u/val-or

As someone who tries games like Hades or Returnal and finds it exhilarating to play at first but quickly loses interest after I’ve died a few times and have to do a run all over again, I’m genuinely curious about the mindset of people who play roguelites. I think I’ve accepted these games are just not for me, and so I’d like to understand why people do actually play them and at times have an affinity for them over other types of games.

I finished A+, Network+ and I’m doing Sec+ tomorrow. I was just thinking about how I’m going to have to cover the screen with my hand at the beginning of the exam because I want to save the PBQs for last and don’t want to get anxious by looking at the questions.

Everywhere I’ve looked, people say the same thing. Do the PBQs in the end, save them for past, etc. Why doesn’t CompTIA just put them at the end of the exam? 🤔

I just finished my 3rd play-through of the game and I’m so curious what games people here played that are somehow similar or evoked similar feelings as The Witcher 3 did.

(Spoilers) I decided to stop playing the game. Having to scour every inch of a map more than once just to make sure I didn’t miss anything, replaying conversations, the endless walking, and having way too many unanswered questions not just as to the world but as to the character… it all kind of induced a feeling of feeling overwhelmed by how tedious it all is.

I was choosing to preserve because I was thinking it might pay off, but then I got to the point where we see Vitalis. Here’s the thing, the main motivation of the character up until this point is finding his parents, and to immediately find his father just to see him die and get tasked with a “You’re the chosen one” mission… it all kind of feels meh to me.

I understand this game doesn’t hold your hand, neither do I need my hand to be held. But I just don’t find the gameplay loop rewarding, and I’m struggling to see how other people find the story compelling and emotionally evocative. Guess the game is just not for me, which is sad cus I was looking forward to playing this game expecting to enjoy something that flew under most people’s radars.

First attempt on Dion's practice exam and got 90%. The mistakes I made were also pretty silly and fixable with last minute revision (fingers crossed). Gonna watch some PBQs on YouTube to get ready as well. Am I ready for the exam?

https://preview.redd.it/hdlbqqcwjt8h1.png?width=932&format=png&auto=webp&s=0c3f2dd7b0018cd451641964c311de09c62aa5c8

I’ve never played a survival game up until recently when I started Silent Hill 2. I was playing today and realized how every single enemy encounter is dreadful not specifically because of jump-scares or the atmosphere of the game but because I’m terrified of getting hit and having to use a health potion as I’m constantly near zero, and I also don’t want to waste bullets.

I considered quitting the game because of how anxiety-inducing this is and then it hit me… this is part of the experience. Reminds me of when I first played a Dark Souls game for the first time and realized the difficulty was part of the experience and I just need to get good. I’m kind of having something similar but with survival games, though it’s surprisingly more taxing because you have to think ahead beyond your next encounter in terms of resource management.

I recently watched a video about how coping mechanisms can either manifest in the form of actions, feelings and thoughts. It made me think of how limerence fits into this very well.

I’ve gotten good at eliminating or reducing the “action” aspect of limerence in that I don’t look at LO’s Instagram page as often, but they are still pretty active in my mind. The feeling of hope in thinking something will happen is part of the limerence. The thoughts of how we’re so compatible is part of the limerence.

It seems ‘easier’ to stop the action aspect of limerence. The thoughts too are aren’t that bad, I can notice when I’m caught up in a fantasy and I need to get out of it. The feelings though? That’s where I struggle the most. The rollercoaster of hope vs despair that is part and parcel of the limerence experience seems to be the core machinery cycling me again and again.

I don’t think we guys talk about this enough and I realized this was a serious issue for me and that some other men might be struggling with this continuously.

So, I struggle with erections sometimes. I thought it was just performance anxiety but it’s more than that. Very often it’s the pace and where the pleasure is directed. I care a lot about the pleasure of the person I’m sleeping with, too much actually. I’m leading her, doing the grinding, taking off clothes, playing the music, adjusting the room temperature, moving the pillows, checking if she’s liking it, etc. and by the time she’s ready to move on from foreplay, I’m barely getting started, and I feel bad about not keeping up, and no fucking wonder I can’t get hard when my brain is in a dozen places?

The irony of this all is that I realized this while researching what turns women on, and I very often read that women struggle to orgasm if they have to focus on anything but the actual sex, and it hit me, I do too!

Limerence often feels like a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. I'm damned if I text that person and sit with the anxiety of wanting a text back and even if they text will they reject me? and damned if I don't text them and feel like I'm making a mistake by not showing interest or initiative.

Learning to sit with the uncertainty of it all is truly a skill that I wish I became aware about earlier in life. In some sense it feels meaningless because you'll feel like crap either way, but at the same time it feels like a form of mindfulness to become aware of this relativism and choosing to embrace it. It's in these situations that I think about how real connection takes struggle, and I can't just expect everything to run smoothly and naturally. Choosing to affirm life and affirm my desire to connect with someone helps me in changing my attitude to things... I often think about how short life is, how my yearning for intimacy underpins my selfhood, and how underneath all these limerent actions is just a desire to connect.

Last year I was friends with my LO and my limerence got way out of hand, it broke me mentally and I started having substance abuse problems. I ended up distancing myself from her to give myself space and it worked. We then just completely lost touch.

