u/var_usernameinput

I’ve always been a gift giver. Not anything expensive. But I pride myself on giving good gifts.
I’d research about you’d like. Everyday. Observing, noting down.
I’ll write handmade letters explaining my choice, multiple, that you’d keep reading.
I’ll make funny birthday cards pop up cards which open to explode with paper confetti.
I’ll make an oil painting of that one photo that you clicked, and write a poem at the back with an inside joke that’ll make you smile.
I’ll make a custom bracelet with beads of your favorite color, and create a scavenger hunt to lead you to it.
And for every big moment in your life, that you’ll always remember, I’ll make you flowers. So find me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about “choice feminism” lately, and honestly, I feel more conflicted about it than ever.

For the longest time, I’ve believed in a pretty simple idea - people should be free to make their own choices. That felt like the whole point. If feminism is about autonomy, then who am I to question what another woman chooses for her life?

But the older I get and the more “well read” I’m trying to be, the harder it is to ignore that our choices don’t exist in a vacuum. They’re shaped by culture, by expectations, by what we’re told is desirable, safe, acceptable, or “rewarded.” So when we say “it’s my choice,” I wonder how much of that choice is actually of our own will? And how much of it is just us navigating the boundaries that were already set for us?

What’s been bothering me even more is how “choice feminism” is being used now. I see people say things like, “It’s my choice, I can do whatever I want, I’m not a feminist,” while promoting very traditional idealised roles, like the whole “traditional wife” aesthetic online as an example, especially in Indian settings showing young girls getting married early, living with their in laws etc.

And the irony is hard to ignore.

Because the ability to publicly choose that life or rather try to influence others with such a life be it through carefully crafted reels and day in the life videos, to monetize it, to speak about it, to opt in or out, that’s built on the back of feminist movements. Freedom of expression, financial independence, legal rights, social mobility… those didn’t just appear out of nowhere. They were fought for.

So it feels strange to watch people reject feminism while actively benefiting from everything it made possible.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t choose what they want. I still believe in autonomy. But I’m starting to feel like “choice” alone isn’t enough of a framework. The more horrifying part is that it just shuts down any deeper conversation about why we choose what we choose, what circumstances led to these decisions and who those choices ultimately serve and benefit.

Curious how others think about this, I’m still figuring my way out here. To be clear I don’t hate trad wives or any such influencers online, I’m only just questioning how much of the “choice” that they made, was actually independent of influence. I don’t know whether questioning this makes me a pretentious feminist or not but I’m willing to learn and grow.

Reposting my post from twoxindia to get more opinions here.