I actually quite like this set amlnd the clothing, though I may customize the bike! Tiger girlie is also SO cute and I love the clothes, but had to try them on Raine for a bit.
I plan to glue some cheek fluff and false eyelashes to her to give her a little more character, but I really like how her spots came out. :)
Spending time in partner's room with her b. boehmei, Harold. Harold has been climbing her enclosure for reasons only Harold can discern. Whatever, fine, the drop is miniscule and she'll be okay if she slips. But I look over and she's gripping the wall and lid like this???? Okay... Okay. I guess you can be a pinktoe if you dream hard enough.
This isn't an easy post to write, but I want to try.
I don't have a great history with therapy. Some mixed to negative experiences when I was younger, and a lot of punishing experiences throughout my life / the frustration of not being able to stay consistent and having to start over every time a therapist has moved practices or gone out of network has led to me just avoiding therapy or quitting entirely when it gets too hard.
I'm about a year into sessions with my current trauma therapist, it's going fine, but now that I'm delving into more difficult topics and reliving traumatic memories, the urge to get up and run is back. In my mind, if I don't do therapy, I don't have to think about this stuff and I'll be fine.
But obviously, that's not true. I'll still have PTSD, and other issues to work on, and I'll be back where I started.
I have a session this afternoon, and it's making me stressed and anxious. I want to shut off my phone and bolt.
Has anyone else here dealt with these kinds of feelings? How do you power through it so you can keep healing? I don't want to give up, but I feel like I'm fighting with a child every single time I have an appointment now.
The original base was a CUTEROOM dollhouse kit. I did a bit of touchups and purposeful weathering on the entire kit, including the windows, custom flooring, door, and exterior to give it a lived in / used feel. Some of the furnishings are painted and weathered, others are kitbashed from pieces meant to make other objects (the shelf by the door and the tea tray - inspired by other builds like The Square to Spare's and a picture I saw on a review of this kit).
I considered adding the potted plants on the exterior windows, but Raine lives in the desert, so I'm going to make a diorama base for this camper eventually that better reflects this. The little ipad and laptop are just for fun, idk if I'll keep them in the setup, they just help with scale.
It was a fun build! I like the Sylvanian aesthetic, don't get me wrong, but I wanted something a little more lonely and cozy for my character, if that makes sense? My next custom is another character and I'll be working on a study for her, with lots of little fun bits and pieces since she's an archaeologist. :)
Received a plush I commissioned a few years ago in the mail recently. :> He's so cute!
She's soft again, thankfully! I was a little frustrated with myself when I messed up while customizing her, but now she's much better. Still a little off in some small places, but getting better.
I know the dollhouse isn't Sylvanian, but I wanted to make something a little more in character for her and customized. :>
She's a work in progress, so she looks a bit rough! Used to painting models like horses and miniatures, so this is a bit different for me, but fun.
CW for discussion of struggling with suicidal thoughts, CSA, family member death.
My abuser was my grandmother. She was sexually and emotionally abusive to me, but also my primary caretaker as a child. She passed away last year, and though I had not spoken to her in a very long time, hearing about her passing opened up a lot of memories and complicated feelings for me that I am having a tough time working through and expressing.
To preface: I am in therapy with a trauma therapist, we are working on a timeline of memories relating to my trauma and setting goals, boundaries, and working on emotional regulation. I also see a psychiatrist and take several helpful medications. But the death of my abuser still triggered what I can only describe as a downward spiral.
I keep recalling horrifying memories, I have visceral nightmares I have to take medication for, I am apathetic and no longer want to do anything (draw, write, play games, go outside, spend time with friends or my partner, talk to anyone, participate in my usual hobbies, watch TV, read, etc). I just sit around and collect dust.
When I try to reignite my passion or excitement for things, it feels like a pinprick compared to what I used to experience - even while I was actively being hurt. I long for sleep.
I thought I was making great progress. I moved away from my family and in with my partner. We now have a house of our own and our animals to care for. Things to do. But I still feel numb, exhausted. And hearing of my grandmother's death, solidifying that there will never be closure, has definitely left a mark on me, even if I try to pretend it didn't.
What can I do to break free of this? For those of you who have struggled with grief or depression and feeling like you don't belong - what did you do? I feel like I am doing everything right on paper and yet nothing is changing. It just feels like another routine baked into my brain.
I am trying, I try to pick up new hobbies, I try to talk to my therapist, I try meditation and grounding, new medication, exercises, chores, self regulation, but...I struggle to explain that I feel like a robot on autopilot and like my soul has left my body. I feel like I want to be angry or sad or anxious, but I lack the capacity for it. It's difficult to put into words.
I'm sorry. I suppose my next step if it worsens is to go to the hospital, but I am trying to avoid that as I do have responsibilities and want to keep up with my routines and working on them. I feel like hospitalization will just be dysregulating and unhelpful since I already have a therapist and psychiatrist, and am not doing anything to hurt myself.
Found this dude, she's definitely not a biblically accurate leopard seal! But I found her charming. She needs to have her whiskers replaced, but she's in fabulous condition otherwise.