Yesterday I ran into her at the club. She was out with a friend of mine’s. We hung out, chatted and danced and were having a blast. I then just pulled her to the side and confessed everything. I felt so bad for throwing hints and indirect flirtations back when we used to be friends and I wanted her to know how sorry I was that I didn’t appreciate the gift of her friendship.

Crazy part? She had no idea. She said she didn’t sense any of this, which surprised me. I realized just how in my head I was back then. It also cured me of my guilt, I realized that even though we lost touch she also saw me as a polite and fun person to be around.

What’s even crazier is she said that she didn’t pay too much attention to these things back then but she also had feelings for someone and it was the only thing she could focus on. It sounded like limerence to me. This whole situation feels so ironic and sad but also healed something inside of me. I told her I’d love to reconnect as friends and we gave each a really nice side hug. I don’t know if she was just putting up a front to not make things awkward (there’s the self-doubt again) but we’ll see.

I feel like I’ve been self-aware enough to acknowledge my limerence, to not let it crowd out the rest of my life and activities I need to get done on a daily basis, to comfort myself through the emotions that rise up, to not run towards unhealthy coping mechanisms to soothe myself… but no one talks about how sometimes it feels like the harder you push back against your limerence, the bolder it gets and the more it persists.

I’ve been noticing how my purpose in life has slowly faded, and yesterday I was struck by this feeling of emptiness. Suddenly, nothing brings me pleasure. I feel as if I’m in the midst of a void and the only way out is another interaction with my LO. I’m realizing just how devious limerence is. My entire hedonic system feels altered.

I’m realizing that part of me wants to panic, and I think it’s okay to. I need to speak to a friend and just talk about all this. The alternative has been the crushing loneliness of limerence… I can’t be the only one who senses how limerence feels like an embarrassing thing to talk about with the people you know… and I think that’s part of why it’s so isolating, it makes the rest of life seems pale in comparison to this surreal feeling you’re having.

I made another post talking about how limerence is a sign of lack of healing. Today, however, I realized it is also a sign of my empathy, my creativity, my passions.

I started thinking about all the efforts I’m putting in to ‘impress’ my LO. I’ve made a playlist for a date I haven’t asked her out on, I’ve thought of a very niche gift I knew she would like, I’m considering learning her native language… and so on. Sometimes I struggle with thinking whether I’m empathetic, creative or loving enough, but it seems like when there’s something that really pushes me, I can lock in.

I’m saying limerence is a mixed bag because you realize just how much you have to give and how capable you are, but it just happens to be for the wrong reasons…

I recently started experiencing limerence again after meeting this girl. Thankfully, she travelled for a few weeks which has given me the space to reflect and digest the situation. I’ve been reading a book on complex PTSD, and I recently watched a movie called Babygirl that many people hate but that I felt like had some examples of moments where the characters felt like their needs were being met and they felt safe with each other. All these things came together into this realization that my limerence is a sign that I don’t feel safe in my life, that I’m struggling with loneliness, that I want to feel seen, that I get hung up on one person and suddenly think this is the jackpot and they’ll meet all my unfulfilled needs.

Here I am trying my best to get a specific reaction out of my LO, to evoke their desire, to control the situation to get an outcome, instead of letting it all happen naturally. Naturally doesn’t mean without effort, just without obsession.

When I’m around my LO I can almost act as nonchalant as possible, but deep inside I’m yearning. I’m realizing that the yearning is okay, and that I just need to stop controlling everything, and be okay with what happens, that it’s scary meeting someone and you risk hurting yourself, but the attitude you carry yourself with and the contentment you cultivate inside you make a difference.

Last year I got involved in the club scene and started working for a major event organizer. I suddenly went from living a semi-social level to hyper social, meeting tons of people all the time. I met a lot of girls that I vibed with, and I made the mistake (more than once) of thinking that I had found “my match,” and I would come to this conclusion before getting to know them properly.

My standards were crap and I even let someone initiate a relationship with me even though deep down I wasn’t super into her. I think I had convinced myself when I was more introverted that my problem was just that I didn’t know many people (as many men often get programmed to think, the whole “scarcity” argument), but now that I was meeting people I realized the bigger issue was me. I idealized people, I rushed intimacy, I wasn’t forthcoming.

I eventually hit rock bottom, left the scene and stopped socializing. I realized how many connections I had missed out on, and how in my effort to sow intimacy I reaped the exact opposite. Since then I recognized that social anxiety was the bane of my existence, and it constantly made me want to rush everything, instead of sitting in uncertainty. I realized how my fear of feeling alone made me settle for less.

I’ve now learned the importance of patience, of really getting to know someone, of being respectful, of sitting in stalemates and the awkwardness and the moments of genuine boredom when you’re with someone, above all I learned to value connection.

I was hungry to be understood and be recognized by people and would constantly try to rush things. But now I’ve let go of trying to people please, of operating on assumptions, of giving myself shit for not saying the right things, for trying to follow a formula as much as possible instead of just cultivating my own confidence and social skills and letting things unfold naturally. I accepted that life is always imperfect, impermanent and incomplete.