u/weightlesswings_

I’m seriously considering quitting my job without having another role lined up, and I’m wondering if anyone in social work has done the same.

I’ve worked in family violence for years and I actually loved my previous job. The work, the team and the environment were such a good fit for me. I never left because I was burnt out from social work or because I wanted to leave the FV sector.

Unfortunately, my long-term relationship ended and I had to relocate, which meant my old workplace was no longer realistically accessible. I took a new role in FV intake, and the difference has been huge.

There was essentially no proper training or induction before being expected to do the work. There’s very little sense of team, no real team building or connection, and the overall workplace culture has been really difficult. Intake itself also feels very different from the ongoing client work I was used to and enjoyed.

I feel like I’ve gone from being someone who genuinely loved going to work and felt confident and connected to my team, to someone whose body feels tense and anxious as soon as the workday starts.

The difficult part is that I’ve also had a huge amount of change in my personal life at the same time. I’ve lost my relationship, had to leave my home and relocate, lost the workplace and colleagues I loved, and had to adjust to an entirely new job and environment. I think I underestimated how much cumulative stress that would put on me.

I have a psychologist and I’m trying to manage things outside of work, but I’m starting to feel like I’ve reached a point where I genuinely need some time off rather than immediately jumping into another job.

Financially, quitting with nothing lined up scares me. So does having a gap on my resume or explaining why I left this role relatively quickly. But right now, even the thought of searching, applying and interviewing for another position while continuing to work full-time feels exhausting.

Part of me wants to resign, take a month or two to decompress and then start looking for another FV/case management role that is a better fit. The other part of me keeps telling myself that quitting without another job is irresponsible and that I should just push through.

Has anyone here actually quit due to burnout without having their next social work job lined up?
Did taking some genuine time away help you recover and find your way back to enjoying the profession, or did you regret leaving without another job secured?

I’m 32 and I feel like the last year has completely dismantled the life I thought I was going to have.

I came out of an 8-year relationship and had to move back in with my mum while the house I own with my ex gets sorted out. I went from having my own home and independence to feeling like I’m living in limbo and don’t really have a space that feels like mine.

I also changed jobs. On paper it was a good career move, but I miss my old workplace and the people there, and my commute is now about an hour each way. I feel like so many of the little things that made my old life feel like mine disappeared at once.
I’ve also had pregnancy losses, ongoing health issues and pain, financial stress from still being tied to the house, and just a lot of emotional exhaustion from the last year.

I’m technically not completely alone. I have family and friends, but I feel incredibly lonely. I think that’s the part I’m struggling with the most.

Pretty much all of my friends are married, engaged, pregnant or already parents. I love them and I’m happy for them, but their lives naturally revolve around their partners, pregnancies, children and families now. I don’t expect them to change that for me, but it means there often isn’t someone available to spontaneously get dinner with, spend a Saturday with or just hang out when I’m feeling lonely.

Being single in your 30s feels very different from being single in your 20s. In my 20s, it felt like everyone was still figuring life out together. Friends were more available, there were always people to go out with, and being single felt normal. Now I feel like I’ve suddenly been dropped back into single life, except the social world I remember being single in doesn’t really exist anymore.

I’ve realised that having people around you isn’t necessarily the same as feeling supported or connected. Sometimes I feel like I’m constantly absorbing everyone else’s problems, complaints and emotions, but there isn’t really anyone asking how I’m doing or somewhere I can just put everything down for a while.

I do have a psychologist who I see and I’m actively trying to work through everything that has happened. I’m aware that this is a lot to process and I’m not expecting friends, family or a future partner to fix it for me. I think what I’m missing is genuine connection and feeling like I have people in my life who care about how I’m doing too.

I try to keep a life outside of all of this. I work full time, exercise, do pole, Pilates and boxing, read, spend time with my dog, etc. I’m genuinely trying to build a life for myself rather than sitting around waiting for another relationship. But sometimes it feels like I’m doing all the things you’re “supposed” to do and still coming home feeling lonely.

I think I’m also grieving the version of my 30s I expected to have. I thought I’d have a partner, my own home, stability and be building towards a family. Instead I feel like I’m starting again at the exact time everyone around me seems to be settling into theirs.

