u/waiyfujames

There were some signs in the beginning, but then he apologized and promised to do better, so I decided to try.

Then we had a pretty wonderful 2 1/2 year relationship. There were issues that came up and some red flags, but I had my own red flags too. He would take accountability, we grew together and had great communication by the end. I broke it off because things became a bit distant and then there was a weekend when I didn't hear from him at all and it felt shady.

But overall, before these last 9 months, I looked back on our time together with fondness. After a few weeks of no contact, I reached out for an explanation about what happened toward the end, and then we agreed to be friends.

But things spiraled out of control...he kept leading me on, then rejecting me, then punishing me with coldness and distance. He blamed me for the issues in the friendship, lied to me about why we couldn't ever call or hang out, and then gaslit me and blameshifted when I pieced things together.

After about 5 months, I started talking to someone new, and suddenly he was very sweet. Treated me like we were a couple again, until I asked where we were headed. Then I got more rejection, more gaslighting, more silent treatment punishments, intense manipulation, the works. I blocked him everywhere a bit over a month ago.

Then an account messages me here on reddit, and it's clearly him. He pretends to be a different person, even using a spoofed number and a voice changer, and argues with me about it for 10 days. He gaslit me the entire time. Blamed everything on me. Treated me HORRIBLY and never once admitted or took accountability.

There has been so much shit that has happened in the last month alone, but I want to keep this brief. Basically, if I were to judge him based on how he's been acting lately, then there is ZERO doubt that he is a narcissist through and through. Like holy shit.

But I'm spiraling because our relationship was actually really good overall. Granted, we never moved in together, so I feel that would help him mask better...but I am so depressed because mere months ago, I had a lot of respect for this man. But breaking up revealed this side of him that literally doesn't care if I die (I told him the psychological abuse was making me suicidal, and he just ghosted me and then put me through more abuse as soon as he came back)

This is devastating because I knew a better version of him for longer, and that's why I kept holding onto hope that he would snap out of it. Idk.

You know my sexuality, so I'm very limited on what gets me off

Because my emotions are so deeply infused with my sexuality, I've learned that it actually helps me determine what I'm truly feeling deep down. It helps me process things. My body will tell me how I feel; whether it's love, anger, disgust, sadness, confusion, hopeful, whatever. My physical responses don't lie.

When this recent episode of... whatever the fuck this shitshow is... started over a month ago, I tried it again for the first time in a long time. That time, I cried. I finished and then the tears came, and through my sobs I yelled, "it's not the same! It's not the same anymore! Why!?" I decided to be cautious because of this, because of what flooded out of me, physically and emotionally, when I was through.

But then things got better...a few weeks went by, I opened up a little more, you seemed sincere, and I was really enjoying our time together. We had planned to go out to eat, and I genuinely believed it would lead somewhere. So I tried again. This time, I didn't cry. It wasn't bad. So I did it a few more times over the next couple days, and the last time I did it, it was as if nothing bad had ever happened between us. My desire was there in full force, I was having constant cravings for you, and I was having a great time with my fantasies...I absolutely loved it, and I kept wanting more and more and more...

But then my curiosity got the better of me, and I had to ask what was going on. Everything went downhill from there. My desire was wiped out. I hadn't even bothered to try again, because my heart didn't feel safe, so my faucet was shut off.

It would come back in small blips, mainly when I was remembering how things used to be. But it was never enough to make me want to touch myself.

But for some reason, I decided to try again last night. My feelings have been so confused and I wanted to know what would happen this time. Would I cry again? Would I struggle to finish? Would I be surprised by how much I enjoyed it?

Well, I actually did finish. But it was a bit of a struggle to get there. I didn't cry, though. It just felt like I had hooked up with a friend, I guess. There was just enough there to get me to the finish line, but it didn't feel passionate. It felt like porn, but not in the way you would probably think. More mechanical. No real connection. Just going through the motions to get each other off.

