to say it. But idk I feel different. Hope y’all can move on too. Wishing happy healing for all. I think what helped was me asking a lot of questions from Google Gemini lol. Every what if and every scenario. It give a lot of clearity and focus. But it up to u ur self to realize what gone is gone.

To add to this: if u cry and grief let it all out it. We all human just pick ur self back up and continue. That day will come.

From what I got FA and DA they do regret or replay what happen month down the road. Or how they treated or ended the relationship. If this is true why they just don’t reach out…. Or just lies statement to give us hope. Why does it hit them later on but refuse to let us know. If they do remember how much love we give the best they can do is give us the closure. Iknow they say that they ashamed of it, but u owe us that.

If we make promises to each other to never give up,Alway fight for loves, forever and all that bullshit. But when it time to be tested they left cause it easier. 2 month later got a rebound. If u love someone u can take break and try again. But here I am still consumed by the deeply love I give and left alone. While the other rebounded and act like our 3 year mean nothing.what happen to the old love where they stuck it out to the day they die laying next to each other. I don’t cheat or give attention to anyone. I don’t abuse. I not even a social type. I help cook,clean watch the kid make sure they good. Drive them to school. Work my ass off in construction. And stilll make time to give her all the love and attention. Spoil her on all holiday. Never celebrated my birthday cause I don’t want to. Still not enough.. alway have to start some bullshit and excuses to sabotage what we had. What she alway wanted….

When the tear stop rolling. When does the pain stop… when does everything get better.. when can I forget.

4month later today found out she dated someone’s els. Finally my thought can move on. That what I needed.

I don’t even know where to begin…
I meet this women who I generally and deeply in love. I fall for her the first time I lay eyes on her. At that time she was married to another men. But she wasn’t happy or loved him. What she told me she wanted divorce him long time ago but she was pressure by her family to stay. She grow up in a traditional marriage and household. So divorce was a big deal. Anyway we worked together and I we fell for each other. At same time she was already planned the divorce. She was heart broken. Mainly cause she told me she worried about her son. Now I look back I don’t think it was. If she wanted to leave she would have long before she met me. As for me I was in a situation with my baby mama. What I did was no excuse of my own. I left the baby mama for this women. I never loved her, we have two kid together. It was a 3month date that turn into pregnancy and I was stuck. Over the course of that relationship I have told her many times that I don’t love her and only stay and take care of her and the kids.

Fast forward into our relationship we loved each other a lot and make a lot of promises. She told me she never felt or loved anyone before. (Her first marriage was also only person she ever has sex with). I have a gambling addiction which I admit. She was the financial in our relationship. And I use a lot of her money to gamble. When we together to have made it clear that it our money and what mine is her and what her is mine. She told me many time that money wasn’t important or how much I make. My trait of the gambling part was me trying to get money for us. Whatever I win I would give it all to her. Sometime it work most time it didn’t goes well. Almost all our fight is with gambling. And I understand that and that a toxic way of thinking.

We decided to move to another state and start fresh. I got job and work 10h shift. I helped her got her job through my connection. I got upset and stress out cause of our financial and I miss my kids. I left my two kid to my baby mama for us to be better financially and relationship. She has her kid with her ex with us. When I get upset like this I would shut down and ignore her. Which was not good but only way I could cope. My reaction has trigger her to bring up old past and it become one big argument. For month and a half I have begged her to rethink and try to make this work. Specifically we just moved her and start fresh. And I told her of our goals. Give it two year we be in good position.

She didn’t want to work it out and have act like we broken up. We split everything in half financially but still live together in the apartment. I have found out last week of no contact that she was talking to someone els. I went through the message and saw everything they talk. What broke my heart is she told that person she love him. I got angry and confronted her. It turn to a mess. I yell, I throw a plate in front of her kid. Which she did not like that as that lot how she grow up. How I grow up was different. She called the cop. In the morning I pick up my stuff and left. That was the end of it. It been 3month now and since then I have cry so much. How can someone give me so much security and love is forever would able to leave so easily. Sometime driving to work I would tear coming down.
I have never cry before this is the first time I ever cry. And never have such deep love for anyone. What hunted me the most was her word that she told me she don’t love me anymore. Out of the month and a half I beg. She has say a lot of mean thing to me. Rewriting the story and made me the villain. Bring up so many pity stuff to attack me. But I just sit and beg and say sorry. But nothing I can do. The last straw was when I found out that she been talking to this other person. Who she claim she knew this person for 18 years. Which I have no knowledge of. There so much uncertainty that was left from the break up. It driving me crazy. Other than the gambling part I have treated this girl with so much love. I know moving put a lot of stress on both of us. But I didn’t expected this….