So I’d really like to hear specifically from women who found themselves single and rebuilding in their 30s.

How did you deal with the loneliness when your existing friends had moved into completely different stages of life? How did you actually meet new people and build a social life at this age? Did being single in your 30s eventually start to feel freeing rather than like something was missing?

And maybe most importantly, did you eventually reach a point where you stopped feeling like everyone else’s life was moving forward while yours was standing still?

I (33f) was with my ex (35m) for around 8 years. During the relationship he struggled with severe depression and anxiety, had severe ADHD, and at one point his psychologist was concerned enough to mention possible psychosis.

For years we barely did anything together. We never went away for weekends, hardly ever went on dates, movie nights or day trips. Most of our time was spent at home while he gamed for hours. He often couldn’t even walk the dog with me or go grocery shopping because he’d have panic attacks. Even everyday tasks seemed overwhelming. He couldn’t fill out forms on his own, and the smallest amount of stress could send him into a complete spiral.

One example that has always stayed with me was when our dog had major surgery. I asked him to help feed her and he almost had a breakdown crying because it felt too overwhelming. Everything seemed too hard, even picking up after himself, doing the dishes, or making a simple meal. He wanted takeaway almost every night because even heating something up in the microwave often felt like too much.

There were days where he would just sit and stare at the wall for hours. During some of his darkest periods he told me I made him want to kill himself, which was incredibly distressing to hear and something that has stayed with me.

His family would ask him to do simple things like grab them a coffee and he would become overwhelmed, saying he never got any time to himself. I felt like I was carrying almost everything. Housework largely fell to me, bills were often behind, and I was constantly trying to keep our lives running.

We separated about 6 months ago, and he got into a new relationship almost immediately. We jointly own a house, but he still lives there while I’m living elsewhere. The house still hasn’t been sold because very little has been done to move the process along. From my perspective, he has been far more focused on spending time with his new girlfriend than progressing the sale, while I’m still paying half the mortgage and trying to move on with my life.
Since we’ve broken up they’ve gone on multiple weekends away, movie nights, dinners and day trips. Basically all the things I spent years wishing we would do.

To make things even harder, his mum now says that I was the cause of his mental health problems. I’m finding that incredibly difficult to reconcile with the years I spent trying to support him through what appeared to be severe mental illness.
Part of me has even thought about contacting his new girlfriend because I’m so confused by the difference between the person I lived with for eight years and the person she seems to be dating now. At the same time, I know she’s likely to see a very different side of him, so I don’t think it would achieve anything.

I genuinely can’t make sense of it. How does someone go from being unable to grocery shop, walk the dog, complete basic paperwork, help care for an injured pet or cope with everyday life, to doing all of these things within months?

I’m not trying to say mental illness isn’t real. I know it absolutely is. I’m just struggling to reconcile the person I lived with for years with the person he seems to be now.

Has anyone been through something similar? Did you ever make sense of it?

TLDR My ex spent 8 years unable to cope with basic daily life due to severe depression, anxiety and ADHD. We never went anywhere because everything was “too hard.” We broke up 6 months ago, he got a new girlfriend immediately, and now they’re constantly going on trips, dates and weekends away while I’m still paying half the mortgage on our unsold house. His mum now says I caused his mental health. I genuinely can’t make sense of it.

I currently can’t afford custom made compression and have recent bought the CZ compression from Amazon. I got them in a size based off my measurements however, they are really tricky to put on, once they’re on the fit totally okay but they can take about 10 or so minutes to put on.

Does this mean they’re too tight?

I am about 3 months into my pole journey and I have no background in exercise or dance. I am still building my upper body strength.

I’m really struggling with pole sits, I can’t jump high enough into one and I definitely don’t yet have the strength to pull my body weight up into a sit.

Any tips and trips or at home conditioning without a pole would be appreciated too pls!

I’ve done multiple love spells on my current boyfriend before we were together, once when we separated and then again now that we’re together.

I feel like this relationship isn’t healthy but neither of us can let each other go. He’s not aware that I’ve done these spells but he often says things like he feels like he’s under a spell.

I also feel like I can’t let go and the spell has back fired onto me. I know he isn’t right for me but I feel so pulled to him when we’re not together.

Is there a way to reverse this spell?