I have to visualize the full scene, from beginning to end. I have to have that emotional bond to even do anything. So clearly there's still some attachment, some bond that remains. And honestly, the lack of connection felt like it was coming more from your side than from mine. Because when I say I have to visualize everything, I mean everything. Including your perspective.

It doesn't make me happy to feel that connection being severed. I like being connected to you. I love being passionate and having such a powerful bond to you that I have constant cravings for you. So it's sad...obviously things can change, as I noted previously. But if that was possible, then my words would have gotten through to you by now. My want for you is directly affected by your effort, by your behavior, by your love or lack thereof. And I tried to pull that out of you. I did everything in my power, and all it did was leave me exhausted with nothing to show for it.

Maybe that will be the last time I ever think of you while I pleasure myself. I guess we'll see.

I know I made the right decision. I am proud of myself for enforcing my boundaries and never wavering when it came to what I deserved. I did struggle to cut things off, I can be very impulsive, but it really is time. I have to accept when someone shows me that they do not value me.

This is going to be a tough road. But I know this is the best outcome for me under the circumstances. I would have loved if he was the man he showed me before, but a connection cannot survive on good memories...we were never going to make it.

My list of reasons not to go back had just been continously updating for over a month. I gave him so. Many. Chances. Beyond the amount ot chances that anyone has ever given me, by an incredible amount.

I have to learn to sit with this pain. With this discomfort. I have severed intense connections before, and I am absolutely strong enough to do it again.

I do need to make this my last post on the subject, though. I am 100% convinced now that he is a narcissist, and I do believe that reading these posts gives him supply. He cannot have access to me any longer. He has forfeited that right.

I will be struggling with this for a very long time, the fact that I fell so deeply in love with someone with NPD...I never, ever, ever want to go through this again. And I won't.

We got this, love. I'll be the one to sweep you off your feet, to make you feel safe and warm, to take care of your needs. I will. I will give all that love back to myself.

This is for you, too. You know who you are and what you have done. Now I have to spread the word far and wide until I figure out next steps. You abused me until I was suicidal and then laughed about it.

Guys. My ex was on here using different accounts from different locations, different names, etc. I have no idea how many he had. I saw him comment on other people's posts, YOUR GUYS' POSTS, asking to talk. He used voice changers and AI to pretend to be different people. Please for the love of god do not trust anyone on here unless you are sure you know them. Do not trust phone numbers. Ask for several sources of contact if you are determined to talk to someone. PLEASE BE CAREFUL

YOU ARE A SICK MAN

ETA: This isn't just because he is lonely. He saves videos and lies about it. He has full characters he has made up in great detail. I am sure he is not the only one doing this. If you post nudes or ask for hook ups, he WILL DM THERE TOO! You cannot trust anyone you meet on here! He will talk and agree to meet up with you as someone else!

I found out my ex has multiple reddit accounts pretending to be different people. He finds posts from women and couples who are looking for someone to fool around with. He has fake numbers with fake names and locations. He uses a voice changer and has no doubt begun to utilize AI to do FaceTime calls because he offered to get in one with me. I made videos with him at one point and he swore he removed them, but I discovered later that he did not.

I understand that we have needs too and want to have fun and fool around, but in this climate IT IS NOT SAFE TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE! You can get your rocks off some other way! These men are sick and I will do everything in my power to warn people until I figure something else out! Only stick to the men you fully trust, or go 4B.

I never thought things could get this bad. He is sick. He psychologically abused me until I felt suicidal, and then when I reached out in desperation for him to stop, he refused to answer.

I need to do something about this. Some of the things he's done are illegal in my state. The way he conducted himself, I know for a fact he's done this before. He used a voice changer on the phone to pretend to be someone else. He has young kids in his house. I thought I could help him if I could get him to admit it, but he refused. This is the most fucked up person I have ever had in my life. What the fuck do I do?

Just want eyes on this page, thank you!

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