I’ve missed 3 pole classes in the last 2 weeks and I’m feeling really defeated.

I only started recently and I’m absolutely loving it, so every class feels important. The problem is I have endometriosis, and when I get a flare it can be brutal. My period pain, back pain and exhaustion have been so bad that I genuinely don’t think I could get through a class safely.

I know my health has to come first, but I can’t stop worrying that I’m falling behind everyone else. I feel like I’ll go back and everyone will have progressed while I’m still struggling with the basics.

I also feel incredibly guilty every time I cancel. I’m worried my instructors think I’m unreliable or that I’m not committed, even though I really want to be there. I hate feeling like I’m letting people down because of something I can’t control.

Has anyone else had to miss pole regularly because of endometriosis or another chronic condition? Were you able to catch up? I’d also love to hear from any instructors. Do students who occasionally cancel because of health issues come across as unreliable, or am I overthinking it?

I really don’t want to give up because I love pole. I just feel like my body is holding me back.

My ex and I separated a while ago and still jointly own our house. He’s living there while I’m living elsewhere, but I’m still paying half the mortgage even though I don’t live there anymore.

He can’t afford to buy me out, but he also doesn’t seem to have any urgency to sell. We’ve had multiple appraisals and every step of the process has dragged on because I feel like I’m constantly the one chasing things up. Since we separated, house prices in our area have dropped by around $100k, which has been incredibly hard to watch.

If we sold now, we’d each come away with around $100k after paying out the mortgage and selling costs. My ex now wants to hold off for another year in the hope that the market improves, but I honestly just want it over and done with. I want to move on with my life, stop paying for a house I don’t live in, and be able to buy my own place again.

He’s mentioned the possibility of renting the house out instead of selling it, but I’m not sure if that’s a terrible idea or if it actually makes sense. Part of me worries that we’d just end up tied together for even longer, while another part of me wonders if waiting could help us recover some of the value we’ve lost.

Has anyone been through something similar? Did you wait, rent it out, or force a sale?

I’m trying to come to terms with leaving a relationship where my partner has a lot of anger issues, and I’m wondering if anyone else has been through something similar.

He never hit me, but he would get angry over what felt like small things. Traffic, gaming, other drivers, people being “stupid,” or even conversations between us. Sometimes he’d swear, raise his voice, or send long angry messages. If I tried to calm him down or offer a suggestion, he’d often get more frustrated or stop talking to me altogether.

Over time I realised I was constantly monitoring his mood. If he seemed stressed after work, I knew not to bring up anything important. I worried about saying the wrong thing because I didn’t know if it would turn into an argument or if I’d be ignored for hours. I started feeling anxious every time my phone buzzed because I didn’t know which version of him I was going to get.

The hardest part is that when things were good, they were really good. He could be affectionate, funny and caring, which is why leaving has been so difficult. Part of me keeps wondering whether I overreacted because there wasn’t physical abuse, but another part of me knows I wasn’t happy and I didn’t feel emotionally safe.

Has anyone left a relationship mainly because of someone’s anger, even if they never became physically violent? Did you ever stop questioning whether you made the right decision? How long did it take before you stopped missing the good parts and started feeling at peace with your choice?

I’m hoping to request a spell or candle work.

The last year has completely turned my life upside down. I’ve gone through the breakdown of a long-term relationship, had to move back home in my 30s, and am currently trying to sell a house while dealing with an ex who is making the process incredibly difficult. On top of that, I started a new job that I thought would be a fresh start, but I’m struggling and feeling unhappy there.

I feel exhausted, stuck, and overwhelmed. Some days it feels like I’m barely functioning and just trying to survive one day at a time.

I’m asking for help with clearing obstacles, finding strength, healing from heartbreak, successfully selling my home, attracting new opportunities, and creating a stable, peaceful future. Most of all, I would love some energy for hope and clarity, because right now everything feels very uncertain.

Thank you✨🖤

I’m 4 classes into an 8-week beginner pole term and honestly feeling pretty discouraged.

I’m in my early 30s and started pole with no dance, gymnastics, aerials or real fitness background. Before this year I wasn’t exercising consistently and had basically no upper body strength.

In class we’re doing pole sits, pole crunches where we’re holding our full body weight, and even full inverts. The problem is that I’m struggling with pretty much everything. Every class feels like I’m trying my absolute hardest just to do the basics while everyone else seems to be progressing so much faster.

Most of my class are already talking about grading and moving up. Meanwhile I feel like I need another one or two beginner terms before I’d even be close to ready. At the moment I genuinely feel like it could take me 6 months before I can comfortably do some of the things we’re being taught now.

I know comparison isn’t helpful, but it’s hard not to notice when most of the class seem to be getting things and I’m still struggling to hold my own weight or get into positions properly.

I really enjoy pole and don’t want to quit, but lately I’ve started wondering if I’m just progressing unusually slowly or if this is actually normal for someone starting from zero.

I’ve recently started Pilates twice a week, boxing once a week and a PT session once a week to try and build strength outside of pole.

For people who started with no strength or athletic background, how long did it take before things started clicking? Did anyone else feel completely out of their depth in their first term? Also, what kind of pole conditioning can you do at home without having a pole, and would I be better off repeating the same beginner class twice a week instead of just attending once?

32F, 5’4”, 73kg.

I’m trying to lose fat while getting stronger and building muscle, so my goal is body recomposition rather than just weight loss.

I’m eating around 1800 calories a day, walking 10k steps daily, doing Pilates twice a week, boxing and weights once a week, and pole once a week.

Am I doing this right for body recomposition? My weight has stayed pretty much the same for weeks and I’m struggling to tell whether my body has actually changed. I know the scale isn’t the best measure for recomp, but it’s hard not to focus on it when the number isn’t moving.

Has anyone had success with a similar approach? What signs should I be looking for to know if it’s working, and how long did it take before you noticed changes?

I started pole recently and today I couldn’t do a single trick in class. Everyone else seemed to get it while I was the only one really struggling. I honestly left feeling embarrassed and stupid.

I’ve also got my period at the moment and felt super weak and low energy the whole class. I don’t have any dance, gymnastics or fitness background either, so I feel like I’m starting from absolute zero while everyone else already seems stronger or more coordinated.

Did anyone else feel like this at the start? I’m trying not to quit after one hard class because I really do want to get better, but tonight knocked my confidence a lot. Would really appreciate some encouragement or hearing beginner experiences from people who improved over time.

I feel I can’t even do a pole sit, I can’t get high enough and I’m quite low to the ground and it absolutely kills my thighs. The way they call the combos just doesn’t click in my mind.

I just want to get better and feel so discouraged.

EDIT: thanks guys, I got home and went to sleep feeling really crapping. I have endo too so it was just a really shitty day of pain and feeling weak (possibly just being moody from my period too 😝). Thanks for all the kind messages. It was my third class and I’m going to keep it up, even if I’m in beginners for a few terms!

I’m almost 33 and feel like I’ve completely blown up my life.

My long term relationship ended and I’ve had to move two hours away back to my mum’s house because I can’t afford to pay half a mortgage and rent at the same time while we prepare the house for sale. Packing up my entire life into tubs and leaving the home I thought I’d stay in long term has honestly been devastating.

What makes it harder is that I didn’t actually want to leave the house. I would have preferred to buy my ex out, but realistically I don’t think I can service the mortgage alone comfortably, especially with everything increasing in cost. So instead I’ve had to walk away from the life I built.

I also had to leave a job I genuinely loved because of the move. I’m starting a new role tomorrow and I know objectively it’s a good opportunity, but emotionally I feel exhausted. I feel like I’ve lost my relationship, my home, my routine, my independence, my career identity, all at once.

Meanwhile my ex already has a new girlfriend and seems completely fine, which makes me feel even more replaceable somehow.

I know logically people rebuild after breakups and divorce every day, but I genuinely feel embarrassed to be almost 33 and moving back home. I spent years building a life and now I’m surrounded by storage tubs in my childhood environment trying to convince myself this isn’t permanent.

I’ve been trying to do positive things for myself like PT, boxing and pole classes and focusing on my health, but some days I feel hopeful and other days I feel like I’ve failed at adulthood.

I think I just want to hear from women over 30 who had to completely start over unexpectedly. Did life eventually feel stable again? Did you end up happier than the life you thought you wanted?